When a new year starts for me I have to look back over the past year and see what was good and what was bad. If you have had the opportunity to read my recent blogs you will know that things are not all sugar and spice in my life right now. Yea I get down. On December the 26th i decided enough was enough and i was just focus on my program to the best of my ability. I went back to the one thing that helps with my emotions, walking. Walking is where I put my emotions out at. Recovering from surgery on my right foot has been tough. 12 weeks of no walking for exercise left me an emotional wreck. I set a goal of 2.5 miles a day on 12/26/2012 . It is tuough and it hurts but not nearly as bad as sitting around trying to deal with the walls that confine me. Three times this post week end I was reminded of how great walking is and how far I have come greatly in part to Spark people.
Friday I was walking . I dont run a race by no sense of the word . I caught a shadow out of the corner of my eye . This woman was all the sudden beside me . She was dressed in workout clothes looked to be in reasonable shape .. She said I hope I didnt scare you .. I said no it is alright ... She said I want to tell you something ... I ( raised an eyebrow) said alright ... She said I watched you go the first lap around and figured the way you are limping that I wouldnt see you come back around again .. She said you are on your third lap and limping worst ... I explained I had foot surgery 2 months ago .. she said I just want you to know that you inspired me to get out and do my exercise today. She said I can tell how determined you are and I want that determination .. I said Thank you ... and she said no thank you and then she started jogging .
Saturday out walking again .. There is the man sitting on a bench in the dog area ... he is larger (very) ... Make the loop and I come back around and he still sitting there looking at the ground .... make another loop around He is still sitting looking at the ground .. but you know how you get that feeling that someone is staring at you as i passed i got that feeling ... So the last loop around he as the edge of the road ... he said you know if you walk to the donuts shop it won't hurt so much ... I said ... well you know I walked to that donuts shop for years and that is why this hurts this much now ... he laughed that fat body laugh .. I said seriously .. I understand but I will tell you that it doesnt get easier tomorrow but 6 months from now it will be the best thing you do all day long ..if you ever want to just walk the loop i will walk with you but no donuts for me .. He then told me about his numerous reasons why he cant do that .. I said I am sorry to hear that but if you change your mind ... let me know and i went to finish my walk .. I felt great because well I am not him any more.
This afternoon back in MS I went to walk lol .. yea i know redundant but I love it so even as sick as I am right now i am committed to getting back on track .. A Neighbor that hasnt seem me in over a year now .. came out and said My god you look great .. I have the flu really I dont but I said thank you ... She said you need to come over and have ( wait for it) coffee and cake tomorrow .. I have your favorite i think .. i said dont tell me sour cream pound cake she said yes homemade ..I think i gained 10 pounds at the thought of her sour cream pound cake .. I said i cant eat that .. she said oh you are on a diet huh , you have lost a lot of weight .. i said no it is a spark change and then explained the site .. then being the good MS person she is she said well one piece wont hurt you .. I said i will come visit but no cake for me she sighed and agreed lol
I searched it out for calories ... now she uses Paula Deans Recipe lol 1/16 ( which in MS is a crumb ) is 394 calories and has 17 grams of fat ... and then add coffee to that with cream and splenda assume that I have only one cup .. i could be up to 500 calories .. Today I walked 2.95 miles in 62 min ( remember I am not running a race.) i burned off 450 calories so no i wont be going to visit at least not as long as she has cake in her house lol.
So here we are at the end of 2012, where are we ? Well for me i think I am on a good track if the numbers say anything . Today when i put in my ipod info into Nike.com I realized that since June I have walked 195 miles . Not shabby considering every step I make is in pain. I do it for the belief that maybe one day my feet wont hurt all the time. Even though they hurt I make myself get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Why because if I dont one day I will not be able to walk on them at all.
I set out before surgery to make it to 100 pounds gone by 1/1/13 well I blew that one with a few weeks of emotions . But on the upside ... 12 weeks on the couch and I didnt gain because of the surgery . I battled through that time and didnt gain 35 pounds like last year . I have learned that if you want to then you will and i am very proud of myself for coming through all of that with no noticeable weight gain. When i hit emotional bottom three weeks ago yes fell back to the food . It didnt make me feel better at all but it couldnt make me feel worst either. On Dec. 26th I got up and said you know what stop think walk ... and that seems to be helping .
So with the sparklers we have to measurements an over all number that is composed by taking an adding up the chest, waist, thigh, bicep , hips and calves .. Now remember through October and November I was on the couch ... but I have managed to loose 32 over all inches since Oct. proving yet again if you want it you will get it.
Back a few weeks ago I set a streak to do 60 minutes of fitness a day .. that was the week before I hit rock bottom emotionally so I havent kept that streak going .. I have now set a fitness streak of 15 miles a week ... that is more doable to me I believe ... It will help me physically and mentally and emotionally. Walking is my salvation where my emotions are concerned that is what i replaced emotional eating with and it is what i will go back to now to help me get back where I need to be.
Saturday evening our friend Barry received 4 tickets to the Saints game against Tampa Bay. I shocked everyone when I said I want to go. I am not crazy about crowds and well they know that my foot is really bad with stairs and walking right now. But since I am leaving next month I might not have the chance again . The tickets were awesome seats on the 20 yard line the 29th row ( free but valued at 190 dollars a piece , that is some gift.
We had to park almost 2 miles away and walk to the dome .. but on the way we visited at the bud light tailgate party of the day lol
finally you can see the dome in view .. it looks huge and it is .. and let me tell you New Orleans is know for noise and tailgateing and why now it is the big easy right?
Although I didnt get close to it .. the biggest party is at champion square . this is wear they pay Amish to the golden boy who made them champions Drew Breeze .
Of course we get there in enough time to see some of the pregame warm ups ... They are intense about the warm up and they should be 60 minutes of putting your body through a game has got to be tough .
Tampa bay should have warmed up better .. Just saying
The joint starts really coming alive when it is time for them to come out for the game . During this time there was a moment of reflection in observance of all that lost their life on Friday at Sandy Brook ( suck a tragedy but not for here and now, but my prayers are with them always)
For all our faults as a nation there is still no greater place to be in the world ..
I have a lot more pics but these are the ones that i will always remember.
Barry, Brian and me .. we had a blast but i still hate pics of me.
To be honest there were a couple of NSV in the day well that sweet lol . Sitting in a regular seat with plenty of room to move in. Being able to maneuver down the isle with ease like everyone else does and takes for granted. Feeling comfortable enough in my own skin that I actually enjoyed the game very much . Funny how losing 90 lbs can do that for you .. So I wonder what it will be when I loose the rest of it ? If you are always sitting on the sideline because of you weight then it is time to do something and enjoy your life to the fullest .
I have been putting this blog off for some time now . For 42 years I have done all that expected of me to the point of sacrificing myself for the benefit of others. I never knew how losing the weight would change me. How my search for better health would impact decisions. I never thought about my own happiness and what I wanted . I started the change of life with one thought in mind just be change so you can live . Never would I have believed that so many things were involved in living.
It all started with exercising . And no I didnt like it one bit; however, I knew that it was a necessity. The path that led me down was unbelievable to me. As my body got physically stronger , I became emotionally and mentally stronger. About week 5 of laying on my couch recovering from surgery I had a realization that well frankly was something I never thought I would find . I missed walking . I missed the emotional release of the track. I missed the mental reprieve that it gave. I missed the clarity of things after a good walk. I had done the unthinkable I had changed my emotional eating to emotional exercise. Now this blog will get a little emotional but no worries I am good actually better than I have been in a while . For me I took the changes to heart, there is never going to be an end just a next step . And I think I have to make some changes to insure that I am doing what is best for me .
I have been fighting a decision for a while now . Hoping that some things would change and well they arent. I so dearly dislike living in New Orleans. The apartment is void of color and life. I have mentioned before about my husbands drinking issues. These issues are not better by any means. I really feel like here I am just existing not living ... I want to live again . I want to wake up and just be happy . So I have decided to move back home in January with or with out my husband . Brian is a good man dont get me wrong . I love him dearly but right now he is a little lost. The decision although sad really has to be . See through sparks I found out that well sometimes it really does have to be about me .. This place New Orleans is destroying us with resentment and anger . The financial worries , the constant drinking and the void of anything meaningful has taken a toll. My home is in Mississippi. I love my wide open yard with my willows ( Abigail, Isabella and Boreguard) . I love seeing my grand children on the week end running into people I know in the store . Visiting my mother's grave on a weekly basis . I love my Alabama red kitchen and Marigold yellow living room . I miss the wide openness of my home . The confinement here has finally became more than I can bare . I am at peace with my decision however it turns out. I am not good alone but alone in Mississippi has got to be better than sitting here missing it everyday. This is just another step in becoming the me I want to be .
So today is day four and well tonight I am a bit sore .. but not my foot well it is but not from working out. I wake up this morning and it is house cleaning day . That is serious work really. sweeping, scrubbing, mopping and vacuuming. Oh and dont for get Laundry . For 2 hours I busted tail getting the apartment clean and it sparkled really . Nothing like a clean house to get your mind straight.
On the 12 days of Christmas fitness .. today was Planks to be specific 2x 1 minute planks .. Ok so I have a few days to actually get this right. Even doing the modified one showed me I need lots of work on some things .. I did 2 at 20 seconds now how sad is that but that is 20 seconds longer than I thought I would . So I am above the game in my head. My body is still recovering so no sense in beating myself up . the whole reason I started the 100 days was to get back my strength and well i knew it wouldnt be in 4 days .
I am not hurting just sore like you would be if you had just upped your routine. That is the gauge if it hurts and mean pain then I stop . I read today that where you stop is exhaustion but for it is sheer pain during that is a great place right there to stop . But nothing i have been doing has been hurting during .. my shoulders are a little more pained tonight than usual but i believe it should be expected. Besides my arms are looking as good as my legs .. it feels so good to just see the rewards of the work so quickly ..