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Saturday, March 24, 2012

This morning I didn't want to get up at all ... it wasn't a matter of wanting to sleep it was just didn't want to face the day. But I did. I kept moving till the feeling left me. One more day with the grand children this week. The are great kids and i love them a lot however the screaming diffidently wears on you. Besides them going through a divorce with their parents doesn't help they have no sense of normal right now. Hopefully in time we all can figure out a schedule that works for all of us. I try very hard not to dwell on the ugly of this situation and all of you that read my blogs are very patient as i work through all these things in my life. Honestly I am just trying to keep my sanity and stick to my weight loss program. I really hope that everyone is having a great day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAE_LEIGH22 3/26/2012 7:45AM

    You can do this and everyone on SP is here to help! If you need to vent, then ...vent, girl!

Comment edited on: 3/26/2012 7:45:34 AM

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Better day

Friday, March 23, 2012

After giving serious thought to the stress vs. anxiety question, I made a list of what I call stress and what I call anxiety. Some things I have control over and will address them. This morning I got up before everyone else and just took a few minutes to decide what i was going to do today before everyone got up and the chaos started. Periodically through the day I took a few minutes to just be alone and remember to breath. My nerves are really shot right now However I am going to the doctor next week to see if maybe i need to be on something to help with that. As of lately my plate was made much more full, If i cant change the situation then i need to ask for help with dealing with it. I went and purchased a organizer to see if i cant get our fiances under better control and I also sat my husband down and a serious discussion with him about what i believe he can do that will help me. We shall see if that works. The grand children go back to their mothers on Sunday and I will hold a very serious discussion with my son about he can do to help the situation with his children if i am going to help with them there has to be some ground rules and limitations put in place. Not sure how much of any of this will help but right now it is the best i can do. all in all today did seem to be a better productive day than i have in a while now. And i managed to find the time to get some cleaning and exercising done which really makes things better to me.

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RAE_LEIGH22 3/23/2012 11:18PM


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Stress or Anxiety : that is the question

Thursday, March 22, 2012

When I first joined the " Spark" it was just for the nutritional and fitness tracker. Then I started to blog very little. I joined a lot of teams that didnt make any sense to me so i didnt visit them. Then i started reading around and removed myself from the groups . After reading around some more I found two teams or groups that seemed to tackle my individual issues. However, in joining them two teams I have found more internal questions than answers. Which is probably why i should be in both of them.
The first is the depression team. I have never been diagnosed with depression however i have been diagnosed with Anxiety and chronic fatigue syndrome. I don't hit bottom per say but close. I am not suicidal or homicidal. I tend to apply more pressure to myself than probably should be. For me accomplishments are alright but failures are the end of the world. But those are just not my failures I tend to take on everyone else's failures also. Until one day it is just to much to bear and i want to be just quiet in a dark room.
The other team is the "stress" team. I believe i have the same stress as everyone else just on a higher level. My husband made a decision a couple of years back that has put undo stress on our finances. We are currently supporting two households on one income. I didn't like this in the beginning because it took us to another state to live away from our children ( grown) However I like it less now because the burden of funding both his and my house is not easy and he doesn't seem to worry about it like i do. He has the ability to believe it will all work out in the end however that is probably my fault because i tend to make everything work out. So why should he worry if i always make it work, this is causing resentment on my part toward him though. We have one son that is going through a divorce right now who seems to believe that is my soul purpose in life to help raise his children. I don't mind helping however they are his children. Children that I was not allowed to be around until the last year. I have gone from a completely quiet life to total chaos every other week. Our other son at present is not speaking to me because well he decided at 19 he was grown and got married , his new wife well she is different and we do not click very well. I hope in time that we will work itself out.
This time last year I under went a surgery to fix my right foot. It had been operated on before and that surgery was botched. I spent 10 weeks on my couch doing nothing but thinking which lead me to a conclusion that at 41 I needed to figure out my weight problem. I started at that point assessing what had gone right or wrong in the past. Once released from the surgery it was a slow process back to fitness. Accomplishing small feats became necessary. I scheduled a dr appointment to make sure that every thing was as healthy as it could be at 366.2 pounds. And once i got the all clear i started taking what worked from all these weight loss groups that i had belonged to and i devised a plan that works for me. I know i am an emotional eater. If i am having a good day everything is great. however if I am having a bad day well that could be disastrous, either eating the wrong foods or not eating at all but either way still feeling bad. So I attacked this first in a written journal that I call the good bad and ugly of emotional eating why do it ? That worked today i plan meals and snacks and i stay with that plan irregardless of what is going on.
The "stress" team action said to start a stress journal. This is the first entry of that. I have been trying to asses the difference between stress and anxiety. A lot of things that cause me stress are not choices that I make personally but are entwined into my anxiety. Now I have to distinguish between them. Seems easy enough but I am not sure it is. If you read this I hope you have a good day.


an emotional full plate

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I have been tasked with the job of caring for my grandsons. They are one and four. I know this doesn't sound like a lot however up until three months ago I was not allowed to see them . Now that their parents are divorcing my son needed my help. The children do not know his family so to say this is a hard transition is an understatement. I feel like no matter what i do for them it is the wrong thing. My husband is working in another state and well my younger son is not speaking to me at the moment. The oldest works ten plus hours a day so yes that means that I work the same. It feels like everything is falling apart inside. I know this is a diet website however when over done emotionally i feel the need to eat the wrong foods. Those comfort foods that I was given as a child that only led to the present weight issue. I have designed my home since coming back so that is not easy to do here. I dont keep that stuff here but right now with the emotional stuff that i have going on if it were here i would eat it. This new life is so hard to keep an exercising routine up although the two little ones definately keep you running around. I am sorry just needed to vent a little bit. Hope your day is going better than mine today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHUGA7 3/8/2012 10:10AM

    It is good to take a moment just to vent or even cry to release stress.You were chosen to care for your grandkids because you must be good at parenting. So give them a hug and feel the love.

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MYLUCKYSTARZ 3/1/2012 12:02AM


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    SparkPeople is here to provide you the help you need. Today you needed to vent and it gave you a forum to do so rather than to keep it pent up inside.

Take a deep breath and make it a great day!

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He will never understand

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I leave tomorrow going to stay with my 21 year old to take care of kids for two weeks while he works. He is funding this trip to his house and he is on the phone telling me of his grocery shopping. it is the most outrageous amount fat and calories that i have ever heard. I said to him when i get there i will go and get me some weight watchers meals to eat he said you cant live on tv dinners for two weeks I laughed and said well i cant and will not live on your diet plan. I suggested that he wait and let me send him a good grocery list and he said the food i am buying is good enough. So when i get there i will just have to figure out a sensible plan and menu and then shop again for his home. He wants me to stay with him then he will have to make some adjustments. Back years ago i did a weight loss plan if you can call it that ... for six months i didn't eat a bite of food just did these god awful shakes to no avail but the family had a fit thinking i was starving myself and apparently so did my body cause in six months times to the the tune of 10000 dollars ... i lost one pound ... he is afraid that is what i am doing now but it isn't. I have seriously changed my eating habits. i cant live on diet shakes alone but i cant live on his diet either ... i need him to understand that . emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNINGWAVE 1/13/2012 10:39AM

    Yes you'll just have to show him healthy eating can taste good too! emoticon

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VANIMA84 1/12/2012 9:47PM

    you will just have to show him!

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