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The Trip into the closet Neverland

Friday, November 23, 2012

Living in two states can be difficult for sure. The clothes that I have in New Orleans I know will fit . They are made of shorts,capris and jogging pants. All the best stretch clothes a fat bodies person could want. However my very real clothes are in Mississippi. Tucked back in the closet is my selection of Neverland clothes. No this is not where I keep my Tinkerbell outfits this is where all the clothes that I have bought over the years that didnt fit but I was to ashamed to take back are kept. Yesterday while I was getting dressed for dinner I went to the closet searching for something besides stretch clothes lol. I chose a pair of black dress capris I put them on, zipped, inner button and three out hooks , as i turned to reach a blouse the pants fell to the floor. Wow I thought !!! So i kept digging through the closet and finally found a pair of black velvet pants that actually fit alright although baggy the waist stayed in place. I found a top and finished dressing and walked out into the room and every turned and just looked. I said What ? and finally my husband said "it is amazing to see how different you are sometimes" and then everyone proceeded to hug me .
Later after everyone had left I went back into my closet and found it. That one pair of pants I have always wanted to wear not sure why but i did . When I bought the tag said 26 W L . I didnt pay it any attention till I got them home and tried them on that was not really my size . These were not stretch jeans they were real jeans with a button and zipper and well it was a good 12 or more inches between the button and closure. I cant remember where I bought them but I remember thinking "they lied about the size there is no way I am that much to big". That pair of pants has mocked me for about 5 years now. I vowed to throw them away but I just couldnt do it. I would walk into my closet and actually touch them but I just couldnt take trying them on again . This last July I tried them on and the space between button and closure had shrunk considerably it wasnt far enough. Last night I sat on the edge of my bed holding that pair of pants and thought should I or shouldnt I ? Well after thirty minutes I decided go ahead ... I stood up, pulled them up buttoned and zipped them and stared in the mirror. There is no Neverland left in my closet I can finally wear everything in there with the exception of half taht falls completely off me now.

This is that pair of pants today. No stretch, no marks because they are to tight just a baggy pair of jeans . I also today got a new haircut and color. And it turned out wonderful .

This is me and my son Chris .... Together since January 2012 we has lost a combined total of weight of 170 pounds and still going ... I am so very proud of him . I hope that everyone had as an awesome Thanksgiving as I did....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARYJEANSL 11/30/2012 10:22AM

  Congratulations!! That is so wonderful...keep up the good work/1

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JULIAOAK 11/27/2012 4:01AM

    fantastic - well done you!! emoticon emoticon

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SNUZSUZ 11/26/2012 9:33AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LJR4HEALTH 11/25/2012 6:00PM

    That is wonderful congrats on all of your hard work job emoticon

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CHERYLANDERICA 11/24/2012 9:50PM

    I got goosebumps ready this!! Such an inspiring post!! You are doing just great. Keep it up!!

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KBRADFORD88 11/24/2012 7:14PM

    Girl..I am so pumped for you. You have just begun to see what you are capable of. WOW! emoticon

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WIZKEY 11/24/2012 4:41PM

    Congratulations!! That is an awesome NSV!!

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DANILYNNG 11/24/2012 4:03PM

    I love shopping in the Neverland section! Best darned feeling in the world! You're rocking it, babe, never doubt that for a moment. emoticon

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KDJUAREZ 11/24/2012 12:36AM

    What an inspiring anecdote! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family, you're doing amazingly well! emoticon

-Kelly

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THENEWJOSIE2 11/23/2012 11:11PM

    Congrats to you and your son!!

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laughable dreams to reality

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Dr. Phil says all the the time " their perception is their reality" . To make a change of a lifetime . You have to change your perception of reality plain and simple. Oh god I use to think I could be some sexy super model. Blonde hair, blue eyes, legs from hell. I had dreams of the day when I would walk into a room and every head would turn as I floated across the room in the most delicious of stilettos. My hair would flow in the wind . I wouldnt only be thin I would have that perfect hour glass shape.

*ok now get up the floor and stop laughing hard .. gesshhh

I would try and try and well as soon as i beat myself up enough , I resign back to the couch with a whole range of assorted " you are fine just the way you are " foods. You know Lay's , little debbie , milky way, oh and wonderful gallons of coke.
Yep didnt see anything wrong with the world after that .. Right?

Now reality can bite you in the tail or you can learn from your fantasy. So attach how bad my fantasy was . First I have very short auburn hair , it is not likely ever going to be blonde or flow any where. Blue eyes really mine are hazel for god sake. Legs from hell , well after loosing eighty plus pounds they sure arent chop liver with all the walking I have done. Delicious Stilettos well pumps are not a good thing for my feet so I am sure that stilettos are never going to be an option but at 5'9 do I really want to be another six inches taller any way. Thin, there is a limit to the madness . My body is not designed to be thin , it is designed to weigh healthy between 165 and 180. So thin is out I will never be less than 150 at the low end and honestly I dont want to be that .

When I stopped living in the Neverland dreams I came to the reality that What i want is to be me in a healthier and yes a smaller body. But that came with a lot soul searching , tears and honesty. When you set goals make them realistic to you and your body. I am the only one who determine what is my reality and I am so glad that I have turned my perception to a point that it has hopes of being my reality. Reality is much better when your Neverland is actually obtainable.











  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THINNYGINNY 11/20/2012 11:34PM

    You know - I think my neverland dreams have kept me from seeing the progress I HAVE made... I still envision success as weighing in the 120's - being stick thin. I have lost 85 lbs and everyone tells me how great I look - yada, yada, yada... I have not ever really believed them - I want to shake them and say, "yes - but I'm not THIN yet..." Then I saw a photo of me from behind at church - my husband pointed me out in the photo and I argued with him that it couldn't be me - cause I was not that slender. he laughed and said - see the reading glasses on your head - that IS you...
And it was me. In my mind, if I am not Twiggy, then I am still a whale... Weird.
So here's to success - to us making real solid progress - becoming healthier, stronger, fitter and smaller. Here's hoping that we both embrace reality - not just grudgingly - but with joy...

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LVMY2SNSSLS 11/20/2012 9:30PM

    emoticon I can so relate to this, I spent my first 30 years wanted to look and be someone that I can never be. The last 12 yrs I have come to the slow realization that my body is what it is and it's never going look like a super model or a beauty queen. I'm just working toward have a healthy weight and I think I will be just fine with that!

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JULIAOAK 11/19/2012 12:23PM

    emoticon

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IRONBLOSSOM 11/15/2012 3:29PM

    SUCH a great post! I look at the media pictures we are always innundated with (right now a SP advertiser is White House Black Market and staring at me from the side bar is a beautiful woman with long flowing blond hair and a beautiful suit on that wouldn't even fit one of my legs) and quite frankly, I DON'T want to be like that...but I also have a lot of trouble actually visualizing my goal without that kind of input.

Hah, I guess really I just want to be 18 again and completely oblivious to my weight...in a healthy athletic way! :-P

Have a great weekend!

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OLIVIANIGHT 11/15/2012 1:49PM

    Yeah I think my goal is still a little bit in Neverland. It's hard to imagine where I want to be because I've always been big, but I'm trying to aim for something realistic.

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NEELIXNKES 11/15/2012 11:47AM

    Very True. Thank you for the reminder! emoticon

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PJ2222 11/15/2012 11:46AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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The 3 P's of change

Monday, November 12, 2012

When I started out to change my life, it wasn't going to be a temporary thing I wanted to be healthier, smaller, sexier, and those are just the ones I knew at the time. I won't lie to you and say I knew what I was doing and still don' on some levels. What I can tell you is that I knew what didn't work. But I had to add a few things to the change that I have never had before in trying to loose weight . Three things that changed everything for me as a person fat bodied or not.



Patience is a virtue , that I can honestly say I have never possessed . When I started out a year ago this was the first thing I had to learn. Patience with my body as it learned to exercise the correct. Patience to wait till proper times to eat meals. Patience with my mind as it tried so very hard to gather all the knowledge it required to keep me motivated in the right direction . Patience with others around who said " you will only fail again." Patience was a very tiring trait to acquire . However if you dont have it or the desire to find it then your journey will stop before it begins.



In the past I would loose weight and then gain weight , then oh well " I am just meant to be fat" would be the thought process. I set goals that no one could ever meet. When you are 10 pounds over weight it is not that big a deal to loose and gain but when you are 200 pounds overweight it is earth shattering. I had to teach myself Persistence. I can tell you that for the better part of 30 years I persistent in gaining weight. I ate all the wrong things and hell exercise was non existent but thankfully i was active enough that I didnt end up bed ridden. Learning to persistent was key. I had to learn that no matter what the scale said one week I to stick with my plan and be painfully honest. The answers are there if you are honest with yourself. It is easy to blame the world for your failures but if you want things to change you must have the ability to see inside yourself and make the change from there.




Perseverance is another thing that is most difficult to learn. I started out with what i found to be the most trivia of exercise. Although walking to 10 to 12 feet on my foot at the time was like moving mountains I kept doing it , for fear if i stopped I wouldn't do it again. I was given the most horrible of feet that the heavens could give someone . As some know I am now recovering from the second foot surgery in a year and half. When I say I walk 6 miles that is a huge thing for me. This time last year I was barely walking without the assistance of a cane. I took this on one step at a time. I tear at a time . I have thrown my shoes across the room and swore I would never put them on again. I have sit on a bench in the park and wondered how will i ever get back to my car. I have called a friend and said please just tell me I can do this. I have sucked it up all for a goal I have never been able to reach before .



Although lately I have struggled with my recovery and a weight gain .. I didn't give up , I didn't throw in the towel and say I cant do this right now I will when this over. I looked inside with as much honesty and strength that I could and reassessed the program and what I was doing or not doing . This past Saturday I not only weighed and lost . I had managed to loose the gained weight plus some. I had a 5.2 pound loss and it was all because I was patient , persistent and found the perseverance to try it for one more week. These are things that I am grateful because with out them I couldn't do it, I wouldn't do it .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERYLANDERICA 11/14/2012 8:23PM

    What a wonderful blog post!! These are things I am currently working on as well. Previously, I was so impatient with myself and my body and when I did everything right and it responded by losing nothing I gave up. Now I am still not losing yet but it is not stopping me from trying my hardest. I go to the gym even when I desperately want to just go home. I struggle with food choices some days but for the most part I do well. So now I am, like you said, being honest with all aspects. Breaking it down a little at a time. It is a process. I am on the right track. And you said it well...our minds and bodies work hard to get what we are doing and to process it all and start doing what it should. So I am patiently continuing and in the end, if nothing else, I feel better when I exercise. But I truly believe my body will catch on to what I am doing and start losing as well!! Keep up the amazing journey you are on!! emoticon

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JSELLINGTON 11/14/2012 2:48PM

    This is a great blog!! Wow this could be a seminar the info is so good. When I read a blog that I really like I save it and i have to save this one. This is really good stuff!! emoticon

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CYALE76 11/14/2012 6:13AM

    Great blog, I struggle with all 3 of these. You are doing great, if I had foot surgery I would have been sitting on the couch waiting to heal, your such and inspiration. You give me motivation to move and stop making excuses for my actions (or lack of them)

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JMCADE 11/13/2012 7:35PM

    Wow what wonderful insight yo y have gained on this journey. I am going to mark these down for me because when I stall it is usually one of these I have failed on.

Thanks for the great blog

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IRONBLOSSOM 11/13/2012 2:36PM

    Fantastic Ps! The patience is really the hardest, isn't it?? Especially with everyone (MOM) around you "so how much have you lost now? How about now?" Um, hello, you just asked me two days ago! Same answer!! (Guess I come by my lack of patience naturally. :-)

Love that hourglass quote, that's about the truest, most important thing I wish I could go back and tell myself ten years ago...here's hoping I don't have that same feeling 10 years from now!

Have a great week!

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NEPTUNE1939 11/12/2012 11:39AM

    The 3-P's are all the attributes of a professional. Earl emoticon

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To my best friend

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Dear Darlene,
I don't think I ever take the time to tell you I appreciate you for the person you are inside and out. Your other friends tell you all the time that you a good person and I am sorry your reply is " I am just me no more no less". Although I know how you so desperately want to believe that I also know you are so much more.
In your life you have met every trial that was thrown at you with a strength that is most do not have. When you wanted to stop and quiet you found that inner strength and you kept right on pushing. Strength is wonderful gift isnt it ? So long as you dont use to it push others away. It is alright to need someone sometime .
Your caring capacity far exceeds the people in your life . I have often wonder how you can encourage others and not ask for that some encouragement back . Again that is just your nature is it ? The old adage give till it hurts really applies to you. You give till you have nothing left give to yourself. But you must remember if you can not give to yourself eventually you can not give to others because you are all used up.
Your heart has been bruised and shattered and yet you still manage to continue to believe . You refuse to give up hope even when there seems none left . When your days get dark and cloudy and nothing seems to make it better, you dont ever say I am done, Breath that is your simple task because you know if you can breath through today tomorrow will be so much better.
People say you inspire and motivate but you dont see it because your modesty gets in the way. You really should learn to accept the things that you do with an open heart that you so easily give to others.
This week you are given the task of remembering yourself of all the challenges this will be the hardest for you because you dont do this nearly enough. It is easy to remember the bad however there is plenty of good that you really need to remember as well ...

Your loving friend,
Your Inner Tink

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJR4HEALTH 11/14/2012 4:07PM

    emoticon letter to self so much love and caring you have a great BF in yourself

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ALDNJPD1 11/11/2012 9:32AM

    emoticon emoticon

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PYNETREE 11/11/2012 9:26AM

    Good exercise, Thanks for sharing with us. emoticon

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JUSTYNA7 11/10/2012 6:48PM

    A good assignment and wonderful, moving letter. Thank you for sharing and believe it because it is TRUE! When we start seeing ourselves through someone else's eyes... the new us... it is the start of a huge amount of growth. Self talk is powerful but it takes practice to start treating ourselves like a best friend.

Comment edited on: 11/10/2012 6:51:18 PM

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DAWNDMOORE40 11/10/2012 3:26PM

    emoticon for sharing this blog with us! It is awesome that you remember your friends and how much you appreciate them! We can never have enough friends! I feel God puts people in our lives for different reasons and if it wasn't for friends, then how would we get through some of the trials we have to go through? God bless you for thinking of your friend in such a special way! emoticon emoticon

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A NSV deserving of a new word

Sunday, November 04, 2012

As a child I was always fascinated with words. Words have the ability to encourage, inspire, relate every feeling known to man , words can be used for the best or the worst of intentions. For this reason the quote " the pen is mightier than the sword" has always been my favorite. I dont mean to sound conceded here but My mother always said that my words had the ability to grow flowers in the heart or put a knife threw it, just depended on how I wanted you to feel. Words are the colors on which rainbows are formed.

A friend gave me a book for my birthday called " South of Broad". So I have been reading this book; however, very slowly because the book has so many beautiful words that I never knew. He paints such a wonderful picture that I get lost in his daydream . Now this is only important because two of his words I had to look and find the meaning of this morning and well they kinda fit today.

There are things that thin bodied women get to do that well I have thought were never possible for me as a fat bodied woman. One of which is wear a man's shirt in that oh sexy way . I know not every woman thinks this is sexy: however if you dont have the ability to decide then well it is always there as a negative thing. When I married my husband some 15 years ago I was 5'9" and probably easily heading to 300 pounds. I wore a very plain unattractive white blouse that well although it fit in some places in others it was well to tight like the neck and arms but there again I was always a size 26 right (wink) as long as i could say well hell I didnt have a weight issue I was just big boned. The skirt was of the mauve color again not flattering at all .. I was a 26 year old mother of two young boys so who cared if my breast ran right along with my stomach I certainly didnt. My husband well I wish I could say he was the blond hair blue haired hunk but well he was blonde hair and blue eyes 6' 3" and all of a 150 pounds soaking wet ... We were a fine couple I tell you. I am sure you are confused at this point what this all has to do with anything lol .

Well as some read in my last blog I have been having some rough days since my surgery almost 7 weeks ago. And this week well I had to log a 3 pound gain ( rolling my eyes as I type it ). Feeling a little less than discouraged I was getting dressed this morning and reached into the closet and pulled out one of my husband's Pittsburgh Steelers tee shirts. It is one I ordered off line for him because we are huge Steeler fans even in the home of the Saints. This lead to the most prodigious of moments. Of course now he is 6'3 weighs 240 pounds so it is a 2x but still it fits like a man shirt would on a woman .. it is loose in all areas to which I have never done before in my life well except when I went and bought a man's 5x shirt a few years back to sleep in. I know it doesnt seem like much but to me is was splendiferous . I might not be where I want to be right now but I sure am not where I use to be either. Now although I am still a fat bodied person I am also a slimmer inches wise than I use to be. And as hard as it is to believe because I really am my own worst enemy I actually like me except this stomach if it would leave the rest could stay and I would actually be perfect to me lol.

This morning I put the scales away out of my bathroom and I will not weigh till next Saturday morning. Also I have gotten really accustom to my coffee of comfort again also, so starting tomorrow I will try to get it back to three cups of coffee a day. Yes I know that is still a lot but you really dont want to be around if i drink less than that. All I can ever do is be true to my health and the process that got me this far, so all things considered I am not to bad off .. After 6 weeks on this couch I have only gained 4 pounds so that is not as bad as it sounds considering all the ostentatious moments spent here on this miserable piece of furniture .



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IRONBLOSSOM 11/5/2012 1:30PM

    That is so awesome, I am so proud and happy for you!

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CHERYLANDERICA 11/4/2012 9:35PM

    What a great blog entry! I have never had the pleasure of wearing my husbands shirt...except the one time I squeezed into this red sweater he had cause I was desperate and freezing...it was humiliating to say the least. I looked like a gigantic tomato!! It was so tight and so bright!! LOL

Anyway, I cannot wait to be able to do this one day! So happy for you that you were able to wear his shirt, comfortably and confidently. emoticon

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ALDNJPD1 11/4/2012 6:49PM

    emoticon

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GOPINTOS 11/4/2012 5:40PM

    Oh good one! I will have to add wearing a DH's shirt to my after weight-loss bucket list!! Thanks for the reminder!! emoticon

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THINNYGINNY 11/4/2012 5:25PM

    Yep - enjoy the moments along the way when you see the changes. I was at Kohl's shopping - buying a smaller size and realizing that I no longer dread shopping - i sat down and looked at myself in the mirror for awhile and realized how deeply significant it is to no longer hate what i see in the mirror - to smile at myself. So I smiled - I told myself (very quietly so the pe0ple around me wouldn't think i was crazy) that I had done a great job and that I was okay now - if I never lose another pound - it is okay. I felt so much peace. My weight loss is coming a little slower now - for a time I was frustrated with that - but since telling myself what a good job I have done I haven't been frustrated anymore. Part of the healthy lifestyle is learning to love and appreciate yourself - and whatever size shirt you are wearing now.
Good for you - I am proud of you - and ain't it nice to be a bit slimmer than the hubby? I am now finally 10 lbs less than my hubby!

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