Thursday, November 15, 2012
Dr. Phil says all the the time " their perception is their reality" . To make a change of a lifetime . You have to change your perception of reality plain and simple. Oh god I use to think I could be some sexy super model. Blonde hair, blue eyes, legs from hell. I had dreams of the day when I would walk into a room and every head would turn as I floated across the room in the most delicious of stilettos. My hair would flow in the wind . I wouldnt only be thin I would have that perfect hour glass shape.
*ok now get up the floor and stop laughing hard .. gesshhh
I would try and try and well as soon as i beat myself up enough , I resign back to the couch with a whole range of assorted " you are fine just the way you are " foods. You know Lay's , little debbie , milky way, oh and wonderful gallons of coke.
Yep didnt see anything wrong with the world after that .. Right?
Now reality can bite you in the tail or you can learn from your fantasy. So attach how bad my fantasy was . First I have very short auburn hair , it is not likely ever going to be blonde or flow any where. Blue eyes really mine are hazel for god sake. Legs from hell , well after loosing eighty plus pounds they sure arent chop liver with all the walking I have done. Delicious Stilettos well pumps are not a good thing for my feet so I am sure that stilettos are never going to be an option but at 5'9 do I really want to be another six inches taller any way. Thin, there is a limit to the madness . My body is not designed to be thin , it is designed to weigh healthy between 165 and 180. So thin is out I will never be less than 150 at the low end and honestly I dont want to be that .
When I stopped living in the Neverland dreams I came to the reality that What i want is to be me in a healthier and yes a smaller body. But that came with a lot soul searching , tears and honesty. When you set goals make them realistic to you and your body. I am the only one who determine what is my reality and I am so glad that I have turned my perception to a point that it has hopes of being my reality. Reality is much better when your Neverland is actually obtainable.
Monday, November 12, 2012
When I started out to change my life, it wasn't going to be a temporary thing I wanted to be healthier, smaller, sexier, and those are just the ones I knew at the time. I won't lie to you and say I knew what I was doing and still don' on some levels. What I can tell you is that I knew what didn't work. But I had to add a few things to the change that I have never had before in trying to loose weight . Three things that changed everything for me as a person fat bodied or not.
Patience is a virtue , that I can honestly say I have never possessed . When I started out a year ago this was the first thing I had to learn. Patience with my body as it learned to exercise the correct. Patience to wait till proper times to eat meals. Patience with my mind as it tried so very hard to gather all the knowledge it required to keep me motivated in the right direction . Patience with others around who said " you will only fail again." Patience was a very tiring trait to acquire . However if you dont have it or the desire to find it then your journey will stop before it begins.
In the past I would loose weight and then gain weight , then oh well " I am just meant to be fat" would be the thought process. I set goals that no one could ever meet. When you are 10 pounds over weight it is not that big a deal to loose and gain but when you are 200 pounds overweight it is earth shattering. I had to teach myself Persistence. I can tell you that for the better part of 30 years I persistent in gaining weight. I ate all the wrong things and hell exercise was non existent but thankfully i was active enough that I didnt end up bed ridden. Learning to persistent was key. I had to learn that no matter what the scale said one week I to stick with my plan and be painfully honest. The answers are there if you are honest with yourself. It is easy to blame the world for your failures but if you want things to change you must have the ability to see inside yourself and make the change from there.
Perseverance is another thing that is most difficult to learn. I started out with what i found to be the most trivia of exercise. Although walking to 10 to 12 feet on my foot at the time was like moving mountains I kept doing it , for fear if i stopped I wouldn't do it again. I was given the most horrible of feet that the heavens could give someone . As some know I am now recovering from the second foot surgery in a year and half. When I say I walk 6 miles that is a huge thing for me. This time last year I was barely walking without the assistance of a cane. I took this on one step at a time. I tear at a time . I have thrown my shoes across the room and swore I would never put them on again. I have sit on a bench in the park and wondered how will i ever get back to my car. I have called a friend and said please just tell me I can do this. I have sucked it up all for a goal I have never been able to reach before .
Although lately I have struggled with my recovery and a weight gain .. I didn't give up , I didn't throw in the towel and say I cant do this right now I will when this over. I looked inside with as much honesty and strength that I could and reassessed the program and what I was doing or not doing . This past Saturday I not only weighed and lost . I had managed to loose the gained weight plus some. I had a 5.2 pound loss and it was all because I was patient , persistent and found the perseverance to try it for one more week. These are things that I am grateful because with out them I couldn't do it, I wouldn't do it .
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