Week 10 of the Rock it / sparklers Challenge is to do a food blog for 5 out of 7 days this week. I started on Labor day and please remember we are just getting back from an evacuation . I have tried to make healthy choices though.
turkey sandwhich ( 1 slice honey smoked, cheese, fat free cheese on a foldit bun)
Special k chips ... sour cream and onion
Grilled chicken tender strips .. marinated in Garlic onion hot wing powder
Cowboy baked beans ... 1/2 cup ( beans with ground beef)
1/2 mac and cheese : made with smart taste pasta and rague cheese sauce
bacon/cheese/egg mug ... 1/2 cup egg substitute, 2 slices turkey bacon and laughing cow cheese wedge ...
cup of fresh fruit ... cantaloupe, honey dew, strawberries and blueberries
Chicken and cheese Quesadilla
Black beans with sour cream .. 1/2 cup
Chicken wrap ( shredded chicken, shredded cheese, mayo sweet onion lite dressing with spinach)
black beans and sourcream ( 1/2 cup)
Stawberries/bananas on shortcake with ready whip
So there you have it ... be gentle lol I dont think it was that bad ...
Friday I had an MRI and a doctor visit. There is a mass in the bottom of my right foot that is the size of a ping pong ball. They have to operate and remove it . They dont know what the mass is till it is removed so there might be more surgeries needed at a pathology report.
Right now I am in New Orleans, LA I also have a home on the coast of MS. There is a storm that doesnt look good. My husband just back from out of town is complacent about everything and already doing the usual drinking. I am so emotionally spent right now. I am not sure what to do and then you top everything else off my emotional eating has showed its ugly head. The stress of everything is really to much to bare today. I have tried walking and water and swimming and nothing is helping. Lost doesnt come close to this feeling right now. The thought of staying in New Orleans scares me to death the thought of loosing our home in MS is horrific and living with someone whose answer is to drink is gut wrenching. The thought of loosing my foot is breathtaking. Sorry I am just trying to make it through this day
I have had a fear for many years of seat belts. The fear of being trapped in them because as a fat bodied person they are never comfortable. For me they are tight and cutting. I know what they are designed to but honestly felt like the would hurt me more than they help me. I could see my car off the side of bridge and being trapped in this thing not being able to escape it. So for years I just have simply not wore one. That was my easy fix just dont wear it . I could deal without so i did. This morning my husband and I were traveling back to New Orleans from Pascagoula MS. I am an awful passenger just saying. On the horizon it is raining and the cars are traveling so fast past us even though we are going 70 mph. For the first time in a really long time I think what if. With the roads so wet and we hydroplaned twice I made the choice that I was going to put on my trap. I am putting on the thing i hate most in the vehicle and the next hour is going to be hell and painful. So I reach and I pull it across me and I latch it. And guess what . I have lost enough weight that it is very comfortable. It doesnt feel like I cant breath I dont even know that it is there . If you have never had these feelings please dont judge me because I have . When you are 366 pounds everything is a thought every thing is a chore. And the further away 366 pounds you get the more amazing every thing feels. Things that other people get to do and never have a passing thought means so much. So another first for me today. I got to ride feeling safe and secure.
This morning I weighed and I made it to 79 pounds gone ...For a moment I thought "Freeze the world". 287 pounds that is the lowest I have weighed in like 15 years. "Freeze the world" Hold the moment, Feel the accomplishment, Respect the pain and tears to get right here to the moment in time. 21 % of where I started " freeze the world" ... Dont breath just let this moment hang in the air.
Remember how good this feels and how good never doing this again will feel. All I can say is thank you to my body for hanging through this journey and Thank you to all the amazing people in this process. I know That I am emotional mess but at least i am a smaller emotional mess .
Wait you forgot to lay out something for dinner. It is 2 pm before you remember this so what do you do. This is how dieting has felt to me for years. No preparation and the stress over what to do. When you forget to lay out your meat to defrost you are left with a few options but none are as satisfying as the one that is slow thawed and prepped and prepared to perfection. This is how I have come to the point of not dieting but changing my life. This process is slow like thawing meat. Sometimes it takes longer than I would like but I have not been dissatisfied with the results so far.
Is it frustrating well yea. Do I wish I could just nuke my way through it Well yea. Do i wish that i could drive up to a window and get it my way right now Hell yea .. however having tried some version of all of them in the past and failing , I am just going to thaw slowly and prep along the way so that by the time i get there might be some sort of a perfection plan to handle life.