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Thawing slowly

Thursday, August 16, 2012

* you wake up in a rush, dress and out the door*

Wait you forgot to lay out something for dinner. It is 2 pm before you remember this so what do you do. This is how dieting has felt to me for years. No preparation and the stress over what to do. When you forget to lay out your meat to defrost you are left with a few options but none are as satisfying as the one that is slow thawed and prepped and prepared to perfection. This is how I have come to the point of not dieting but changing my life. This process is slow like thawing meat. Sometimes it takes longer than I would like but I have not been dissatisfied with the results so far.
Is it frustrating well yea. Do I wish I could just nuke my way through it Well yea. Do i wish that i could drive up to a window and get it my way right now Hell yea .. however having tried some version of all of them in the past and failing , I am just going to thaw slowly and prep along the way so that by the time i get there might be some sort of a perfection plan to handle life.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THINNYGINNY 8/17/2012 2:46PM

    This was what I needed to read today - I had been making quick progress and was a little too dependent on the idea of getting to a certain weight by a certain date...august has been hard for me because of vacations and getting off track a bit here and there - I have not lost ground in august - but have not yet lost weight in august...i was thinking I had just lost TIME - until i realized that usually vacations are the END of diets and progress for me - usually I GAIN weight...this time I exercised and held the line...that is progress. And what's more - it is sustainable progress - it is a new habit. I love the image above - slow progress is PROGRESS!!! Thanks my friend for keeping on keeping on - if you can, i can too.

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SHRINK_U 8/17/2012 2:10PM

    Great message :) One of the biggest reasons I have continued this go-round and not given up is because I made the mental decision and it finally clicked that any progress is in fact progress!

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JENNNY135 8/17/2012 12:38PM

    Thanks for the analogy, what a great blog. I love the quote so if you're okay I'm going to copy it.

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ELLEJAY7 8/17/2012 12:13PM

    Great blog!



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OREOSMILE 8/17/2012 9:23AM

    You are building the habits that wll keep you at goal for a lifetime - sounds smart to me!

emoticon emoticon

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KBRADFORD88 8/16/2012 5:22PM

    Here here. It's taken me 2 months to lose 10 pounds. But I am losing!

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IRONBLOSSOM 8/16/2012 5:05PM

    Nice!

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JANEMARIE77 8/16/2012 4:43PM

    love it

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DANILYNNG 8/16/2012 4:42PM

    So true... who cares if the progress is slow? Slow and steady gets you where you want to go, and it gets you there safely and soundly!

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KATIEGARCIA2 8/16/2012 4:38PM

  love the quote!!

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From tears to feet

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

If you have never been severely morbidly obese, I am not sure that you can understand what that is like. When you know that you are alone even though the room is full of people. When you you dont want to go out because the world is full of many obstacles and pains. When you get up and weigh and cry because that number changed and you have no idea as to why. Your body hurts just from sleeping. The hopelessness invades your soul and you reside to the fact that you are going to die from this. Then one day in that dark place there is a ray of light that says please move today. You dont want to tell anyone that you are going to try again because you cant take the look if you fail again. So you get up and you move. and you think ok i did that what is next and before you know it you move again and again. You dont get happy because well we have been here before and it didnt work so you just keep moving. When you are like me ( almost 200 pounds overweight) you cant look at that number, you do this one step one pound at a time. You dont dare dream you just keep moving, you let this moving start to cleanse your soul.
For me everyday honestly could be a party. The first six months were not fun at all. Blisters followed by rashes, nausia as my body detoxed, Headaches from blood pressure spikes. I have dug deep inside and found strength when I didnt think it was any left. I have watched as every member of my family has jumped on board. If you did a grand total of weight my family as a total has lost this past year it would be roughly 165 pounds. I have personally lost 75 pounds the equivalent to both on my grandsons combined weight. Which should be the best thing however there are somethings that truly make me cry.
This morning at the track ... I was walking thinking wondering when i saw something that took me completely by surprise. I know it will be hard to phantom as i walked i looked down and I saw my feet ... An unobstructed view of my feet. Something that should not be big deal is huge . I cried for where i had been, I cried for how far i had come , I cried for how far i had to go. But i didnt stop i just watched in amazement at the feet at the end of my legs. During this process there are so many emotions that i have to deal with. You name it and i have felt it at one point or another. This is just one of the better ones.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OREOSMILE 8/12/2012 2:58PM

    emoticon

bet you've been carrying around a big grin ever since! awesome non-scale victory!

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CITYZOZO 8/10/2012 1:02AM

    i love this blog.. way to go!

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JULIAOAK 8/8/2012 3:57AM

    that is fantastic - you are doing a wonderful job and an inspiration to us all - keep up the great work. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KFEASEL13 8/7/2012 9:22PM

    What an accomplishment! I am so proud of you! emoticon

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ADARKARA 8/7/2012 8:31PM

    Well DONE! You are an inspiration to us all =)

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MANILUS 8/7/2012 8:26PM

    Congratulations on your success, it truly is a journey for 1 day at a time and when you have a bad day, make the next one better! You CAN do it!

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SHRINK_U 8/7/2012 8:22PM

    It is so wild ALL of the emotions we experience everyday while in this process. One minute I am laughing, then crying, then angry, then frustrated, and then ecstatic. Look how far you have come :) Tell your feet that Lemonhead said HELLO.

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IRONBLOSSOM 8/7/2012 6:45PM

    Oh my goodness what a great blog! I can't believe how far you've come! You're awesome and SO INSPIRING!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THINNYGINNY 8/7/2012 6:09PM

    Time to get some fabulous shoes - like those bright yellow running shoes the olympians are wearing!!! Or paint a happy face on your shoes!! So happy for you - i know how you feel!!

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DESERT_BIRD 8/7/2012 3:13PM

    emoticon
Those are the milestones that keep us going. And the surprises along the way are gifts. Enjoy the journey; it keeps getting better.
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SLPORTER1978 8/7/2012 3:05PM

    What a wonderful blog. Thank you for sharing. You made me cry happy tears. I am so happy for your success and wish you further success in your journey.

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KBRADFORD88 8/7/2012 2:55PM

    You go newtink. I am so stinking excited for you. I have felt hopeless. Shoot I see that feeling about once a month, But, moving makes it better. Good for you emoticon

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DANILYNNG 8/7/2012 2:45PM

    Oh, my goodness, sweetie - you made me cry! No, I've never been morbidly obese, so I don't know what it's like, so your blog was a chilling little peek. I'm so very, very glad that you've begun this journey and that you are finding success along the way. I'm also glad that I"m here for the journey and I get to see your milestones through your eyes.

Just one thing: Now that you can see your feet, go get a pedicure! You deserve a pretty view emoticon

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SUGARSMOM2 8/7/2012 1:38PM

  I was told i was morbidly overweight . I am trying to overcome and move my hindend to stop this . It takes time and lots of footwork . move the mountian and you will find lyou feel better . look better . keep trying do not stop .

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missing day of prep ...

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Everyone talks of tracking and fitness on here However there is a key ingredient that nobody talks about. Maybe it is just me but preparation is the biggest thing for me. When I started the difference was in the preparation. I didnt wake up one morning and decide that I was going to lose weight this time. There was no half hearted promise to start with. It is notebooks and calendars. It is knowing before I go to bed what I must do tomorrow. It is tracking everything. It is what I call full throttle war on fat. When I feel like something isnt working I make the adjustments and I move on. I have become a walking encyclopedia of knowledge of this war. Yes that sounds intense because it is. A few weeks back I got complacent for what ever reason and I slacked off bad. That can not happen again. Not till we are further.

This morning I reached for the Notebook to see what I had to do today. And through my blurry eyes there was no plan. Nothing was there which i had the mental plan and pretty much knew what i had to do. But it was the fact yesterday I couldnt write ... A trip to the eye doctor for new glasses led to more than I wanted. An allergic reaction to something they put in my eyes left me without site for about 5 hrs. They are better today but still not a hundred percent yet. So as I said what to do when something doesnt work then you fix it and move on. So now the calendar is updated till Wed. Diet plan is done till Wed. I promise you cant go wrong with planning it all out in advance. My nutrition plan is a bill that must paid with my fitness minutes everyday.

Just a funny to remember ... What is salty and satisfying like potato chips? Sweat
Corny I know but hey it gets you around the track !!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLEJAY7 8/6/2012 8:07AM

    So True! Love the notebook idea to plan ahead. I've been tracking what I've already done, but not for the future. Thanks for the idea. emoticon

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KBRADFORD88 8/5/2012 9:25PM

    Love that. My kids went out of town 2 weeks ago and I did not plan my meals, I have been off kilter ever since. I have to get our plan going again. Good reminder. emoticon

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XPHOENIX 8/5/2012 7:07PM

    I think prep goes with it. It's just one of those unspoken things that we must do in order to stay on track and do what we must do... :) I do it usually on Friday or Saturday and make basic plans for all week and solidify them as I go :) Baby steps.

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SHRINK_U 8/5/2012 6:09PM

    I would have been so scared if I couldn't see for 5 hours! I am glad your eyes are getting better today from the allergic reaction. You are right.. when I don't make some kind of plan I don't do as well. July had many problems for me as it did for many of my spark friends... and I failed to plan my exercise and nutrition. So with all of the stress and with no plan... I had a not so great month. I have a plan for August and schedule! WE ARE GONNA WIN THIS WAR, TINK :)

-The Lemonhead emoticon

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DANILYNNG 8/5/2012 2:59PM

    Preparation is definitely key! But just as important is flexibility... life doesn't always go to plan, so be prepared to detour!

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Facing fear !!! week 5 sparkler challenge

Thursday, August 02, 2012

As a fat bodied person there are so many things that scare the living daylight out of me. All the years of being that way well you all know that takes your confidence, your self worth, and your self pride. When you are more than a hundred pounds over weight I think it gets a little worst because everything is a chore. However the first fear has been attacked I found me and learned to attack the rest. So what would I do this week that I would consider more significant than any other fear. Public humiliation was that fear. For years I have hid behind this fat body as an excuse fearing if I pushed out past it then the world would attack with all the hurt and misery it could unleash on me. Although I am described as intimidating and I have also have been told lately that is a persona that portray to keep people at arms length, The truth of the matter is I am very sensitive and caring for those around me. However I can see their point because well after you been burnt by every person that you know you dont relish to go through it again . I am off point at this point. For me there have been activities I refused to do for fear of the public scrutiny. This week I joined Sparkpeople 5k walk/jog your way. Yesterday for the first time since I was 12 I jogged in public. And yes the world stayed on its axis and no there were no earthquakes or herds of elephants reported in New Orleans. It was a very pleasant easy journey into the step. I jogged the intervals as prescribed in the plan . And at the end of the routine there was a friend standing at the end. She said Good morning as did I . What she said next well that was completely unexpected. She said you know Darlene I dont think there is nothing that can stop you. A year ago you could not walk with out a cane and now you jogging intervals, You could very well be my new hero. I said lol I dont know about hero but I will always be your friend. We laughed at then went and had my recovery smoothie . So Day 1 of new training went very well thankfully. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 8/4/2012 9:24AM

    Great job of exercising.

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KBRADFORD88 8/3/2012 9:01PM

    you can do this. Don;t let people tell you who you are. I have heard it all. We are women and hear us roar! emoticon

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BECKYI39 8/2/2012 7:17PM

    You ARE awesome!

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PJ51798 8/2/2012 6:23PM

    Well done, my friend! Savor this moment and enjoy this escape from the comfort zone! emoticon

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DANILYNNG 8/2/2012 3:27PM

    Isn't it amazing what we can do when we just TRY?

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SHRINK_U 8/2/2012 2:33PM

    Way to go!!!!!!!! What a difference a year of hard work makes!

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STARGAZER16 8/2/2012 10:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GRATEFUL-DAD 8/2/2012 10:25AM

    You are inspiring! Overcoming obsticles and blazing new trails. Keep up the great work, you can accomplish anything and everything you want in life!

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NJJ-EXERCISE30 8/2/2012 9:04AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I saw Me

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

The last time I saw You was about 4 years ago. I looked at you at thought well this is it because you were sad, tired, frustrated and resolved to a life of a pain. I stood watching as the tears rolled down the cheeks that were was so full of life. The next morning you were gone. A sad disapperance for sure for you had so much to give to the world. Over the years I wondered where you went and how I could find you again. Would you ever come back, Would you ever trust again? And if you did what would I say to you. The other day out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw but shook it off residing to the imaginary hope that you were well where ever you reside now. Then yesterday I got the feeling that you were close by I kinda shuttered at the thought because you have had so much disappointment and pain that I would not want to put more on you, But I so dearly miss you I thought, It would be so wonderful to have you back in my life. Then this morning I saw you not a glimpse not a shadow but you . There you were and you looked strong, more confident and full of life. I saw the twinkle in your eye as you admired at that I had changed. Standing before you is the hardest thing in the world because I let you down more than once. But you had never been gone for so long. And now that you are back I promise never to let you down again. Turning around and seeing you in the mirror was an awesome surprise. you peeked out to see the new found muscles and the body that is starting to have an actual figure again. You peeked out and saw the determination and the fight. You peeked out and heard the giggle as you realized that this time we have made the change of a lifetime. And with a wink and a smile the day started. Welcome back old friend the one on the other side of the mirror looking back at me. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHRINK_U 8/2/2012 2:14PM

    This made me tear up a lil. Nice blog :) So glad your "me" is back :)

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CITYZOZO 8/2/2012 8:24AM

    nice!

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OGMAMA 8/1/2012 5:25PM

    That's beautiful!

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KATYDID412 8/1/2012 5:01PM

    emoticon

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THINNYGINNY 8/1/2012 4:55PM

    HURRAY!!! I know that feeling!!! So glad you met her again!!

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