Tuesday, August 07, 2012
If you have never been severely morbidly obese, I am not sure that you can understand what that is like. When you know that you are alone even though the room is full of people. When you you dont want to go out because the world is full of many obstacles and pains. When you get up and weigh and cry because that number changed and you have no idea as to why. Your body hurts just from sleeping. The hopelessness invades your soul and you reside to the fact that you are going to die from this. Then one day in that dark place there is a ray of light that says please move today. You dont want to tell anyone that you are going to try again because you cant take the look if you fail again. So you get up and you move. and you think ok i did that what is next and before you know it you move again and again. You dont get happy because well we have been here before and it didnt work so you just keep moving. When you are like me ( almost 200 pounds overweight) you cant look at that number, you do this one step one pound at a time. You dont dare dream you just keep moving, you let this moving start to cleanse your soul.
For me everyday honestly could be a party. The first six months were not fun at all. Blisters followed by rashes, nausia as my body detoxed, Headaches from blood pressure spikes. I have dug deep inside and found strength when I didnt think it was any left. I have watched as every member of my family has jumped on board. If you did a grand total of weight my family as a total has lost this past year it would be roughly 165 pounds. I have personally lost 75 pounds the equivalent to both on my grandsons combined weight. Which should be the best thing however there are somethings that truly make me cry.
This morning at the track ... I was walking thinking wondering when i saw something that took me completely by surprise. I know it will be hard to phantom as i walked i looked down and I saw my feet ... An unobstructed view of my feet. Something that should not be big deal is huge . I cried for where i had been, I cried for how far i had come , I cried for how far i had to go. But i didnt stop i just watched in amazement at the feet at the end of my legs. During this process there are so many emotions that i have to deal with. You name it and i have felt it at one point or another. This is just one of the better ones.