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Facing fear !!! week 5 sparkler challenge

Thursday, August 02, 2012

As a fat bodied person there are so many things that scare the living daylight out of me. All the years of being that way well you all know that takes your confidence, your self worth, and your self pride. When you are more than a hundred pounds over weight I think it gets a little worst because everything is a chore. However the first fear has been attacked I found me and learned to attack the rest. So what would I do this week that I would consider more significant than any other fear. Public humiliation was that fear. For years I have hid behind this fat body as an excuse fearing if I pushed out past it then the world would attack with all the hurt and misery it could unleash on me. Although I am described as intimidating and I have also have been told lately that is a persona that portray to keep people at arms length, The truth of the matter is I am very sensitive and caring for those around me. However I can see their point because well after you been burnt by every person that you know you dont relish to go through it again . I am off point at this point. For me there have been activities I refused to do for fear of the public scrutiny. This week I joined Sparkpeople 5k walk/jog your way. Yesterday for the first time since I was 12 I jogged in public. And yes the world stayed on its axis and no there were no earthquakes or herds of elephants reported in New Orleans. It was a very pleasant easy journey into the step. I jogged the intervals as prescribed in the plan . And at the end of the routine there was a friend standing at the end. She said Good morning as did I . What she said next well that was completely unexpected. She said you know Darlene I dont think there is nothing that can stop you. A year ago you could not walk with out a cane and now you jogging intervals, You could very well be my new hero. I said lol I dont know about hero but I will always be your friend. We laughed at then went and had my recovery smoothie . So Day 1 of new training went very well thankfully. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 8/4/2012 9:24AM

    Great job of exercising.

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KBRADFORD88 8/3/2012 9:01PM

    you can do this. Don;t let people tell you who you are. I have heard it all. We are women and hear us roar! emoticon

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BECKYI39 8/2/2012 7:17PM

    You ARE awesome!

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PJ51798 8/2/2012 6:23PM

    Well done, my friend! Savor this moment and enjoy this escape from the comfort zone! emoticon

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DANILYNNG 8/2/2012 3:27PM

    Isn't it amazing what we can do when we just TRY?

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SHRINK_U 8/2/2012 2:33PM

    Way to go!!!!!!!! What a difference a year of hard work makes!

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STARGAZER16 8/2/2012 10:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GRATEFUL-DAD 8/2/2012 10:25AM

    You are inspiring! Overcoming obsticles and blazing new trails. Keep up the great work, you can accomplish anything and everything you want in life!

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NJJ-EXERCISE30 8/2/2012 9:04AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I saw Me

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

The last time I saw You was about 4 years ago. I looked at you at thought well this is it because you were sad, tired, frustrated and resolved to a life of a pain. I stood watching as the tears rolled down the cheeks that were was so full of life. The next morning you were gone. A sad disapperance for sure for you had so much to give to the world. Over the years I wondered where you went and how I could find you again. Would you ever come back, Would you ever trust again? And if you did what would I say to you. The other day out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw but shook it off residing to the imaginary hope that you were well where ever you reside now. Then yesterday I got the feeling that you were close by I kinda shuttered at the thought because you have had so much disappointment and pain that I would not want to put more on you, But I so dearly miss you I thought, It would be so wonderful to have you back in my life. Then this morning I saw you not a glimpse not a shadow but you . There you were and you looked strong, more confident and full of life. I saw the twinkle in your eye as you admired at that I had changed. Standing before you is the hardest thing in the world because I let you down more than once. But you had never been gone for so long. And now that you are back I promise never to let you down again. Turning around and seeing you in the mirror was an awesome surprise. you peeked out to see the new found muscles and the body that is starting to have an actual figure again. You peeked out and saw the determination and the fight. You peeked out and heard the giggle as you realized that this time we have made the change of a lifetime. And with a wink and a smile the day started. Welcome back old friend the one on the other side of the mirror looking back at me. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHRINK_U 8/2/2012 2:14PM

    This made me tear up a lil. Nice blog :) So glad your "me" is back :)

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CITYZOZO 8/2/2012 8:24AM

    nice!

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OGMAMA 8/1/2012 5:25PM

    That's beautiful!

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KATYDID412 8/1/2012 5:01PM

    emoticon

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THINNYGINNY 8/1/2012 4:55PM

    HURRAY!!! I know that feeling!!! So glad you met her again!!

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The Other Numbers

Monday, July 30, 2012

Sometimes when looking for motivation I forget the person that is looking back at me from the mirror. The journey that I started a year ago has been long and if you know me then you also know I am the first one to kick my own tail. I am tough on me and push me harder than anyone else could. However there are some moments when I get so overwhelmed by something that I leave myself speechless. There are a few moments of self pride that are truly overwhelming. Yesterday morning before I did my 5K walk I took measurements . I dont like to take these but I knew starting today we would begin training for the Real 5K in September, So I needed bench marks. Taking measurements has to become a regular part because well it confirms the trouble spot I need to work on .

So to the other news of 7/29
Pounds lost to date(1 Year) 73

Measurements :
6/11 / 7/29
waist 46.9 / 46.19
Hips 60 / 57.3
Thighs 30.6 / 26
Neck 16.9 / 16.5
Calf 21.8 / 20.4
Upper arms 17 / 15.7

Since the middle of June I have walked 62 miles.
My BMI is down to 43.9 from 54.4 a year ago ...

I was amazed at how the numbers came out ... Have a great day everyone emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CITYZOZO 8/1/2012 8:35AM

    this is really good news.. way to work it!

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IMAREADER 7/31/2012 8:59PM

    Outstanding!

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ITSTHENEWLAUREN 7/31/2012 5:26PM

  emoticon That's great motivation! Nothing like seeing the fruits of your labour. emoticon

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SHRINK_U 7/30/2012 5:23PM

    Very impressive numbers.. on all counts!

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THINNYGINNY 7/30/2012 4:22PM

    Love it when the numbers move!!! Great work!!!

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DANILYNNG 7/30/2012 10:44AM

    Great numbers, babe!

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BECKYI39 7/30/2012 10:26AM

    That is awesome!

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WELLNESSME09 7/30/2012 7:35AM

    Wow!!! that's an amazing accomplishment. emoticon emoticon

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OREOSMILE 7/30/2012 7:30AM

    you are doing wonderful things for yourself! keep it up!

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DGFOWLER 7/30/2012 6:18AM

    WooHoo.. and congrats to you. It's been a long journey for me as well this year. You are doing fabulous. Keep it up.. Donna

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OFGREENGABLES 7/30/2012 6:18AM

    congratulations! You have made so many positive changes in your life.

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July 29 Sparkpeople Virtual 5k Race Day and so much more !!!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

First of all you have to understand me to understand this blog. I am the only daughter of a Marine. I am the middle child with an older and younger brother. I am married to an ex Marine ( if there is such a thing). So to say that I know how to dig deep is an understatement. The will to be better is always there just tapping into it is difficult at times. So having said that when I joined this Virtual Race I treated it just as if on Race day there would be hundreds of people competing with me / against me. Last year in the No aides walk I did the 5K in 75 minutes. When I started this 5K training program I was doing 3 miles in about 76 min. I set the goal to be on Race day to do the 5k in 50 min.

Where : Lafreniere Park , New Orleans, La
Time: 730 am
Temperature: 94 degrees
Humidity ; 70 %

Start

This is Brian My husband and walking buddy.
we set a pace at 16'40" according to the ipod.


.25 miles in


.5 miles in entrance to Dog walking area


1 mile in ... Broke my fastest time did in 16:22
Fastest 1K 10:02

Lafeneiere park is a full family sport track area ... the next pictures just so you some of the beauty of this place




Entering the " O" zone
The "O" zone is the part of the track starting at 2.5 miles in ... it is where I have dig in deep and push hard ( see you can figure out the reference here ) Where the skin is electrified and you want this so bad that no matter what you will get it ... This also happens to be the most beautiful part of the trail ...






The peak 2.75 miles ...



5K mark .... official time 51:36 but omg I was spent at this point ... I gave it all I had and then some so no complaining on my part !!!!


I made a shirt for the day and wore it with great pride to take a few people with me, If there is no astrix they are members of the site. The people listed are there no matter what, they have said or did something that inspired me to go the extra step in this. Brian*
,Randy*
,SmittyJoe*
.WinterHartt,
Oreosmile,
SimplyVicki,
Nixy72
,Xphoenix,
Shrink-u,
DrkeyE820,
ElleJay7,
On2victory,
TheFloridaFairy,
ThinnyGinny,
ALDNJPD1
,LDRICHEL
,KatyDid412,
SparkGuy,
Danilynng,
KBradford88,
Mariannelk,
WinWen,
Chrisser*
,Josh*,
ESMommy13



So all in all it was an awesome race day and now it is party time lol !!!! Enjoy everyone

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4KWALK 8/3/2012 10:43AM

    The TShirt was such a smart idea. Congratulations on finishing this challenge. On to the next one : )

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TERID816 8/2/2012 12:03AM

    Congrats! and I love the shirt too! emoticon

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MARISPHERE 8/1/2012 11:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

And the shirt was a terrific idea!

Mari

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-SHOREIDO- 7/30/2012 12:37PM

    Your a PEOPLE person and it shows!!! Good job!!

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GRATEFUL-DAD 7/30/2012 10:39AM

    This is awesome, congratulations, and I love the shirt!!!

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JOYCECAIN 7/30/2012 8:49AM

    Congrats. I just finished my 5K. I walk with a cane, am 63 yrs. young. So compared to your time--- mine was 1 hr.56 minutes. And that was a 4 miles and 1/4 walk. I know a 5K is 3.1007 miles. I got sidetracked. emoticon

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OREOSMILE 7/30/2012 7:34AM

    OMG! congrats and I love your shirt!! And I am honoured to have been on it! I also love that your hubby did it with you (mine has been resisting exercise).

Darlene, you rock!

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XPHOENIX 7/29/2012 11:51PM

    OMG AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! How sweet!!!! You kicked major butt and I'm so proud of you! :) That's just amazing. Great job babe! XOXO

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SHRINK_U 7/29/2012 8:49PM

    You kicked that 5k's butt, girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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Words can not express how excited I am for you.... How wonderful you must feel!! I am so proud of you. Great pictures, too.

And I have to say... that I am honored to have my name on your 5k shirt... when I read that it brought a tear to my eye :) You are such a sweetheart and truly an inspiration to me.


WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWW WAY TO GO!!!!!

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IMSOOZEEQ 7/29/2012 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THINNYGINNY 7/29/2012 6:34PM

    Wow - good for you!!! And I am very touched that you wrote my sparkname on your shirt - kinda tearing up here!! YOU inspire ME!!! When it comes to races you and I may be the tortoises (remember the tortoise and the hare?) but we get there - oh yes we do!!

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MOMMY2TWO07 7/29/2012 6:33PM

    awesome job ! love the pics.

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BECKYI39 7/29/2012 4:36PM

    emoticon emoticon

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KATHUGGS 7/29/2012 4:34PM

    emoticonI love the shirt! That was a great idea! Great job on your 5k! emoticon

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AGAPEJOY 7/29/2012 3:05PM

    emoticon on getting out there and doing it, that is what counts!

Have a Blessed Day!

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PJ51798 7/29/2012 1:25PM

    Way to go, NEWTINK! At 94 degrees and 70% humidity, I'd say finishing counts as rocking it! Love the photos -- it looks like a beautiful place to walk -- and the idea of doing your own T-shirt. Keep on keeping on!

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JULIAOAK 7/29/2012 12:44PM

    fantastic - well done you. Love the pics! emoticon emoticon

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JUSTYNA7 7/29/2012 12:00PM

    emoticon I think that we set goals to have something to work towards but in fact the final numbers don't matter. You did it.. in the heat, in the humidity, and you had the support of DH and all your spark friends. I think you ARE fantastic! You loved it, you appreciated it, you ROCK! Yippee and Yahoo and Way to Go! DEEP WOMAN!

Comment edited on: 7/29/2012 12:03:21 PM

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DANILYNNG 7/29/2012 11:59AM

    The pics are fantastic - you are truly blessed to have such a pretty setting for your walks! I'm sorry you missed your mark, but you came soooooooo close! Sign up and do it again in a week or two - you'll rock it, I know you will!

From one Marine wife to another - emoticon

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RHH : Why take this Journey ?

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Why do I take this Journey? What motivates me to get up and do it again in the morning? What do I want ? Hmm well these are all good questions I will grant you that. Sooooo, lets dive into my mind, heart and soul and see if I can come up with the answer for you ( LOL).

Why take the Journey of changing my life?
1. Health ... as I get older the concerns of diabetes, heart problems and cancer grows
2. So that people no longer fill like they have the right to suggest some god awful surgery that will make me so much thinner but they dont figure in the complications.
3. fear : the fear of dying and being so obese that someone will decide to cremate me because i cant fit the casket or worst put me in a casket and somebody drop me on the way to the grave.
4. I have two grandsons ages 2 and 4 and they are completely surrounded by severely obese people and I want them to see at least one person who worked hard and stayed dedicated to the Journey to a healthy life.
5. Because I want to be recognized as the person I truly am.
6. I never want to feel hopeless again.
7. because 10 feet is not a walking track
8. because I am not earl campbell
9. because i want to make other responsible for their actions.
10 because I am not your excuse

What motivates me ?
1. lol the scale
2. Sunshine even on a rainy day
3. less pain
4. new bones
5. The sound of those words " my god you lost so much weight"
6. the fight for a happier life
7. My grandsons
8. my sons
9. My brother
10. the drill sergeant in my head when I dont think I can do it .

What do I want ?
1. Matching bras and panties
2. creases in pleats of my pants
3. stripes that go around and not up and down
4. for people to keep their dieting ideas to themselves, My weight has not made it to NBC yet so it is not open for discussion go find a 145 person and talk to them please.
5. I want to walk into walmart and shop in the normal size clothes because you can tell the difference between the clothes and the table cloths there. not in the plus size
6. I never want to be made to feel like I should be ashamed of who I am again .
7. Confidence that is just there and not willed from the pit of my stomach
8. When you look at me I want there to be no reason that you cant see the real me.
9. I want to walk into a room and everyone turn to look because Yea i am that good not because I am the biggest one there
10. I want to sit at booths again and my stomach to touch the top of the table. Ok well I am not sure that one counts because well i can already do this now .
11. I want to know that when you use the word intimidating to define me it is because you know i am the force that your mom warned you about not because I am bigger than you because I promise I dont smack people at all but what I can do with my mind, wit and vocabulary will make you wish I would.


Ok well i am not sure that this what they wanted but it is what they got. oh and tomorrow I want the 5k in 50 .... Have a great evening every one.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OREOSMILE 7/29/2012 2:37PM

    Love it!! With all those reasons and motivation, there is no stopping you!
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BECKYI39 7/29/2012 11:26AM

    Thanks for sharing!

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CHICA125KML 7/29/2012 9:02AM

    I love your reasons!!

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INGBADEN 7/29/2012 8:13AM

    Great list.

I love number 4. Aside from you sparkies and my firend who lost 120 pounds I really don't have any interest in what other people are spouting off about. ESPECIALLY when I never asked their opinion.

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XPHOENIX 7/28/2012 10:21PM

    Very well done, Darlene!! Great reasons and it's exactly what I wanted :) XOXO

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STEPMISHIE 7/28/2012 10:19PM

    Very inspiring, awesome lists!!!
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DANILYNNG 7/28/2012 9:30PM

    They all sound good to me! emoticon

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SHRINK_U 7/28/2012 8:47PM

    You go get that 5k in 50, girl!!! Those are great desires and motivations. I love #11 on the bottom.. yes!

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