Monday, July 23, 2012
The not so fun party started on about Wed. The guys came knocking that morning and well it wasnt a fun few days. The guys depression, guilt, anxiety and self pity they drop by from time to time for no reason at all. I know internally when they are coming and i try to prepare for them but sometimes with all of life's little instances they are able to sneak past the defenses. Once they are here it is just ride the wave and hope like hell I remember to breath. I can not take prescription meds that would help these guys. So i just saying this to shall pass. And i fight not to just lay in the bed and cry. My family doesnt understand that they help these guys come visit with me because of all the undue stress and worry that they put on me. Depression loves the flavor of chocolate always wants it I trick it with the less calorie less sugar variety because I dont keep any other kind in the house but even 100 calorie servings are bad if you dont watch it. OH guilt loves home southern cooked comfort foods beckoning for second servings. Anxiety now he is an add kinda fellow he doesnt want anything to eat, he wants nothing. all three are made complete by self pity now he is a cunning little fellow he just wait around stuck off over in the corner knowing when the other three are finished my soul will be his to feast on. He will remind of how he told me I would never be healthy, never be fit and I really shouldnt work so hard. Yea these guys are a blast to be around NOT. Self pity hadnt had much to say over the three day visit he was waiting. Saturday morning I got up and weighed and oh my god while the guys were all sleeping I saw the number 298 Self pity was the first to wake he knew it was a gain, now I was his for the picking so he thought. The first registrered gain in 7 months. And now the girl came to visit and she was pissed. She is that reflection in the mirror that clears her voice and it even scares me. Self pity and the girl dont get alone because she kicks his butt. A splash of cold water to the face and a what the hell are you doing, Get your shoes and off we go. The inner Tink is not happy with that number at all and she knows how to get rid of the guys. She leaves their lazy butts in the apartment and we hit the road. Sweat, walk it out, you let go of them, walk, sweat, my husband is like talk to me and i say I cant right now.. Sweat, walk it off , cry , get it out, you by god leave those guys ... Run , sweat, cry , you get rid of them. Run tink Run till you release it. Music blaring in my head and she says really 2.5 pounds the gave you back 2.5 pounds and you took it all. Now you have to work to get it off but right now you work just to get rid of those guys. 30 minutes into this walk/run thing I am knealing on the ground crying like a two year old for what reason i have no clue. The guys were weakening and the sun felt great again. My husband says to me Do you think that helps your foot ? I say no but sometimes my soul hurts more than my foot. On Saturday I logged 167 minutes for the day but more importantly I made it through the party with the guys and now everything seems a little clearer. I suppose if you are reading this what I want you to know is that I am not insane first of all and second never let the guys get you so down that your inner soul cant find you ... Sweat and tears are tools that might help you run out of the fog. There is never a good reason for the guys to come visit and they are very powerful but like Forrest Gump You can run and exercise to help them stay at bay, they are a lazy bunch of guys so sweat and sunshine is not their friend at all.