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Motivating the motivator

Saturday, October 11, 2014

I dont walk with strength.
I dont talk with strength .
I am strong.

I dont walk with beauty.
I dont talk with beauty.
I am beautiful.

I dont walk with confidence.
I dont talk with confidence.
I am confident.

On Thursday I wrote a blog but only a small portion got to read it in entirely because I edited most of it. That is very unlike me since my blog is for me and while talking with Susan from spark people I realized that perhaps that was wrong of me. I have received the honor of being a spark motivator , I am a leader on a couple of teams I am a motivation leader for the Casual travelers and honestly I felt like my blog was whining as all the little things in life that have been going on was there. When people look up to you or hold you in high regard you never want to disappoint them it means to much. In the real world with the people that deal with me on everyday basis I tell them " Never put me so high on a pedestal that when i fall it hurts you and I ." I need to remember that when dealing with myself as well. People who hold me in that high regard will do so even on a bad day or week not because they pity me but because they know i will fight through it and find my way back.

Yesterday I had my grandsons and yes the pressures of the week were still bringing me down. My youngest grandson who is four and yes has my heart very much so was looking at the pictures on the entertainment center . He said Nana who is that lady in those pictures I laughed and said silly that is me . He said Really I said yes you are being funny . After a few minutes of looking at the pictures and thinking I suppose he said to me " well nana i think you need new pictures because you are beautiful now " . I cried because that person in those pictures was ugly on the inside more than the outside. She was filled with so much self loathing and regret that she never could see the beauty and apparently neither could the world.

After they left i needed to do something to burn off some emotion. So I did what Jon would do. I got dressed in my run clothes and i went to the track. And it came to me while I was doing my run training which is walk / run intervals how much this is like life. As i started out I was like just think past it all. but honestly it is metaphorical i walk at a calm quick pace then bam run. Chasing around this little circle all the worries . then walk all is calming down and then bam run out moving the hectic of life. Walk breathing coming down then bam run but it is now controlled and focused run a confidence has reared as my feet move on the pavement. then walk feel the refreshing sweat drip the worries out . then no bam just a good hard run as the evening sun bathes me in warmth and I am reminded that no matter I am strong enough to go the distance beautiful enough that world sees that strength and confident enough to know that I have come some far .

I was also reminded in my heart that those people that I hold in high regard are not those that have perfect lives but the ones that find a reason in their life to keep pushing past it all when it would be so easy to sit down and eat a chocolate cake. I would say as Susan said to me never edit your life in any way . You never know who needs your story to help them have a better day .

On Friday God sent me three people who are in always in my life in one way or another for different reasons but through them I came to realize life is life sometimes it is good sometimes it is bad but it is always worth what i put into it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAILBLAZER6 10/22/2014 7:45PM


Such wonderful thoughts!

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WHYNOTJ1 10/17/2014 11:07AM

    I loved this post. Thank you for sharing! I also love that your little grandson sees your true beauty. Keep being awesome, D!

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CYALE76 10/13/2014 5:47PM

    You are a true motivator ! Everyone has bad days, and everyone deserves to be able to let their worries out. That does not make you any less of a motivator it just makes you human. emoticon

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POSITIVEHOPE 10/11/2014 4:43PM

    You are absolutely authentic, honest and in touch with the inner you. Some days are hard. There are rocky parts to our journey. Yes, we need to endure those difficult parts. Please don't edit yourself. I love the tenacity and honesty you bring to my journey.

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NOWINGS2 10/11/2014 4:28PM


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LUCYCAN7 10/11/2014 12:17PM


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SUSANSLIFE 10/11/2014 8:55AM

    Yes, you ARE a spark motivator!!!! What a great blog! You are REAL and not pretending to be a person with an impossibly perfect life. No one's life is perfect in the usual sense, unless they are pretending. But I see the perfect life as a life lived well, in spite of the imperfections -- the bad days, the tragedies, the bad people who cross our path. We all have the ups and downs and if the downs don't rule our life, our life can still be almost perfect. You told it like it is, and that's extremely helpful to all of us.

Did you ever read a classic book to your kids, called The Velveteen Rabbit? In it, a stuffed rabbit has been loved and loved by a little boy. It is so worn out that its velveteen is completely gone in places and it is getting ragged and lumpy. Adults burn the rabbit along with the bedding and everything the little boy had touched, to eradicate all possibliity of carrying scarlet fever which almost killed the little boy. But oldest toy in the nursery had told the rabbit that he had become REAL because the litle boy had loved him so much, and once made REAL, can never become UnReal. You, Darlene, are REAL.

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Coffee Please

Thursday, October 09, 2014

I dont know about everyone else but for me when things are going to good i have this little thought in the back of my mind that goes " steady you know what is coming ". Since my gall bladder attack things have been well lets say going better than normal. And the voice was there and I was like just shut up why dont you. Well it has been a week. for sure .

On a happy note My grandsons are coming to stay the night tonight . It will be nice to have them here I have so missed them.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CYALE76 10/13/2014 5:35PM

    Hope you had a great time with your grandsons.

Here's to a new week and hoping it is a better one for you emoticon

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KANOE10 10/10/2014 8:48AM

    Have fun with those grandsons! I love coffee. Thank goodness for coffee in the mornings. I am glad things are going well for you.


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SUSANSLIFE 10/9/2014 10:04PM

    When you feel as if the other shoe is bound to fall, that's normal -- we've all had a lot of experience with it actually falling (and sometimes hitting our heads!).

Gall bladder problems are so painful, I hope you don't have another one, ever. However, I think they can do it laparascopically now, which means a much smaller incision and less pain during a shorter recovery.

I hope you're having fun with your grandsons and that you have a much better day tomorrow!

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LUCYCAN7 10/9/2014 9:30PM


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POPSY190 10/9/2014 9:17PM

    Yes, I know what you mean about not trusting things to stay steady! But with any luck having your grandsons visit will take your mind off such thoughts!

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GAYLLYNNE 10/9/2014 5:38PM

    Enjoy your grandsons!! I need coffee to sometimes!!

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HEALTHYGRAMMY49 10/9/2014 5:14PM

    Enjoy your G-sons!

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A champions tale

Sunday, September 28, 2014

June of 2011 I was scared into making some life changes. Each day since that day I have put all i have into becoming the healthiest me i could possibly be. During the past three years I have pushed, scarified, I have taught myself how to keep going. I have learned to take victory and defeat with the same grain of salt. In October of 2011 I walked my first humiliating 5k walk. I was over 300 pounds and didnt know anything so I walked it with very little training and honestly with the thought in my head I am just like anyone else. That was a self lie, I am not just like everyone else. I wasnt like everyone then and I am still not today. It took me 73 very painful minutes to walk that thing as tears flowed I thought for a moment you should stop all this you will never make it just quit .

Sept 27,2014 I wake up and all these thoughts enter my head. Do I want to really attempt this indoor triathlon ? You will never win ? What if I fall ? What if I tear my Achilles out ? What if i fail ? Can my ego take failure ? Then my Jon said You can do this I am with you !!! my son Said I am so proud to be your son just do your best that is all you are after !!!

I packed up flossy ( gym bag if you dont know ). And off we went to test our limits . I told myself the only way you fail today is if quit and don't finish . The indoor Triathlon is 150 meter swim, 10 mile spinning bike ride and two mile treadmill run. It is a competition and is treated like that . Everyone's attitude was to finish at the best time we could.

In swimming I went into the pool third and came out second. I would like to thank my friend Joann from spark people early on she put the thought in my head if you get tired just change strokes. I am much more efficient in the back stroke so when i got tired I would just flip and back stroke some. Out the water and into work out pants and top. Transition was a little difficult as i never have put dry clothes over my bathing suit but it can be done lets just not do it all the time lol. then off to the spinning room . Now people those bikes are not comfortable but i survived . I was second on the bike and I came off of third. Then off the treadmill.

Ahh the treadmill during practice it became apparent to me that this would in fact be my toughest part. The treadmill has a different drag on my foot than the ground. The treadmill also scares me as it is moving under me. My foot has to be babied and the treadmill doesnt do that. Right off the bat once started the issue was that my shoe was to loose but no time to fix that . Although I can run / jog at the track I can not on the treadmill. At 1.75 miles honestly this is where I wanted to quit . The Achilles had gotten tight and it was throbbing pain pulsating through my calf but I told myself you will not and i started counting down the tenths of mile . I only worried about the next tenth of a mile. I focused on that only . And I did finish.

I came off the treadmill 5th. My official time was 62:19 . This was continuous time as we didnt do split times. So my transition time is in there also.

I know i will never do the 70 mile triathlon, and I know some will not think that this is anything special . But for me it is vindication validation and a victory . I will at least in my mind for now on be a champion and athlete and not that poor little girl . I am strong I am beautiful I am confident and I am Champion . Not your ordinary Saturday at all .

I am third from the right .

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CYALE76 10/2/2014 8:03AM


You should be very proud of everything you have accomplished emoticon

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THINNYGINNY 9/30/2014 11:15PM

    AWESOME!!! You are a runner!! I'm proud of you too! How many times have I been convinced I would fail...only to realize that the real failure is to not even try. If you would have told me 2 years ago that I would be running and enjoying it (sometimes) I would have laughed... yesterday I did a push up...something i swore I could never do. So Keep on keeping on!!!

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NOWINGS2 9/28/2014 8:27PM


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HAZELFRUIT 9/28/2014 7:59PM

    That is fantastic, congratulations!

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MICKEYH 9/28/2014 7:45PM

    emoticon emoticon

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POPSY190 9/28/2014 6:27PM

    That's VERY special! emoticon

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WIZKEY 9/28/2014 4:01PM

    emoticon emoticon So incredibly proud of you for achieving your goal!!! You are still my ROCKSTAR!!! emoticon

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GOCALGAL 9/28/2014 3:22PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

BRAVO!! You are emoticon emoticon

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KANOE10 9/28/2014 8:31AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

You are a champion. Not only for the race, but for celebrating yourself and your wonderful accomplishments!

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SUSANSLIFE 9/28/2014 7:48AM

    emoticon CONGRATULATIONS!! emoticon
What a wonderful outcome! I read about your training over the last few weeks, but I couldn't picture the actual event. Your blog today is such a marvelous story of goal-setting, faith in yourself, achieving what seems unattainable --- you are such a SUCCESS! You are absolutely correct: "I am strong I am beautiful I am confident and I am Champion." WOW!!!

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PJMX18 9/28/2014 7:04AM


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The day before !!!

Friday, September 26, 2014

Well it is the day before the Tryatlon. What does one do the day before something major? Me well i have declared it a day of rest . I have trained hard and now it is time to let the body chill for a bit before I push it to the extreme tomorrow.

It is also a day of reflection. This time three years ago my biggest fear was coming to pass I had become that nearly 400 pound person that was headed to something terrible. I have thought back to those first few months when tears flowed like rivers on daily basis. When I called on every ounce of strength I had with the vengeance that i can only describe as insanity. I refused to quit no matter what if i was going to die by god I was going to die on my terms. I am not blowing my horn. The truth of the matter is that there have been many days when i could have stopped and no one would have blamed me. There have been many great days in this process but there have been many days where you just cussed the very existence of fitness.

Tomorrow isnt about loosing weight. Tomorrow is about bringing forth the strong woman i am. Tomorrow is about endurance. It is about pushing that envelope . It is about every person who ever said you can not do that . It is the accumulation blood sweat and tears.

Never doubt I know I still have weight to loose but this is so far beyond weight. This is about those first days when i called on the force of Mark Ingram in my mind to pound the ground jut to will my feet to move. If you have never had debilitating pain, if you have never felt the fear of just stepping out bed, if your worst enemy has never been something that others take for granted then might not understand and that is alright I hope you never do.

I know no matter what happens tomorrow as long as i put on the best I got then I will never have any regrets but if i dont then i will always wonder what if . So here is to " Team Triple Threat " . We got this !!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 9/27/2014 9:51AM

    emoticon Get some rest and have a great event. I am cheering for you.

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SUSANSLIFE 9/26/2014 10:18PM

    This is very exciting!! Best wishes for a fabulous experience and a wonderful outcome! You have come so far, you will be sitting on Cloud 9 for weeks!

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HAZELFRUIT 9/26/2014 9:09PM

    Good luck!

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POPSY190 9/26/2014 8:58PM

    All the best for tomorrow's effort. emoticon

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MICKEYH 9/26/2014 8:52PM

    Good luck! emoticon emoticon

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KAYELENE 9/26/2014 5:33PM

    WTG! You'll do great tomorrow emoticon

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NOWINGS2 9/26/2014 5:17PM

    All the best!! Know you'll do great tomorrow!

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Differing Perceptions

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Loose a pound gain two pounds loose three pounds gain five pounds no one ever said that this was not a roller coaster. Funny how people see you and see things differently.

I was told recently that if i had some sort of surgery with my fitness level that i would not suffer so much . That this process would be easier. Well first off for over 40 years I made bad choices that lead to my weight problem yes some of it is genetics but i promise there were no feeding tubes over feeding me. There was no medical interference with the fork or the snack box nope that was all me. Well when i think back the couch and lack of activity didnt help that either. Second I dont suffer I have come to love fitness. Do I hurt ? Do I get hurt ? Do I feel pain ? Read my blog and you will know that I do on a daily basis. Some of that pain is because of things that I can help like my feet. Some of it is from ignorance like when I didnt stretch properly . Some of it is emotional since i workout when my emotions are high or low. But I dont suffer. Third my mother died of colon cancer and it was made worst when they went into her stomach as air hit the cancer and allowed it to spread, so when you talk about cutting into my tummy i get really scared and I will not do anything that might hurt my tummy not going to happen. I have lost a hundred pounds by just changing my habits, my eating and working out so no offense there will be no gastric surgeries of any kind . And if i never make goal so what I am still healthier than most people I know. As you can see one person looks at me and sees that i suffer and that I am still fat in their eyes . Giggle here please.

Yesterday I did my Run training . Then I did my HIIT training . Then off to the gym for spin training and swimming as I prepare for my TRYATHLON on Saturday. As i was leaving the gym I stopped to talked to a few people I knew and at one point we got a new word for the vocabulary of this journey. This lady said to me " you are slimming down so much. " Wait, slimming that is one that no one has ever said to me. Slimming how wonderful is that . We have have come from You can do it !! Oh my goodness how much weight have you lost ? Are you loosing weight ? I need to know your secret to loosing weight ! To you are slimming down. Wow no mention of my weight at all in that statement. Just a perception of what my training is accomplishing in my opinion.

I dont slave to the scale but i weight every week. If you constantly worry over the weight then you forget that there is so much more to do. I have strength both physically and mentally. I have endurance both physically and mentally. I have courage to push past my last workout and obtain something i have never had before . I figured out some time ago that the scale is just a small amount of this. I have always said I was vain I really do worry about what I look like to others. I have never wanted to be any one but me however I have always wanted to be the best me that I could be. Sue me I take great pleasure when someone says something besides You have a wonderful smile.

As some know my friend and running coach Jon under went some serious test last week. They thought he had some sort of cancer and I am pleased to say that all test come back clear. It is hard to explain that relationship so I am not going to try just that he means the world to me. He is the one person in the world that I know always has my back is on my side and would never hurt me and believe me in my world that means a lot. Sometimes though he shocks me lol. I can do that today but yesterday well that was a different story. For the first time in Jon's life he is going to have weigh himself and track. He is going to have to track all of his food and drink and fitness . Well welcome to my world. Not because he is over weight as he is perfect shape but because he has lost weight. No i did not roll my eyes. I know for him and his doctor this is a serious problem but his reaction to what he is going to do shocked me. I thought after getting the news that he didnt have cancer that he would shouting from the roof top. But, no he was really down as he will have to weigh and track rigidly for a bit. I know that he would never do or say anything to hurt me or my feelings however it was a sting. I already do that stuff and it was like they had demeaned him in some way. I know that is not the case i remember when i first started tracking and weighing it was pain staking. Now it is jut part of life and i will gladly help him with no eye rolling. Funny thought my weighing and tracking i see as a tool of strength training and for him it is a tool of bother .

Just goes to show you that perception is the key . As Dr. Phil says Their perception is their reality.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAZELFRUIT 9/24/2014 10:17PM

    Thanks for sharing, Darlene. "You are slimming down" - awesome!

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LIFENPROGRESS 9/24/2014 4:52PM

    emoticon You are emoticon

"Crystallize your goals. Make a plan for achieving them and set yourself a deadline. Then, with supreme confidence, determination and disregard for obstacles and other people's criticisms, carry out your plan."
~ Paul J. Meyer ~

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KANOE10 9/24/2014 8:05AM

    I am glad your trainer is OK. It is funny about perception. My husband sees my spat tracker as obsessive as well as my devotion to steps. I see it as a tool of strength and staying healthy! You are doing a great job of staying fit and healthy. Your triathlon is exciting.

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WIZKEY 9/23/2014 6:39PM

    I'm glad your trainer is not sick and love to hear the compliments you are getting. "slimming down" is a great phrase - like "getting in shape" - which you already ARE!!

emoticon emoticon

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SUSANSLIFE 9/23/2014 8:22AM

    Welcome to your world indeed -- Jon has a real champion to help him in what you are an expert, as he has been helping you with his expertise. Yes, perception is key -- we all thought tracking was a bother when we started but most of us are used to it now as a simple reality of our life. Perhaps Jon will begin to feel that way, BUT probably not, because he may simply see the tracking as a limited time thing that he will not do for the rest of his life. For us, it is an important part of our success to see it as something that we will do for the rest of our lives, such as laundry, vacuuming, or breathing!

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WHYNOTJ1 9/23/2014 7:56AM

    I'm happy that your friend has had such good news, even if he needs to make some lifestyle adjustments. I'm sure you'll be able to help him get through that.

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