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just random NSV and stuff

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

So I took a look around my page and realized i have not posted one blog in the month of August that is extreme for me to say the least. This could be for several reasons. There is a lot that has been going on for sure. I have found myself really contemplating my life and where it is and what I think needs to happen to get me to the happiest place for me. The answers have come but I am not prepared to take action on them yet. I believe that I have reached a point in my life where my mind can't accept just being any longer living for others that have taken advantage of that need for them to be happy. I think where some things are concerned in my personal life I have to finally just accept what parents always said " when there is no hope left do nothing ". At any rate lets move on to some better things that all that .

Last week at work this man came in that I hadn't seen I guess about 12 years. I waited on him and when done wished a good day by his name. He wanted to know how i knew his name I said because I have known you for over 10 years . He said young lady you are mistaken I said no i am not it is me Darlene and reminded of the business i use to work at. He stared a minute and he blushed red He said " my god you are half the size you use to be " . I giggled and said " I know it is marvelous." He said really I didnt know who you were at all. I said thank you.

I work hard to be different. There are days when I look like a two year old arguing with myself because I really dont want to do it that day. For me I know that life is about fitness and nutrition. It isnt a chore it is just life . I can do what I need to do or I dont, I will either reap a reward or suffer a consequence. But in the end I know I never want to go back to twice to my size. I really I dont think my body could take that stress again of dealing with all that I deal mentally and suffer physically again.

Yesterday was measurement day for me. Once a month I take them to see where we are at. I lost 3.36 over all inches with the biggest losses in the waist and hips. Need to work on the thighs more.

Today I guess i had a very important non scale victory . I have been trying to work on some jog walk intervals. Today for the first time in over 20 years I ran not jogged. I didnt run far but it was awesome to feel the pavement pound under my feet the wind blow through my sweat drenched hair to feel my heart beat in my chest . To think some three years ago they said I might not be able to walk at 50 to running no far but who cares I ran. We will see how this will progress along. I would love to run a 5k someday . might be dreaming but I also know that if i wanted it bad enough I will make it happen. Those same people never thought I would loose over a hundred pounds either .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHYNOTJ1 8/21/2014 8:09AM

    Wonderful post! From what I've learned about you, you will be running that 5 K very soon! (I only recently learned about color runs. I am not a runner, but those sound like they would be awesomely fun!) Hooray for doing things your way!

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GOCALGAL 8/20/2014 11:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Very nspiring! Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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WIZKEY 8/20/2014 10:44PM

    Awesome NSV and how wonderful to have someone "not" recognize you. LOL. As to the home stuff, you will make a decision when you are ready. emoticon

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HAZELFRUIT 8/20/2014 7:07PM

    Great victories, thanks for sharing!


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MICKEYH 8/20/2014 6:13PM

    Way to go Darlene, congrats on your loss of inches! emoticon

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POSITIVEHOPE 8/20/2014 5:41PM

    Life is too short to spend your days living less than your happiest life. You didn't get to your success story by luck but by hard work. Apply the 10 minute a day rule to making yourself happy. What could you do today that would make you happy. I love sunsets and make an effort to see one every day. It's free, dependable and beautiful. Choose something that will brighten your day and enjoy it to the max.

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SUSANSLIFE 8/20/2014 5:40PM

    What an inspiring story! You have come a long way and having someone not recognize you is a wonderful moment for you to savor! You will run a 5K if you want to, and if you change a goal, that's fine, too. you are definitely doing a lot of things right and I say, BRAVO!
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POPSY190 8/20/2014 4:31PM

    Wonderful NSV! Whatever needs to be done in any aspect of life you have developed the strength of mind to do it!

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Mirror Mirror

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all !!! Words we use to play with when we were children before the fear and disdain for the mirror took over. As a morbidly obese person I can tell you spent 20 plus years trying every way in the world not to see myself. It has taken a long time to get to a point where i look in the mirror.

Yesterday at the gym I turned the corner and saw me in a full length mirror and I stopped and just looked at me . No my body is not perfect it has the signs of years of self abuse however, it also has now a couple of years of self love. I stood there looking and thinking what am i suppose to think of you. this is what i came up with.

My body is strong and confident . I no longer have just a round obese tired body I have a core , breast thighs hips a rear. yes I am still obese but I dont see that any longer I see the results of hard work and determination. In the three years i have been doing the life change I have asked my body to do somethings that no it didnt like but it has held up . My mind through injuries illness and depression has not given up and said I can not do this it holds firm to the belief that it is possible to reach my goals no matter how long it takes.

So mirror mirror who is the fairest in the land " well you are Darlene " . It all comes down to what you belief and tell yourself is possible. Your body and the world will only do what you portray to it. You can exercise to death and you can eat all the right foods and drink gallons of water but if you hold to self doubt and self hate then nothing will ever change. There are plenty out that will dislike you and beat you down your body and mind doesnt need you to do also .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTYNA7 8/15/2014 1:13PM

    Great blog.. you've come a long way lady!

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POPSY190 7/31/2014 1:21AM

    Very true!

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POSITIVEHOPE 7/30/2014 1:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSANSLIFE 7/30/2014 10:41AM

    Darlene, you are exceptional! Your determination is inspiring and your thoughts are in the perfect place. Go! Go! Go!
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KANOE10 7/30/2014 9:46AM

    That is great advice. We have to learn to love our bodies as we are. I have loose skin and am accepting it. You might enjoy this blog and his comments.


Greggweisbrod has maintained for one year and has offered some great insights in Time Goes By.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/m>ypage_public_journal_indiv

idual.asp?blog_id=5738698

This is a lovely piece of writing, especially the last line. I love perfectly imperfect in the most perfect ways possible.

"The perfect body is an illusion, as even those whom we see and think look perfect are in fact constantly struggling with the same desires to look better. You're already perfect... you just haven't realized it yet. Love yourself today, and keep journeying toward whatever future you fancy - don't waste a second feeling like you're not good enough or not attractive enough. You're already perfectly imperfect in the most perfect ways possible!


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CYALE76 7/30/2014 8:58AM

    emoticon Our mind set is half the battle and you have conquered it. emoticon

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WHYNOTJ1 7/30/2014 8:18AM

    You rock, D. You are a source of inspiration to me with your determination!
Hugs,
j
>(Just an fyi that I'll be away from internet for more than a week, starting this friday.)

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GHOSTFLAMES 7/30/2014 5:28AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BMI

Saturday, July 19, 2014

When you start out weighing almost 400 pounds ( hard to say ) you dont think of numbers you just think move more eat less. But I had done that before and this time was going to be the hardest since I was going it alone. Succeed or fail it is all on me. I didnt want to have excuses to fail. I didnt want someone to guilt me into something I didnt want to do what I had always done I wanted to be accountable to me. Self accountability is crucial for me for I am the only person that can handle me. I am also the only person that is not scared of me or imitated enough to lie to me. I dont cut myself slack.

For me there has to be complete honesty candid honesty with myself. I don't subscribe to self talk, believe me if people catch me talking to myself in my present state of mind there is a padded room in my future lol. However, at nearly 400 pounds there was plenty of self thoughts going on. When you set out to do the unthinkable it is the most horrifying feeling. You wake up everyday scared to death that you will fail but you wake up everyday also scared that you will succeed. Loosing massive amounts of weight is a mind game. First you hyped up you lost 50 pounds then at 90 pounds you realize that you are changing stripping away things that you are not sure you can live without. At 100 pounds gone I wanted to crawl up in a corner somewhere and hide.

There is a lot of confidence building that goes alone with what i do. Cause lets just be honest most people couldnt withstand it. It is hard to get up everyday and live a life that you have designed to push you to your limits in hopes of finding what you have never been able to accomplish. It is hard to step on the scale every week and let it tell you a number that is not suppose to matter but it does. It is hard to be up beat and positive everyday to people that dont know you in the hopes of giving them enough to change their life. It is hard once a month taking the measurements and saying job well done when you give all you got then 10 % more to loose 2 inches. But nothing is ever hard as being morbidly obese was. Nothing is ever hard as stepping out of bed wondering if my feet were going to hold my out control body one more day.

So why do this for the sheer pleasure in some numbers. To know what the feeling of true strength is all about. To know that I am smart enough to make the decisions that will inevitably save my life. For the sheer enjoyment of flipping my nose at those people who never thought i could. For moments like this morning.

While doing some cleaning I found I slip from my gym where we checked my BMI on 4/18/14 which was 42.1 . When i started this all most 3 years ago my bmi was 54. Today i calculated it again 39.2. This takes me out of morbidly obesity and i am just obese . That means nothing to some to most but for me it means that my heart is not caring as much as use to. It means that my feet are not caring as much as the use to. It means that I am doing what no one thought i could. It means that I am heading to the right direction even if the scale doesnt always say that. What it should mean to the rest of the world is despite pain, injuries and doubt you can do it. You just have to want it everyday as much as you wanted it the first day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHYNOTJ1 7/21/2014 2:34PM

    You are an amazing woman, D. Keep up the fight.

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MICKEYH 7/20/2014 12:11AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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POPSY190 7/19/2014 3:33PM

    Lasting progress! emoticon

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HAZELFRUIT 7/19/2014 2:39PM

    Congratulations! You are a fierce self-competitor :)

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WIZKEY 7/19/2014 2:08PM

    So proud of you!!! You are my rock star and emoticon

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POSITIVEHOPE 7/19/2014 1:22PM

    Loved this blog. I will be reading and rereading it many times. Yes, this journey is hard. Each and every day it is hard. I loved when you said, "I give it my all each and every day and then I give it 10% more." Nothing is as hard as my life before the journey so at the end of the day. I need to keep reminding myself that today was easier than my life before. That is what really makes this journey worth it.



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SUSANSLIFE 7/19/2014 10:23AM

   
Wow! How far you have come on all different measures! BMI is wonderful, pounds are wonderful, inches are wonderful, yoiur MINDSET is POWERFULLY wonderful! You have come so far, and changing your mindset to this very strong and consistent "I am doing this for ME" is absolutely fabulous! You are definitely inspiring many people, including me!
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KANOE10 7/19/2014 9:00AM

    That is a great accomplishment to move down a category on the BMI. That is something to celebrate. Like you say you are heading in the right direction.
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The scale can be frustrating but eventually all of your efforts will pay off. You are on your way. You are also doing a good job of staying positive and being honest with yourself.




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RAPUNZEL53 7/19/2014 8:19AM

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Running Tab

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

I have been up reading for a while now, the product of to much on my mind. I woke exhausted and I am sure that is not going to change during the day either. Since the only place in this house where I want wake anyone is at my desk this is where i am.

So I was reading through blogs and thinking of a conversation I had with someone about drinking. I don't drink for various reasons: first and foremost is my husband is an alcoholic that there zaps all the fun out of the occasional drink. However not far behind that is the calories in alcohol. I dont have the luxury of not worrying about that. So a friend asked me the other day How do i handle these things like drinking or eating out. It is a simple process really .

I am always worrying with money. I want the most for my buck so i do the same with my calorie count. I am suppose to eat 1500 calories a day give or take depending on the fitness for the day. So I start the day off with $ 15 and through the course of the day I deduct off that $ 15 .

15.00
2.70 breakfast = 12.3

12.30
1.00 snack = 11.30

11.30
3.40 lunch = 8.10

and so on ... it is a running tab that i monitor pretty closely not only so I dont go over but because as most of you know I have a hard time eating when I am stressed and i want to exercise more so I really have to make sure that I get in enough calories but also that they are the right kind of calories. I work hard for my real money and my fitness / nutrition money and I dont want to gamble it all away on the pretense that tomorrow is going to be a better day. I want the most of it today. Holidays are the same way. They come and go and there is always a tomorrow to deal with so why feel guilty when you can just do the right program to start with.

I dont know all the right answers I just know that in life the choice is mine and as long as it is mine I will make the best choice that I can .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERESA159 7/16/2014 2:17PM

    You are one smart cookie and that is a really cute system you use for your calories!
Alcohol is something I've struggled with over and over. I know it's what gets in my way of good health. I do know it. But my husband and I have a hard time saying NO to a party of any sort. Recently, I've done pretty well at not drinking at all. I'll have a club soda with a lime or orange slice or a splash of cranberry juice (this one fools people into thinking you're having cocktails right along with them). I'm doing better but I cannot say I'm done with it yet. You seem to have it tackled and WOOHOO for you for that!!
Keep working towards the good life. (And blog more, wouldya?)

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SUSANSLIFE 7/9/2014 9:28PM

    That is an ingenious system to keep a running tab of calories in your head as you go through each day. That may be a very big reason how you stay on track NewTink has NewThink. Thanks for sharing.
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POPSY190 7/9/2014 4:17PM

    I'm interested in transferring knowledge and experience from one area of life to another and this is a brilliant example of that. Great blog! emoticon

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WHYNOTJ1 7/9/2014 8:19AM

    You are a great role model!

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KANOE10 7/9/2014 8:14AM

    It seems like you have a good system to keep track of your calories. I agree with you, if I am going to eat something, I want it to be worthwhile and healthy. Good for you staying focused on a positive healthy life.

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Independence day

Thursday, July 03, 2014

1776 was the year that America claimed its Independence from all other countries. At the time men fought for our right to be free from tyranny, now men and women fight side by side to ensure that we remain the home of the brave and the land of the free. All those years ago we as a nation drew a line in the sand and said no more. Our country is not perfect ; however, it is still the greatest country in the world and I am very honored and humbled to be able to call myself American.

As a child of a Marine I know what honor is all about. I also know what it is to give your all for an idea, for the belief that you are part of something that is bigger than just yourself. To be an American is a birth right but it is one that is protected on a daily basis. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for my country, it is however part of me. That doesnt mean that I agree with everything that is done in America just that I respect the right for all of us to have our own opinions. No matter what the faults of my country are I still believe that I live in the best country in the world.

As we all prepare for tomorrow's celebration of this day, there are those among us that live in fear of our own personal enemies. The enemies that no matter how mighty the American military is they can not battle for us. You know that enemy it is dear aunt Bettie whispering " come on honey you can have a small piece of cake it wont kill you " it is Uncle Sam hovering over the grill slathering on all the rich sauces on the fattest meats he can find all the time laughing while we watch in horror as his big belly moves up and down with each boisterous laugh. It is Grandma Bess who happens to make the best potato salad in town because it is the extra mayo that she puts in it. And dear Grand paw that keeps the beers stocked in the cooler handing them out while telling stories of the good ole days. It is the kids that light up when you hand them an ice cream cone while watching the fire works all the time giggling come on momma or nana eat one with me. No these enemies our Military can not fight for us.

We as life changers as the keepers of our own destiny must hold firm in our resolve and live out the healthiest we can. It is on days like this one when our own lines in the sand will be tested. We will tip toe up to it and look around and see who is watching us. It is the day when I challenge you to let your resolve say no more do what you did yesterday and what you will do tomorrow. Wave your flag proudly and live the program that you know will get you to where you want to be. Do today what will bring you peacefully to your goals not leave you feeling guilty because you crossed those enemy lines into the abyss of bad choices.

I challenge you to be as you always are just be you dont change for the holiday. Live strong Live free Live brave .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSEMBERSTORM 7/3/2014 11:38PM

    Have a happy 4th!

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MICKEYH 7/3/2014 9:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Happy July 4 th!!

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POPSY190 7/3/2014 3:53PM

    emoticon have a wonderful celebration! emoticon Your NZ friend.

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SUSANSLIFE 7/3/2014 3:26PM

    Wonderful blog -- very inspiring! It's an interesting thought that as we honor our forefathers and our military who established our nation and keep us free, we also need to honor ourselves by making healthy choices. It is only in a free and economically strong country that we have the opportunity to make UNhealthy choices, but I see it now as a dishonor to those who have fought to keep our country free, when we do not keep ourselves healthy to enjoy and serve our country in our own way. Happy Fourth!
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SIRIUS2014 7/3/2014 3:19PM

    Have a wonderful 4th emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_MOBII_ 7/3/2014 8:40AM

    What a wonderful blog!
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KANOE10 7/3/2014 7:55AM

    That was an inspiring blog. It is the perfect thing to remember on July 4th. We should not only honor our country and its soldiers, but we should honor ourselves and eat healthy.

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Comment edited on: 7/3/2014 8:13:59 AM

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WHYNOTJ1 7/3/2014 7:40AM

    Thank you for sharing these good thoughts!

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