Thursday, July 05, 2012
On Tuesday July 3rd, I had the weirdest day...it was strange and weird and has left me a bit unsettled.
My son has worked for 2 months at the coffee shop where I have gotten coffee for the past, probably, three years. So, Tuesday morning I pull up at the coffee shop and the owner, Gene, takes my order, I pull to the next window, he hands me my son's paycheck (cash) and asks me to confirm the amount and sign for it. No big deal, right? So, I count and sign and hand the signed page back to him and he says, "I sure hope he enjoys his new job." and I say, "What?" Gene says, "He quit this job, said that they could clean if they want to but he isn't going to clean. Stood leaning against the counter drinking free coffee." This SO, COMPLETELY does NOT sound like my son. I asked who son said this to and Gene mentioned one of the gals who works there mid morning to the mid afternoon. I was blown away. I said that son was on the schedule for the next day, to which Gene replied, "I'm not paying him to not work." and then he says to me, "You look beautiful in red! I sure hope you have a GREAT day!" and I drove away. W-H-A-T just happened here?! This guy basically fired my son through me, without talking to my son! I was floored! My son is not perfect but he is also not rude, never defiant to adults, always respectful and hard working. What just happened here?!?!?
I called my hubby and we talked. I know, for every story there is one side, the other side and what really happened...we agreed to talk about it more later in the day. I went and got gas (before I ran out!) and then to the grocery store for fruit for the 4th of July fruit salad and meat and cheese for trays for the 4th. Off to work and on the clock at 7:30 am. Whew!
Work was one of THOSE days. Every problem was 'on the table' for discussion and someone was trying to fix it. The Medicaid settlement was $45,000 short, the statements weren't working, I was getting no reports back from dental claim submissions, Medicare claims for one site aren't going at all, payments are down...it was a day and month end for June. Ugh! I had conversations with my son through the day about the job, he was absolutely devastated to lose when he had really worked so, so hard. He not only never stopped working when he was there and hadn't said the things that he was accused of saying, he had started work early when I dropped him off and not 'clocked in' until his scheduled time and he had washed down the entire outside of the coffee trailer with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge and with no other way, rinsed the entire trailer too. I talked to my daughter's doctor, working on meds that will hopefully relieve her of some depression with what she has been going through. I was so relieved to get off work, couldn't wait to get home...
Home, Sweet Home. Went to see my mom, she lives with us in an apartment attached to our home, she told me that her sister, my dear, sweet Aunt Barb is sick, really sick. My Aunt Barb is the best woman in the whole world - she was a single parent of 3 kids for 6 years, she'd conceived her first child as a product of a rape, she married her rapist because it was 'expected'. She worked hard her whole life, was in sales and then real estate. She is the most selfless person I know. In fact, one year she met a woman at a Christmas party, the lady needed a kidney transplant, was in ESRD (end stage renal disease) and on dialysis every other day. My Aunt said, "I'll give you one of mine!" and 6 months later, they were not only a perfect match but my Aunt Barb gave a kidney to a woman that she had only met the December before! That's the kind of woman she is! Anyway, she was diagnosed with polymyalgia, which in itself isn't such a bad thing, a cousin of fibromyalgia (which my mom has) it strikes older women and can run it's course in about 2 years. However, she got a complication called giant cell arteritis - in which the arteries of the brain swell causing stroke and blindness. My aunt underwent testing today where they took parts of the arteries from the temples on each side of her forehead. This is just not good news. She is such a dear lady, to be blinded by this or to suffer a stroke is nearly unthinkable.
Then...because the day just wasn't over yet, mom told me of the funeral she attended that day. The deceased was 30 years old and died in a boating accident in CA the day before his best friend was to be married. He was the best man, and never made the wedding. He was a kid who suffered a near-fatal car accident in his late teens, spent almost 2 years in rehab learning to do everything again from feeding himself to walking to speaking, etc. He had come back, finished high school, gotten good work at Dillard's Dept store and was married...only to come to this tragic end, an only child with now devastated parents.
I tell you, by 6 pm, I was ready for bed but I had promised my son to stay up and do fireworks with him when it was dark so he could share them with his sister who wasn't going to be home for the 4th, but at a friend's house. So, I stayed up. I didn't sleep Tuesday night, my mind would not let me rest...
What a strange day. I was so glad that it was over...but since then, I've really felt haunted...this deal with my son and the job...he's 15 and he l-o-v-e-d that job! I have no idea what the agenda is of this owner - I feel like he played my son, used him to cover a vacation, didn't give him a chance to defend himself or explain if he made a comment even close to what he was accused. I know that son had a disagreement with one co-worker in the last week over a coffee order that she says he told her wrong and he said he told her right and she made wrong, but that stuff happens in a coffee shop, it's communication after all and it doesn't always go well on one side or the other. I just don't know what to think, I've gone over it and over it in my mind...
It was a weird day on Tuesday. I'm glad it's over, I wish it would go away - get out of my brain. Perhaps in time.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
In April I learned that my daughter who is 13 was not only being bulled at school, which I knew some about, but I also learned she was self-harming; cutting and burning. The harming has been going on since she was in third grade.
The story of my daughter's harming is really her story to tell so I probably won't go into that much here. I will however tell you all that she is in counseling, she is on medication, she is working very hard to heal and she has not harmed in the last 31 days as of this writing. She has harmed once in 44 days, not too bad since she was harming several times a day earlier this year.
So, what are the lessons to be learned in something that is pretty tough to go through as a parent? First, you never know everything that is happening in your home. Second, if you feel that there is a secret in your home or one of your own is acting different, act on that gut feeling, do not give up until the truth is exposed. Third, your children can have troubles that are not your troubles. I'm not being hard here, but I cannot heal my dd from harming, SHE has to heal from harming.
I have some issues with the school where dd has spent the last 7 years. I don't blame them for dd choosing to harm, but what are the lessons that schools can learn from this experience? First, 'kids being kids' is not the same as 'kids being mean'. Bullying is a word that is more of a buzz word these days and I don't use it lightly. Any time a tween child complains of harassment, being picked on or no one liking them they are not being bullied. But sometimes they are. Second, actions need to equal consequences. Kids are allowed an awful lot of 'kids being kids' without any consequences for their actions. The kids who harassed my dd literally out of school early, laughed it up and finished their year.
Other lessons learned? 1) Self harmers suffer not only the compulsion to harm but also the shame of hiding the harming, the pain of the physical harm they've done and many emotions as they see the lasting scars they made on their own bodies. It's a difficult issue to understand. 2) Harmers have to want to stop harming in order to heal. 3) Harming is not an addiction like alcoholism, it's a compulsion so it can be healed.
Personally, I've had some life-altering revelations through this experience. My personal lessons are several: I can control my eating during stressful times. I can hold my weight very steady with diet and little exercise. Exercise does make me able to handle stress better both physically and mentally. I'm a good mom. Once you shine a light in a dark corner, it's never dark again. My faith in God was tested and I have faith. God put the *perfect* person in my dd's life every single step of the way; from the pastor she told, the counselor He put in her life, the way it was revealed to her dad and me, the clinician who is treating her wounds (prayed over her in the exam room), the only child in dd's school who knew is probably the only 12 year old who can actually keep a secret, the school administrator I went to was also a harmer and on and on. God is good.
Lessons learned through tough times...
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
All I Know is I'm not Home Yet, This is NOT Where I Belong! Take this World and Give me Jesus, This is NOT Where I Belong!
This is a line from a Christian song that my kids and I love to hear come on the radio. We all sing along...
Tonight, on the way home from church, we had separate cars because of family members needing to be too many places...Hubby came home directly after church, I stayed and brought the kids home. And this song came on the radio and once again, we all sang along. But tonight was different...
Tonight God said to me, clearly and directly, that I'm not home, I don't *belong* here, I am not to be comfortable here on earth. That confirmed what was so very clearly evident at work today as I struggled and fought and got angry and cried and I was not comfortable. It was honestly a hell of a day.
So, I have to get used to not being comfortable, and it isn't easy - round peg in a square hole or perhaps vice versa...I honestly pray to go home, take this world and give me Jesus...
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Since I have one pair of pants that were decent to wear to work, I decided I was going shopping today and I wasn't going home until I had pants. Really, pants. I just want a pair of pants, not jeans, lets be clear that my dress code at work says no jeans, not even gorgeous colored ones...
I've lost 42 pounds in the past year and over 16 inches just in the last 6 months. I know, I can't really say that enough...I'm pretty pleased with my accomplishments. But I can honestly say that I'm not even close to the shape that I've been for the past 16 years. Yes, 16 years ago I was in maternity clothes, carrying my son (ok, actually a few months from now but close) and since wearing maternity clothes with my oldest, I've not been in what I consider 'regular size' clothes. I delivered my son, stayed home, went back to work part time and the weekend before I started back full time, I conceived my dear daughter. Let me just say, sperm met egg and I looked pregnant...and I got HUGE with her.
Today my weight was 209, that's what I weighed when I got pregnant with my daughter. This is 19 pounds over my start weight when I got pregnant the first time. You know, the twenty that is most stubborn.
So, between the absolute need to cover my body for work and being at a weight that I haven't seen in years and years. I set off on the journey to buy pants - come hell or high water...being 6' tall, I don't use the words pants and high water in the same sentences often, it's bad luck!
I won't lie, it wasn't easy, I tried a new store in our area called Gordman's - I tried on 9 pair of black pants and walked away with nothing. Then I went to Kohl's, not only does Kohl's have amazing sales and extra % off when you use their credit card and meet $ totals purchased each year, they have their own brands, Levi's, Lee, Chaps, GV, and of course the Nike, Adidas and such for work out wear. But even at Kohl's, with tons and tons of choices and sizes including tall cuts, I tried on 17 pairs of pants before I even got close. I really hoped I was in a size 14 but I'm just not there yet. Darn!
So, I bought 3 pair of pants...a Chaps size 16 navy, and Lee 16L in brown that I can wear now and the same in black that I can wear in about 2 pounds. Every pair of pants are cut so different, it's frustrating to have the same clothes in the same size and they don't fit. But...I also bought several summer shirts and sweaters and camis to wear under blouses, that I already have (that aren't too big) and to mix and match with others. It was quite a trip. I also got brown shoes.
This summer, I'm going to look good I think, professional like I should. I'm still losing weight, toning a lot, I honestly think that another 20 pounds is do-able. A target weight of 190 still isn't in the healthy BMI, I get there at 183...and I've really hoped that I could reach and maintain a weight of 175 but right now, I just don't know.
I am a work in progress for sure. God just isn't finished with me yet! And I know that this journey will be many, many years into the future to get this all right. But today, I'm content. I'm in a good place, I'm feeling good!!
Thank you Friends, daily I'm inspired by your blogs, stories, successes and struggles. I love doing this journey with all of you! Karen
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
One of the things that I like about the Flab Fighters class that I attend at the Fitness Studio is the variety of the exercise that I get. Like I said in my Saturday March 17 blog is that I can go to the class 5 or more times per week and still get a different work out every single class! Love that!
For Christmas, I asked for a GymBoss interval timer and I got it. This tool is a nifty little gadget where you can time intervals with time in between. So, say you want to do every exercise for a minute with 30 seconds in between? You can do that up to 99 intervals!! Is that so cool?
I'm a creature of habit, I like my comfortable exercises, I like to do the things I'm good at, that will make me stronger, right? Not exactly the best way to get strong. So, how can I get the benefit of the diversity of a class, utilize a great tool like a GymBoss (did I mention mine is pink!?) and still work out at home?
One of the crazy things that Kim likes to do in Flab Fighter class is bring in a deck of cards in, each person would choose 3 cards, the numbers added together is the number of that particular move or exercise the class would 'get' to do.
Here's the plan, I have cards, about the size of business cards and on the back of each I have written a different exercise, things like; planks, bicep curls, flutter kicks, crunches, one arm push ups, etc. Set the GymBoss for one minute and 30 seconds of rest, during the 30 seconds of rest, choose a card for the next minute of exercise, perform the move for a minute then choose again in the next 30 second rest. Do this until I'm thoroughly exhausted!
Ok, so maybe set a number of intervals :) Every workout is different :) All I have to do is shuffle the cards and begin again! I really think I Like this idea. I'm getting the cards ready and as soon as get rid of this sinus infection, I'm going to try this out!
I'm interested in any ideas and thoughts that this provoked! So please share them with me! Thanks!
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