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NEW-CAZ's Recent Blog Entries
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Friday, November 19, 2010
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your résumé, I can see that you're more than qualified," says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you."
"But wait," says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking."
"Then show me," replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great you stopped winking," says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country."
"What do you mean?" asks the man. "I'm happily married."
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that," sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
 
Friday, November 19, 2010
A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 160kmh, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180kmh,then 220 then 240kmh. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman .
Friday, November 19, 2010
1. Who used to be your superhero when you were a child? Catwoman
2. Most hated chore on the chore list? Cleaning the oven shelves- I loath it with a passion
3. If you were to start your own restaurant, what would it be called? Healthy Haven
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 2 cases for me reading and computer glasses.
5. If you had to only eat three things for the rest of your life, day in and day out, what would they be? Fish, bran flakes, blackberries
6. What are you listening to right now? The news on the TV
7. What's the last sporting event you watched? Rugby match- England V Australia last Sunday
8. When was the last time you drove out of town? Last month, a trip to Rottingdean on the south coast near Brighton for lunch and a walk along the beach front
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? No- nothing appealed to me to be honest. Plus I have a short attention span, so it’s gotta really be something worth the effort.
10. What was the last thing you had to drink? J2o- a fruit drink available here in the UK: blueberry and apple mix.
11. Last food that you ate? Bran flakes topped with blue berries, blackberries, strawberries and grapes.
12. If you were a time traveller and could only go back in time or forward in time, which would you choose? Back- to say a final goodbye to my mum—she had a heart attack and died alone- I never got to say goodbye to her.
13. If you could tell your best friend one thing that you can’t stand about him/her what would it be? I’d tell her to stop buying fitness equipment she has little intension of using. She spends a small fortune and they lay gathering dust- infuriates me! LOL
14. If you were to be famous what would you like to be known for? Helping others.
15. What does your last text message say? I’ll be over 2moro xxx
16. How early do you start holiday shopping? Usually 12/1 but I’ve started already.
17. If you wrote a movie, what would the title be? Don’t sweat the small stuff
18. When did you first realize you needed to change your lifestyle food wise? Always realised it just never was in the right frame of mind to actually DO it til Jan 2008
19. What colour ink do you prefer to write with? Blue
20. What was your favourite toy as a child? Ruth, my teddy, til she got so worn and torn and mum patched her up----then she wasn’t “Ruth” anymore. Mum gave her away. Then Tressie took her place in my heart
Thursday, November 18, 2010
*This is priceless - would love to do this.*
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my
sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing
how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to
play a trick. She told my sister that she needed
something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of
the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,
and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the
turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the
turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the
stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,
she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother
exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant
bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news,
my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that
turkeys lay eggs!
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