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Blonde Joke

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul
it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull,
the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISES2 5/30/2010 7:59AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/29/2010 11:55AM

    Snickering... LOL!!!

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GOLDENGIRL88 5/29/2010 8:05AM

    Now that's funny!!

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CHRYS13 5/29/2010 7:50AM

    emoticon Great to start my day with a good laugh! Thanks!

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BAYSIDE07 5/29/2010 6:17AM

  emoticon

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DEVORA4 5/29/2010 5:30AM

  emoticon emoticonfor a good joke emoticon

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History the facts - this is good!

Friday, May 28, 2010

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London, which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows, (after a fair trial of course) to be hung.
The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''.
If he said YES, it was referred to as “ONE FOR THE ROAD”
If he declined, that prisoner was “ON THE WAGON”
So there you go. More bleeding history.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were, "Piss Poor", but worse than that, were the really poor folk, who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot, they "Didn’t have a pot to Piss in" & were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain, because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500’s:

Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June.
However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers, to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today, of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top, afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt Poor." The wealthy had slate floors, that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing.
As the winter wore on, they added more thresh, until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle, that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old''.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "Bring home the Bacon." They would cut off a little, to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''Chew the fat''.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning & death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided, according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ''The Upper Crust''.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination, would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road, would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake''.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night, (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, ''Saved by the Bell '' or was considered a ''Dead Ringer''
And that's the truth.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSHOWYOULIVE 5/29/2010 2:38PM

    That was really cool!!

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/29/2010 11:53AM

    I LOVE word origins! If I can buy one more phrase or word origin book. I would be a happier camper!

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DEE107 5/28/2010 4:51PM

    wow some of this I knew but others I didnt thanks for sharing

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1DEBIE1 5/28/2010 3:34PM

    I love all these historical facts and since that's what my degree is in, I've known of these and more interesting facts!!!

LOVE.....love it!!!!!

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SIRIRADHA 5/28/2010 3:10PM

    Way cool blog! Thanks!

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MEADSBAY 5/28/2010 10:22AM

    Really???
Fascinating... but really?
emoticon

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/28/2010 7:35AM

    Wow! I really loved this. Very interesting!

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DEVORA4 5/28/2010 7:05AM

  REALLY INTERESTING emoticon emoticon

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BEFIT014 5/28/2010 6:53AM

    That was SO interesting! All the way through I was saying "WOW', "I didn't know that". Except for the last one-that I knew.

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Have you ever been this tired

Friday, May 28, 2010






  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUST_TRI_IT 5/29/2010 11:54AM

    YES! :)

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SURLYGIRL 5/28/2010 11:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHRYS13 5/28/2010 7:52PM

    Hey...pictures I can relate to! LOL
Thanks for sharing!

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7777BEV 5/28/2010 7:25PM

    Yes - today!! Have no motivation and didn't exercise - sigh!

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ALLTHNGSPOSSBLE 5/28/2010 4:45PM

    YES! I have been that tired before, just the other day actually.

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TAKEMETOTHEBALL 5/28/2010 4:38PM

    You should see me on the 06.32 to London Bridge weekdays!
emoticon

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_RAMONA 5/28/2010 3:59PM

    Unfortunately almost all of the time, lol... but ain't nobody allowed to take pictures (I'm not that cute)!

{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
Ramona

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BEFIT014 5/28/2010 6:58AM

    LOL! LOVED them!

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Reasons Not To Mess With Children

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TLSPEARS1 5/28/2010 6:17AM

    Hope you make good progress on the lounge. You need to post some pics when you are done.

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7777BEV 5/27/2010 6:13PM

    Very cute - thanks for sharing!

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DEE107 5/27/2010 5:28PM

    lol thanks for sharing

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0309COOKIE 5/27/2010 5:14PM

    These were all really cute. Thanks for the laughs.

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BEFIT014 5/27/2010 3:27PM

    emoticon

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MEADSBAY 5/27/2010 3:03PM

    May I dedicate your blog in honor of the late, great Art Linkletter, who had a special way to get funny stories out of children and who passed away yesterday at age 94?
Thanks!
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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/27/2010 3:00PM

    Priceless! These all had me laughing so hard.

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TASOGAREBAN 5/27/2010 2:13PM

    LOVED THEM! Smart kids, big mouths, LOL!

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ALICIA214 5/27/2010 1:24PM

 
Kids, Dont you just love them!!! I get a few e-mails from friends with comments from kids, they are hilarious, and mostly brutally honest.
Thank you for the laugh it has brightened up my day.

emoticon

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CRLAING10 5/27/2010 1:07PM

  Good laugh!!! Kids say the darnedest thing.

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 5/27/2010 1:01PM

    Those are great! My kids come up with something almost everyday that has me shaking my head at their insight and intelligence!! Except yesterday when we went to the pool and my youngest kept calling "goggles" "gobbles". That had me splitting a rib!! Fun post!

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AMERILLOUS 5/27/2010 1:00PM

  These are too cute. Thank you for the laugh

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Everyone should have this as a Bumper Sticker!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010



Nothing needles me more than seeing drivers texting or talking on the phone- often it's mums with their presumably loved children in the back.
If they had an accident as a a result of texting...well, it doesn't bear thinking about

GET YOUR HANDS OFF YOUR PHONES AND ON THE STEERING WHEEL AND YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD.

Okay rant over emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICIA214 5/27/2010 1:38PM

 

Amen to that, cant count the # of times I have come close to meeting my maker
because some idiot is not paying attention to driving.!!

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FLUTTER-BY)L( 5/27/2010 1:08PM

    That made me smile and it is so true. Don't do it no message is that important.

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 5/27/2010 1:02PM

    Absolutely!!

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/27/2010 9:30AM

    Pretty soon it will be very taboo I think.

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JUST_TRI_IT 5/27/2010 9:30AM

    Pretty soon it will be very taboo I think.

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SEXYVIXEN2 5/27/2010 5:14AM

    I would never even try to text while driving. I know I couldn't do it , not that I'd ever want to!!!
Now, Walking and texting I can almost manage emoticon

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SEXYVIXEN2 5/27/2010 5:13AM

    I would never even try to text while driving. I know I couldn't do it , not that I'd ever want to!!!
Now, Walking and texting I can almost manage emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 5/26/2010 8:32PM

    i really loved this and i never text and drive. emoticon

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MEADSBAY 5/26/2010 3:26PM

    AMEN, sister!!!
I am always on my DD case about this- I know she used to do it but believe (hope and pray) that she doesn't any more.
emoticon

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RABBITOLM 5/26/2010 2:41PM

    I always try to get as far away from those drivers as possible! They're obviously careless & I don't need to get in an accident because of them. It's illegal in the province of Ontario, but it doesn't seem to have stopped some people from doing it anyway.

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SI1V3RBACK 5/26/2010 2:12PM

    OMG that annoys me so much as well. What on God's earth is so important. Now I might be able to forgive talking on the phone, but texting ... are you kidding me !! Every time I see someone doing that I have the urge to grab my cell phone and video them doing that ... but that would be rather contrary to the whole point emoticon

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7777BEV 5/26/2010 1:48PM

    I also agree. Sad thing happened to a teenage girl in my son's high school last month - she just got her license and a new job and was driving home in the rain and dark AND texting and ran right off the road into a phone pole, splitting it in half - she was killed! The pole landed in the road causing another accident. It is so senseless and stupid! Great bumper-sticker!!


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DAISES2 5/26/2010 12:32PM

    this is one of my pet peeves.i get road rage when i see it going on.i make sure they see me mouthing get of the ??????? phone

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CCBULLDOG 5/26/2010 12:00PM

    Couldn't agree more!

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TERRIJWALL224 5/26/2010 10:52AM

    AMEN!

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MBSKIT 5/26/2010 9:43AM

    emoticon

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STEVENGO2 5/26/2010 8:59AM

    When I see someone on the phone or texting in their car as I walk I get very nervous. I put as much distance away from them as I can. You never know what else they are going to do!
emoticon when they go far away!

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SALLYSEAGULL1 5/26/2010 7:49AM

    I so much agree!!

I used to drive about 75 miles a day round trip and I would see lorry drivers cradling a mobile to one ear whlist going round roundabouts, turning right etc

The worst I saw was someone behind me on the M23, female, who was doing something to her face and talking on the phone....no hands....just an elbow on the steering wheel...at 70 mph! Behind me!

The saying is 'beggars belief'!!

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VTORIA3 5/26/2010 7:40AM

    What a great bumper sticker, indeed. Staying off the cell phone while driving is a must, and can't be stated enough. Thanks for the cool reminder.

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/26/2010 7:30AM

    I'd love to have that bumper sticker. Well said!

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BEFIT014 5/26/2010 7:14AM

    Total agreement!

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WIGIME 5/26/2010 7:12AM

    I agree with you 110% on this one!

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SPIFFYCAT 5/26/2010 6:51AM

    I once saw a man on the motorway weaving across 2 lanes when I passed him he had his laptop open on his lap, he was only travelling at 60mph emoticon

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DAVEYSHADOW 5/26/2010 6:47AM

    I agree 100% especially the mum's bit. I am a mum of two children and I just can't believe the mum's who do this. I am sure we can survive a few minutes without text or phones!

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RIDLEYRIDER 5/26/2010 6:38AM

  Loved this! emoticon

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DWHEATLEY 5/26/2010 6:34AM

    emoticon

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DEVORA4 5/26/2010 6:26AM

  I'm with you Oprah Winfrey has a campaign going on this.

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DEVORA4 5/26/2010 6:26AM

  I'm with you Oprah Winfrey has a campaign going on this.

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FIT4MYLIFETIME 5/26/2010 6:22AM

    I agree 100%.

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ROX525 5/26/2010 6:20AM

    Saw this and loved it! How did you get a picture of woman living weights to come up on your Spark page? Have a wonderful week!

Comment edited on: 5/26/2010 6:21:14 AM

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