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Three Holy Men & a Bear

Friday, November 18, 2011

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette . They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard - a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment.

They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Bill y Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MILLISMA 11/19/2011 9:16PM

    emoticon

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TRAVELNISTA 11/18/2011 2:25PM

    Love it!

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IDLETYME 11/18/2011 11:22AM

    Probably not!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SENATOR9 11/18/2011 9:45AM

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JOYINKY 11/18/2011 9:02AM

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CHRYS13 11/18/2011 8:09AM

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LOVESLIFE48 11/18/2011 6:37AM

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AKELAZ 11/18/2011 5:38AM

    emoticon

LOVE IT!! You never fail to make me emoticon

emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/18/2011 5:38:27 AM

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GABY1948 11/18/2011 5:33AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
That WAS good, Caz!

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the hair cut

Thursday, November 17, 2011

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ ~ ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'


You're going to love the Dad's reply:















'Did you also notice that they all WALKED everywhere they went?'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRYS13 11/18/2011 8:10AM

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STEVENGO2 11/18/2011 6:08AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Wise Father!

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AKELAZ 11/18/2011 3:32AM

    The eternal 'get your hair cut' battle!! Dad may have won that round but in my experience he may not win the war!! Thanks for posting - laughed a lot! emoticon

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CHATTIEGIRL 11/17/2011 9:55PM

    Hi Caz;

I love it and it is so true. Children think they are smarter than parents. Darling you look so good and stay healthy. Stay healthy, strong and happy always. God bless you always. Learn something new every day.

Smile Joyce

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MNNICE 11/17/2011 9:54PM

    Dad definitely won that round!

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MNOT2THICK 11/17/2011 9:00PM

    Love it. Dad was on the ball!1

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KATVHALE 11/17/2011 8:54PM

  Love it!

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RITZIBROWN 11/17/2011 8:52PM

    Thanks for the emoticon

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GABY1948 11/17/2011 8:32PM

    I LOVED this one, CAZ! Thanks for the laugh!

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KEL_BEL_FX3 11/17/2011 5:23PM

    ROFL too funny! love it, thanks for sharing!

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IDLETYME 11/17/2011 3:35PM

    Good One!! emoticon emoticon

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WINDANCER99 11/17/2011 1:24PM

    LOL! WTG, Dad.

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-POOKIE- 11/17/2011 11:34AM

    emoticon

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ROJAKHAN 11/17/2011 11:30AM

    emoticon emoticon

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FUTUREHOPE49 11/17/2011 10:10AM

    emoticonI like the Dad's reply! LOL!

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LUCKIEST24 11/17/2011 8:52AM

    Good one, dad!!!!

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WOLFSPIRITMOM 11/17/2011 8:44AM

    Good one, might use that on our kids, at least about getting the grades up.

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DEE107 11/17/2011 8:37AM

    good one thanks for the giggle

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LOVESLIFE48 11/17/2011 8:37AM

    Nice comeback!!!! emoticon

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SENATOR9 11/17/2011 8:13AM

    emoticonHaicut time emoticon

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MEADSBAY 11/17/2011 7:56AM

    Got 'em!
emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 11/17/2011 7:51AM

    Dad made a good point here... emoticon

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NAKIOMA 11/17/2011 7:48AM

    Absolutely Great......................

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MOSTMOM1 11/17/2011 7:47AM

    heh heh

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TYGRLILY 11/17/2011 7:47AM

    ROFL - ok that made me literally laugh out loud. Thanks for the smile!!

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IMIN2GENES 11/17/2011 7:45AM

    emoticon Good one!

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HEALTHY4ME 11/17/2011 7:43AM

    LOL love it! can just see the boys face! lol

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ALL PUNS INTENDED

Thursday, November 17, 2011

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GWCANNON 11/18/2011 11:17AM

    emoticonAwesome!!

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MNOT2THICK 11/17/2011 9:08PM

    Very Punny

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ELSEEBEE 11/17/2011 5:04PM

    Don't drink Coke while ironing-
it's soda pressing.

Couldn't resist. One good pun deserves another!
emoticon

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CATLADY52 11/17/2011 4:24PM

    emoticon emoticon No groaning aloud!

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MEADSBAY 11/17/2011 2:23PM

    Dear god- these are so good you could have used one a day for 20 blogs!

emoticon

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SENATOR9 11/17/2011 8:11AM

    Caz Caz Caz Did you stay up all night dreaming of those.
One smile after the another Thanks It made my morning emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 11/17/2011 7:39AM

    OMG sick!!! lol too funny, can't wait for hubby to get up so I can read these ones to him, I can hear him now, lol groan, lol.

thanks for a good laugh and groan!

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LOVESLIFE48 11/17/2011 7:32AM

    Those were all great!! Thanks for sharing!! For some reason, #9 made me laugh out loud!!! emoticon

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CHRYS13 11/17/2011 7:30AM

    wonderful! thanks, thanks, thanks for the laughs! What a great way to begin the day!!! emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 11/17/2011 7:29AM

    Thanks Caz, for the days chuckles!!! emoticon emoticon

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GABY1948 11/17/2011 6:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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LUVDOGZ 11/17/2011 6:33AM

    LOL!!!! emoticon

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PUDLECRAZY 11/17/2011 5:52AM

    A Frog Joke

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger,
and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000,
and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"





The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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LIBELULITA 11/17/2011 5:14AM

    Who's been opening the christmas crackers then!!!!

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HOPESINGH 11/17/2011 5:08AM

    emoticon You lightened up my mood and my day

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LATTELEE 11/17/2011 4:21AM

  Very, very, humorous!

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Get out of the car

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELAINESHAFF 11/16/2011 10:14PM

    I read this before but I still love it!!

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JUDY1676 11/16/2011 5:54PM

    I'm STILL laughing! Oh, those senior moments!

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DEE107 11/16/2011 5:51PM

    like this and its cute

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MILLISMA 11/16/2011 5:10PM

    Great lady!

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CATLADY52 11/16/2011 5:04PM

    That is really beautiful! emoticon emoticon

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INFLATED 11/16/2011 2:36PM

    LOL!

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LUCKIEST24 11/16/2011 12:58PM

    I love this woman!!

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AKELAZ 11/16/2011 12:45PM

    Lu-urve it emoticon

In future I'll be looking to enhance my senior moments - tho preferably not with a gun!!

emoticon 'n everything

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MRS.DOYLE 11/16/2011 12:18PM

    Reminds me of the other day when Hubby and I came out of a shop. I wondered why he was walking off leaving me to try to open the car door. Then I realised it wasn't our car. At least I didn't have a gun with me.
emoticon

And as for all the times I have put my shopping into someone else's trolley.... emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/16/2011 12:18:52 PM

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MNOT2THICK 11/16/2011 12:06PM

    Truly Awesome. emoticon

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CHRYS13 11/16/2011 11:25AM

    emoticon

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ROJAKHAN 11/16/2011 10:44AM

    emoticon

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WINDANCER99 11/16/2011 10:17AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing. emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/16/2011 10:18:05 AM

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SENATOR9 11/16/2011 9:57AM

    Great story Caz emoticon

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STEVENGO2 11/16/2011 9:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THAIBEAUKITTY 11/16/2011 9:44AM

    OMG! That's priceless!

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KATHRYNLP 11/16/2011 9:17AM

    I can just see it... now this was a great blog.. thanks for the chuckles! emoticon

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WOLFSPIRITMOM 11/16/2011 9:06AM

    Life can be stranger than fiction - emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 11/16/2011 9:03AM

    OMG too funny and other than the gun could be me. I don't know how many people including me I have seen in past 2 wks searching and looking for their car. One lady I said can't find it eh? she said embarassed like, yea I hate this, I said dont worry that was me the other day. While hubby and I talked to her for a min then she saw her car. she then said Thanks for making me not feel so stupid. lol Nexxt place we went we saw another lady doing the same thing. this time we both smiled to each other and kept going.
Oh to be forgetful!

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LINDAJ0621 11/16/2011 8:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

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LIBELULITA 11/16/2011 7:42AM

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LOVESLIFE48 11/16/2011 7:34AM

    Hahahaha!!! Good one!!

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WIGIME 11/16/2011 7:07AM

    Oh Caz! Too funny! Thanks for getting my day going right!

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GABY1948 11/16/2011 6:38AM

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MRE1956 11/16/2011 5:56AM

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Rock your body today

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.




Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you
went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him
before I give him my answer."



Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7
P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me
such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there
but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he
takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne,
dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell
you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from
pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into
an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and
has his way with me two times!"



Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"



Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWEETYKC00 11/16/2011 9:18PM

    I hope that is my story later in life!

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MKPRINCESS007 11/16/2011 6:31PM

    Love it!!!!!!!!!! :)

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INFLATED 11/16/2011 2:39PM

    LOL! Funny stuff!

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MEADSBAY 11/16/2011 12:45PM

    hahahahaha!
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CHRYS13 11/16/2011 11:26AM

    emoticon

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ROJAKHAN 11/16/2011 10:45AM

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IDLETYME 11/16/2011 10:07AM

    Great advice!! emoticon emoticon

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SENATOR9 11/16/2011 9:55AM

    emoticon

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WOLFSPIRITMOM 11/16/2011 9:04AM

    emoticon

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LINDAJ0621 11/16/2011 8:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MNOT2THICK 11/16/2011 7:50AM

    OM goodness, Go Edna! emoticon

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LOVESLIFE48 11/16/2011 7:32AM

    emoticon emoticon

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WIGIME 11/16/2011 7:05AM

    Ya gotta have your priorities! lol

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