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Golfing Hit Man

Friday, April 02, 2010

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their
local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do
you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the
newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What
do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a
beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.

"Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I
take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction
of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see
right in the window."

"Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ah-ha, I can see she's naked!!
Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her..... He's naked,
too!!!"

He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull
the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the
mouth."

"Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to
teach him a lesson."

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a
few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a
grand here..."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 4/6/2010 7:42AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PRI6909 4/5/2010 5:32PM

    Caz, the visuals you bring to me. Mind you if I didn't have the mind, I have, I could of said. Duh, I don't get it! Thanks for the giggle!

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NHGRL68 4/5/2010 3:35PM

    That was bad! Lol emoticon

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TASOGAREBAN 4/5/2010 12:37PM

    LOL! Jesus, the images I get. SO BAD.

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GABY1948 4/2/2010 5:58PM

    Somehow I KNEW where this was going! emoticon

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TAKEMETOTHEBALL 4/2/2010 5:36PM

    You rascal Caz! emoticon
emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 4/2/2010 5:33PM

    emoticondevilishly funny emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1DEBIE1 4/2/2010 5:27PM

    mauw-hahahaha...LOVE IT!!!!
emoticon

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GEORGANNE39 4/2/2010 4:59PM

    emoticon

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CUTIEDOOTS 4/2/2010 4:35PM

    Very Funny!

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BUTRFNGRZ 4/2/2010 4:22PM

    How naughty!! emoticon

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Another problem caused by deforestation

Friday, April 02, 2010

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NHGRL68 4/5/2010 3:32PM

    LOL...That was really cute! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 4/2/2010 6:05PM

    lets hope it doesn't come to this . lol you made me snort my tea off to clean the computer. it needed it anyway. emoticon emoticon

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TAKEMETOTHEBALL 4/2/2010 5:38PM

    Took me a while to work this one out Caz - hey, its my bed time and I'm tired!
emoticon

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0309COOKIE 4/2/2010 1:54PM

    You have the funniest blogs!

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LKWQUILTER 4/2/2010 10:24AM

    I was wondering about that title. Now I understand. LOL

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PRI6909 4/2/2010 8:34AM

    Very cute. You should see the woman at one of DS's football games. If there is no portalet, its a race for the nearest coffee shop or gas station!

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GABY1948 4/2/2010 8:24AM

    emoticonThis was PERFECT, Ikkle!
Luv
oxoxox

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TLSPEARS1 4/2/2010 7:38AM

    emoticon Love it!

Sorry about the snow. Hope the weather changes soon for you. We actually hit low 80s yesterday. And today's forecast is 84 which will tie the record high for today. Normally we are only in the 60s for this time of year.

HAPPY EASTER!


emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEFIT014 4/2/2010 6:18AM

    emoticon That's ADORABLE!! emoticon

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Spring Exercise Program

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Take one Weetabix.

Take an Aero chocolate bar.

Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix.

Voila!


AEROBIX!!!


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXSGIRL1 4/2/2010 6:03PM

    you are too cute and funny emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITNESSFREAK10 4/2/2010 1:29AM

    emoticon

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 4/2/2010 12:08AM

    Hahahaha-I'll be thinking about that throughout the entire aerobics class tomorrow!!

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MRS.DOYLE 4/1/2010 5:44PM

    Sounds like a great breakfast!

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 4/1/2010 5:36PM

    That works for me!

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egg timer solution

Thursday, April 01, 2010

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual

soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only

the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in,

almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,"

You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming

or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to

lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all

right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said

"Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still

around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,

"What was that all about?"

"The egg timer's broken." she said.
emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEFIT014 4/2/2010 6:19AM

    emoticon

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MBSKIT 4/1/2010 4:33PM

    emoticon

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0309COOKIE 4/1/2010 1:11PM

    Oh, that was too funny!

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TASOGAREBAN 4/1/2010 11:23AM

    LMAO OMG! I laughed out loud at this one and my security guard at the branch was like, "What are you laughing about?"

I was like, "NOTHING!" XD

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 4/1/2010 8:36AM

    emoticon

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LKWQUILTER 4/1/2010 8:13AM

    LOL

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Passing on advice LOL

Thursday, April 01, 2010



10 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so we can tell them apart.

6. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

7. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

8. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

9. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

10. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRI6909 4/1/2010 7:02PM

    Love the cat getting the spa treatment. This is my Fluff for sure. Thanks for the giggle.

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1DEBIE1 4/1/2010 1:38PM

    Gotta remember #9.!! Oh my gawd...these are GREAT!!!! Thanks for making my day luv!!!
emoticon

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TASOGAREBAN 4/1/2010 11:22AM

    LOL I'm totally fwding this to my gfs! :)

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FITNESSFREAK10 4/1/2010 8:49AM

    emoticon

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 4/1/2010 8:39AM

    Thanks so much for the morning chuckle!

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MBSKIT 4/1/2010 8:18AM

    emoticon

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