Friday, January 04, 2013
I just read my last post from October 11, 2012 and I must say that its the first time that I look back on a blog or a journal page and really like what I wrote and not wrestle with myself to remove it... I love that post, it made me feel happy and I know that I have made some progress towards the type of person that I said I wanted to be back then.
I feel calmer, more alert, more confident. I haven't lost any weight and I have had really bad indoor allergies this past few weeks but its not bringing me down. New Years started on a pretty good note and I feel that that bodes well for the coming year. I am eager and almost anxious to see what challenges this year will bring.
Since I am back on SP and trying again to lose weight I hope for the best and that I can learn to govern myself, my eating habits my marriage and friendships with tact, love, joy and faith that anything is possible if we believe.
With love, the future me
Thursday, October 11, 2012
I have been working really hard on my self esteem and how I interact with people around me for the past 2 weeks. I look at this weight loss journey as a time to change all of me, just not my weight but my attitude in general.
For many years I was a pushover, always doing what others wanted, never saying "no" to a request. Then I went to the other end of the spectrum and lashed out at the world and couldn't give a fig what anyone wanted. I was wounded, crying out for help and yet snapping at those who claimed to love me for me. I have been trying to work on that for the past month now. I try not to let the littlest things set me off (yet I still have two or three people who are my main triggers), I try to find joy in everyday and every occasion. I feel that my stress level has gone down exponentially and that I am not as angry with the world lately.
I realize that to keep my self esteem high I have to analyze what is bothering me and make a conscious effort to let it go and not dwell on it. Exercise and healthy eating habits have helped tremendously, the high that I get off of just exercising, specially after zumba classes, just keeps me going. That, and a few times a week I just lay down in my room with soft ambient lighting while listening to spa-type music as I drift off to sleep helps me to relax (I don't know how to meditate so this is the closest I can get to that zen feeling.)
I gotta move on for me, for my kids, for my sanity. I will improve my life, my health, and I will strengthen my friendships and my marriage. I promise to work on these goals everyday of my life.
With love, the future me
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Milk, 3.25%, 10 fl oz 183
Devil Dog, 1 serving 170
Milk, 3.25%, 2 fl oz 37
Regular Coffee, 1 cup (8 fl oz) 2
Granulated Sugar, 2.5 tsp 41
Croissant, 1 croissant, medium 231
total breakfast calories 656
Fitness before lunch: Walking: 2.85 mph (21 minutes per mile) for 15min (commuter walking) 78 calories burned.
I really need to go food shopping and get healthier stuff in my house...thankfully that was the last devil dog (even though I save those as treats for myself since I have abandoned the love of my life-snickers bars) I was going to make myself an egg but we ran out of those yesterday and I forgot to pick some up.
Evening update...somehow I managed not to succumb to the Crumb cupcake temptation again since the leftover ones were still there waiting to lure some other unsuspecting knuckle-head into spreading their lips and savoring their velvety, decadent sweetness on their tongue...(excuse me as I clean up the pool of drool that has puddled around my chair as I reminisce)... I also managed not to go over my calorie allotment for the day - phew! thank goodness.
With love, the future me
Monday, October 08, 2012
This weekend was a such a lovely change from what I usually do every other weekend, with the exception of Friday since I attended my group's presentation but I am happy to say that I didn't drink like I normally do. Only had 3 beers and went home to sleep!
Saturday was even better. My husband and I attended our friends' wedding and although I ate like there was nothing better to do I couldn't help it, the food was just delicious! I felt that I ate since the minute I walked through the door until the party ended! But at least I was good and only had a combined total of 3 drinks again! I danced more than I usually do and I only felt a slight leg cramp coming on, nothing I couldn't ignore. Usually by the second song my legs want to seize up and I am forced to sit. I must admit that all the daily walking and the weekly zumba class (so far on my 3rd!!) has helped me build more stamina. I have been more physical since I started back up with SP in September and since my first zumba class 3 weeks ago I haven't been forced to use my asthma pump, although due to a slight cold that I have the asthma cough has been present this week.
Sunday was just as awesome... I accompanied my daughter and my husband to their dance rehearsal and since one of the dancers was missing the choreographer asked that I just walk through the movements so that she could see how the whole routine worked and if any changes had to be made. After 4 hours of "walking" the routine I had the whole thing down pat, had to roll up my jeans, take off my boots, and mop the sweat pouring down my face because by the end I was basically just dancing along with the team and no longer "walking" it. lol.
If this keeps up I will actually be able to practice alongside team instead of just watching them for 4 hours a week! I actually look forward to exercising now and I am starting to crave it! This combined with being more aware of what I eat makes me feel great almost everyday!
With love, the future me!
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