Thursday, January 24, 2013
Yes, today is a brand-new-day. I feel so much better this morning, and I am ready to reflect on yesterday.
THANK you so much to EVERYONE who made comments on my blog. I truly FELT your love, support, and prayers. Having people cheering for me was so helpful.
I woke up yesterday hungry. I ate a piece of bread about 2:30 A.M. (45 calories) I think the bread hurt my stomach. I woke up with a sharp pain in my stomach. I don't usually need to eat much before my morning run, but I was starving. So, I ate a granola bar (190 calories). I usually eat Sport Beans or my Hammer-Sustained mix both 100 calories. So I was ok with the extra 90.
I had a nice run. ***Started thinking about a trip to Disneyland with my family and sister this summer and was ANGRY. I don't want to go, mostly because of my issues with my sister. I won't go into too many details, but I was angry. I drank my morning shake (added a little less yogurt), and I took my first Prozac Pill (Resentful about this), and I was off to work.
Work was ok. I was still hungry and thinking about food. I ate my snack (granola bar) and made it to lunch ok. This is when the anxiety REALLY started. I tried to call my mom (LOVE her, but I need to wait until after school), and I talked to my dad. I was still angry about the morning issue. It just triggered me more.
I finished off my school day. Ate my granola bar snack #2. Right after school, I needed support. My #1 person to text who I know can handle me and my sadness is out of town. I was so happy for her. She was giving her first presentation. There was NO way I was going to ruin her day. I decided to text my husband. "I'm having a bad day... just mood and have eaten 5 hard candies, a possible trigger. I'm not freaking out yet but thinking about food and sad... wish Rachael was here but she's out of town. Don't know who to talk to just sad."
So... I stayed at school longer than usual. Meditated (tried) read and answered a few Spark-Mail (which I love), and was going to go to an OA meeting, Instead I ending up chatting with my sister-in-law. I love her honesty, everyone's honesty. But everyone keeps reminding me it IS going to be hard. That this is a long, tough road. BLAH!!! LoL....
I missed my 5:30 OA meeting and came home. I ate my normal dinner and had a discussion with husband. I felt so badly, I was short-tempered and sad with him. I know he tries his best to understand, but I just think it hurts him and frustrates him too. They aren't counselors LOL or probably know too much about ED's.
Anyway... here's what saved me. I put on the "happy" face and went to my daughter's church activity. It went fine. She was adorable. LOVE her to pieces.
I came home and was obsessing about food. I was still kind of hungry too. I ate carrots with a little dip and 3 pieces of (45 calorie) bread. Then, my daughter came home... She was what I needed. She sat on my bed with me and just chatted. We just let things be and talked and actually watched Super-Nanny (the American one I hadn't seen before). She must have just let me fall asleep after about 30-40 minutes. I didn't wake up until much later... 11:40 and husband was coming to bed, and I turned off the t.v. and went right back to sleep.
I've got to go run now... I will reflect on my triggers and am so happy I made it through yesterday. I am hoping today is a much, much better day. NO anxiety, sadness, resentment, LOL... ok maybe a little but God help me deal with them better.
Have a great day everyone.