Saturday, July 04, 2009
Today and the past few days I've really been thinking... Lots on mind mind mind...
This is going to be a random blog, because my thoughts are all over the place.
I swam today. Felt absolutely GREAT! I decided just to swim a straight 3000 yards because the lane lines were messed up. I thought it was fun to track my splits. I stopped my watch at the flip turn of every 500 yards.
First 500, 7:14 2nd, 7:20, 3rd 7:18, 4th 7:17, 5th 7:17, and the Last one I picked it up and went 7:07
Like I said I felt Grrrreat! And I am really trying to focus on how my body feels and here's why:
After losing weight almost 10 years ago. WoW! it's been that long. I've realized that I thought "normal" eating was dieting. I lost weight on Weight Watchers originally, but I've tried various DIETS since. A diet is NOT eating "normally" or really even "healthy". Especially for me who LOVES to exercise and does so a lot.
K... So... I've been reading the BEST book EVER. It's called Intuitive Eating. What a concept! Intuitive Eating. LISTENING and FEELING your body and your body's cues. Knowing that you feel great and NOT worrying about the scale. It doesn't matter!!! It's so true... we all have different shoe sizes. Duh!!! I can't change my BIG size almost 10 feet. Why am I trying to change my healthy body at 145-150 pounds miraculously into 125??? If I can eat Normally and my body sheds more weight then great, but if not, I MUST be content with how my body FEELS and looks NOW!
And... Although I've been working extremely hard the past few weeks and months, I've not lost weight at all.
BUTTTTTT!!! I FEEL Great! My exercise workouts have felt absolutely GREAT! I am training for an Ironman, and I am looking forward to it. I am eating more calories before, during, and after I exercise to fuel my body. I am truly feeling that I am getting more definition in my arms, legs, and my butt.... LOL! But... the scale is not budging.
DUH!!! STOP weighing myself and let my body BE. Easier said than done, but I am working on that.
Now... here's another HUGE confession... Very embarassing and shameful confession...
After dieting for several years, I started taking extreme measures to keep the weight off. I even started binging and purging. Then... I felt so badly, because I felt like I under~minded all the hard work that had gone into losing weight. I did it so "healthy" for several years.
Welll..... binging and purging has been a struggle the past 6 years or so. AWFUL!!! Truly embarassing.
Now... I am trying to listen to my body. Trust myself around food. Not think about food as much AND... it's working. I truly have seen "the light" in large part to the book Intuitive Eating. I can NOT recommend it enough. It's Great!!!
I'm trying to work on throwing out my scale, but I'm not there yet. I am getting more and more confident being 145-150 pounds wearing a size 8-10. It's just like my shoe size... 10!!! I love my body. I need to appreciate it more. It lets me ride 100 miles on my bike. It feels great swimming 5000 meters in open~water. It let me run 26.2 miles. I don't have any serious injuries. My knees have felt great even the past few weeks, I think a lot of the reason is because I have taken much, much more time to stretch and back off. I've not been increasing mileage in any sport too drastically, and if I don't feel good that day. Hey~ it's an easy day.
I have so incredibly much to be thankful for in this life. Family, children, husband, friends, neighbors, career, etc... I am so thankful for 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, ... chances. I want this to be the final chance with eating... A permanent eating healthy change. Eat intuitvely. Love and Listen to my body.
Yesterday, I did a practice Olympic distance triathlon and felt AMAZINGLY great. Why??? Because I am fueling myself HEALTHY!!! I am training within my abilities and pusing it just enough. And... I am not abusing my body. I am Loving it!!!
Ok... TMI, TMI... I just hope this inspires someone, anyone to LOVE their body at whatever size it is. LOVE your body, then eat intuitvely and healthy NOT on a DIET or restricting.
Life is good, I have hope that this is it and my ED can be overcome. WoW! One day at a time...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
What an incredible day yesterday! I did my first ever 1/2 Ironman. It's a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and a 13.1 mile run.
The race had a 2:00 PM start which is different than any of the other races. It sucked especially yesterday. No kidding, it was beautiful all morning and then at 2:40 when my race began, it got windy and started down pouring.
I didn't like it much either, because I was a nervous wreck ALL day. I can't sleep the night before a race either. I'm like a kid going to the first day of school. Way too excited. I didn't know when / what to eat and we ended up sitting around a long time. I kept going back over and checking my bike stuff, etc... My brother and husband seriously laughed and thought I was nuts.
So... Finally 2:40 came around and it was my turn to start my race. The water was COLD, COLD, COLD... They said it was 64, but I'm not so sure. Just as we were getting in, the waves started to pick up too.
So the horn blows! I kick off and feel something float off my body. It's my timing chip!!! Ahhhh... I was thinking what am I going to do? I knew of course that I just needed to keep swimming and figure it out afterward.
It was a typical triathlon start: Getting kicked, hit, bumped, and swallowing some water in the beginning. I was able to find my way, and this is the first time I really did NOT freak out in my wetsuit at all. Yippee for that!!! I was definitely more worried about the "coldness" and the waves.
So... I finish the swim. My husband said I was the 2nd one out of the water in my age group. I asked a volunteer right as I got out or rather told him that I lost my timing chip. He was super helpful and told me who to run over to. The lady was super sweet too! She asked my name, and put on a new timing chip. Pretty simple, and I didn't lose too much time either.
My favorite part about this swim... I ran up the ramp, and they had people stripping your wetsuits. It was AWESOME!!! I sat down and BOOM! They pulled it right off. Wish they were at every triathlon.
Next: The bike 56 miler.
I took off on the bike feeling excited, but I quickly realized my number was totally hitting my leg and irritating it. I tried to move it, or crumple it. It mostly worked. The bike course had a lot more hills than I thought too.
About 6-7 miles into the bike, the rain began and... it did NOT stop for the next 5 hours. At times, it was really coming down too.
I felt really good the first 28 miles. My brother started 10 minutes behind me, and I kept expecting him to pass me, but he didn't as quickly as I thought. So... I knew I had a good speed going.
But... as the race went on and the rains continued, I was really getting COLD. I was sick of getting nailed by the rain too. I had to take my glasses off, because they just kept getting fogged up.
I remember the last 10 miles so excited for the bike to be done and really thinking that it kicked my butt! The cold, the mileage, all of the bike. The bike was definitely much, much harder than I had anticipated.
Finally... The run.
I was really nervous about the run. I felt hammered, I was freezing, and my knee has been still having IT~Band issues.
I started off, and I was surprised that I was starting to really warm up, and I wasn't so cold. The first few miles I was really going strong. I kind of knew that I was going faster than my pace, and that I better slow down a little especially after my marathon experience.
The first 6.5 miles... I really did feel pretty good, all things considered, but I knew that my knee was really starting to ache, and that I had 6.6 miles to go.
In my head I really just kept track of the time left, and I knew I could do it. My pace really slowed. I think the first 1/2 I was holding almost 9 minute miles, but the 2nd half I had slowed to almost 10 minute miles.
The last 1-2 miles really hurt. I just kept going... I knew I could do it. I pushed through, and I came across the finish line to a cheering husband, daughter, son, mother, father, brother, and a few others. I was truly overcome with emotion. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I was mentally prepared to go slow and easy, and for me... there just is no such thing. I feel like I almost always give it my ALL! And today was no exception.
Thank you to all my friends and family who've supported me. This was a dream come true. I am an IRON~Girl. Well... a 1/2 Iron~Girl.
Overall Time: 5:47:48
I placed 20th out of 98 in my age group.
I placed 83rd woman. WOW!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Who are your heroes? Why? What attributes do they possess that you admire or would like to emulate?
I have truly been trying to just be a nicer person to those around me that I love, come in contact with, work with, etc...
Then, I just really started deeply thinking about who my heroes are?
My list began with:
Then I thought about people in my community, from church, teachers, police officers, soldiers and those serving for our country, mothers, fathers, foster parents, etc, etc, etc...
I really started thinking about what characteristics these people possess and it is definitely NOT there physical characteristics!!!
It is certainly more inner beauty and self~less~ness...
So... why do I worry about external beauty and my physical body. How can I focus more on my soul and being a more beautiful person inside.
My goals are simple:
Be calm and patient with those around me...
Listen to my kids, husband, friends, and family...
Clear my mind...
Enjoy my exercise
And... LOVE, LOVE, LOVE myself and others.
It's nice to exercise, eat healthy, take care of my external body,
but it's more important to work on my inner beauty and let that shine through from the inside~out. Love those around me, be patient, kind, and understanding.
Be like Jesus...
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