Sunday, July 12, 2009
As all of you may know i have been struggling for a period of time. For the most part i could maintain my weight or have minimal weight gain. I didn't want to face the scale after my last trip as i knew i wasn't going to be good as i had eaten not so good , hadn't exercised a whole lot and then there was Pms on top of that. Anyways for whatever the reason i knew i had gained i could just tell. The more i thought about it the more it depressed me and my first instinct was to run and hide. I avoided all of you because i didn't want to be a disappointment to you all and i know was disappointed in myself too. Well today i weighed in and just as i expected it wasn't pretty . I feel ashamed that i let myself get back this way and i was afraid to come back and face all of you and i think mostly myself as coming here and telling you all makes it that much more real. The past two years i have struggled with my life and some days i feel like i have no control over anything and that's not a great feeling. Today i made that all important decision to not give up to take BACK the control that i have lost and get back on my feet. I am NOT finished what i set out to do and i WILL NOT accept defeat. I will preserve and come out on top. I know i may have distances myself and i need to learn to reach out instead of running away. I know this will take time but i do know that i deserve this and i am worth it. I just hope you will all stand by me. I need you all you have all become an important part of me and i do apologize if i haven't been what i should have been for this team. Anyways today when you read this you will see the change in my ticker. Its not pretty but one thing i can tell you is this, it wont stay that number for long, it wont be going up , it will be going back down and i am going to out me first again the way i should be. Thanks for listening.