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A New Year- A New Me

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

As 2008 comes to an end and 2009 begins , I too sit back and reflect on what this means to me. I have always hated New Years Eve, not sure why, maybe because past years this day has been filled with disappointment or maybe it's the fact that i dreaded another year of misery and disappointment. For so many years i felt sad and depressed. I would look in the mirror and i hate what i saw, a sad girl who was seriously obese who would bury herself with food to help overcome her sadness. Sure i hated looking this way, sure i wanted to lose weight but i couldn't. I couldn't give up that comfort my friend food. Then one day this summer something happened something sparked inside me and and i decided this wasn't who i wanted to be anymore , i decided it was time to find the new me and take back control. From that day on i have never looked back. I slowly started to exercise and tracking my food in a little notebook. Gradually cutting back portions and then the junk. Then something happened the weight started falling off. Each week i stepped on the scale and saw it moving downwards it made me more determined to keep going. Then when i was about 28 pounds down i found sparks. A site i found accidently , which now i dont think it was accidently i think someone else had there hand in it but from that day on my life has been forever changed. The inspiation and motivation i get from sparks is amazing and has contributed greatly to my success. I now exercise everyday for a minimum of 45 miutes a day, drink 8 glasses of water and log all of my food. I also owe alot of thanks to Jo and mary for keeping us challenged on the BLAHC and all of my team mates for your kindness and support. I have been rediscovery a whole NEW ME and i can say for the first time that i love me. Thanks to Mary for encouraging us to look in that mirror and for teaching us to love what we see in the mirror. So far i have lost 85 pounds and i feel incredible. This New Years Eve is Different i have alot to celebrate and alot to look forward to , as i journey into the New Year and on this journey to dicovering the NEW ME.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEENANNE1953 1/2/2009 3:16PM

    Happy New Year to the New You!!!

You did all the hard work!! And we ALL are being inspired by you everyday. What a fantastic journey so far.

Thanks so much for sharing your heartfelt words .. you are truly the best.

Hugs always
Anne


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HEART4ADVENTURE 1/1/2009 11:50AM

    Lesley what a beautiful blog, it also moved me to tears, what an inspiration you are 85lbs! you have so much to be proud of, that is incredible that you found yourself and love yourself. Thank you so much for posting this. Hugs..

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LOLAJO54 1/1/2009 1:55AM

    Lesley - you know I'm crying reading this -- it's all you baby - it's all you and the hard work you have done and the feeling of wanting something more for yourself... We just came along for the ride-- Thank you for letting us be a part of your journey. My life has changed because of you too..
What a different young woman you are now then when you first started with the team..Mary did get you to look it the mirror - but it is what you saw -- the beautiful you in the inside coming out...
thank you - hugs Jo emoticon

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RAINBOWMF 12/31/2008 4:16PM

    Lesley I am so Happy that I have been a part of your journey.
You are a wonderful New Lady. !!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year to you My Dear!!!!

Hugs Mary emoticon emoticon

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BARBARAROSE54 12/31/2008 3:53PM

    We love the new you ! Keep up the great work and goal is around the corner for you.

Diva in 2009 ! ! !

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Having one of those days

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

You ever have one of those days were your in one of those moods and it feels like you just cant shake it. IT must be because its almost that time for me but man it is hitting me today like a tonne of bricks .Feeling like I want to go out and i don't want to, I want to exercise and i don't want to( i did do my cardin in case your wondering), Today i thought man i just wish i could eat everything in sight i haven't felt that in so long. I have not self sabotaged just for the record but i feel like i could but i wont cause it will leave me feeling worse i just hate feeling like this. I even feel like i don't want my husband around terrible i know and i am not looking for pity i need a kick in the butt i don't want to bring you down but i needed so much just blog it and then maybe i will feel better. Man now that i am thinking about it i feel man pity party for one and just like snap out of this. Ok thanks for those who will take the time to listen now i must go and do something productive and get this mood gone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBARAROSE54 12/18/2008 9:07AM

    Oh no, not you too Lesley.

I was so hungry yest. too but didn't cave in, however just couldn't understand why?

I kept to my program .

Maybe our bodies are telling us to just relax, as someone told you.

Hopefully today will be a much better day !

emoticon

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MYSONG 12/18/2008 7:18AM

    Oh boy Lesley, if its any help I have been there too many times to count. But you've already proven you have the strength to push through. You didn't cave by skipping cardio or stuffing yourself. You have learned that is not the answer. So you came to the place where you knew you were safe. You expressed it. Big positive steps. You are doing just fine. emoticon

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SHANSHE 12/17/2008 11:16PM

    Lesley, we all have days like this, you have some good suggestions. Laughing is a very good mood enhancer and if you laugh HARD enough, you can even sleep better! :)
Shan

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LOLAJO54 12/17/2008 10:28PM

    Don't worry hon tomorrow is another day-- get a good night's sleep and maybe in your mail you will have a cute little surprise to cheer you up... We are here for you when ever you call-- super big hugs..to you and one thing you can do is put on some crazy music loud and dance like no one is watching... Jo emoticon

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RAINBOWMF 12/17/2008 10:04PM

   

emoticon

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/17/2008 10:06:00 PM

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RAINBOWMF 12/17/2008 10:02PM

    Anne Thanks that's a good answer.
Lesley listen to our Anne!

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QUEENANNE1953 12/17/2008 8:24PM

    Maybe you just need to stop and relax, Lesley. Take a time out. Listen to some upbeat music or just watch a funny movie. Anything to get your mind from reality for a while. Or better yet .. go to bed early .. and sleep it off.

Good luck.

Anne




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RAINBOWMF 12/17/2008 8:11PM

    Hahaha felt like that hahaha
I have felt like that for a month.
I just keep putting one foot in front of the
other and keep moving.

Jo and Jim said I can be hard to be around.
I am not the one to tell you how to shake it, but I do know
what you are feeling.
Love Mary emoticon

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Touching moment

Friday, December 12, 2008

today while i was at the mall i decided i would take a break from the shopping and have a drink and take some time to just sit relax and think. While sitting an elderly italian man came over and asked me if i was alright, i replied yes and he began to talk to me. He said so belle which i know means something about girl and then looked at me and said " you are such a beautiful girl" then he wished me a Merry Christmas and happy New year and headed on his way. What this man didn't know is that when he told me those words he touched my heart deeply and it literally brought tears to my eyes. To know that someone i had never met felt that i was beautiful wow such powerful words. At the beginning of my journey this is one thing i had a very difficult thing believe that i was beautiful. I have come along way in these past months and have learned to love my self and of my self beauty and i feel that this journey has not only taught me how to eat better and how important it is to exercise but also and most importantly it has taught me to love myself and i will embrace every moment of this journey.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLAJO54 12/14/2008 10:17AM

    Wow how beautiful--- hope you will treasure that moment for many years and always remember it is so!!- You have come a long wasy and I for one am very proud of you.. You have a ways to go yet and each step will be more fulfilling then the last- enjoy every moment and never forget you are worth it!- big Hugs Jo emoticon

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-LORI-B 12/13/2008 12:47PM

    What an amazing gift you got from a complete stranger. I believe that there are angels among us. This man was one for you. You have worked hard to get where you are. You should be proud.
Hugs

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BOUNCY2 12/13/2008 6:23AM

    That man was so right!! inside and out!! you have came along way baby!!love having you on the team......

emoticon Peace LInda

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MYSONG 12/12/2008 10:51PM

    Lesley, my first thought was the man could have been an angel. I see Vickie did too. The important thing is he was a blessing to you and a moment you will never forget.

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CASEYGIRL1982 12/12/2008 10:12PM

    Miss Leslie you are a beautiful person to me Inside and Out! How touching it must have been to have a stranger tell you so, though! Thanks for sharing! Sounds alot more touching than the guy at the used tire place the other day who was really dirty and surrounded by smoke from his cigarette tellin me "darlin if I was younger I'd like a go round with a perdy thing like you" lol I'm so serious.lol I got outta there fast!I love you Leslie you are the sweetest person I've meet on here!

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RAINBOWMF 12/12/2008 8:43PM

    emoticon

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QUEENANNE1953 12/12/2008 7:36PM

    You HAVE come a long way, Lesley, and I am so extremely happy and proud of you. You are beautiful ... and it is truly a touching moment for me to hear you say that.

God bless you

Hugs
Anne

Comment edited on: 12/12/2008 7:36:47 PM

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CHRISJAKE 12/12/2008 7:06PM

    Awwwwwww. That was a touching moment!! And the man was right - you ARE a very beautiful woman.

Hugs to you

Chantelle

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SHANSHE 12/12/2008 6:20PM

    Awww, that's so sweet! Thanks for sharing.
Shan

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BARBARAROSE54 12/12/2008 1:51PM

    This is just wonderful, thanks for sharing with us your touching moment !

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HEART4ADVENTURE 12/12/2008 1:23PM

    That is so beautiful. Sounds like you "entertained an Angel", I do believe that God sends people into our lives for a purpose even if for just a moment in time like you had today. You are beautiful and now it's time you start believing it, believ in yourself, embrace yourself... Right now take both your arms and wrap them around you and give a big squeez and say "I love me"... Do it! ;-)

Comment edited on: 12/12/2008 1:24:05 PM

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Excited

Friday, November 28, 2008

Tomorrow night is my work Christmas party and i am getting really excited. This is a big deal to me as my husband and i have never attended a work Christmas party so this is the first. Now just so you all understand a little better , my husband and i work for the same retail company except we work at different stores as there are 2 in our city. My husband has been with the company for about 17 years and i for about 2 years. We have never in the 17 years gone to the Christmas party as we never really had the desire to go. This year its different. All my life i have been a self conscious person specially with my weight and stuff and never had anything to wear and o confidence to go to these parties either, my self esteem was very low, however since starting this journey i have grown to accept myself and i am starting to love me, in a non conceited way. I feel good and i am proud of all i have accomplished so i want to go and show myself off lol hope that it doesn't sound bad. Its the first year i have wanted to go and i am so excited. i even bought a new dress. I hope i am not coming off as being stuck on myself as this is not the case just someone who is loving themselves for the first time and putting myself first for once. I feel amazing and i wanted the world to know. One person really helped me with excepting myself and that is Mary so thanks Mary . All of you on this board make me feel so special and i wanted to than k you too because you all mean alt to me too. Thanks for taking the time to read this long blog lol.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEENANNE1953 11/30/2008 8:47PM

    What can I say .. the party is now over .. and you looked fabulous. I am so happy you have gained that self confidence, the self esteemed that you WANTED to go out and show the world the new you. You are doing a fantastic job. I am so proud of you.

Hugs
Anne

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HEART4ADVENTURE 11/30/2008 5:52PM

    I love that "go and show yourself off", Hope it was a good time.. I have to go check out your pics...

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BARBARAROSE54 11/30/2008 6:33AM

    Lesley was just looking at your pics of the party. You are one hot smoking mama ! ! !

You and your hubby look fantastic, and you wouldn't go out before? I'm so happy that you finally got the confidence to go out and enjoy yourself ! ! !

Wait till they see you at next year's Christmas Party emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/30/2008 6:30:34 AM

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LOLAJO54 11/30/2008 1:02AM

    LOL Lesley this isn't a long blog -my answer will be longer then your blog...lol hugs!!!

You deserve to go out and show off-- nothing conceited about that- for sure!- this is one thing I think we all have in common -- trying to love ourselves as we are.. getting thin or thinnner is a myth to inner peace.. You have to love yourself for you - big or small what ever.. I am so lgad you have seen the mirror and know you are worth every second you spend on you!-- Baby you have come a long way!!! keep moving forward to a healthy new lifestyle and the same beautiful butterfly coming from her coccoon.
hugs Jo emoticon

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RAINBOWMF 11/29/2008 8:29AM

    My Dear Lesley, I feel, I am getting to go to this Party with you.
You get that new dress on and you have a good time.
Be the little social Butterfly you were meant to be!
You give me thanks and I give Barbara thanks, she is
the one that made me look in that mirror.
You and your Hubby have a good time!
I am so proud of You!

Love & Hugs

Mary emoticon

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BARBARAROSE54 11/29/2008 5:24AM

    Lesley, you deserve to go out and show yourself off. You worked hard to do this so embrace the moment.

Ahhhh our Mary, such a good lady !

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHANSHE 11/28/2008 11:53PM

    Long blog, where??? Have you seen some of mine??? LOL

First of all, you do not sound bad at all! I am so very happy for you feeling good about yourself, loving yourself and here you are, lighter in weight and with a new dress and go have fun, you deserve it!

We want pics though, so don't forget to take LOTS!
Shan


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Feeling Helpless

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I know this blog isnt about weight loss but its bothering me and i guess that could potentialy ffect my weight so i thought i would vent in the form of a blog. Right now i am feeling so helpless. My oldest son is in the hospital again and not just the normal one the mental ward. He is going to be 17 and he has always been a challenge for us. We have tried to get him help since the age of 4. About a year ago he got in trouble with the law and spent almost a year in youth custody which was very difficult on our family. He suffers from Bipolar and i think this doesnt help his situation any. Well since August when he got out he has struggled with Alcohol and drugs and its breaks my heart as there is nothing i can do to help him. He is no longer living in the home due to the fact that he is violant and its a safety issue for my other children. Well tonight i got a call saying he is now in the hospital again after he was threating to harm himself and there is nothing i can do for him. We have tried to help him for so long but he needs to help himself but its hard as a parent to stand by and watch there own child self destruct. I feel like i have failed him in some way , and i KNOW thta i have done the best i could for himnd now its up to him to do his part but it doesnt make it any easier for us as parents specially when my own brother died at 29 from alcohol and drug addictions. Anyways this is my vent .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLAJO54 11/19/2008 8:38PM

    Oh Lesley--- I am so hurting for you---- my dear you did your best -you are right now it is up to him.. Just be there to tell him you love him and tell him you care -that is all you can do... My condoences on the loss of your brother--- how tragic..
It is good to blog and get things down -- re read this later in time and see how you feel then... I hope things will turn around for your young man.. my thoughts are with him- Jo emoticon

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RAINBOWMF 11/17/2008 5:25PM

    My heart is aching for you.
I am much older then you my Dear
and have walked in your shoes.
Sorry to say it does not get better.
You did the right thing by using tough love
and having him gone from your home.
You are in no way to blame for his behavior.
I have my own belief, I believe they are born with problems
we can not fix. God only knows why!

Love and Hugs Mary

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MINI-ME-2B 11/17/2008 2:09PM

    Oh honey, I am so very sorry! My heart is hurting for you. I am a mother, and I always feel that I failed when things go wrong. But, his illness is not your fault! You've tried to get him help, but he has to go along with it. As a mother, we want to fix stuff for our kids, but we can't fix everything. Some things they have to fix for themselves. And, even when we know that, it doesn't stop us from hurting. My thoughts are with you.

emoticon

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HEART4ADVENTURE 11/17/2008 9:12AM

    I'm so sorry for your pain, there are no easy answers are there, it is difficult when things are out of our control, and it sounds like tough love and acknowledging that you can't do this for him, is very healthy for you to recognize. I will keep you and him in my prayers. Hugs.

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KASHMIRA612 11/17/2008 7:08AM

    hang in there. you've done the best you can, hopefully something will just click with hima nd he will realize that self-medicating is not the way to go. emoticon

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QUEENANNE1953 11/16/2008 10:40PM

    Lesley emoticon
It is sad to read about this unfortunate situation with your son. My thoughts and prayers are with you. As a mother, I can understand the frustration you are going thru' but your son's situation has nothing at all to do with your parenting.

Hugs
Anne

Comment edited on: 11/16/2008 10:38:43 PM

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BIGGDADDYGLEN 11/16/2008 10:32PM

    (This is Casey)Oh Lesley, I'm so sorry your having to deal with this! I have a 13 yr old step daughter who was living with us but was making violent threats towards me and Logan so she's gone back to her mothers.She's gotten invovled with bad crowds and drugs and I know she's headed towards alot of troubled times too. I know it's tough to watch also because my older brother Micheal is bi polar and has gone down the same roads . I wish I could tell you it will get easier and pass but with bipolars it just makes it that much harder. Is he on medication? I know that when Micheal was taking his it seemed to really help. Shannon's definatly right please don't feel guilty in the little time I've talked to you I know you've tried your best and that's all you can do. If you need to talk about this or vent Girl you know I'm a stay at home mom if I'm not shopping or running errands I'm here! anytime. You can also at Caseygirl19821@aol.com. Scottie was checking mail and came by ur blog so I just took over without switching over. I told him to go away and let me reply but he sends his concern since he knows what's coming with Jessica.

Comment edited on: 11/16/2008 10:31:30 PM

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BARBARAROSE54 11/16/2008 10:29PM

    I feel your pain. You are a mother and of course you would worry about your son. Being bipolar adds to his problems. I'm sure you have done all you can for him, and now all you can do is leave it in God's hands.

Sending prayers and hugs my dear. emoticon

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SHANSHE 11/16/2008 10:00PM

    Lesley,
Hun, I am so sorry you have to deal with this!!! Mother guilt is the most irrational thing and so hard to overcome.

I fear my daughter is heading down the same road and it is so scary as it seems I cannot find anything to steer her in the other direction. She seems so hell bent on self-destruction.

I know that helpless feeling and what I do is keep trying my best, and praying that God protect her from herself and that where I fall short as a parent, that HE being the perfect parent will fill in those gaps.

I have NO advice, just wanted you to know I understand that frustrated feeling of helplessness and guilt, even when we have nothing to feel guilty for.

HUGS and Prayers,
Shan

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