Sleeping troubles!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Tonight I was reading my book called The Self-Esteem Book well because I am trying to get all the help I can to boost my motivation and self-esteem well anyway as I was reading I fell into a deep deep sleep from 10:00 p.m - 12:00 a.m. Let's just say that I am not a happy camper about it because it is now 2:45 a.m and I am still up. I feel like I slept for 2 days that's how hard I slept. I hate it when that happens. Hopefully when I get off of sparkpeople I can and I will fall fast alsleep and then wake up like at 8:30 or 9:00 am so that I can be back to normal with going to bed. Just that little bit of sleep can change my sleeping schedule and can really mess me up. Oh well!

Vanessa :)

  

I love it when I am happy!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I am so happy. I have this great feel of joy right now. I am getting excited about going on vacation. I finally feel like I am out of my sad rut that I had been going through. Boy did that feel like a life time. But the great news is I feel great again. Starting tomorrow I will be starting up walking again. I haven't done that in a while but there are firsts for everything. The best thing is knowing that I can do it and I will do it. That's all for now but I will be back.

TTFN!

Vanessa :)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAZMOMSGOL 8/25/2007 6:42PM

Give it all the gusto you got, girl!! Vacationīs are fab. We have one coming mid-Sept. I can hardly wait! Report Inappropriate Comment

Today is a better day!

Friday, August 24, 2007

I am happy to report that I am finally having a good day. I feel good today. I am looking forward to the weekend and I am looking forward to having a day to rest. It is just what I need.

Vanessa :)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMATAURUS 8/25/2007 6:39AM

You will not be a victim to your hunger! You will not succumb to the pudge! You will conquer your daily dilemmas and actualize your dreams and goals! Why? Because you are taking the action steps required to make good things happen. You are not waiting for the seas to part to ease your way into a size 10. NO! You are walking, trudging, fighting your way through the waves of motivation and hunger! You are a champion! You are an overachiever! You can make this happen! BELIEVING IS ACHIEVING!!!!!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

I've fallen again and I can't seem to get back up! But not for long!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I have been having way too many fall downs and not enough getting back up's with the way that I have been treating myself.

Today I confided in my teammates at Positive Sparkers how I have been feeling and well to tell you the truth I feel crappy. I am sad, emotional, tired of being fat, exhausted and just plain unmotivated!

Weeks and weeks ago I had some family crap happen and ever since then I let the drama take over and I kind of let it break my concentration and spirit of taking care of me. All of the drama that happened I feel has helped me fall off my happy wagon. Or I should say I let all the drama take over and cloud my positiveness. But in reality I let it take me away from doing all the good for myself. It sounds like I have punished myself for all the crap that has been going on. Maybe I have but I thought that I would be back and sure enough I am still having a hard time.

I feel like I am letting myself down day after day and it is really making me so upset. I don't want to be a negative self-pity dramatized person. I just want to be happy and healthy. Sometimes that almost seems impossible especially with the way I have treated myself. Let me just tell you if anyone treated me the way that I have treated myself I would no longer be in their life. It is appauling that I treat myself so ugly and bad. But that is why I am here so that I can stop treating me so badly.

So I decided that I have to figure out my solution so here it is:

1. I have to stay as focused as I can.

2. I have to change the way that I have thought in the past.

3. I also have to block out any negativity that comes my way. If someone is having a drama moment in their life I have to just let it roll off of my back and remember that it is not my problem. I will try to be supportive but I will not let it take over.

4. I also have to be willing to forgive and let go. I can't hold on to everything that happens when I try to do that then I only hurt myself even more.

5. Last but not least I have to concentrate on really being more truthful to myself and really not sweat all the small stuff.

I can do this, I have done this and I will continue to point myself in the positive direction.

Love always,

Vanessa :)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAYORCA 8/21/2007 5:30PM

Dear Vanessa, We all go through a lot from time to time. The important thing is to recognize it and don't let it take over our lives. You were right when you said that you punish your self. It is true, we tend to do that--but it does not change anything, it just makes us more miserable. Above all, you have to learn to forgive yourself. What I find helps me, I ask the Lord to let me forgive the person and I ask him to let that person also forgive me. You have to think about you--it isn't selfish to do that. I have a book by Louise Hay, I think it is "Heal your Life", I'll check the correct title and let you know. Please I am worried about you, you need to take care of Nessa, she is very precious to you and to us. Hugs, Elsa Report Inappropriate Comment

Pregnancy!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Well I thought that I was pregnant. I took a pregnancy test yesterday because I have been an complete emotional and hormornal loony lately. Turns out that I am not pregnant! Russ and I both feel a little disappointed but we know that this is not the right time yet. I am actually okay and happy that I am not pregnant because I still have so much weight to lose. But just the thought of possibly being pregnant made me happy. I really want to be a Mommy and I know Russ wants to be a Daddy. When I told him the news that I could be his eyes sparkled and he got excited. Oh well it is not my time yet! We have already agreed that if we can never get pregnant we will adopt!

Love,

Vanessa :)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*BAUBO* 8/14/2007 3:18PM

When I found out I was having Skylar, Eric and I had decided we were broken. It's an amazing experience and just changes everything in your whole little world. Once the time is right, it will happen. If not, then there are plenty of little ones looking for good people to adopt them. You will make a great mommy one day for sure!!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SLCOLMAN 8/14/2007 11:26AM

Sorry that this wasn't your time! I know what it is like to want to be a parent too. Best of luck on all of you dreams! Report Inappropriate Comment

EMAVERICK 8/14/2007 1:30AM

Well, it may just take a while :-) I have an unsupported theory that when we lose weight, we are also flushing out a bunch of fat soluable chemicals, some of which are hormones, in the same process. With a successful diet, that could explain a little loonieness, and maybe it will be easier to get pregnant when there isn't as much hormonal "noise" going on too. Report Inappropriate Comment