Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I have been having way too many fall downs and not enough getting back up's with the way that I have been treating myself.
Today I confided in my teammates at Positive Sparkers how I have been feeling and well to tell you the truth I feel crappy. I am sad, emotional, tired of being fat, exhausted and just plain unmotivated!
Weeks and weeks ago I had some family crap happen and ever since then I let the drama take over and I kind of let it break my concentration and spirit of taking care of me. All of the drama that happened I feel has helped me fall off my happy wagon. Or I should say I let all the drama take over and cloud my positiveness. But in reality I let it take me away from doing all the good for myself. It sounds like I have punished myself for all the crap that has been going on. Maybe I have but I thought that I would be back and sure enough I am still having a hard time.
I feel like I am letting myself down day after day and it is really making me so upset. I don't want to be a negative self-pity dramatized person. I just want to be happy and healthy. Sometimes that almost seems impossible especially with the way I have treated myself. Let me just tell you if anyone treated me the way that I have treated myself I would no longer be in their life. It is appauling that I treat myself so ugly and bad. But that is why I am here so that I can stop treating me so badly.
So I decided that I have to figure out my solution so here it is:
1. I have to stay as focused as I can.
2. I have to change the way that I have thought in the past.
3. I also have to block out any negativity that comes my way. If someone is having a drama moment in their life I have to just let it roll off of my back and remember that it is not my problem. I will try to be supportive but I will not let it take over.
4. I also have to be willing to forgive and let go. I can't hold on to everything that happens when I try to do that then I only hurt myself even more.
5. Last but not least I have to concentrate on really being more truthful to myself and really not sweat all the small stuff.
I can do this, I have done this and I will continue to point myself in the positive direction.