Monday, January 30, 2012
Okay, so I don't really need an answer to that. I already know why. For me, when I go to work every day, I know what I am eating for two of my three meals. Breakfast is usually something quick and easy (generally toast with PB and a banana) and lunch I have thought out to include lots of veggies and whole grains. By the time I get home, I have planned what to make for dinner so I do not over indulge and always try to allow myself some wiggle room for a dessert or snack.
Weekends are not the same. We lounge around the house, doing chores or watching a game. There is food always available. We will go out to run errands and the fast food just seems so much easier. I am in an out of the kitchen, so it doesn't seem like such a big deal to grab a cookie. Meals are never planned in advance, or if they are, we ditch the idea for something that sounds tastier (but much less healthy).
Yesterday I thought I was being good. I made whole grain spaghetti with turkey meatballs. Who knew the meatballs would be so good that I would keep going back and getting more? I should have packaged them up in tupperware before eating, like I usually do, but it seemed like a lot of work that I could just do later. So here I am up two whole pounds, which is just ridiculous. I'm sure some of it is due to salt intake, but a lot of it is food.
Looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow so I will once again have some self-control. :)
Monday, January 23, 2012
I screwed up. I went out to lunch with some coworkers. While I knew I didn't make the best choices, I thought I had done better. Instead, I ate my entire day's worth of calories in one meal. I still have to have dinner tonight. I have 43 calories to work with. I guess I'm just going to have to go over because I can't starve myself until tomorrow. I'll get back on track tomorrow. It just makes me feel bad because this was my first major screw up since I started. I had been doing so well. But nobody is perfect, right?
No more pizza lunches for me. (Or at least from now on I will go somewhere that sells by the slice!)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I live in the Pacific Northwest, where snow is general rare. We usually get a a few inches a couple times a year but nothing major. At the moment we have 8 inches, with a good quarter inch of ice on top of it. Not much fun.
I don't drive in snow. Well, I do, but I tend to make myself sick worrying the whole way there and then burst in to tears once I park. It's a phobia that drives me crazy, but it is what it is.
I made it to work yesterday, but today I just could not get myself in to the car. I tried everything I could think of, but the thought of trying to drive through the ice storm caused me to have a panic attack. I emailed work to let them know that I would not be in. The response I got back was that I was the only one who didn't make it, which came off (at least in my head) as "Well, you're the only loser having this problem. Suck it up."
I later found out that two other people did not come in either, so that made me feel a little better. Tomorrow I will be there as I have a ride lined up already. I am dreading going in tomorrow though. I know there will be people upset that I was not there today (how dare I leave them with extra work) and snide "joking" comments about me not making it in. I feel guilty for not going, even though I know that I made the right decision. A person having panic attacks should not be driving under any circumstances, but especially not on an icy road in the middle of freezing rain.
I wish I could overcome my fear. I wish I didn't let people down. I prefer to make everyone happy, and came very close to driving in just so that people wouldn't be mad at me, even at the risk of my own person. Well, I guess I have two problems; driving in the snow and people pleasing. Oh good, something else to work on.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I have very good evidence that weighing every day is bad for a person's sanity.
On Sunday I was approaching the 160 mark, my first milestone, and the most major one. See I have dieted on and off for a year or so and have never been able to break the 160 barrier. On Sunday I weighed in at 160.2, thisclose to finally making it to that elusive number.
Yesterday, I weighed in at the same time under similar circumstances, and was at 160.4. I was annoyed but figured maybe my salt intake had messed with it.
Today I weighed in at 160.6. Now I'm just pissed. I'm doing everything right and the stupid number is going the wrong way.
No more daily weighing for me. It's too hard on my nerves.
But I WILL break 160.
Monday, January 16, 2012
I realized that I needed some rewards for this journey, so here is my plan:
-5 pounds: Two new Spark Goodies (maybe this week!?!?)
-10 pounds: New shoes (mine are pretty beat up)
-15 pounds: New book (Ready Player One probably. Awesome book)
-20 pounds: New jeans and bra
GOAL: Something awesome yet to be determined.
Any ideas for a goal reward? It can't cost a lot of money, but it should be awesome. That goes without saying.
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