Thursday, August 14, 2014
I was rereading some of my old blogs and I thought I would copy one and bring it forward. This was back in 2008 when my sense of humor hadn't taken a vacation yet. Timely subject we can still a relate to today. Enjoy
Well I thought it was time to give all of you people another peek inside of my brain, so buckle up it is going to be a bumpy ride.
Let's start with underwear. I have been wearing briefs,aka grannie pants,since I can remember. I decided this week that I am to sexy hot now to have such drab underwear. So off I go to Target to see what I can find. First off I didn't realize how many variations of undies there are. There are briefs,hipsters,boy pants,thongs to name a few. Also it appears you have to buy a pack of them usually 4-6 of them. I am standing there in the undie section just about frozen by indecision. What if I buy some kind and I don't like them? I will have 6 pairs of them and they aren't cheap. I don't throw things out so I know I will wear them whether I like them or not. I finally take the plunge and get low rise briefs. I get these for two reasons. One is it will be a change but not as drastic as a thong. Two I can figure out what low rise briefs are. I am still puzzling over what style the hipster is. I go home all excited to try my new purchase. My plan was to take a bath that evening and after a relaxing soak to put on my marvelous new undies. I just know they will transform me in ways I can't even imagine.
First problem I run in to is my teenage son. Do any of you have teenagers? If you do then you will know why boarding schools are so popular. I have heard that there are some teenagers that refuse to bath and parents have to hose them off periodically in the backyard. I did not get one of those. I got the kind that takes a bath EVERY NIGHT for a VERY LONG TIME. He has the uncanny knack of knowing just when I plan to take one and then beating me to the bathroom by like 5 minutes. Sigh!!!!!! So I wait and wait and wait. I pound on the door and express my concern over his submersion time. Still I wait and wait. Finally he comes out and says "oh you were waiting? I didn't realize that" I would have killed him but that leaves a mess and I would have not gotten my bath for sure then.
I gather up all my stuff and head off towards the bathroom. Oops the door is shut now what? Well seems hubby was waiting to use the bathroom too. We have two bathrooms,only one tub he could use the other one. He finally emerges and I enter the bathroom finally. Yikes I exit almost immediately. Not sure what hubby had for lunch but yowie it didn't metabolize well. It appears I will be waiting just a bit longer before I get my bath.
After the EPA declared the bathroom enviromentally friendly I finally start to run my bath water. Well goodie my son's experiments in hydrology have paid off and there is very little hot water left. Now I do not have a huge tube. Just your standard put in during the 60's bathroom tub. I fill it with water and settle in to soak and read a book. After a couple of pages I notice I am shivering and attempt to add some hot water. Funny I turned the knob all the way to the H and I get the same temp of water as if I had turned it to C. Realizing that freezing to death in your bath tub is a very silly way to die I just get out of the tub. I towel off and add my scented mostiturizer. I am all set for this life changing moment to occur.
Hmm I think as I slide them on did I grab an old pair? Because if these are low rise then I am Betty Crocker. I quickly get dressed and go to check the package. Yup I did indeed buy low rise briefs. Well I have to say the term low rise is a bit misleading. After comparing them with my old full rise briefs these new undies are all of a half an inch lower. Well yippee for me!!!! I just bought a six pack of grannie pants lite underwear. There will be no life altering moment after all. It is like going from tan pants to beige. Or the 6 different kinds of white paint you can buy. True technically they are different but in the end they are all blah!!!!!!
I am proudly wearing my granny lite pants and someday I know I will work my way up to hipsters or a thong. So if someday you see me and I am walking a little funny just realize that the thong underwear experiment has not gone well.