Sunday, May 15, 2011
So besides the loop I've been playing in my own head of " You're not good enough, strong enough, mentally prepared enough..." I've had some tough times with others commenting on my weight and my looks lately.
Today I commented to my husband that my blood sugar must be out of whack again because I've been feeling generally fatigued and dizzy all the time. His comment: " Maybe you should go to the gym and you'll feel better." I burst into tears with his lack of sensitivity of me not feeling well and how he likened it to being such a simple solution of going to exercise. He later explained himself, but to just come out with a comment like that HURTS.
Then there is a coworker at work who seems to make little jabs at me on a daily basis. He has said things along the lines of " Wow, you look nice today for a change, now you know how low my expectations of you are..." and " You should take up yoga since your body is in horrible shape."
I know I shouldn't take this guy seriously because he obviously lacks social skills and he himself doesn't dress very well and has a huge gut and goes to Jack in the Box for lunch on a daily basis.... but it still HURTS!
Just feels like the whole universe is telling me, no matter how hard you try or how much better you think you are doing, you will FAIL. You can't do it. You don't have the GUTS. Right now I just feel defeated and that the universe is right. For awhile, I was motivated and the weight was coming off. Then my husband lost his job, we had to move back in with his father, I had to put my whole life into a storage unit, I started a new job, We eloped instead of moving forward with the wedding I had been planning for over a year..... and I just got STRESSED.
So now the stress and the naysayers are winning and I really need to just tell them to GET OFF MY BACK.
Anyone else struggle with not feeling good enough? Worth enough? Determined and motivated enough?