Thursday, March 15, 2012
Yesterday I posted this picture
but I never reflected on it. Today I was really fighting the urge to binge. It was a stressful day because there was no resolution with my nephew's custody/residential home and the Judge had conflicts with all the days my sister's lawyer was available so it was pushed out to the end of June. There is a possibility that this will be resolved sooner than that but only if both parents fight for it. It has really been taking a toll on us but it hit me today again that no one else is stepping up to support my sister and nephew through this. No one... and she has 6 other siblings, blood siblings at that. Anyhow!!!
I was pushing through the urge to binge today and realized that I wasn't giving my self any credit for how far I have come. I wanted to overeat today but even though I went and grabbed lunch for DH and I, I was controlled. I could have gone anywhere and in fact did run thru the Mickey'D's drive thru.... for pop for DH and unsweetened tea for me. I could have gotten junk at that time but I didn't. I went to subway and got a 6inch BLT on flat bread with guacamole instead of any type of sauce. No chips but I did get cookies. 1 for me, 2 for DH. I could have chosen to get a foot long. I have in the past. I have in the very near past but I didn't want to give in to the urge to binge. Could I have made a better meat choice? Yes, but the BLT allowed me to feel a bit of a splurge and I didn't have any cheese or mayo, no empty calories in my opinion. This fighting of the urge to even get some junk is so far from how my binge eating used to be that those dark days seem like ancient history. I hope that they can stay in the past.
Finally I tried on the workout clothes that I received for my birthday. I had asked for cute workout clothes so that I would feel less self conscious at the gym. The top didn't fit but since it was bought at Kohl's I honestly wasn't expecting it too. It didn't help that the person bought the wrong size, an XL instead of a 2XL. However, the pants were also an XL and those fit. Granted they are a draw string waist but they fit with plenty of room to tie. Bonus... I WON the gift card giveaway that they posted on the dailyspark blog a few weeks ago so I will be able to get at least a cute top or two to go with my new pants! I will post when I finally use it to treat myself. I want to get thru this crazy week first before I take a look at what they have.
My walking is getting better. Just a few weeks ago I could barely make it around the block due to a back injury but today I was able to go .71 miles. Not quite .75 but almost. I also noticed that my pace is faster when DH is not with me and I am just walking to music. That could explain why my legs hurt so bad today. I really need to find some calf stretches to do. BUT, I have increased my distance and am healing. This is important and this gives me hope that I will be able to get my distance back to normal soon.
I'm grateful for this break in the weather even though it scares me that this summer is going to be sweltering. With the later daylight and the warm weather it doesn't make me yearn to be in Arizona for Cubs Spring Training as I often am day dreaming about this time of year. Just need to stay hopeful and keep pushing forward even though I know I won't meet the goals I had set for April 15th. There is still a month though to make some decent progress towards the number on the scale. Now that I can see that I am making some difference.... full steam ahead.