NDJ12!   3,215
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I need your help!

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Ever since my dad had his heartattack I haven't had the "spark" that I used to.. I used to be really good. And follow all the rules! Now my life is like blah.. And I still care. I want to stick to the diet.. I just have no motivation any more. I look at my motivation sheet.. All things which I desire. Yet that they don't really mean anything. I just don't have it any more. And that's making me depressed. My life used to be so full of the rules and I read all day long.. Now it's just full of food. Maybe comfort food.. Maybe I am emotionally eating. But whatever it is it SUCKS! haha. I just need some support. I need to pack a lunch if I go up to take care of my dad. . And I need to stay away from all temptations. And I need to see my goals clear again.. So, if you can, please help me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIMTASTIC! 3/4/2008 1:05PM

    Maybe you should wipe the slate clean. If the motivation sheet isn't doing it for you, start a new one. So take a minute to breathe, forget the rules, and do something that makes you happy. Then...work on a new motivation sheet. :-) Hang in there....it always gets better!

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Monday, was the worst day of my life

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Sunday night was peacful. We went to sleep around 10.. Maybe 11. We woke up to a door knock.. More like a pound, and many many doorkbell rings.. I didn't know who it was. Looking at the window, then looking at the clock.. It was 3 in the morning.. I ran down stairs.. Flung open the door, only to hear that my dad had had a heartattack.. I didn't really react. I just said well are you ok? She was very upset. Hearing that was a shock.. It didn't really set in till I was upstairs getting dressed.. I started crying, I was talking to Scott my husband, what if he dies? What if this is it? On the way to the hospital, time seemed to stand still, it was the longest ride up to the hospital. When we got there, my dad was back in the cath lab.. My mom said it would be a couple of hours... Well, 6:30 we finally heard something. He had a heartattack from saturday, going into Sunday, going into monday.. They had stopped the heartattack while putting in the stents.. He got two.. I was glad to hear that's all it was. But my dad has many other things wrong with him. His kidneys are failing, and aparently the dye (contrast) they use to find the problem in his heart, is not good for his kidneys.. Not good at all. We all have known that his kidneys are failing, I just don't think we were ready for this. The day was spent next to my dads hospital bed. I was very worried. Stressed. Overwhelmed. I spent the whole day at the hospital. And you don't want to know what I ate. But I was so emotional.. And tired. And run down. I feel horible about it all. And I didn't need a diet in my face. I just wanted my dad to be ok.. They think he will be put on dialasis sp?? Which sucks.. I still think this is the beginning of the end.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENILAURA 2/13/2008 10:44PM

    Just do what you need to do to be there for your dad. We will be here waiting to listen if you need to talk/vent whatever. Just let us know what you need.

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JALOUK 2/13/2008 6:29PM

    I'll be praying too. Think about eating well right now only as a means to keep yourself healthy so you can be there for your Dad. If you have another bad day "dieting" it's understandable. I can only imagine the fear you went through. Hang in there. You have people here at Spark to support you and your husband right there with you.

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DEGRAW1 2/13/2008 12:43PM

    I would say don't worry so much about the diet either, those situations are NOT easy to get through to begin with, wishing you and your family a quick recovery and healing time!

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CASCADE21 2/13/2008 12:07PM

    I am really sorry to hear about your dads problems! keep your chin up, I don't know if you are religious, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this week!

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I'm feeling pretty good.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

So last night my husband brought home a big mac, it was big mac monday! haha.. Something we generally do on mondays. And I knew this was going to happen. So I had left out calories and all of that from my daily activity just so I could eat it. Something I thought was almost hard to do.. Alot of calories to save.. Anyways. I had made up my mind that I was going to eat this, and then we could go to the gym. But I had one more trick up my sleeve. I was going to try, to only eat half of the sandwhich, and only half of the SMALL fry.. And so I ate it bite by bite.. Drinking water instead of the root beer he brought home. And at the end of eating both half burger and half the small fry. I was thinking, if your still hungry and wanting more, its ok, because you are still below your calorie intake and fat and all of that for the day.. but to my surprise. I didn't need it. I didn't eat the other halfs.. And I know it's so stupid, but I am proud of myself..

A down side to last night. After enjoying our fattening meal, we went to go to the gym, and our gym membership key, wouldn't let us in! It was so horrible!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENILAURA 1/30/2008 11:25PM

    that is not something to take lightly, you should be PROUD of yourself. That is a huge part of the lifestyle change...portion control. I admire how you did that. I need to take some advice from you (she said after eating her taco time taco...as a SNACK.. :( ).

GOOD job, keep it up.

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Today seems to be going better

Friday, January 18, 2008

Today has been a pretty good day.. I haven't over ate. By any means, yet! ha. But I really feel like I have no energy. I sat at home all day. I did some wash, and the dishes. But that is not any form of exercise. I know. But I just have no motivation to actually get up and do something. When my husband gets home from work (my only human contact) he's generally tired from working. Which is understandable. We belong to a local gym. Only we haven't been in weeks, and before that, months. My husband is a skinny man, so he can stand to go with out work outs. But I really can't. :( I just wish I was on biggest looser. :)!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENILAURA 1/22/2008 1:32AM

    It is really hard for me to be motivated to work out as well. I have finally realized....I just don't like it! However, I do like to dance (back in my school age days I liked to dance to richard simmons for the fun of it, I know something was wrong with me), but know I have some dance DVD'd - they are workout DVD's, but I think they are fun. And hopefully, I will be more coordinated when I am done with them. Do you have anything energetic that you like to do for fun? That's my advice. I had a gym membership for 3 years and used it maybe 10 times....it wasn't fun. Let me know if there's any help I can give you! I don't live as close to you as some others, but I am not too far away.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Today I was being a dork with my husband, we were heading up the stairs and we were all twisted up in each other. I was laughing so hard, and I started to cough.. This was just after breakfast.. Well, shortly there after. I had to puke, and I didn't know why. I finished going up the stairs and puked. I am not sure if this means anything. I've purged before. But I don't think that's what this is. I think the laughing just got to me or something.. I didn't mean to puke.. Thats not even in my demenor.. That's all for now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 1/16/2008 4:27PM

    I hope it isn't morning sickness! LOL
If you want a good laugh, go to YOUTUBE and look up RUSSELL PETERS who is a comedian. He is so funny.
Go Sparkers.

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