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I have a confession to make

Sunday, June 15, 2014

I lately discovered that I'm a "weightist". No, that's not a real word, but it'll do for this confession. I am guilty of judging people by their appearance. Here's the story:

I work with an attractive young professional woman who is probably 100 pounds overweight. She's pretty, smart, has great hair, and a BOYFRIEND! I caught myself thinking, when she mentioned she was going out with someone, who would go out with her? She's FAT! OMG! as they say these days. I mentally slapped myself, then did some self-examination.

I think I learned this prejudice from my always skinny, never weighed more than 125 pounds (and she was ashamed of that) mother. She condemned my father's parents for indulging in too much ice cream, she nagged at my dad when he got to 195 pounds, and she'd make snarky little comments when I was in high school ("here, try these pants on, they won't show so much"), and sent me low cal snacks in my 'care packages' when I was in college. I had gained the 'freshman 15' so weighed 140 lbs. I'm trying hard to get back there now. I've got about 60 pounds to go.

And that's ridiculous! Weight has always colored how I feel about myself, and I know that's true for a lot of Sparkers. I just read a SparkPeople article about knowing when you're weighing yourself too much. Weight shouldn't be the be-all, end-all of your self-esteem. I wonder how many people who might read this have been taught by significant people in their lives that skinny is "good" and fat is "bad". If you don't love yourself, no matter what, how can you take care of yourself? If you're lost in self-condemnation, will you really try to be good to yourself, or will you just give up since "you're a bad person, anyway"?

Yuk! Enough! Let's be kind to ourselves, in every way that counts!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARONSPARKLE 6/16/2014 8:25AM

    It is so easy for me to be kind to everyone else even concerning their weight. But, I am so hard on myself. My self talk is never pretty but I am working on it every day. Some day I may be able to turn off the negative talk completely.

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GRLTAZ 6/15/2014 10:37PM

    I find when I am in that frame of mind that is not so generous, I am usually unhappy with something in my life. I am grateful that I can usually catch it and I now know to look inside so as to figure out why I am being snarky/ mean. I try to remind myself of how I would want people to view me and treat me. I know everyone has had moments like this though, even if they do not recognize it or admit it. It is just we humans being human flaws and all. The past is the past and I am trying very hard to live in the moment every day. It is hard but not impossible. good catch in seeing where your mind was at. I call that a NSV !

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EVIE4NOW 6/15/2014 6:58PM

  It is a myth that fat people are lazy. Sure some are just like any other area of life. But, some are not. It might be hormones or low metabolism or medicines or an illness. I don't judge until I know the story behind the weight. Why can't I be as nice to me?

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MASTERCARE 6/15/2014 5:02PM

    good blog...thought provoking...thank you

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THINFITFEMINIST 6/15/2014 2:57PM

    Carole, I think all of us on some level are "guilty" of judging others, and especially those of us on Spark, on their weight issues. It's taken me years to see the total package of a woman and not do that, but those are people I know.

I do catch myself making judgments on strangers and I do not admire that in myself. When I catch myself doing this I stop and realize it and gently smile and continue on. Thereby avoiding the consequences of making that error more tangible by getting into guilt and spiraling down. This is the only path out of that dilemma.

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A successful mini-vacation

Monday, May 26, 2014

emoticon emoticon

I work four days a week, take Thursdays off. So, I decided to ask for this past Friday as well, to give me 5 whole days off in a row with the Memorial Day Holiday. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do with my time, but determined I would not waste it. Flash of Brilliance - why not fill my days as I would in retirement (boy am I looking forward to that!)

I hit the ground running with gardening and household projects. For 4 straight days I worked, and my Zip showed well over 5000 steps each day, without 1 formal walk. I should say that our yard is close to 2 acres, so just to walk around with the grass trimmer takes time. I mixed potting soil, planted, trimmed, washed, stacked, tidied, tossed and had a great time doing it. Boy, did I ache at the end of each day, but the next morning I was off and running again. What a great feeling to do some actual physical work, vs. peering at my computer and talking on the phone all day at my job.

And I hardly thought about food, drank gallons of water, did plenty of strength building exercise, and was utterly relaxed. We had beautiful weather for the first time in months which made the whole experience wonderful. Today, Memorial Day, is cool and cloudy, and it looks like it may rain, but we observe Memorial Day for its somber significance, don't we? emoticon

Anyway, I've learned at least one thing about myself; I'm capable of staying active and eating healthy when I have free time to fill up. I'd wondered if all I'd be doing in retirement would be to eat and play on the computer. Guess I'm headed in the right direction, after all!

emoticon Yay, ME!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRLTAZ 5/26/2014 2:35PM

    Awesome NSV Carol !! I am looking forward to retirement also but it is quite a few years away yet. I am so happy for you getting exercise without working out formally. WTG !

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Hey, my little marker moved (in the right direction)!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

emoticon I've only lost .4 lbs, but that's better than nothing. I'm actually down about 4 pounds from my worst, but that's not what I listed as my starting weight. You only want to reset your starting weight so many times, you know. Anything to trick my brain.

Maybe it's the improving Spring weather, maybe it's encouragement from Sparkfriends, but I feel more positive about the steps necessary to get healthy. Read a good Sparker Blog today about how it's necessary to re-frame being "hard" on yourself into being kinder to yourself. By doing the things you need to get healthy, you're actually nurturing, not disciplining. Wow, what a total 180 from resentment to enthusiasm! emoticon

Another interesting thing (at least to me) has happened. My DH seems to be taking notice that I'm eating better. When I turned down cherry pie last night after supper, saying I'd already exceeded my calorie allotment for the day, he inclined his head, gave me a little smile, and returned the plate and pie to the kitchen. Now, mind you, I haven't directly asked for his help; that gets me into trouble, cuz he starts hiding his cookies and chocolate and I get resentful. However, he has never criticized my eating or my weight, either, bless his heart.

emoticon I am feeling really positive today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHALLENGER15 5/16/2014 7:15AM

    emoticon

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DOXIEDOXIE 5/15/2014 10:06PM

    Very good!!!! I will take any and all losses when that scale finally moves in the right direction!!
WTG! emoticon

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THINFITFEMINIST 5/15/2014 7:03PM

    Love this blog! He's a keeper hon and so are you. Well done!

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MISTYDAZE42 5/15/2014 11:52AM

    emoticon

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For me, scary helps

Saturday, May 10, 2014

A few months ago, I asked my physician for referrals to a diabetes educator and a nutritionist, hoping they'd give me some information that was so mind-blowing that I'd immediately wish to take better care of myself. Actually, they were kind and encouraging, but not scary. emoticon

I think I finally found my "scary". While standing in the grocery check out line, I spotted a special issue of "Prevention Magazine" on sugar. I'm a nurse, have Type 2 diabetes which was preceded by metabolic syndrome. In nursing school, I had a whole semester on Nutrition, so I wasn't hopeful I'd find something new in the popular press. HOWEVER, what I read in the little magazine gave me a clearer picture of how excess intake of sugar (in all its many forms)can cause fatty liver disease, among other horrors, and it also gave me a better idea as to why sugar is so addictive. It really is like taking drugs - the more you eat the more you want. When you add the psychological aspect for someone like me, for whom sugar is "comfort", there's a double whammy. emoticon

This new knowledge really helped me this week, which was National Nurses Week. Most of the acknowledgement of this celebration was in the form of chocolate and cookies. We are four nurses in my clinic, and we share an office, so guess where the goodies are delivered? Right. Picturing the nastiness of a fatty liver, and knowing that one bite would lead to 20, I was able to resist all but one homemade bar. Whew!

I am *never* going to toss that magazine. For anyone who's interested, the magazine is Prevention Guide, Sugar Detox Made Easy, and it's out this May. Now the 'made easy' part is a huge exaggeration, you and I know it, but the info is worth reading, at least it is for me.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRLTAZ 5/13/2014 8:57PM

    Great blog Carol ! I know what you mean by sugar being comforting and addictive. So is fat but after awhile, if I pay attention to my body, I find it is not REALLY liking the sugar or fat. I get sluggish, sleepy, worn out faster, I gain weight, I get constipated, I feel thirsty more. There are so many things I notice when I pay attention. I have not cut it out entirely but I have cut back. Same with pop, now down to 1 a day or less. Basically, if I find I am focused to a particular food item, I get rid of it. Currently it is apple fritters. If roomie does not eat it by tomorrow, in to the trash it goes. I do not need detours on this journey. Too costly to my health. Keep sparking.

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THINFITFEMINIST 5/10/2014 7:27PM

    I'm so happy you are scared into treating your body with respect. There is one form of sugar that not only is good for you but is necessary to good health: fruit! Fresh fruit and organic if possible.

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RADOOGA 5/10/2014 4:46PM

    Thank you for posting this. For similar health reasons I am trying to take sugar out of my life too, despite a life long 'addiction'. I realise now that that is exactly what it is, an addiction. Seeing it as a drug rather than a comfort takes away a lot of the mental need for it. Thank you.

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For me, scary helps

Saturday, May 10, 2014

A few months ago, I asked my physician for referrals to a diabetes educator and a nutritionist, hoping they'd give me some information that was so mind-blowing that I'd immediately wish to take better care of myself. Actually, they were kind and encouraging, but not scary. emoticon

I think I finally found my "scary". While standing in the grocery check out line, I spotted a special issue of "Prevention Magazine" on sugar. I'm a nurse, have Type 2 diabetes which was preceded by metabolic syndrome. In nursing school, I had a whole semester on Nutrition, so I wasn't hopeful I'd find something new in the popular press. HOWEVER, what I read in the little magazine gave me a clearer picture of how excess intake of sugar (in all its many forms)can cause fatty liver disease, among other horrors, and it also gave me a better idea as to why sugar is so addictive. It really is like taking drugs - the more you eat the more you want. When you add the psychological aspect for someone like me, for whom sugar is "comfort", there's a double whammy. emoticon

This new knowledge really helped me this week, which was National Nurses Week. Most of the acknowledgement of this celebration was in the form of chocolate and cookies. We are four nurses in my clinic, and we share an office, so guess where the goodies are delivered? Right. Picturing the nastiness of a fatty liver, and knowing that one bite would lead to 20, I was able to resist all but one homemade bar. Whew!

I am *never* going to toss that magazine. For anyone who's interested, the magazine is Prevention Guide, Sugar Detox Made Easy, and it's out this May. Now the 'made easy' part is a huge exaggeration, you and I know it, but the info is worth reading, at least it is for me.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MJRVIC2000 5/10/2014 4:36PM

    Diabetes is easy to control once you learn how. Three things are required: healthy portion food; exercise; and changes in lifestyle. I know! I did it! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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