Monday, August 27, 2012
Wow I haven't been on here in well over a month! EEKK!!!!
I could make excuses all day long but the excuses only hurt me and hinder me from reaching my goals. So no excuses. Just admitting that I stopped what was working so well for me. That's my history though, I always quit before I finish.
Because of the depression that has crept back into my mind and my life, I've decided to admit I need some help understanding me and how to fix ME. I'm not broken just a few knicks here and there that need to get fixed before they turn into larger cracks that cause me to not see where I'm going or to become completely broken!
August 16th my husband and I left NC for "vacation" in Pittsburgh, PA. We had tickets to the preseaon NFL game at Heinz field. It was the Indianapolis Colts at Pittsburgh Steelers. (Colts is the team I pull for and Steelers is my husband's team!) This was my first every professional game of any kind. So to have our two teams play each other was sweet!!! We spent time touring Pittsburgh by Ducky Tours, Gateway Clipper Tour (cruised on the 3 Rivers), walking up and down the main strip. We took Duquenes Incline up Mount Washington to over look the city and have dinner with an amazing view of the city from dusk to dark! We watched all the people walking, biking, canoeing in this city. We figured if you weren't fit when you went to Pittsburgh, you would be when you left!!!
On Sunday for the game, we made our way to our seats and here's the problem. My hips were too wide for me to sit comfortably in the seat. I had to sit sideways and was still uncomfortable. But managed to deal with it. Its so embarrassing that I can't fit in stadium seats. I'm tired of being embarrassed by my weight. I'm tired of not being happy in my skin. And I know no one can change it but me. In order for me to change, I have to work from the inside out. So I've gone back to counseling. I've got to have some help changing the way I think about me and change my attitude. I've come to realize I am so very hard on myself and I don't have to be.
As my counselor says, we're creatures of habit, we have to be very aware of our actions and realize when we start to fall back into what's comfortable if that's not where our goal is at.
I think I need to find a friend or a "texting" buddy to help me be accountable. I can't ask my husband because he will not push me because he doesn't want to upset me. I need someone who knows what its like facing all these battles. I need someone who will follow up with me every day and see if I have worked out, walked, drank water, or been lazy and why. Someone to help me stay on track. Lord knows I try but I just don't seem to have enough of my own push to keep going. I've got to stop making excuses and make this a habit. Isn't it 21 days to create a new habit? I don't think I've ever made it past 14 days in a row!!!!
Oh well its a new day. I did get to the YMCA today at noon. I started out earlier but had to have a flat tire on my van fixed and ended up needing four new tires... ugh.. So after that I went to work out. I was proud of myself! Then I had a job interview at 4. I thought it went well. I was led to believe that i was at the top of his "pile", and was told that he would make his decision and give a call back tonight. Well.... no call back. And my depression was getting to me. I even got turned down for a job at Macy's!!!! I can't seem to get a full time job for what ever reason and it upsets me so bad and makes me feel like a failure... So instead of sitting here crying, I put on my work out clothes and went for a walk. So I got another mile in... 1.13 in 23 minutes this evening. Earlier today when I went to the YMCA, I did 1 mile in 22.29 minutes on the treadmill.
This is my husband and I at Pittsburgh on Gameday!!!!
This picture is to remind me that the next time I go to Pittsburgh, I will be sitting in the seat without hurting or being embarrassed!!!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Why is it when I set my mind to something and am determined to do something, life throws me a few curve balls and keeps me from what I was determined to do???
I haven't worked out since Monday!!! UGH. I'm so disappointed in myself. Tuesday I got side tracked by school work and phone calls about jobs. I got a part time job now with Hallmark. So I will be working a mere 3 days a week (maybe an hour or two). Right after that phone call I got a call from another merchandising company offering me a couple little gigs to go do, two for this week and one for July 24th. Then my ex calls me to say "The last time we talked you asked when you could get him again, so when do you want him?" Ok this is a man to "sticks to the court order" on visitation rights and do nots. So for him to call me and offer this?! I only get my son a week at the beginning of the summer and a week at the end. I just had him last week. Took him back to his dad (a 3.5 hr ride there and 3.5 hr ride home) on Friday! Then he tells me on Tuesday I can get him for another week as soon as I want him?! UGH!!!! Any way, I didn't go and work out during the day b/c Tuesday is usually deep water class for me at night. Well b/c of the weather, the pool was out... Which meant no working out for me on Tuesday!
Yesterday wasn't any better! I got up early did a bit of reading for school and then was like crap, I gotta get out of here b/c I had these two merchandising jobs to run and do and then I had to make that 3.5 hr. drive to get my son. So I got my two merchandising jobs completed, came home, reported them and then left to make that long drive. (Not to mention not having enough sleep b/c of the fire alarms!!!!)
Eating yesterday... let's see, I had a pack of nuts, then stopped for McDonald's and then nothing else except some raisins.. I didn't even cook dinner when I got home at 8:30 p.m. last night. I was tired!!! And to top it all off, its the worst week of the month for me and I'm in PAIN!!!!!!!! UGh!!!! I just want to curl up in my bed and not move! But, as usual I'm up at 5:30 a.m. so wanting to go back to bed today b/c its dark, rainy, gloomy kinda stay in bed weather! LOL But I have things that have to get done!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Ok so I'm a little too chipper for 7 am! But hey I've been up since 5:30 am!!! And I have NOT gone back to bed! Then again this is a normal thing for me now since my husband started this new job a couple of weeks ago. I used to just sleep in when he got ready for work at his other job. But now I'm a good housewife! LOL I get up make coffee and make his breakfast and pack his lunch. Then when he's out the door at 6:15, I begin my day with coffee!! Typically I'll go to the YMCA around 9 am for the 9:30 a.m. Water Cardio class. But on Tuesdays I go at night for the deep water class. I like the deep water better. I feel like I work harder in the deep water b/c I can't touch and have to keep myself afloat!
Well, all my excitement and chipperness is b/c my husband has decided he wants to start working out now. So now I go in the mornings for water cardio and then at night with him! Yesterday was the first of two workouts in a day! Last night I did the recumbent bike for 20 minutes and then I did the ab machine, seated leg press, chest press, leg extension and one other thing that I can't seem to remember right now. But I'm just proud of myself b/c I could have either sat home or sat and waited on him to finish at the Y, but I chose to work out. (When ever I say or hear work out, I instantly think of LMFAO's song.... ) I guess I'm gonna get this weight off of me one way or another!
Last night, one of the trainers told me that losing 2 pounds a week was ideal. Really!? Just 2 lbs a week!? Good lord this is gonna take me forever to lose the weight I wanna lose. But baby steps .... that's how its gonna happen.
Well since hubby and I will be going to the Y tonight and I have water class tonight, he will do the weights without me. I guess I should get myself in gear and go do the walking/weight routine this morning so I still get 2 workouts in today! So with that being said, time to fill up the water bottle and get going!
WOOHOO!!! Let's go SparkPeople!!!!!!
Thursday, July 05, 2012
My youngest son has been visiting this week. (He lives with his dad full time so I only get him everyother weekend and 2 weeks during the summer!) I feel like I've been slacking off so bad since he's been here. But I took him with me Monday when I went to my water cardio class. Then tuesday I didn't go to class because I typically go at night on Tuesdays for the deep water class. But I had a telephone interview for a job at 7:30 p.m. so I didn't make the class, however, I still got some exercise in, b/c I took my son to our neighborhood pool. We swam for a while. Well, he swam around more than I did. But I did get about an hour's worth of swimming in. We were there from about 2:30 until 6:00 p.m.! With yesterday being the Fourth Of July, my husband was off of work so we did some work in the yard, mostly b/c HOA sent a letter saying we were in violation... UGh I despise HOA. Don't they realize its too freaking hot to be out in the yard cutting trees, grass and pulling weeds??? But any way, we cut tree limbs, pulled weeds and all that jazz.. But I still feel like I've been slacking a lot! I am watching what I eat and teaching my son at the same time that you gotta eat better so you don't have to worry about weight or medical issues like diabetes!
Well we're going to the YMCA again today for some more water cardio. I plan to work hard today!
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