Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Typically when I go to the YMCA, I spend about 20-30 minutes on the treadmill walking. I walk for a mile. Trying to beat my time each day. Then I go and do the machines. I do arms, legs and abs all in one day after walking. I've been doing all that off and on for about 2 years now. I've never done it enough to need to change anything. But I decided that I will change things up. I used to do Body for Life many years ago. It seemed to work for me, although I never completed the whole programs.
So... since this is a new month, I've decided to start BFL again. Which meant today was just cardio, for me is walking, and increasing my speed as I go. I think I will start adding incline at some point but for now its just increasing the speed. Tomorrow will be lower body and then Thursday will be cardio again and Friday will be upper body. The three circuits (upper, lower and cardio) alternate every day for six days, then my 7th day is a free day to eat what I want and not exercise. Which is a nice idea because then I don't feel like I'm "cheating" on my changes!
After my workout, I went to get the groceries for the next two weeks. I freak out when it comes to spending so much money on food! I'm one of those remorseful buyers before I even buy anything! If I think I'm going over my budget, I'll start putting things back that I know I can do without. With buying fresh fruits and vegetables, I was getting scared... very scared!!! But I think that I did pretty good because I only spent $124 and some change. So not too bad when you consider its for two weeks! (or as close to 2 weeks as I can get!)
I'm on my second week and with losing 3.6 lbs in my first week, I decided to set up my goals. I've decided not to reward myself with food or anything to terribly expensive.... But still having trouble coming up with rewards for the smaller goals. My ultimate reward is going to be Disney when I have reached 199! LOL I want to be under 200 lbs. I know I have a LONG way to go, but that's the end goal. This time next year I want to be able to sit in the seats at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh. I don't want to be tired and exhausted any more. I want to be able to shop in the non plus size areas of the stores. I would love to be able to get some "matching" under clothes like from Frederick's of Hollywood or Victoria's Secret.. At least one time to say I did. I want to be able to ride in roller coasters again. I want to go to the water park with my son and be able to ride the rides with him. I felt so bad that my weight was a problem for certain rides. I had to explain it to my 13 year old one time and from then on he was like mom you can't ride this one it says x amount of weight. I know he was looking out for me but it hurts my heart for him to be saying that. He nor I should have to worry about weight requirements when we're trying to have fun! I also want to go on a zip line tour and white water rafting... can you tell I'm an adventurous soul?
So you can see some of the things I want to do... And I will do them. Just give me a year to two years and I will be able to do them. I just have to keep myself pumped up and reminded about it. EVERY DAY!!!!!!!
I GOT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Ugh, thunder, lightening, rain... booming so hard shaking the house, guess its time to log off for a while!!!)
Monday, August 27, 2012
Wow I haven't been on here in well over a month! EEKK!!!!
I could make excuses all day long but the excuses only hurt me and hinder me from reaching my goals. So no excuses. Just admitting that I stopped what was working so well for me. That's my history though, I always quit before I finish.
Because of the depression that has crept back into my mind and my life, I've decided to admit I need some help understanding me and how to fix ME. I'm not broken just a few knicks here and there that need to get fixed before they turn into larger cracks that cause me to not see where I'm going or to become completely broken!
August 16th my husband and I left NC for "vacation" in Pittsburgh, PA. We had tickets to the preseaon NFL game at Heinz field. It was the Indianapolis Colts at Pittsburgh Steelers. (Colts is the team I pull for and Steelers is my husband's team!) This was my first every professional game of any kind. So to have our two teams play each other was sweet!!! We spent time touring Pittsburgh by Ducky Tours, Gateway Clipper Tour (cruised on the 3 Rivers), walking up and down the main strip. We took Duquenes Incline up Mount Washington to over look the city and have dinner with an amazing view of the city from dusk to dark! We watched all the people walking, biking, canoeing in this city. We figured if you weren't fit when you went to Pittsburgh, you would be when you left!!!
On Sunday for the game, we made our way to our seats and here's the problem. My hips were too wide for me to sit comfortably in the seat. I had to sit sideways and was still uncomfortable. But managed to deal with it. Its so embarrassing that I can't fit in stadium seats. I'm tired of being embarrassed by my weight. I'm tired of not being happy in my skin. And I know no one can change it but me. In order for me to change, I have to work from the inside out. So I've gone back to counseling. I've got to have some help changing the way I think about me and change my attitude. I've come to realize I am so very hard on myself and I don't have to be.
As my counselor says, we're creatures of habit, we have to be very aware of our actions and realize when we start to fall back into what's comfortable if that's not where our goal is at.
I think I need to find a friend or a "texting" buddy to help me be accountable. I can't ask my husband because he will not push me because he doesn't want to upset me. I need someone who knows what its like facing all these battles. I need someone who will follow up with me every day and see if I have worked out, walked, drank water, or been lazy and why. Someone to help me stay on track. Lord knows I try but I just don't seem to have enough of my own push to keep going. I've got to stop making excuses and make this a habit. Isn't it 21 days to create a new habit? I don't think I've ever made it past 14 days in a row!!!!
Oh well its a new day. I did get to the YMCA today at noon. I started out earlier but had to have a flat tire on my van fixed and ended up needing four new tires... ugh.. So after that I went to work out. I was proud of myself! Then I had a job interview at 4. I thought it went well. I was led to believe that i was at the top of his "pile", and was told that he would make his decision and give a call back tonight. Well.... no call back. And my depression was getting to me. I even got turned down for a job at Macy's!!!! I can't seem to get a full time job for what ever reason and it upsets me so bad and makes me feel like a failure... So instead of sitting here crying, I put on my work out clothes and went for a walk. So I got another mile in... 1.13 in 23 minutes this evening. Earlier today when I went to the YMCA, I did 1 mile in 22.29 minutes on the treadmill.
This is my husband and I at Pittsburgh on Gameday!!!!
This picture is to remind me that the next time I go to Pittsburgh, I will be sitting in the seat without hurting or being embarrassed!!!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Why is it when I set my mind to something and am determined to do something, life throws me a few curve balls and keeps me from what I was determined to do???
I haven't worked out since Monday!!! UGH. I'm so disappointed in myself. Tuesday I got side tracked by school work and phone calls about jobs. I got a part time job now with Hallmark. So I will be working a mere 3 days a week (maybe an hour or two). Right after that phone call I got a call from another merchandising company offering me a couple little gigs to go do, two for this week and one for July 24th. Then my ex calls me to say "The last time we talked you asked when you could get him again, so when do you want him?" Ok this is a man to "sticks to the court order" on visitation rights and do nots. So for him to call me and offer this?! I only get my son a week at the beginning of the summer and a week at the end. I just had him last week. Took him back to his dad (a 3.5 hr ride there and 3.5 hr ride home) on Friday! Then he tells me on Tuesday I can get him for another week as soon as I want him?! UGH!!!! Any way, I didn't go and work out during the day b/c Tuesday is usually deep water class for me at night. Well b/c of the weather, the pool was out... Which meant no working out for me on Tuesday!
Yesterday wasn't any better! I got up early did a bit of reading for school and then was like crap, I gotta get out of here b/c I had these two merchandising jobs to run and do and then I had to make that 3.5 hr. drive to get my son. So I got my two merchandising jobs completed, came home, reported them and then left to make that long drive. (Not to mention not having enough sleep b/c of the fire alarms!!!!)
Eating yesterday... let's see, I had a pack of nuts, then stopped for McDonald's and then nothing else except some raisins.. I didn't even cook dinner when I got home at 8:30 p.m. last night. I was tired!!! And to top it all off, its the worst week of the month for me and I'm in PAIN!!!!!!!! UGh!!!! I just want to curl up in my bed and not move! But, as usual I'm up at 5:30 a.m. so wanting to go back to bed today b/c its dark, rainy, gloomy kinda stay in bed weather! LOL But I have things that have to get done!
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