NAVYMOM133   46,142
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It's been one year since I said "Goodbye" ...

Friday, February 21, 2014

One year ago today, my beloved father passed away suddenly.

He was a young father in that picture, with four of us kids already on the scene. We rounded out to a family of eight, with five daughters and one son!

He was the most loving, wonderful man. I miss him so much. How could a year have passed already? My mother turned 80 on Wednesday. Her birthday will always and forever be two days before the anniversary of his death. We managed to have a wonderful party for her, with a group of 13 of us kids and grandkids taking her out to dinner, followed by cake and ice cream at home.

I love you, Dad, and miss you so much.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLIE381 2/24/2014 2:05PM


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WATERONE 2/22/2014 10:59AM

    emoticon It is hard especially if you lose someone you love suddenly. My dad died the day before my birthday 3 years ago so I understand. I'm glad your mother had a good celebration for her birthday this year. emoticon

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QUEENMOXIE 2/22/2014 10:40AM

    Melly...Sounds like you had a wonderful Dad. My dad died on my mother's birthday and was cremated on my brother's...and my sister died Xmas eve....Its hard to celebrate, but they would want us to. Hugs to you.... emoticon emoticon

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POPSY190 2/21/2014 7:04PM

    Lots of love to you and your family, Melly. Not a good day for either of us today. Xxxx

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MEXGAL1 2/21/2014 6:36PM

    Oh, I so feel your pain. I too miss my Daddy all the time.
Blessings to you.

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EMMACORY 2/21/2014 6:21PM

    I am glad that you have happy memories. Your Dad is always in your heart, always with you. emoticon

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MUDDER91 2/21/2014 6:21PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. My one year anniversary was last Fall. It is tough. emoticon

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PROUDNM1987 2/21/2014 6:03PM

    So sorry for your loss!! emoticon It sounds like you had a wonderful time with your mom!! That is awesome that so many could be there with her to celebrate!! Btw I am also a Navy mom!! I know you must be proud! I sure am!!! Have a wonderful weekend!!!

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"Nothing fits!!! *YET*"

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Hello, and welcome to my Day#3!

After being at goal weight for almost one year (six, hard months to get to goal after 5 years of Sparking), I started to unravel.

My healthy eating habits became "Healthy food, PLUS". How cool did that seem? My body 'forgave' my slips and treats, and I would just 'get back to work' if the scale started going up.

My healthy level of fitness was cut in half once I graduated college and left campus, the stairs and the walk up and down a steep hill to my car, in the fifth lot up - gone overnight! I never knew what that was contributing, I just loved the feeling of running around campus, trim and fit.

Yep, next came the beginning of my job search. UGH! I took a part-time gig at Kohl's while I looked for an engineering job, and was reintroduced to The Vending Machine. Double UGH!! It stood in the break room, and the pretzels were always stocked. (My mouth just watered *thinking* about pretzels... geez, yup - day#3.) So began the pretzel habit, single-serving at first. I stood at the registers so the legs started aching and I developed sciatica for the first time. YOUCH!

Next came the job from hell with the commute to match! I wasn't getting home here until 7:45pm most nights. GAH!!! And they had vending machines with TWO types of my Snyder's pretzels: nuggets and minis! That job was the pits. I was a temp and I really disliked the feeling of temping. I didn't belong. I actually considered a full-time position there, but I would have been miserable.

I started that job in October and worked there until my father died suddenly in February. Between the miserable hours, sitting sitting sitting, and the double vending machine drop at the end of the day, I started gaining. Enter Thanksgiving and Christmas. By Christmas I did not care anymore.... not a total 'do not care' but many binge days, BINGE with 'screw it' eating.

Well, the morning of the day my father passed away, I got a call from the recruiter at a Medical Information Technology company. I got a job offer. Wow, bittersweet offer call. Anyways, I have been with my new company for four weeks this past Friday and last Wednesday, I moved to my permanent building - on the FOURTH Floor!!!

emoticon Hey! This'll be like college again!
emoticon Then I somehow found a site on FB "100 Squats a Day".....
Next thing I knew, it was Monday and emoticon emoticon

I am so excited and fired up. I have emerged from the fog of Dad, the old job, bad habits and just have this feeling like this will be the time I take it back down to where I belong!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon All kinds of things on the horizon...

So this morning, when I was frustrated with myself as I donned yet another tight, unflattering outfit, I exclaimed, "Nothing fits!!!" But then I amended the statement with "YET!!!"
emoticon emoticon emoticon

I will DO THIS along side my Spark Buddies!!
We're all in this together, we're all in this together emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOLLFACEDX 5/19/2013 9:17AM

    congrats on the job - always good to do something you enjoy rather than just work. how's that FB site working for you?

5% - Spirited Under Dawgs

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KATHYD82 4/21/2013 11:35AM

    Melly, I just read this today...I miss your blogs sometimes! But when I find them, I'm always impressed by your honesty and insight. Thank you for being my spark friend. emoticon

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MEXGAL1 4/19/2013 2:49PM

    You can do KNOW what to do.........just do it!

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POPSY190 4/19/2013 3:55AM

    I'm certainly together with you in this! We will get back where we were together! All for one, and one for all!
Now that you have some certainty in the job area things are bound to improve for you. I'm so pleased you feel you made the right decision and now have a permanent office on a floor with stairs!! And no vending machines?? Soon it will be everything fits NOW!!

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SORGIN 4/11/2013 9:54AM

    Yet. That is the perfect way to put it, "Nothing fits - yet." As you know, I have recently dealt with my own up-down-up. I wish I had read this blog months ago because that's exactly how I should have talked to myself instead of, "What the h#@! is wrong with you?!" I have to say that little by little many of the old clothes are fitting again and it's a good feeling. I have 14 lbs. to go to get back to where I was (which means there are pants/shirts that are being patient - ha!) - BUT - I can now wear more than the two pair of jeans I could barely get over my hips back in December. I haven't lost any weight recently but put on a pair of shorts yesterday and was pleasantly surprised. So something's working! Keep up the good work and your wardrobe will increase accordingly! I am so glad you are in a job you like and that you are making the time to take the stairs. It sounds like you have an angel in your corner, always with you...

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KANOE10 4/11/2013 8:04AM

    You can do it. You sound happy with your new job and ready to stay on track. Good for you doing three days of staying focused. You will fit those clothes better soon!

emoticon emoticon

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POPSY190 4/11/2013 3:23AM

    Good to hear you so upbeat again. And I'm so glad that in the end the right job presented itself, even if the associated circumstances were sad. You'll be fitting those outfits in no time at all!

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MUSTANGAMORE 4/10/2013 9:24PM

    As always you are such an inspiration! No doubt in my mind that yet will come very quickly! Love you! Jan

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ELLIE381 4/10/2013 8:57PM

    We are all in this together, we are all in this together. You are right. Congrates on day 3 emoticon emoticon

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    This whole weight loss thing is a slippery slope and so easy to backslide but you've caught it before having to say "I gained all my weight back and then some." A phrase uttered by so many. It sounds like this job was your dad's final gift and will help you get back on track on the road to good health and before long everything will fit! :)

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Taking the stairs ...

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

I'm putting this line in the sand. It's Day 2 in my Recommitment tour and I feel strong. I want to get back to my fighting weight, my maintenance weight!

It's been over a month since my dad passed away and it's time for me to snap out of it. I need to get back to basics and move on consciously, instead of reaching and eating every last thing that will wreck havoc on my metabolism, digestion, you-name-it: ENOUGH!!

I started my new job on March 11th. I am in my permanent office and sit on the fourth floor. I have been Taking the Stairs!! I logged 25 flights of stairs for the second day in a row, between arrival, mid-morning coffee, lunch, etc.

So here's to Operation "Taking the Stairs"!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
-Moving deliberately each day, particularly strength exercises.
-Tracking nutrition, plan meals and follow through with prep/meal.
-STOP the sabotage already! We Can Do This!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHYD82 4/10/2013 7:00PM

    So happy to see you blogging again MellY!!! I have missed you! You have missed your self too. You have to be ready, be in the mindset to start again, and you are. I am also feeling that way. I was in a funk the past couple of months...I feel like I am through that and done with it...exercise just makes me feel better, yay for that. Looking forward to reading always have a great way to share whats going on, its always encouraging to me. XX OO Kathy

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MEXGAL1 4/10/2013 10:37AM

    Woo hoo....concur those stairs.
Good for you!
Have a terrific day!

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SORGIN 4/10/2013 8:03AM

    Storm those stairs! Storm those stairs! I am glad you are back and know it is only a matter of time before you are back to maintenance. You know what to do. Now that life is settling back into a routine, it will be more manageable. I like POPSY's idea about different events each week. I may have to try that myself.

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POPSY190 4/10/2013 3:59AM

    Melly, Pansies are one of my favourite flowers so I just love your background. I'm so glad to see you blogging again and hope it's the start of better things for you. So much change and sorrow in so short a time isn't good for anyone and certainly is sure to distract you from your usual daily habits. One of my SP teams, set up for between challenges, has suggested a personal triathlon which I found a creative way of going about things. The idea is to make a list of five "events" you will accomplish in the next week. Mine are things like sorting my genealogy papers, walking the hill 3X, walking 30 minutes other days, eating only 2 pieces of fruit with meals, and going to the final gym class tomorrow (it's optional but I'll make myself go now!). Next week I can create different events for myself.
I like your stairs goal/habit. How are you finding the new environment? Do you feel settled in there now?

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ELLIE381 4/9/2013 9:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I lost my father yesterday ...

Friday, February 22, 2013

Monday was President's Day, a day off from work, and also the day before my mom's 79th birthday.
My husband and I took my parents to lunch in celebration. It was a gorgeous day and we had a wonderful time. My mom had suggested the restaurant at a local ski area, so we lingered for several hours, enjoying the backdrop of the slopes and skiers.

Tuesday was back to the work schedule but I called that evening to wish my mom a happy birthday and we all talked. They had had a quiet day.

Wednesday, on my way home from work, I got the call from my mom and sister that my father was incoherent at home. My sister, and her husband and family had been waiting at a local restaurant for my folks to arrive when she got a call from my mom that there was trouble......

Wednesday morning at 7am, my dad took his beloved dog out for a walk. He had a total knee replacement last January and while fully recovered, he tended to have balance problems. He walked the dog across the lawn and hit a patch of ice and went down at the edge of the driveway. He even mentioned the fall to my mom, but had brushed it off. They had a normal morning, then went shopping at Costco and Target that afternoon. When they got home, he took the dog out again then went up shower while my mom gave two piano lessons. When she went up 1 1/2 hours later to see if he was ready, he was laying down, completely incoherent. He had said to my mom before her lessons that he had a headache, and couldn't remember the last time he'd had a headache.

When they called me, I said to call an ambulance immediately and they did. He was transported to their local hospital, heard he'd taken a fall, and order a CAT scan immediately. I got home and received word that it was very serious and that we'd better come promptly. As we were leaving we got another call that he was being transported to Lahey Clinic, due to their superior neurology department.

By the time we arrived at Lahey, they were performing a second CAT scan and we joined my mom and the sisters who had arrived in the Surgical ICU. It wasn't long before the surgical resident came out to tell us that the situation was very grave and that the surgeon was reviewing the scan and would be out to see us.

It turns out that when my father fell, he must have hit his head. He didn't hit it hard enough to cause a fracture, heck there wasn't even a bump. But it was enough trauma to cause one of the tiny blood vessels in his skull to tear, and it started slowly bleeding into his brain. My father was a Cumadin patient. With the powerful blood thinner in his system, he never stood a chance. The blood vessel insidiously bled all day, while my dad lived his day, shopped with my mom and prepared to go out for another birthday celebration.

The surgeon showed us the second CAT scan, which showed that it had gotten even worse between 6:30pm and 8:30pm. The was a massive blood pool on his left side and his poor, magnificent brain had been slowly and inexorably compressed and pushed into the right hemisphere. He had suffered irreversable brain damage already, and even if he made it through the surgery, he would need extraordinary measures/life support to sustain him. He did not want that for himself and had expressed his wishes many times. My mother had to, first, make the decision whether to operate. She didn't have more than 30 minutes, and that was for the prognosis we'd already heard. All my siblings except my sister in California were there. Normally, it's two at a time into the ICU but they allowed us to all go in after the CAT scan consult. He was in a coma, had a breathing tube and was receiving medicines to keep his blood pressure down, etc. My mom made her second decision at 3:30am, to remove the interventional measures and let nature take it's course, while they kept him pain-free. The surgeon said we could have 2 minutes, 2 hours or 24-48 hours left with him.

My father passed away shortly before 3pm the next day. I know that due to the massive injury, he never regained any consciousness. A single tear ran down his cheek several minutes before he took his last breath on this earth.

I love you, Dad.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDIDIT 5/4/2013 6:15PM

    Sending cyber hugs, sorry for your loss.

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MUSTANGAMORE 3/18/2013 1:07PM

    Melly, Kathy wrote exactly what I was thinking/feeling. I am sorry to be out of touch, I also wondered what happened. I am so so sorry. I wish I could take the pain of this from you and your family.

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KATHYD82 3/18/2013 11:43AM

    Melly, somehow I missed this when you first wrote it. I'm so sorry again about the loss of your father. It doesn't really seem fair, does it? Not an illness, but an accident that took his life. You can look at it many different ways, that his suffering wasn't long, etc., but I'm sure you feel a real sense of loss and wish to have more time with him. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing this, I have been wanting to ask what happened, and you explained everything so well. Prayers for your heart ache, Kathy

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    Melly, I am so very sorry that you've had to say 'Goodbye' to your Dad.

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    Oh, sweetpea, what a heart-wrenching story. Hugs to you and your family....and your mother most of all.

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MOSTMOM1 2/26/2013 7:56AM

    Oh Melly, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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DR1939 2/23/2013 8:30PM

    emoticon My mom died with something similar but lived for about 6 weeks afterward, never really reviving. It is very painful for your family.

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QUEENMOXIE 2/22/2013 10:11PM

    Melly, I am so sad for you. My heart breaks with yours. I will say a prayer for you and your family. emoticon

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CHAOTICMOM4 2/22/2013 6:09PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. My brother took a fall on ice on February 4th and has been on a ventilator ever since. They think the fall may have caused clots to leave his heart and hit his brain. I truly know how terrible this must be for you..

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MYSTERYROSE74 2/22/2013 2:40PM

    Oh Melly. I am so sorry! Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

emoticon emoticon

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PRINCESSAMY 2/22/2013 2:31PM

    I am so sorry to hear that. Bless your heart. That is the saddess thing ever. God Bless you. My prayers are with you.

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ROSEWAND 2/22/2013 1:39PM

    What a tragic story. I am so sorry for the loss of your
precious father. And my heart goes out to your mother.
I lost my husband suddenly last summer. It is the
hardest thing I have ever had happen.

Do give your mother extra TLC over the coming years
as she makes this difficult adjustment. emoticon
I assure you she needs you now more than ever.

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POPSY190 2/22/2013 1:37PM

    Writing! Love. Penny

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SORGIN 2/22/2013 12:41PM

    Melly, I am crying with you. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I am so so sorry. Please know you are in my prayers.

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CYND59 2/22/2013 12:10PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and Prayers to you and the family!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 2/22/2013 11:16AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have family around you and I wish you all as much comfort as possible in the days ahead.

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MJREIMERS 2/22/2013 10:53AM

    I am so sorry! I can't help, but cry. I lost my dad almost seven years ago after a very long illness. It is never easy! You, your mom and your entire family are in my prayers. Family is so important during difficult times. I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a big emoticon .

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KARRENLYNN 2/22/2013 10:45AM

    I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I lost my father last July. He had several serious conditions that worsened over time. One night he just collapsed and died quickly in my arms. It doesn't matter if how it ends, we're never ready and we miss them so much. I like to think that both of them are someplace better, where they are happy, healthy, and watching over us.

Karen emoticon emoticon

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DRKEYEZ820 2/22/2013 10:43AM

    Oh Melly , im sitting here in tears my dear friend. I am so so sorry for your loss. I am here if you need a friend. And know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers at this time.

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BROOKLYN_BORN 2/22/2013 10:09AM

    Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom, also on coumadin, went almost as suddenly. It's been 2 years now and I miss her. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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NLH4444 2/22/2013 10:08AM

    Oh I am so sorry. It sounds like you have amazing parents! Your family, especially your Mom, are in my prayers. Sending much love!

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ONEWEIGH 2/22/2013 10:05AM

    I'm so sorry. We lost my husband's Dad in November, so it's very fresh in my mind how hard it is. Prayers to you and your family, particularly your poor Mother, who is probably torturing herself with "if only"s right now.

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MEXGAL1 2/22/2013 9:56AM

    I am just so sad for you and your family. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Many hugs

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    Crying with you. There are no words appropriate enough to help you. May the many wonderful memories you've made with your dad wrap around you and comfort you at this difficult time.


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JACKIE542 2/22/2013 9:42AM

    So sorry emoticon

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ALWAYSROSY 2/22/2013 9:31AM

    OH NO!!! I'm so very sorry dear friend. Sending you hot tea, gently cyber hugs and blessings. Prayers for you and your family at this difficult time. emoticon

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I am a FitBit girl as of today ...

Monday, January 21, 2013

I am also Picture Girl. Why did I take pictures of myself today and post one on my page and another view here? I don't know. Honesty... Reality-check ... Readiness?

I have had a number of false starts, trying to get this train back on the tracks. I became non-compliant with the Terms of my Maintenance and - SURPRISE - I am no longer maintaining. I can analyze this thing to death or just choose to get up and try at a Day ONE once more.

The picture above is me, wearing my Christmas FitBit, for the first time and checking in after lifting weights for the first time in a long time. It's not a flattering picture. I don't think I could be more bloated from yesterday's sodium - my nose is even bloated! GAH!! But I don't think it's misleadingly unflattering. No, I didn't shower and blow-dry my hair but you can't wash away sodium bloat and 20 lbs.

But that is my reality now. I am up two pant sizes and feel very uncomfortable. I am taking up TOO MUCH SPACE! I loved it when I did not have my stomach on my lap. I loved it when my husband called me "Twiggy"! (I cannot tell you how much I loved that term of endearment!!) I am starting to not want to do things because people will "see me, and see how fat I've gotten" - blah! Due to the rapid weight gain (20 solid lbs in less than two months), I am sure I must be a shock. I know I feel like a disappointment (Like others really, truly care what I weigh) because no one wants to hear about the success-gone-bad story, right? Or see it, because it becomes the great UNDISCUSSED elephant in the room. Me and my weight gain!

It's time to turn this around. Really, REALLY time. I have got to get back to the me I want to be. I know I can do this but the longer I go with these resets, the longer it will take.

So, ONWARD! I will wear my FitBit to encourage me to do better than 'yesterday's stats' and I will EXERCISE and stop making excuses. The pretzels have been dumped again, and this time, I hope it's forever. Someday, when I have another pretzel, it will be from a single-serving - MAYBE. Some things I just can't have.... and that's ok.

Every Day is emoticon emoticon
Stay emoticon and Keep Working It!!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITS_MY_TURN_NOW 1/29/2013 7:12PM

    You can do it, Melly! emoticon

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KATHYD82 1/22/2013 9:16AM

    You will have to tell me about the Fitbit. I know I have heard the word, but I don't know what its all about! I do know that when you set your mind to something, you will get it done. You will stay on course Melly, one day at a time as those pounds go away... emoticon Off to the elliptical...trying to stay on course myself!! Kathy

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ELLIE381 1/22/2013 8:19AM

    Enjoy your Fitbit Melly! I love mine.
I feel for you. We have all been here. Done well and then gained. We are here for each other.
To another Day 1! emoticon

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POPSY190 1/21/2013 11:33PM

    I don't care about any of it! I'm just SOO glad to see you back. With Spark you can do anything and the 20lb will soon be a gonner. More importantly, you'll be back on the road to lasting health and fitness. I'm sure these lapses have a purpose, and there are lessons to learn. emoticon It has taken me about 50+ years to learn that there's no such thing as a single potato crisp for me, or a small packet of crisps if it comes to that. Once my salty appetite pump is primed there's no stopping me. So now I just don't let myself have even a taste. I do, however, get the salt in meals - I don't sprinkle madly but have miso soup now and again (I use the light salt paste) and will put a small amount of vegemite on pumpernickel for supper sometimes. That seems enough to keep the craving at bay.
Thinking of you. All WILL be well!!

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HUSKERGAL27 1/21/2013 9:36PM

    I love my fitbit! Good luck with your journey!

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LORT-C 1/21/2013 4:55PM

    Oh Melly --I feel your pain. Why can it seem so easy at times and so hard at others. I hope we can both turn this around. No we will turn it around. emoticon

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ONEWEIGH 1/21/2013 3:33PM

    Oh, poor you! Never in my darkest hour did I think my nose was bloated! emoticon But you're back to it now and success is assured. emoticon

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