Friday, February 21, 2014
One year ago today, my beloved father passed away suddenly.
He was a young father in that picture, with four of us kids already on the scene. We rounded out to a family of eight, with five daughters and one son!
He was the most loving, wonderful man. I miss him so much. How could a year have passed already? My mother turned 80 on Wednesday. Her birthday will always and forever be two days before the anniversary of his death. We managed to have a wonderful party for her, with a group of 13 of us kids and grandkids taking her out to dinner, followed by cake and ice cream at home.
I love you, Dad, and miss you so much.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Hello, and welcome to my Day#3!
After being at goal weight for almost one year (six, hard months to get to goal after 5 years of Sparking), I started to unravel.
My healthy eating habits became "Healthy food, PLUS". How cool did that seem? My body 'forgave' my slips and treats, and I would just 'get back to work' if the scale started going up.
My healthy level of fitness was cut in half once I graduated college and left campus, the stairs and the walk up and down a steep hill to my car, in the fifth lot up - gone overnight! I never knew what that was contributing, I just loved the feeling of running around campus, trim and fit.
Yep, next came the beginning of my job search. UGH! I took a part-time gig at Kohl's while I looked for an engineering job, and was reintroduced to The Vending Machine. Double UGH!! It stood in the break room, and the pretzels were always stocked. (My mouth just watered *thinking* about pretzels... geez, yup - day#3.) So began the pretzel habit, single-serving at first. I stood at the registers so the legs started aching and I developed sciatica for the first time. YOUCH!
Next came the job from hell with the commute to match! I wasn't getting home here until 7:45pm most nights. GAH!!! And they had vending machines with TWO types of my Snyder's pretzels: nuggets and minis! That job was the pits. I was a temp and I really disliked the feeling of temping. I didn't belong. I actually considered a full-time position there, but I would have been miserable.
I started that job in October and worked there until my father died suddenly in February. Between the miserable hours, sitting sitting sitting, and the double vending machine drop at the end of the day, I started gaining. Enter Thanksgiving and Christmas. By Christmas I did not care anymore.... not a total 'do not care' but many binge days, BINGE with 'screw it' eating.
Well, the morning of the day my father passed away, I got a call from the recruiter at a Medical Information Technology company. I got a job offer. Wow, bittersweet offer call. Anyways, I have been with my new company for four weeks this past Friday and last Wednesday, I moved to my permanent building - on the FOURTH Floor!!!
Hey! This'll be like college again!
Then I somehow found a site on FB "100 Squats a Day".....
Next thing I knew, it was Monday and
I am so excited and fired up. I have emerged from the fog of Dad, the old job, bad habits and just have this feeling like this will be the time I take it back down to where I belong!!!
All kinds of things on the horizon...
So this morning, when I was frustrated with myself as I donned yet another tight, unflattering outfit, I exclaimed, "Nothing fits!!!" But then I amended the statement with "YET!!!"
I will DO THIS along side my Spark Buddies!!
We're all in this together, we're all in this together
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
I'm putting this line in the sand. It's Day 2 in my Recommitment tour and I feel strong. I want to get back to my fighting weight, my maintenance weight!
It's been over a month since my dad passed away and it's time for me to snap out of it. I need to get back to basics and move on consciously, instead of reaching and eating every last thing that will wreck havoc on my metabolism, digestion, you-name-it: ENOUGH!!
I started my new job on March 11th. I am in my permanent office and sit on the fourth floor. I have been Taking the Stairs!! I logged 25 flights of stairs for the second day in a row, between arrival, mid-morning coffee, lunch, etc.
So here's to Operation "Taking the Stairs"!!
-Moving deliberately each day, particularly strength exercises.
-Tracking nutrition, plan meals and follow through with prep/meal.
-STOP the sabotage already! We Can Do This!
Friday, February 22, 2013
Monday was President's Day, a day off from work, and also the day before my mom's 79th birthday.
My husband and I took my parents to lunch in celebration. It was a gorgeous day and we had a wonderful time. My mom had suggested the restaurant at a local ski area, so we lingered for several hours, enjoying the backdrop of the slopes and skiers.
Tuesday was back to the work schedule but I called that evening to wish my mom a happy birthday and we all talked. They had had a quiet day.
Wednesday, on my way home from work, I got the call from my mom and sister that my father was incoherent at home. My sister, and her husband and family had been waiting at a local restaurant for my folks to arrive when she got a call from my mom that there was trouble......
Wednesday morning at 7am, my dad took his beloved dog out for a walk. He had a total knee replacement last January and while fully recovered, he tended to have balance problems. He walked the dog across the lawn and hit a patch of ice and went down at the edge of the driveway. He even mentioned the fall to my mom, but had brushed it off. They had a normal morning, then went shopping at Costco and Target that afternoon. When they got home, he took the dog out again then went up shower while my mom gave two piano lessons. When she went up 1 1/2 hours later to see if he was ready, he was laying down, completely incoherent. He had said to my mom before her lessons that he had a headache, and couldn't remember the last time he'd had a headache.
When they called me, I said to call an ambulance immediately and they did. He was transported to their local hospital, heard he'd taken a fall, and order a CAT scan immediately. I got home and received word that it was very serious and that we'd better come promptly. As we were leaving we got another call that he was being transported to Lahey Clinic, due to their superior neurology department.
By the time we arrived at Lahey, they were performing a second CAT scan and we joined my mom and the sisters who had arrived in the Surgical ICU. It wasn't long before the surgical resident came out to tell us that the situation was very grave and that the surgeon was reviewing the scan and would be out to see us.
It turns out that when my father fell, he must have hit his head. He didn't hit it hard enough to cause a fracture, heck there wasn't even a bump. But it was enough trauma to cause one of the tiny blood vessels in his skull to tear, and it started slowly bleeding into his brain. My father was a Cumadin patient. With the powerful blood thinner in his system, he never stood a chance. The blood vessel insidiously bled all day, while my dad lived his day, shopped with my mom and prepared to go out for another birthday celebration.
The surgeon showed us the second CAT scan, which showed that it had gotten even worse between 6:30pm and 8:30pm. The was a massive blood pool on his left side and his poor, magnificent brain had been slowly and inexorably compressed and pushed into the right hemisphere. He had suffered irreversable brain damage already, and even if he made it through the surgery, he would need extraordinary measures/life support to sustain him. He did not want that for himself and had expressed his wishes many times. My mother had to, first, make the decision whether to operate. She didn't have more than 30 minutes, and that was for the prognosis we'd already heard. All my siblings except my sister in California were there. Normally, it's two at a time into the ICU but they allowed us to all go in after the CAT scan consult. He was in a coma, had a breathing tube and was receiving medicines to keep his blood pressure down, etc. My mom made her second decision at 3:30am, to remove the interventional measures and let nature take it's course, while they kept him pain-free. The surgeon said we could have 2 minutes, 2 hours or 24-48 hours left with him.
My father passed away shortly before 3pm the next day. I know that due to the massive injury, he never regained any consciousness. A single tear ran down his cheek several minutes before he took his last breath on this earth.
I love you, Dad.
Monday, January 21, 2013
I am also Picture Girl. Why did I take pictures of myself today and post one on my page and another view here? I don't know. Honesty... Reality-check ... Readiness?
I have had a number of false starts, trying to get this train back on the tracks. I became non-compliant with the Terms of my Maintenance and - SURPRISE - I am no longer maintaining. I can analyze this thing to death or just choose to get up and try at a Day ONE once more.
The picture above is me, wearing my Christmas FitBit, for the first time and checking in after lifting weights for the first time in a long time. It's not a flattering picture. I don't think I could be more bloated from yesterday's sodium - my nose is even bloated! GAH!! But I don't think it's misleadingly unflattering. No, I didn't shower and blow-dry my hair but you can't wash away sodium bloat and 20 lbs.
But that is my reality now. I am up two pant sizes and feel very uncomfortable. I am taking up TOO MUCH SPACE! I loved it when I did not have my stomach on my lap. I loved it when my husband called me "Twiggy"! (I cannot tell you how much I loved that term of endearment!!) I am starting to not want to do things because people will "see me, and see how fat I've gotten" - blah! Due to the rapid weight gain (20 solid lbs in less than two months), I am sure I must be a shock. I know I feel like a disappointment (Like others really, truly care what I weigh) because no one wants to hear about the success-gone-bad story, right? Or see it, because it becomes the great UNDISCUSSED elephant in the room. Me and my weight gain!
It's time to turn this around. Really, REALLY time. I have got to get back to the me I want to be. I know I can do this but the longer I go with these resets, the longer it will take.
So, ONWARD! I will wear my FitBit to encourage me to do better than 'yesterday's stats' and I will EXERCISE and stop making excuses. The pretzels have been dumped again, and this time, I hope it's forever. Someday, when I have another pretzel, it will be from a single-serving - MAYBE. Some things I just can't have.... and that's ok.
Every Day is
Stay and Keep Working It!!
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