Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Normally at this time of year, I am ready to take the sweaters off & just go w/ a t-shirt but something about this weather makes me frigid! What the fo?! so I have to go thru the list... sort of... of what could be making me so cold.
The weather has DEF. been weird. we had 90 days a few weeks back... now.... not so much. My outdoor plants are suffering as well! And apparently I have allergies now? I hear all the time you can 'acquire' these things as we get older but really? why? this is dumb, there is no need for me to have allergies at this age.
I'm still not smoking, so that is good but is that somehow affecting my 'health'? what about my weight? well truth is, i haven't lost any so i don't think it's that. or maybe i have. the scale sort of scares me, the last time i got on, it gave me a number i didn't like at all. Though i am being told i look like i have lost a few pounds, i can't really go by that... i don't see it.
although.... since i have been sick, i have been eating less....
meet w/ a trainer at the gym yesterday. she handed me my butt but it was good. sort of fun. make me realize i have some work to do.
ok, i think i am done ranting, i'm gonna curl up under my desk now to hopefully warm up!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
.... ME!! lol! but seriously...
SO.... it was me b'day yesterday (you - oh happy birthday! me - thanks!! that means a lot! you - oh it's nothing, for you?! me - awww... that's so sweet, I'm so lucky to have friends like you :) you - well it's easy to be such a good friend to such a wonderful person! me- omg, you're gonna make me blush! you are too kind! you- speaking of blush that's a great color on you! me - ok, now just stop, you are being silly! you- oh... you're right! the both of us- HA HA HA HA!)
sorry about that....
anyway I decided to take a little break from my 'diet' yesterday b/c i knew i wasn't going to be 'good.' funny how that worked out. In the past i would gorge myself b/c that's what you can do at an all you can eat steak house, right? Apparently I learned that if i do that, I can't enjoy the rest of my night. So Friday night when about 20 of my friends & i were enjoying the Chursacaria Rodizo (Brazilian steakhouse that i TOTALLY spelled wrong) i was selective in what meats to enjoy & I didn't eat it everything on my plate. I DID fill up on those yummy veggies at the salad bar & even tho it was all you can eat STEAK.... i enjoyed my meal :) it was the company that made it awesome, not the food & while the dinner was good... i left there feeling a LOT better than i thought. i have to say, i was proud of myself.
so yesterday? lunch was ok, the food was decent, i ate some, then brought most of it home. it was the perfect size lunch :)
dinner? Italian restaurants serve WAY too much but i also brought that home.
selections? well lunch was filet tips w/ veggies (mushrooms, sun dried tomatoes, artichoke hearst & potatoes. didn't eat the potatoes)
dinner was lobster ravioli in cream sauce. yum. but i only had 3. later tonight for dinner, i will have the other 3 :)
so, the selections weren't the best BUT i kept the portions smaller, so I can see i am making some head way. which leads me to.... my shout out to SDJ
(I seriously should get paid for this....)
John sent me a link to his blog on starting over. or maybe NOT starting over. He made some good points about what we learned along our journey & it got me thinking, by george, he's right. damn it.
so of course I got thinking... I guess in some ways I am not starting over, i am just picking back up again b/c I have all the knowledge I learned along the way. Sadly, what i don't have this time is the motivation. For this i blame my dear boy friend he still loves this fat a$$ of mine. I think we will have to talk about this...
Well, he DOES still love me but he doesn't really motivate me... what i mean by that is (insert stupid excuse here....) my weight is not his problem. My weight is MY problem & my lack of motivation comes from KNOWING that I am loved even though I don't love myself. this needs to change. I'm not saying that I am down on myself, NO, not by any means, i'm WAY too obnoxious for that, PLEASE. but I have a reason to be lazy.
So yesterday I celebrated 37 years of life & it got me thinking. It took me a LONG time to find an AMAZING man who treats me better than most PEOPLE have treated me for a good portion of my life. (high school was HELL). He may love me w/ the love handles & a little giggle BUT, i don't love myself like this. I owe it to him... to ME to do something about it.
so i did :)
I went to the gym today. no class, no one saying, hey, we really need to go (I lined up a few gym buddies around my office). just me. my belated birthday present..
oh btw... mahalo SparkPeople for that awesome mobil app to log my food AND fitness. You rock!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Well it is at the close of another year... 2011 has came and went, can you believe it? Wow time flies. But I'm not here to talk about how time flies, I think most of us are aware of it, but instead what I want to talk about is getting back on the wagon.
I think it is very possible that many of us are going thru similar tribulations right now. It's the holiday season, regardless of what religion you practice, festivities are all around. And many of us are dealing w/ weight issues, be it the need to gain weight but for most of us it is about losing the weight. So I want to share my story.
If you have been keeping up with me, you know a little of my 'history'; a little look into my life, so you know a little bit about me & what some of my past trials have been. You might have also noticed I have not been on Spark for some time. I won't make excuses, I have missed tracking my food & logging my work out minutes but the truth is, I had a hard time thinking about that w/ all the other things going on in my life. Some good, some bad, like anyone else, but my health should always come 1st. Well, this is true & that is why I felt the need to write today. My health got in the way of keeping good health ....
I have to preface this w/ a side note... if you are reading this now, you must decide why you are reading this. There is someone out there (& you know who you are) who has felt the need to keep tabs on me. I am NOT in your life any more & for good reason. DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.
If, however, you are not that person, please feel free to dive into my life :)
I recently had some health issues come up... I had surgery (minor) to have cancer cells removed & another tumor was found. THIS after 4 months of being smoke free :) Did I mention I did finally quit smoking? Well I did! July 21st. Anyway, after surgery I felt sort of crappy for some time. Expected. Made going to the gym impossible tho, however diet is not really dictated by how one feels... or is it?
The weeks leading up to having surgery food just did not appeal to me. I was annoyed & astonished but starving. So when the mood struck to eat, I did. Whatever I could keep down! Day after day I watched myself nibble on fast food, praying that I would be able to eat 'normal' again. It felt like the more calories & trans fat an item had, the more my body wanted it. That lasted for too long. About a month & then finally, I had the surgery & it was like a switch was turned on. I felt my body calm & food was suddenly appealing again. I tried to take it slow but my body NEEDED food... so I ate. & then it was Thanksgiving. So I ate some more. The time between Thanksgiving & Christmas day I have to admit, I have no excuse, I was feeling much better, appetite has gotten back to normal & I took a look in the mirror & saw how fat I became. I was sick to my stomach.
I have never been a person to be over weight. To this day I can wrap my fingers around my wrists with great ease but all my weight amassed in my mid section. All around my core. Now, as I sit at my desk, I look down & can see this... mass of fat, around my belly & I think... THIS HAS *GOT* TO GO!!! I'm sure most people would scoff at such an issue but what does not help my plight is my memory. That & finding old pictures of myself. Sigh... the good old days. Ok, so maybe I was a little under weight but... (looking down) I didn't have this.
In August of this year, my wonderful boyfriend moved in. He truly is a great guy, probably the best there is (sorry boys!) but I can recognize that he too has flaws. 1 of them is his appetite for sweets. Many times, since he has moved in, have we 'debated' the need to have sweets in the house. I have a strict rule against it & he feels he should be allowed to have them. I have no problem w/ him eating them, Ii just don't want them in the house. Seems fair to me. He disagrees. He'll get over it :)
The most recent discussion was 2 days ago, I think I made some head way w/ him & we decided we both would make a valiant effort to eat healthier. We went to Barnes & Nobel where I found a cook book that inspired me. Our next stop was Weigman's & got the ingredient's for me to make dinner. The cook book was for salads & the ingredients were: baby spinach, fresh mushrooms, Fuji apples & an avocado. I made us each a salad for dinner w/ ingredients that we each like, his had peppers (elch!) & mine the mushrooms & avocado. I also added some cooked lean ham (left over from xmas dinner), pine nuts, sliced almonds, carrots & celery. I also made my lunch for the next day.
While I enjoyed my salad for lunch yesterday I reflected on a conversation I had w/ my bf some time back. He spoke of satisfaction with food. It made me think; our eating habits are really mostly a mental ability. What I mean is, if we set in our mind, 'I am going to enjoy this salad & it is going to be tasty & I am going to be satisfied' then when we are done our salad, we are going to enjoy it & it is going to satisfy us. But if we think 'Oh, I just have a salad today' then we have already set ourselves up for failure. It was at that moment I decided I was going to change my perspective on foods.
SO... while getting back into the gym may have to wait (only a few more days), I can still get on my elliptical at home... at least twice a week for now. But the bigger thing is that right now, starting TODAY, I can change how I look at food. Healthy food can be just as satisfying & if i set that in my mind before I even make my meal, each time I sit down to enjoy that meal (be it 1st served or left over), I will enjoy it & be satisfied.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I don't know exactly how disappointed I should feel, maybe it was a blessing in disguise but when I got to my gym yesterday... VERY excited about getting in the pool for this new class.... I arrived to find SEVERAL members outside standing around.
When I walked over to talk to a friend/trainer he informed me the gym was on fire. At first I laughed, thinking he was joking, but when he told me that there was an electrical fire, it slowly became a reality that I was going to have to wait to try my new class WHo does this happen to?! Sigh.... so I went to chat w/ another trainer/friend for a bit then headed out. Turns out the power was not restored till 2030 last night, so I would have been waiting around for some time.
In the mean time, I decided to visit my guy, he was playing an open mic so I joined him for 'dinner' at the grocery store walking distance from the coffee shop he plays at. I'm not going to name names but the food was awful. I had choose a sushi tuna roll, which was gross & then had a small seafood salad, a tiny portion of egg salad & then a small portion of baby spinach w/ a table spoon of chopped ham, mushrooms & olives. Not 1 bite of this meal was satisfying & left me hungry for more
So I ask you, my what do you do when you encounter a situation like this? When you eat a meal that normally would hit the spot but the quality of food isn't there so your taste buds crave more? Any suggestions?
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