Tuesday, July 31, 2007
sorry folks, im headed out to visit in-laws for a week. hope everyone doesnt miss me too much...lol
i hope my teams still there when i return.
it seems as if when i dont post (come on ppl! i have a life too ya know?!?!?) that i lose members left and right.
i want to say, for those of you who WILL remain in the group when i return..YOUR A BLESSING!!! and should be GREATLY REWARDED!!!
if i knew how to hand you points, i would!
be good everyone, and if you find something funny youd like o cut & paste to the group in my absance, feel free. it would at least allow some stuff to flow thru, and not let the group seem dormant in my absence
Friday, June 22, 2007
i feel like i need therapy...i cried again last night, for NOTHING! i have NO idea what set me off, or WHY i felt so overwhelmingly sad...but i did, and i cried, and just sat confused about the emotion. nothing was in my mind, nothing was upsetting me, i wasnt frustrated, or even emotional, but i started to sob...somethings wrong with me. i need therapy.
this is deeper than self esteem, this is core...and i need help figuring out what it is... its not as simple as saying pick yourself up, brush yourself off, start all over again, i AM A FOOD ADDICT, and i feel trapped by the disease.
asking me to just think differently, or look at it in a different light, is like asking you to hold your breath....until i tell you to breath again, we all need oxygen,
and...we all need food...
this addictions prolly the hardest to beat, because you cant STOP eaing...you HAVE to eat...just to survive....
but with THAT aside, somethings still inside me, upsetting me....
perhaps its the weather, im not sure...i do get depressed alot when the skies get all dark and gloomy, and its been raining here alot (for which i am thankful, oklahoma needs the water) but it messes with my emotions...
i get extreemly sleepy, tired, worn out in that weather, and i never go out in it...it just drags me even further down...i try to sleep it all away, hoping to wake up and be a brighter, cheerier person again....
today (right now anyway) the skies have no darkness, its not exactly bright and sunny either, but the emotional place im at isnt depressed for now....there is the prediction of more rain over the weekend tho..**SIGH**
i expressed to hubby thru tears last night that i feel, i HAVE to attend an OA (over eatrers Anonymous ) meeting i HAVE to say it outloud, to claim it, make it mine..OWN IT!
if i dont go there i sugested id need therapy, with a counselor, psychiatrist/psychologist...someone on na professional level to determin if i need medicine for this depression oir not....it seems to only severly arise when the weather is bad....
this isnt me beating myself up, degrading my sense of person, this is reality, im not denying it, im trying to face it and quite frankly, it scares me to death to have to stand before a group of ppl and say...
"hi, my names michelle...and im addicted to food"
when i rehearse those words in my head, it causes me to feel embarased, and ashamed and overwhelmed with guilt...causing tears...
and i thought the whole idea to express it outloud, to take ownership of it, to make it yours was to...feel LIBERATED...
i just have to go...fear set aside, i have to go, i have to face the demon, i have to charge fully ahead and fight this beast, ill die either way, fighting to conquor it, or letting it control me one way or the other.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
i wish i had something to blog about. sadly im stuck in the 300s and have NO motivation or desire (at this time) to even try to leave.
im a failure. and im being serious, not asking for pitty.
i have an issue with the food addiction, no matter what i know i should do, i cant help myself from being drawn to the carbs...and if im in an establishment that offers them, im right there getting them.
its like a drug for me, but im never happy simply because im eating...
but i DO recognize that i am an addict to food, carbs mostly.
i have canceled one drs visit, because im frustrated with his advice, and i canceld a nutritionist appt. because i havnt been following the rules.
why waste thier time?
this is the hardest thing i have ever had to try to accomplish on my own, and i have no support here at home, and no support groups i can go to to find support.
i do good to have enough energy to post the posts i post everyday.
im just basicly exisiting right now...
in essence i feel alone on an island and drifting about being tossed to and fro...
Friday, April 13, 2007
well, a few things have happened since my LAST journal entry..
last you all read i went to the GASTRIC BYPASS seminar, and learned alot.
last saturday, i got a denial letter....they stated they had contacted my insurance company and the insurance company stated the 'SURGERY WAS AN EXCLUSION OF THE PLAN".
hubby swore he spoke to someone on the phone and they stated that GASTRIC BYPASS was within thier policy.
he emailed them about this "exclusion" and they replied back and told him where to find the info about the surgery as they require certain things to be done to facilitate such a request (naturally).
he printed up the information. and even the letter stating that i need a PRE-APROVAL letter from a physician before i can have the surgery...i was expecting that.
so, this past wednesday, i had my followup with the physician who REFERED me to this particualr GASTRIC BYPASS dr, and said to him, in order to get the surgery ill need a pre-aproval letter.
he changed hs song on me right there!
all of a sudden hes telling me too lose weight not have the surgery, and i tried to explain to him, the surgery was a nessessity because its not an issue to lose, but to maintain the weightloss. he wanted me too lose 3 pounds by next visit in a month.
hes also monitoring me for 6 months. not sure if thats for the aproval letter or what. but it seemed to fall in line with it. if so..pushes me back to the beginning of next year before i can have it...**sigh**
he also reitterated he wants me on a calorie intake of no more than 1800
i also attened a diabtic seminar and learned a ton of stuff about my diabetes (type 2) and learned the recommended intake for CARBS (yes carbs make sugars and thats an issue) is: 18 per meal...
that in itself has been quite a challange to over come because i have a home inundated (unknowingly until this seminar) with cabs!
my whole wheat (recommended bread) has 11 PER SLICE!! thats concidered close enough to one meal! (18 being the limit)
so for the past 2 days i have been hunting LOW CALORIE, LOW CARB recipes...sparkpeople.com has offered a TON of them, so i have quite a variety to choose from, as well as a couple of cook books i bought when i started to concider a life-style change.
buying whats needed for these recipes is the biggest challenge.
so, DR wants 1800 calories and told me to watch the calories and not worry wth the CARBS, and nutritionist stated the CARBS is why the sugars are so high in ppl like myself with diabetes.
this quest has gotten me exausted, and given me a headache as well.
i got the requirements for GASTRIC BYPASS:
100+ pounds over weight
44% BMI (body mass index)
type 2 diabetes
high blood pressure
i tried to keep my hopes up when i was suffering thru the rejection of that denial letter, and im not gonna lie..i cried the entire weekend, and feel depressed still because it seemed my hopes had been smashed to bits and i couldnt figure out why...
my motivation has been minimal, my team has suffered a bit ebcause of that...
i at least do have a slight shinny hope that if i follow drs orders, maybe thru the progress of that, he can see over the next 6 months i really WOULD benefit by having the surgery..and hed offer the support of that pre-aproval letter.
its all i have to cling onto for that surgery right now.
so, sunday im starting my NEW routine...
1800 calories a day and no more than 18 grams of carbs a meal.
i figured it out to come to:
100-200 calories a meal (aloting for seconds and thirds) with NO more than 300 calories per meal (this also goes for any snacks in between meals too.
1800 divided by 6 = 300 (thats 3 meals and 3 snacks with no more than 100 calories per serving -- 3 servings each)
1800 dividee by 5 = 360 (3 melas and 2 snacks, no more than 100 calories a meal --3 1/2 servings each)
1800 divided by 3 = 600( 3 meals, no snacks no more than 100 calories a meal --6 servings each)
of course everything can be swapped out for more calories if i feel fuller as long as i dont go over the 1800 a day linit i can exchange and do what i want within that planning.
and 9 grams or less of CARBS (Aloting for more than one serving with no more than 18 grams of carbs per meal)
well see what happens.
ill be recording each meal in the food planner, perhaps even posting it in the blog to be held accountable to it.
Friday, March 16, 2007
wednesday evening i had the opportunity (FINALLY!!!) to attend a gastric bypass seminar held in a city about 30 minutes from where i live here in OKLAHOMA
this particular seminar was hosted by one of the 2 drs: LANA NELSON.
she went thru ALOT of stuff...
explaining several things to the 14 of us who were there in hopes to be able to recieve the surgery.
a few points:
obesity is a CHRONIC LIFE THREATENING DESEASE
excess body fat results in serious health problems.
obesity is associated to te risk factor for over 30 health related issues.
obesity causes alot of ppl to epirience SOCIAL ISUES as well SELF ESTEEM ISSUES and often DEPRESSION.
she even went into BMI (BODY MASS INDEX)
if your BMI is between 20-24.9 thats ideal
if its: 25-29.9 thats overweight
if ts 30-39.9 is OBESE
40-49.9 is MORBIDLY OBESE
50 un up is EXTREEM OBESE
there is NO guarentee that youll lose weight with either the GASTRIC BYPASS or the LAP BAND (which they also offer)
the average weight loss for GASTRIC BYPASS varies by individual, but the average is: 70% of thier excess weight. LAP BAND: 60-70%
pegnancy: they advise you try NOT to get pregnant until about 18 months AFTER surgery.
RISKS:because the majority of the ppl having this proceedure are obese there are certain complications that CAN occure. HEART ATTACK,STROKE, WOUND INFECTION,INTERNAL BLEEDING,HERNIAS, INJURY TO THE SPLEEN, SERIOUS INFECTIONS, ULCERS, BLOOD CLOTS, and STRICTURES. following the proceedure patieients may expirience: BOWEL PERFORATIONS or LEAKS IN BOWEL INCISSION which would require another surgical proceedure.
RISKS asociated to LAP BAND: the LAP BAND can slip, REODE TO THE STOMACH which would result in another surgery, or BAND removal.
for both of these proceedures the occurance of any issue such as these happens 10% of the time..
and of course DEATH being the big issue to try to avoid.
GASTRIC BYPASS happens 1 in every 200 ppl
LAP BAND: 1 in every 900 ppl.
one individual behind me asked how many ppl died last year at this facitly with either surgery and dr nelson explained last year there was a 0 loss in paitients associated to the surgery or because of the surgery.
but it doesnt mean it cant or wont happen. if anyone dieds the statistics have shown it to be because of complications due to the surgery.
recovery time is alot shorter now a days as opposed to when this proceedure forst became popular. with GASTRIC BYPASS youd most likely be in the hospital 2 days and recover at home, back to work in 2-4 weeks.
LAP BAND: out patient, back to work in a week
after the surgey it is advised to eat high protine foods.
there are risks to having kidny and gallstones due to the inadiquate water intake after surgery. they advise after surgery to drink at least 6 LARGE glasses of water a day.
theres even a place to go with these ppl if your insurance denies the operation. they have provided each of us with a law firm that specializes in the push to get the surgery completed.
at the end she told us if the insurance policy aproved the surgery some of us could actually be in the operating room within 6 weeks.
i doubt ill have that opportunity, but it would be nice if i did.
hope for anyone else concidering either GASTRIC BYPASS or LAP BAND i provided enough information here to assist with your decission...
Get An Email Alert Each Time NATIVITY4ME Posts