DAY 53: Still Making Changes

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I'm still "struggling" but I am not so worried about it now. Because I want these changes to be life long, it is going to take a while to truly incorporate lasting changes that become habits. So I'm focusing on the positive changes and still "analyzing" those things that keep me from always being successful. Some other changes I'm working on:

1. I volunteered to be a co-leader on one of my Spark Teams. I do better when I have a responsibility and know that others are looking for my guidance. Keeps me accountable!
2. I called my HOA office to see about getting the clubhouse for the weekly meeting I KNOW I still need. I go in front on the board on Monday to get permission to use it weekly. I'm REALLY excited about this!
3. I'm recording my life on sparkpeople - and not putting a value on it. If I feel like I can only get on here when I have "good" things to record, I don't get on. That keeps me from educating myself and reinforcing the reasons why I'm changing my life. I find that the days I start on here I at least do better for a larger percentage of the day. THAT IS PROGRESS.

It's going to stick - I know it!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIBERFERRET 1/22/2011 11:03AM

Did you read the article about brushing level habits versus flossing level habits? That really made sense to me of what we are doing. Brushing level things are automatic, but we're working on flossing level things that still require constant vigilance and effort. But eventually this lifestyle WILL become brushing level automatic :) Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYYAK 1/18/2011 3:58PM

Good plans - Keep me posted on potential meetings! Report Inappropriate Comment

DAY 50: What Do I Fear?

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I have a wonderful friend who had the weight loss surgery about a year ago and is working on keeping a healthy lifestyle. She works in my building and I just interviewed for a position on her team - so we'd really be able to support each other! So I'm hoping that works out. Anyway, we had lunch together yesterday and were talking about our common ADDICTION and the lack of real research and understanding into Compulsive/Binge Eating. I am pleased to see that the medical community is really seeing this for what it is - A DISORDER. Not laziness, not lack of will power, but a true mental disorder. After all, why would ANYONE stay this way if they could stop it so easily? So we were talking about how in simply MINUTES we can go from totally in control, eating right, exercising - to the mindless compulsion that RIGHT THIS MINUTE I have to eat something, and often a LOT of something and a BAD something. What is that??? Why is that??? The other thing for me is - Why do I have to "numb out" and what is it that I fear? A therapist once told me, "You are overweight because you are CHOOSING what people reject about you." I can accept that you don't like me because I'm overweight, but any other type of rejection is just not fathomable. That somehow makes sense. Another once said, "Do YOU think you're beautiful?" I immediately said, "Yes, but no one else does." Wow. Think about that. See - DISORDERED THINKING. So I don't think logically about myself and my self worth. It has to be qualified by others. Why? And why can I not now, as an adult, relatively intelligent woman, STOP IT.

The good news is that I RECOGNIZE it - and I think I have truly made progress (over SEVERAL years) of being able to value myself more, even at my current weight. But I have much work to do - the DISORDERED place is more comfortable, because it's what I know...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXANDRA64 1/15/2011 9:48PM

Yes, sounds like you are on the right idea and heading forward. We basically are what we think. One thing that I did along the way that really helped me was to eliminate all labels. I no longer "am" this or that. I may "have" something but it does not define who I "am". Know what I mean? Changing ones identity and habitual thinking is tough but doable and worth the effort. Another thing that helped me was not "trying not to think negatively". Rather, I started choosing to think in more positive ways and looking for something good in every person I saw and knew. Eventually the good thoughts just over ran the negative ones. I liked how I felt when I was positive and got jealous for that feeling, the feeling of "good". When you are jealous over something, you will do anything to get it. So get jealous of those good, positive feelings and than you will find yourself doing everything you can to get back to that. Report Inappropriate Comment

FIBERFERRET 1/15/2011 9:16PM

The thing that really hits me about what you said is that I cannot imagine anyone rejecting you for any reason. You are hands down the most beautiful person I know, inside and out. Anyone who can't see that is an absolute IDIOT! I so wish you could love yourself like we love you. Report Inappropriate Comment

DAY 49: Persistence!

Friday, January 14, 2011

So yesterday I did great all day - ate right, did my sparky stuff, went to the gym, cooked and ate a healthy dinner - until RIGHT before bed. Then I HAD to eat the vanilla pudding that was in the frig. Can't explain it any better than that - I HAD TO. It was that old compulsion. SO back to the GOOD IDEA of having healthy stuff I can eat when the compulsion hits and get all the bad stuff out. Simple as that - persistence will pay off!

Today I have an interview for a job I've REALLY wanted for a long time. Wish me luck!!

  

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FIBERFERRET 1/15/2011 8:39PM

I'm making the 3 hour drive to Chicago when I get home just so I can have healthy craving snack options. I have healthy foods at home, but they are NOT things that can calm cravings. Trader Joe's and Whole Foods have snacks that are healthy and still calm my carb/sugar issues. Have you tried the TJ's frozen yogurt yet? It is to die for. And I've been converted to regular Greek yogurt too. It is so much more of a desert than regular, low calorie and high protein :) Down in FL I've done good. Fresh Florida organic strawberries & honey bell oranges and lots of fish. I've also only missed the gym 4 days in a week and a half :) I always feel like I'm a bad lazy person when I don't exercise, but then I have times when the weather is good and I don't hurt and I work out like mad and I remember that I'm not lazy, I just have to work hard each day to get through the pain :( It's good to know, though, that things CAN be better. Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYYAK 1/14/2011 9:56PM

Keep plugging. I'm having some struggles with myself post holiday this year but am determined. What's the potential job? -Joyce Report Inappropriate Comment

DAY 48: I'm Still Here and That's All That Matters!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I'm not going to dwell on the past - but you know I'm still struggling because I haven't been blogging. BUT I'M STILL HERE which is half the battle. I have my gym bag in the car and I've started out today doing very well - that's all that matters. I just called my HOA to see how to get the clubhouse for weekly meetings. I have also submitted a response to a call for a team leader in one of my Spark teams - providential that it came up today! I always do better when I'm responsible for others - a curse as well as a gift. So today is going to be a good day and THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIANNEMT 1/13/2011 3:42PM

Hey--keep on trying! Took us all a while to gain the weight, let's give ourselves some time to take it off! Just keep on trying! Report Inappropriate Comment

SCHNEBL 1/13/2011 12:15PM

Keep fighting the good fight my girl.....know that you inspire many! Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 39: Really Struggling!

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Well, just getting on here answered my big question: Why am I struggling so much? Well, it's been 7 days since I blogged - DUH!! How many times do you have to remind yourself that you HAVE to work the plan every minute, every hour, every DAY. I am just too weak and vulnerable to take breaks.

So never mind - I came on here to ask for help, but I know what to do! (But it's still OK if you want to encourage me, dear spark friends - I need you!)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCHNEBL 1/13/2011 12:16PM

You can do it! Frustrating though to know what to do and somehow not be able to do it! I feel your pain. Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYYAK 1/4/2011 5:17PM

It is easy to get busy and just not get on (I know!). How is the food plan going? Exercise? I just got my treadmill "desk" so that I can use my laptop while on the treadmill. Well, it's not hooked onto the treadmill yet, but hopefully this weekend I will be back to walking. Dropped a pound of the holiday (Nov-New Year) weight gain so far, so guess that is the right direction! about 5 to go. I really wanted to drop another 10 pounds this speing. We'll see. Hang in there - we are all here for the same reason. Joyce Report Inappropriate Comment

MINIDRIVER63 1/4/2011 10:18AM

I'm struggling too. Somehow I'm feeling blah and hungry and not feeling inspired. Report Inappropriate Comment

KIYADRUM 1/4/2011 8:32AM

I have a hard time remembering to blog too. Thanks for the reminder. Report Inappropriate Comment