Wednesday, July 22, 2009
ok, so yesterday i turned 62..not 39 like i tell everyone(who am i trying to kid?)..my day started out fine..i knew it was going to rain, no problem, my astrological sign is water..i moved my 2 planters out from under the eaves so mother nature could give them a drink of fresh rainwater..i took my cat, zoey, in my arms, took off my shoes and went out into the rain with her..she loved it and we both got soaked..this was the high point of my day.
i spent the whole day & evening alone in quiet comtemplation, meditation & (yes) prayer, feeling very meloncholy & alone..
i started to think about the positives & negatives in my life and had an epithany..all in all, i'm pretty lucky..sure, i spend most of my time in a wheelchair in my cute, little apartment, and get out only to doctor's appointments, but, i can "go on-line" at any time and "talk" to a bunch of folks who've become as important to me as my own flesh & blood...sparkpeople & facebook have become my main(read ONLY) social outlet..
with the support of my spark family, i've lost a total of 190 pounds!..my hip doesn't ache as much as it used to, and my knees creak less, i can even walk a few steps further then i could last year when i was a youngster of 61..
by the time the evening came, i had read & reread the birthday greetings from my on-line family and i was feeling very loved, happy & content..
finally, the light came on....i'm not only wiser...i'm happier!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
saturday was an unexpected gift from GOD..because of my limited mobility i don't get out too often..usually, just to medical appointments..not exactly my idea of fun, having my blood drawn or hooked up to a machine to make sure the pace-maker is timing correctly....but, oh man, this past saturday!
my son & dil invited an old family friend for dinner at their house..as luck has it, the friend "uncle mike" only lives 2 parkway exits from where i live, so i was picked up (like a queen) and had a calming ride into the old neighborhood for a lovely visit & dinner..i hated seeing the changes in the neighborhood i spent most of my life in, so many of the businesses i frequented are gone now, even the movie theather is now a "modell's" sports goods store, but, i spent a good amount of time with my son, my beautiful dil, my dil's lifelong BFF, donna(boo-boo) & boo-boo's handsome husband, noel...
my dil cooked her little heart out, making the things i don't make anymore(since i only cook for me now, i don't do meatballs & sauce or eggplant parma)..i ate just enough to be satisfied and enjoyed myself so much..it was nice to have pleasant table-talk with humans..(as much as i love my zoey-zilla, i get tired of talking in cat meow, i mean, how many ways can you say "meow"?)
i got home around 9PM, more tired then i've been in a year of sundays...i barely finished saying my prayers before i zonked out..didn't wake up once that night, and slept until almost 10AM!..
didn't have too much to do on sunday, my thoughtful kids packed me a "mommy bag", so i didn't even have to cook on sunday..all in all, i could learn to love days like that..
thanx, uncle mike, for being such a good friend...and thanx, john & doedoe, i love you guys..thanx boo-boo & the man, for just being you guys...and, anggie-bangy (my grand-puppy), this nana loves you very much.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
i went to a support session with my daughter at the clinic where she had her gastric bypass 2 years ago..i spoke up about how truly hard it is to get rid of these lasr 50 (approx) pounds and how my measurements keep "shifting"..i was told that it's most likely due to the excess folds of hanging flesh that is on me because of my loss of almost 190 pounds(so far)...the group moderator did some measuring and calculating and "guesstimated" that i had probably close to 50 pounds of loose, flabby flesh!..part of me felt good and part of me just wanted to cry...i can opt for surgery, or i can try to tighten the mess with mild exercise..so, now all i need to do is kill myself with movement and hope for the best.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
wow, time sure flies when you're sober..i'm guessing it's because i'm not getting drunk and passing out every day any longer..one thing is for sure, i'm feeling so much better these days..
has it really been 7 years?..it hasn't been especially smooth getting to this point in my life, but, it's getting better every day!..between the lousy health issues that surfaced last year, and the loss of my 19 yr old mytzvahmeow 3 weeks ago, it hasn't been easy to hold on...but, thankfully, i've a huge SPARK family who never fail to let me know that i really am loved...
i'm about to enter into my 8th year of sobriety..i could never' have made it this far without the love & support of certain family members and ALL of my spark sisters & brothers...thank you all, and thank you GOD for my new beginning.....
Monday, April 27, 2009
it's been 1 long week since my little mytzvie went to the rainbow bridge..my friends and family have all been very supportive and loving, both to me & to zoeyzilla..so far, i've found myself getting up in the middle of the night to put down fresh water, i've cried like a baby when i found fur balls under my buffet, and especially when zoey went looking for her all over the house...
i went to a family celebration on saturday the 25th..it was the first time ever that zoey was left totally alone, as mytzvie was there to keep her company..when i walked through the door when i arrived home, zoey jumped up into my arms, all purrie & lovely, you would've thought i been gone for a month instead of 4 hours!..she attached herself to me like white-on-rice!..i know that sooner or later a kitten/cat will come along that needs us as much as we need her..i don't think that zoey should be an "only child", and it's so quiet here.
my dearest friend sent me a beautiful sympathy card, as did my vet..both charlie(my estranged husband & mytzvah's "daddy") and i cried when we read them..but, they were good tears, and released a lot of pent-up emotions..
there's a bitter-sweet part to this whole thing(anyone who knows me, knows i don't have both oars in the water), the time it takes to do "poop" control has been drasticly reduced..who woulda guessed that one small cat could produce so much "peeps & poops"?(LOLOL)
i want to thank all of my sparkfriends for their loving expressions of sympathy & all the support i've been given..it's making it easier to work through my grief.
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