Saturday, August 22, 2009
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin
"My little guy, Cade is quite a talker. He loves to communicate does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.
There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the Restroom.
If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:
'Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh!
Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh!
You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing?
Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.
Cade continued, 'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?
Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!
Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me.
Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have Some!' 'No,
I'm trying to see doze stinkies.
Oh! Mommy!' He started to gag at this point. 'Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!' As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.
I began to reason with myself: OK. The are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!' He grunted as he tried to pull me off.
Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. 'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under DA door?
What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?' More laughter.
I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. 'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.' He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!'
I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the fine print on the motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?' But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow."
P.S. Based on the comments this post has received, everyone has mistakenly thought I wrote it! NOT! Please note it is credited to its author Shannon Popkin!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Well, summer is over for me. I went back to work today at the new elementary school that will be opening in just one week - lots of things to get ready!
Ironically, Saturday and Sunday were some of the hottest days we've had this summer, and DH and I ended up in the pool both days.
This afternoon, severe weather blew through, and we got pelted with quarter-size hailstones. I haven't looked yet to see if my truck was damaged (sitting in the driveway). It really tore up my garden plants, but hopefully, I will still get some fresh tomatoes.
I haven't blogged for awhile. My Spark journey is somewhat stalled out. I keep losing and regaining about 3-5 pounds, which is very frustrating. I'm getting in my cardio but not my strength training, which I know is important. I've done quite well with eating healthier, but have an occasional sweet tooth attack! One day I started craving "circus peanuts" candy - weird! It didn't go away, so I looked for some when I got gas at the station; they didn't have any, so I thought "good, I didn't need it". But the craving continued for over a week, so I broke down and bought some at the grocery store. You know what? They weren't that good! LOL!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Today I only got in a mile of walking, but then I got to visit/tour the new elementary school where I will be working this fall. Actually, "fall" is the wrong word -- I go back to work August 10th -- too soon!
DH had an appointment after work, so I went and bought myself a new book at Borders and then treated myself to an early dinner at Atlanta Bread Company. Following that, I had my weekly riding lesson, and the weather was beautiful for riding! (And I got more exercise!)
DH and I called DGS to wish him Happy Birthday... he was at a St. Louis Cardinal's game! He will be having a pizza party tomorrow evening.
DS phoned me, and we ended up talking for over an hour. I am feeling blessed because of my loving family; and to top off my day, after I entered all my foods, I was within my range on all counts!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
- walked 2 miles in 25 minutes and burned 242 calories
-ate a healthy breakfast: 361 calories, 61 carbs, 9 fats, 14 proteins
-ate a decent lunch: 391 calories, 39 carbs, 23 fats, 8 proteins (a little high on fat)
-dug a two foot hole and planted a tree (how many calories was that?!)
-ate a healthy dinner: 702 calories, 51 carbs, 36 fats, 45 proteins (high on fat again)
I went over my daily plan by 32 calories and 13 fats. If I hadn't put butter on my potato and broccoli I would be in great shape!
Tomorrow I will watch my fat intake more closely.
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