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I've gained back 4 pounds in 10 days...wow : (

Monday, March 19, 2012

I'm ashamed to admit that I have been binge eating sweets almost nonstop every night since I started work. In 10 days, I've gained back 4 pounds (and I was surprised that it was only 4 pounds with the way I've been eating).

I'm having a really hard time adjusting to my new schedule...I'm exhausted when I get home and I have had trouble sleeping all the way through the night. Although everyone at work has been super nice and very patient, I feel very anxious and nervous at work. I feel like I have to prove myself as smart and nice every second I'm there. It is EXHAUSTING making small "get to know you" conversation with my coworkers and answering their 21 personal questions about where I'm from, my family situation, where I live, what I do after work, etc. I know they're just trying to be friendly, but since I haven't worked in almost 3 years, I haven't been around people on a regular basis. I feel bombarded and cornered, and honestly, I feel pressure to fit in like I'm some high school kid again. It's very weird to 'hope people like me' at my age.

Anyway, my eating has been completely out of control and it has been super hard to get back on track. I'm praying every day for strength and determination.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STSCOTT11 3/23/2012 8:56AM

    Take it all in stride...best you can.
It is quite BRAVE of you to blog and share your experience. I feel there is a level of pressure to always do well here on spark...and with everyone else bragging about how good they're doing it hard to come and discuss any setbacks. So YAY! for you...cause your certainly not the only person. This kinda stuff comes with a lifelong decisions...UPS & DOWNS.
I did something like that...went on a special menu, lost over 6 lbs. and turned around and gained most of it back.
THE GOOD NEWS...it didn't take me but a few days to get it back off and WITHOUT going "extreme".
You have been doing well ALL ALONG. THAT really helps.
It won't take long for the anxieties to subside.
I am THE SAME WAY...I always try to be ultra nice and get along in new situations. IT IS WISE. Getting along is half "the game". I am not good with personal questions because I am a private person. It seems the more you answer THE MORE PEOPLE ASK. Sometimes they catch you off guard with odd stuff that would seem NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS...but people nowadays have "different" etiquette.
I KNOW how you feel. My boss is retiring and it will FEEL LIKE I am a new employee ALL OVER AGAIN...after nearly 8 years on the job.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
KEEP SPARKING! ...no matter what.

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CHANGINGSAM 3/20/2012 12:05PM

    I agree with FITNESSMONSTER. Just take things one day at a time. Hang in there!

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FITNESSMONSTER8 3/20/2012 10:17AM

    Just take it one day at a time. You will soon get used to your new routine. emoticon

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WADEFREEMAN 3/20/2012 9:35AM

    Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His Might!

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TRUEREINVENTED 3/20/2012 8:02AM

    Sure, the feelings ARE the same as junior high. And from what you said--junior high and high school SUCKED. The feelings are the same, but the situation is not the same. Keep working at separating the two. Then do what Kayecan said.
:)

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DEBBIESTY 3/20/2012 4:24AM

    Good luck!

Maybe take 10 minutes before work and after to relax and meditate?



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KAYECAN 3/20/2012 4:17AM

    I was replying with all sorts of advice but then decided "who am I to give Naima advice", so I deleted it all. You know the rules...you know the basics...you know all the secrets....you know you have to focus...so all you have to do, is look to yourself for the answers to what is going to make this job and your healthy lifestyle coexist. I am confident you will figure it out. In the meantime, be nice to yourself and don't be saying you're ashamed of anything. You are a neat person and the people at work will see that without you having to prove anything to them. Baby steps will get you back to being focused.
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JUICENUT 3/19/2012 10:41PM

    What's most important is to allow this and not beat up on yourself! emoticon

You just started a new job -- what a major life stressor. We usually do well with one change at a time. You started eating the nutrient dense way and you know you CAN do it. It takes a lot of planning and doesn't allow for any comfort foods. So as we are learning how not to depend on food to help deal with stress, cut yourself some slack. You know what is ideal and what is realistic under the circumstances. Now that you have swung to the other extreme, you will find a happy medium you can live with as you pace your change to a more plant-based daily diet.

NO GUILT ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT!

Whatever you have already done will have to do.

Now smile at yourself, and prepare for the next day (pack a lunch or at least a healthy snack).

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LITTLEBO 3/19/2012 10:28PM

    Just remember to start small. Pick one thing to work on. Go back to the basics. Are you doing something different when you get home. To keep your mind off eating? Can you take a walk or something.

My own take on my own work situation is that I didn't like junior high the first time around.....that is what my work is like.

Remember we are here for you.....
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MOMMA2X6 3/19/2012 8:46PM

    Hang in there! Things will settle down and you will get it under control. Take one small step at a time. Pick something you can control and go for it. You can do it!

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New job jitters

Friday, March 09, 2012

Okay y'all, it's hitting me now...on Monday I will be starting a new full-time job after not working for THREE YEARS! Tony and I were going over my benefits information and talking about how electing to put 6% into my 401k plan to get the full matching contribution is a good idea...it feels so weird to be talking about these things again.

I'm no stranger to working full-time. I had a corporate job for seven years before leaving to finish my degree, and it's all coming back to me. I remember all the stress involved - waking up at the crack of dawn and rushing to make it to work on time, deadlines and pressure to meet objectives, feeling exhausted at the end of the day, having to work evenings and weekends to finish projects. I remember the anxiety of performance reviews and the frustration over beaurocratic red tape. I remember having to wear suits every day and feeling nervous in meetings with corporate leaders.

But I also remember the good things about working - getting my own paycheck and being able to contribute to our family's expenses, working with good people and sharing laughs and venting sessions, dressing up, curling my hair, wearing make-up, looking nice and feeling confident, having a purpose and making an important contribution to a company. It feels good to be a productive part of society - part of the hustle and bustle of downtown. It made me feel more alive.

This is a huge change for me, but a really positive one. I'm excited to embrace my new career. (I just hope the transition is an easy one.)

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYECAN 3/11/2012 9:16AM

    LOL....I read your blog Friday nite in my motel but I think I responded in my head. I scrolled down twice to see my comment and it's gone. I bet you deleted it didn't you.....messing with the Kaye!!! I have on my calendar you start your job on the 19th so you probably messed with my calendar too!!!!
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Well, no matter how much you mess with me Naima, I'm still all excited about your new job. You will ROCK that office!! And you'll be styling in your new healthy body and making a mark with all your confidence you have in yourself now. You are a real people person and I hope you make new friends and it will be a job where you are excited to go to work everyday. I'm happy for you!!!
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JUICENUT 3/10/2012 9:26PM

    You will do well. Keep up your progress with the eating well. You are inspiring folks and you don't even realize it. So pack your lunches well, and plan to be late everyday so you are always prepared.

You will do well.

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FULLOFFAITH 3/10/2012 5:10PM

    emoticon on the new job!!!!



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LITTLEBO 3/10/2012 12:49AM

    How exciting for you. I once quit a job and took three months off. yes it was scary and exciting to go back to work....but I have NO DOUBT you will be AWESOME!!!!

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DEBBIESTY 3/9/2012 9:48PM

    Good luck on the new job/career! I'm sure Franklin has prepared you for the workplace experience ahead. You'll be fine.

As for your writing, I think you did an excellent job of putting in words the pros and cons of employment. That was well thought out.

Great blog/post!



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GWTRIKER 3/9/2012 9:46PM

    Enjoy the weekend and don't stress the new job. Relax and be yourself.

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TRUEREINVENTED 3/9/2012 8:03PM

    Ok--the transition will suck. :) But you know what? THATS NORMAL. I work at a high school--I am the head of the guidance department...and each September after the summer break--its horrific. But by the time October rolls around--I have found my grove again and its all fine.
So it will be for you. The first month you will be stressed, and tired and elated and drained and invigorated and JUST FINE.
Dont panic about anything. The learning curve will be steep but thats ok too. Change is always stressful--but you are fortunate in that this change will a good one that will challenge your mind and your intellect. ITS OK!!! and if you have to have packaged meals--then so what!!!?? Once you adjust it will run more smoothly.

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MELLYBEANS0919 3/9/2012 7:46PM

    I wish you all the best with the new job! This is a big step, you should be proud! Even if you are nervous, it is expected, and I am sure the nerves will eventually go away or not be as frequent. I will be thinking of you on Monday girl!


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Why eating always feels like cheating : (

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

I have been on a diet my whole adult life. Seriously, for as long as I can remember, I've been watching everything I eat - counting "net" carbs, counting calories, not eating anything white, eating only soup, eating only fruit, eating twice a day - then once a day, then every other day, not eating after 8 pm, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, Optifast, Medifast, etc. You name the diet, I've been on it. And during the brief periods I wasn't strictly adhering to some diet regimen, I was binge eating out of control on anything and everything I could get my hands on and feeling so guilty afterward that I feverishly searched for some new diet plan that I could devote to that might work. This is the definition of disordered eating.

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Now I am eating a plant-based, super healthy diet that allows me to eat fruits, vegetables, legumes and beans in unlimited amounts until I feel full. This means that I can literally stuff myself with huge bowls of berries, apples, and bananas for breakfast; a big bowl of lentil soup AND a huge romaine lettuce salad for lunch; and then another huge plate of spinach salad with veggies and a sweet potato for dinner. I always feel full...but then I always feel weirdly guilty because I associate this "full feeling" with binge eating. In the past, I only felt full after a binge.

I know that this plan is working because I've lost weight and feel good eating very healthy meals. But it seems too easy...like it's too good to be true and I might find out that my scale is broken or I'll get on the scale tomorrow and be back up 10 pounds suddenly. It's hard to relax and just enjoy good food without having to worry so much about the ramifications of eating.

I am grateful to God for answering my prayers and guiding me toward a way of eating that is healthy and that works for me. Now I need to figure out how to NOT to feel like I'm on a diet, and how NOT to feel guilty about food. Does this make sense?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYECAN 3/9/2012 4:04PM

    It's so good to read about your success with your new outlook on nourishment. It's not a "diet".....it's your lifestyle now. And I see your fitness minutes increasing on my friends feed so looks like your lifestyle is finding a good balance. You have to be feeling good about all that!!!
Have a great weekend Naima and fill it with good healthy choices!!
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And thank you for all the positive support while I've been in New York this week. It really meant alot to me and helped me stay on track.

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DEBBIESTY 3/7/2012 12:53PM

    I know how you feel trying so many different diets.

It sounds like you got a handle on eating healthy now. Keep up the good work.

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TRUEREINVENTED 3/7/2012 10:24AM

    Patience Naima. It will come. Work on the full feeling--do you think you are eating too much? You are 'allowed' so you are eating past the point of fullness? Be mindful of the meal. Can you stop earlier? Why do you want to be so full? whats behind the 'fullness'. Do you like feeling like you have cheated? ( rebelled?) do you think that you wont get enough or that you wont be able to eat again ( past dieting behaviour)
look at the behaviour, now that the food is something you can live with...forever I hope! what behaviours are 'old'?

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THINANDFITEMILY 3/7/2012 9:21AM

    Isn't it emoticon!!!
I can relate-I too have been on several plans and was very underweight-which is not healthy.
So here's to your health!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEBO 3/6/2012 6:47PM

    yep, I get that. Guilty if I eat, guilty if I don't. It's one of the reasons I hate going out to eat. That is a very guilt-ridden thing for me. Can't enjoy it at all. I just don't understand people who can eat with out guilt.....

Glad you are finding your way!!!!!!!
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FULLOFFAITH 3/6/2012 6:13PM

    Sounds like you found what works for you. You are eating real food and you don't feel deprived.

Keep it up I see nothing to feel guilty about!!

Lisa

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JUICENUT 3/6/2012 4:36PM

    Sounds great! Is there a particular plan you are following? Do share... I like the idea of not having to measure portions.

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MELLYBEANS0919 3/6/2012 1:19PM

    I think that even if the scale did go back up you know you are treating your body well, giving it everything it wants/needs to be healthy, and that should give you comfort and peace.

As for associating being full with binge eating...I am not sure how to approach that. Have you tried to journal why you may feel that way??

You are doing GREAT. I am proud of you for sticking with it and happy it is working out so well for you.

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STSCOTT11 3/6/2012 11:54AM

    GLAD your finding your way with nutrition...I am finding mine too.
I have done a lot of those same diet plans...but I haven't watched what I have eaten all my life...just over the past 15 years.
I REFUSE to go on "another diet"...even though I recently started back following 1200 calorie menus.
A diet to me is a temporary way of eating as a means to an end. The way I am eating CAN/WILL NEVER STOP.
I don't feel guilty at all.
What is great about it is the food is REALLY good, filling AND nutritious.
THE BONUS is I am losing weight eating it!
I love to EAT ALL THINGS and I don't believe mankind was meant to withhold what we eat from any food group but NOT to over indulge in any either.
Keep sparking.

Comment edited on: 3/6/2012 11:55:27 AM

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I'm down another 4 pounds? WOW! What a pleasant surprise!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I have been avoiding getting on the scale since last week's BIG binge and the "recovery" mini-binges I've had every day until yesterday. I just KNEW I would be back up to where I started before embarking on the plant-based plan. When I saw the scale read 130, I had to get on it three times to make sure it was right...then I went down to the basement to check my workout room scale and it showed 129. WOW! I don't understand how this weight loss could have happened considering all of the stress/emotional eating I've been doing lately. I think sometimes God gives you a surprise blessing to keep you going when He knows you're trying. THANK YOU GOD for inspiring me to keep going!

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The crazy thing is that I don't notice any real changes in the way my body looks. I measured my waist at 31" which is down from the 34" it measured when I weighed 150, so I know I'm getting smaller, but I don't notice my clothes fitting more loosely and I can still see the fat roll on my stomach from the back. I think that in order to see the changes I'm hoping for, I need to kick my exercise up a notch, and I need to keep my strength training consistent.

With today's weigh in, I'm only 10 pounds away from my ideal weight of 120. Wow, I haven't weighed 120 in almost 4 years! It's hard to believe I've already lost 20 pounds. It feels weird to be so close to my goal. I'm SUPER motivated to see that number on the scale. When I do, I'm going to post a picture in the same black swimsuit I wore when I was 150, so my 30 pound weight loss is documented. It will feel fantastic to post my "AFTER" picture!

I know I keep harping on this plant-based eating plan, but I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it if any of you are having issues losing weight. It took me almost a whole year to lose the first 10 pounds by meticulously counting calories and exercising portion control, and working out almost an hour 3x a week. With Dr. Fuhrman's plan, I have lost 10 pounds in less than 2 months, and I'm not counting calories at all. And as y'all know, I haven't even been consistent! The plan is so easy - you can have an UNLIMITED amount of vegetables, fruits and beans. I know it sounds difficult, but it's much easier than you think, and it's the healthiest eating plan there is.

THANK YOU ALL for reading my blogs, and motivating and inspiring me on my journey! I wouldn't have been able to do this without you guys, and this site!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CURLYBRI88 3/3/2012 5:06PM

    Congrats girl!
I am so happy the new lifestyle is working out for you.
Keep on going!

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CHANGINGSAM 2/28/2012 12:58PM

    Congrats on the weight loss!

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LITTLEBO 2/27/2012 9:37PM

    Congrats....and this whole journey is a mystery, isn't it !?!?
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WADEFREEMAN 2/27/2012 2:02PM

    YAY!!!!! You are doing the darn thing!!!!! I agree with you about the ETL plan....and you are living proof if you do 90% healthful eating and 10% not so good you are changing your life for the better!!!!

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FITNESSMONSTER8 2/27/2012 1:02PM

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!! you are doing AWESOME! emoticon

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GWTRIKER 2/26/2012 9:12PM

    What a wonderful surprise. Congrats!

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MANDYISATALKER 2/26/2012 6:45PM

    you go girl !!!!! emoticon

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HEALTHYSLIM2 2/26/2012 6:24PM

    emoticon
Congratulations on your accomplishments, your focus, and your LOSS!
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Keep up the great work!!!

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LORIENABANANA 2/26/2012 2:00PM

    That is SO exciting! Your positive energy is carrying you through!!

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KAYECAN 2/26/2012 12:17PM

    Wow.....just WOW!!!!!
What an exciting week you've had. I found it funny that our blogs today were totally opposite. You lost pounds but haven't noticed any changes........I didn't really lose but noticed changes. Either way, we're both making progress. One thing we do the same is thank God for helping us along. On my program list of things to do to make my journey happen, is to thank God for each meal. At the same time, I tell Him thanks for keeping me motivated and for giving me Spark friends like you to turn to when I need help or to inspire me.
Have a good Sunday Naima. Fill it up with good healthy choices!!!
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RANDOM00B 2/26/2012 11:59AM

    Congratulations on your progress, even with the mini binges!!

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TRUEREINVENTED 2/26/2012 11:56AM

    Hey Naima! Glad to hear that the scale was 'your pal' this morning. Its not unusual after a binge to go down--your metabolism gets 'kick started' again. ( or something) Lots of people do that kind of on purpose....however, I am focusing more on changing my behaviours with food, so I am really reluctant to have ' free days' or 'eat whatever you want days'
I dont WANT to reward myself with the food, ya know?? I do know though that some ppl swear by that--a 'free day'. Each to his own--I am not psychologically ready for that quite yet. It scares me, to go back 'there'"
This is about YOU and YOUR progress though--and I am glad that you have recovered from the week where you were struggling again, and that the results were, not noticeable.
It IS weird though eh? how you dont feel differently??? I guess we are all different, at 18 pounds i am down a size and a half--and your clothes arent fitting loose!!?? weird. Does your fiancee notice?? is this just YOU being critical, missy?? :)
Again, though another proof that this is not an exact science. :)


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MELLYBEANS0919 2/26/2012 11:50AM

    Wow "With today's weigh in, I'm only 10 pounds away from my ideal weight of 120. " WOO!! I am so happy for you!! You are doing great!

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Gratitude, Relief, Joy, Excitement..all good emotions, right? Then why do I still feel like eating?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I got the job. I GOT THE JOB!

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THANK YOU SPARK FRIENDS for your support and encouragement during my interview process!

I'm grateful, relieved, and excited about my new job. But right now I feel a STRONG urge to eat bad food. It may be because I binged yesterday and every time I binge, it's hard to get back on track the next day, but man these cravings are REAL! I'm going to try to pray and meditate it away. It's crazy how ANY strong emotions, good or bad, could lead to a binge. Crazy indeed!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WADEFREEMAN 2/24/2012 3:45PM

    YAY!!!! Way to go!!!! Things are lining up!!!! Yes food and emotions run hand and hand.....augghhh.... emoticon

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FITNESSMONSTER8 2/24/2012 11:06AM

    Congratulations!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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INSPIRE12 2/23/2012 10:38PM

    Congrats at new job. i know the feeling of joy,excitement and wanting to eat.Good ideal to keep from eating. i believe in prayer and meditation. Keep up the great work.

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JEANNINEMM68 2/23/2012 9:29PM

    So happy that you got it!!!!!!

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TRUEREINVENTED 2/23/2012 8:27PM

    1) you want to eat cause of the chemical stuff in your brain. ( do you love the scientific term "stuff". Eating is just like a high. When we binge, we cause chemicals in our brain to get secreted...just like a cocaine high....when we 'come down' our brain craves more of this chemical, and we go looking for the 'high' just like a cocaine addict. Its the same cycle. HIGH/CRASH then craving to get the high.... then HIGH/'CRASH and round and round and round. When you get to be my age--the crashes are REALLY intense...some days I couldnt even get dressed. But you know better now...you can stop the cycle.
thats why you want to binge again.
2) the fact that you got the job, is great, but its stressful too....and what do we do when we are feeling stressed??? thats right....EAT.
KAYECAN IS RIGHT...CELEBRATIONS DONT REQUIRE FOOD.

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LITTLEBO 2/23/2012 7:48PM

    Congrats, Naima!!!! THAT IS AWESOME NEWS! I don't think I recommend a root canal as a weight loss technique (KayeCan is a hoot,isn't she?) Maybe a long walk or go to a movie or something like that!?!?!??!

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KAYECAN 2/23/2012 7:14PM

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I'm really happy for you Naima. It was meant to be I guess. Hey, that emotional eating thing doesn't care what the emotion is. You are stronger than your binge!!! Today I actually discovered a way to ward off binges though.......GET A ROOT CANAL!!!! I don't feel like eating anything. Not a fun day. But I'm sure glad your day has turned out perfect!!! You don't need to eat.....you just need to dance dance dance!!!! Celebrations do not require food.
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