Sunday, July 07, 2013
It has been forever since I have been on here and the truth is, I have been seeing someone else... MyFitnessPal.com. I feel so ashamed. After all we've been through, I just up and left for another website. But now I am back. I really miss the community here on Spark. MyFitnessPal is just not the same.
A lot has happened since February (when I last logged into Spark). I applied for a promotion at work and ... I got the job! I started April 1st. I am in a totally new department now. In my new department, I am literally much heavier than any of my new coworkers. Surely some of you reading this can relate so I won't go into in much further except to say that that realization made me feel very motivated to lose weight.
I have lost about 25 pounds since April. I have to say after trying so many different diet plans, I've finally found one that seems to be working - The South Beach Diet. Let me just say, I am not endorsing this diet, I am just letting y'all know what has worked for me lately. I was very skeptical because the first phase of the diet is essentially a sugar and bread detox period and as addicted as I was to those two things I thought it would be impossible for me to follow the phase at all. To my surprise, after only two days following phase one, I found that I wasn't craving sweets or bread at all. Even now in phase two, the thought of sitting down and eating a slice of cake or something else that is very heavily doughy or sugary kind of turns my stomach sour. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. I lost about 7 pounds in the first two weeks and now I have been losing about 1-2 pounds per week in phase two. I don't follow the diet strictly because it is very restrictive. For example, they basically tell you to never ever eat certain things like russet potatoes or white rice. And that just isn't practical 100% of the time. What I tend to do is follow the diet for breakfast and lunch pretty much every day, and I have a dinner that is very close to being completely South Beach compliant. I don't typically get home from work until close to 8:00 pm each weeknight, so it is not easy for me to conjure up a perfect SBD meal every night. I also made a deal with my husband that I would still go out to dinner with him once per week. I basically eat at any restaurant, but I don't eat nearly as much as I used to.
In other news, I am considering joining a gym (again)... I have belonged to two gyms in the past which shall remain nameless. One was a national chain and for the first three months of my membership, I went there a lot. Then I just lost motivation and stopped going. There is a very nice, new gym close to where I live and it is also part of a national chain. But it is very expensive compared to other gyms around here. I could use some advice. If you belong to a gym or have in the past, what is your opinion on gym memberships? What are the best national chain places to belong? How do you get the best deals on membership?
Sunday, November 04, 2012
This past weekend, I went on an overnight trip to a giant flea market with three other women... Meant to be a fun, girls' weekend. It was a major reality check for me. A lot of the time I get so wrapped up in my everyday, sedentary life that I don't even think about the fact that my obesity would make it difficult for me to do certain things - walking around a flea market for two days, for example. I have fond memories of going to flea markets as a kid and teenager in winter, wandering from booth to booth or table to table. Sipping hot cocoa and window shopping for hours on end. But I don't ever remember feeling tired or having aching feet. Never happened when I was younger and I suppose it is because I was thin-ish back then. Now that I weigh over 300 pounds, it's another story entirely. Walking from the parking area to the first flea market vendor area a couple days ago was already enough to make me feel tired. By lunchtime, my feet were aching and I needed to rest. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends that I needed to stop and rest, so I just downed some ibuprofen and kept shopping with them, trying not to let on that I was tired and in pain. As the day continued, I grew more and more desperate, sitting in for-sale chairs and pretending to be an interested buyer, when all I wanted was to rest.
Day two of the flea market excursion was agony. I started the day feeling pretty well rested, but knowing I wouldn't be physically able to marathon shop for 12 hours straight as my friends had planned. I took two ibuprofen in the car on the way to the flea market from the hotel as a preemptive measure. It helped to get me through about the first hour of shopping, then my feet felt like they were on fire. Luckily, my friends decided they had had about enough of the flea market and we left after about 7 hours. I managed to walk for 7 hours straight that day and never stop to sit - not sure how I managed it.
So here I am on a Sunday morning, letting it all out as people do. It does seem to help when I blog, getting it out of my head so I can move on and stop thinking about it. Please understand, it is not easy for me to admit this, even anonymously. I feel like crying. I feel so ashamed for doing this to my body, for making myself so unhealthy that I can't even enjoy a day out with the girls. I want to turn back time and make healthier choices. I want to be a better me. But wanting it is not enough. I need to act.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Before I begin, I should explain to whomever is reading this blog entry that this is not about my own wedding. It involves a haunted mansion, a mysterious bathroom, and a stomach virus. You've been warned. Ha!
Even though I am "Mystery Fat Girl," I'll disclose a little something about myself. I have a degree in music, and so of course, my "day job" has absolutely nothing to do with music. I work in health care. Yes, I know - a little ironic for a fat girl to work in health care, but it is what it is. On occasion, I play music professionally. This past week, I had a wedding gig at a beautiful, supposedly haunted, mansion. I had been battling a stomach virus several days prior, but by the day of the wedding, I was feeling totally better. So the thought that I would have... a stomach issue to put it politely... on the day of the wedding didn't cross my mind. Naturally, as I was making the hour-long drive to the venue, my stomach started making bubbly noises and I began feeling that sour, icky feeling. The "oh boy, I need a bathroom NOW" feeling.
I decided there was no time to stop somewhere to use a bathroom, so I foraged ahead. After parking at the beautiful, historic mansion, I approached the beautiful, huge, mansion doors and swiftly moved through them as my tummy rumbled like a science experiment. The foyer was gorgeous, with flowers, and tulle, and little aisles of antique chairs. The father of the bride was walking around, greeting guests. There was a photographer snapping shots of guests as they arrived, and of course he captured a photo of me in a cold sweat, looking pale and nauseous, clutching my stomach with one hand and a music stand with the other. Great. There's one for the scrap book! So I literally ran toward him and blurted out "Where's the bathroom???!!!!" And of course he said he didn't know. Desperate now, I dropped my stand and instrument on the floor and grabbed some other random person by the arm, "Bathroom???!!!" And she responded "Oh it's right there. But there's only one. Maybe someone's in there." Great, just my luck. It's a 150 year old mansion. There is only one bathroom. AARRHH!!! Thankfully, no one was in there. I ran in and started to prepare to use the toilet, but to my horror, I noticed something wasn't quite right. I saw a metal plaque affixed to the wall behind the toilet with a little blurb about the historical significance of it. A RARE, ANTIQUE TOILET!!! I guess asses were smaller 150 years ago because this little toilet was comically small. The bowl had beautiful, Victorian writing all over it and there was one of those old wooden box things up near the ceiling with a pull chain. Oh dear Lord. For a split second, I actually looked at the sink as a possible toilet alternative, but remembering that scene from the movie "Bridesmaids," I decided I had better just use the antique toilet. (LOL)
I won't tell you what came next except to add that the antique toilet had a certain acoustic quality that amplified the horrible noises happening there and the walls of the mansion were paper thin. As I sat there on the thrown, I could hear people walking and talking outside of the bathroom clear as a bell. I'm certain they could hear me. And apparently, you're not suppose to pull those toilet chain things while you're still seated because... Well, let's just say something bad happened. Ha!
On a brighter note, I felt much better after using the bathroom and the wedding music was applauded.
Monday, October 08, 2012
It can be difficult for those who have not ever been obese to understand the thought processes of a chronically fat person. I have tried working with weight loss experts in group settings and one-on-one. I know this may come across in a bad way, but in the interest of being completely honest in my blog, I'll tell you this: When it comes to weight-loss advice, I cannot relate to people who have never struggled with obesity themselves. I used to see a nutritionist, Audrey. She was beautiful, and tall, with flawless skin and perfectly manicured nails, salon hair, etc. And she was painfully thin. Too thin. She would always say things like, "I know how you feel. I was once nearly 20 pounds heavier than I am now." 20 pounds? Well I was nearly 150 pounds lighter than I am now at one time. How could I possibly relate?
I was given tips like:
- Eat one slice of toast in the morning instead of two. (Really? You mean eating half of something would be fewer calories? How stupid do I look?)
- Drink water instead of soda. (I don't ever drink soda. I nearly always drink water.)
- Don't use as much butter when you cook. (What? I only use EVOO when I cook. I HATE butter.)
- When you eat sandwiches, don't get cheese. (I hate cheese and never eat it.)
Why would someone assume that because I am obese, I must drink lots of soda and cook everything with butter and cheese? I don't, and I would tell Audrey this over. She basically said she didn't believe me, that I wasn't being honest with her. And that was the end of our relationship.
I have also tried group meetings (national company to remain nameless) with similar results.
Monday, October 08, 2012
"I told you so." That's what my husband is going to say when he wakes up and sees that I am still home, sick with a horrible stomach bug. I went to a buffet restaurant which shall remain nameless - it's a national chain. I have always liked the buffet, but my husband refuses to go with me. He says he has gotten food poisoning there. So, I went with my mother yesterday... and of course I awoke in the middle of the night with horrible stomach pain, and eventually, horrible (understatement) diarrhea. Now I've had to call out of work and I'm sitting here composing this little blog entry. I haven't had such a terrible stomach virus like this since in many years. Ug. I hate feeling nauseous... who doesn't? Maybe it's a sign that I need to eat healthier food.
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