MYRA34   6,568
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An evening of realization

Saturday, July 21, 2012

So last night I was craving some frozen yogurt, and I wouldn't let myself get any, thinking "I'm fat enough...I don't need to eat that." (I know, not a very kind thought to have) But then I became so focused on wanting it, that I couldn't get it out of my head even when I was trying to read.

And then I had this realization- the more I tell myself that I "shouldn't" have it, the more I'm reinforcing the belief that I AM fat. I mean, it wasn't like I was going out to have a full ice cream sundae with all the works..I'd had a healthy eating day, had room in my calorie allowance, drank LOTS of water....and this would be 200 calories of low fat frozen yogurt. So I switched my thinking, and thought this would be GOOD for me to have~ not rationalization but rather acknowledgment that while I'm not happy with how my body looks right now, denying myself this relatively healthy treat makes me feel like I'm in a much "worse" place than I am.

So, I decided to at least walk the 5 minutes to the store...and once I got outside, I thought, I should take the long way and do a couple more blocks to do a larger loop to get to there. As I started to walk, my legs felt like lead and I wanted to make it a short loop...Then I remembered the goals that I had just put on my SparkPage a couple days ago: : 30 minutes of exercise 4x/week and at least 10 minutes on the other 3 days. I had only ONE more 30 minute day and 2 more 10 minute days. So I thought, I'll make this a 10 minute day but each time I came to a side street that would have looped me back to the store, I told my self, "just walk a little father up to the next one." And whaddya know! Once I got to the store, I'd been walking for 20 minutes! It was a slow walk, so I didn't burn a ton of calories, but I felt good that I met another day's goal and that I didn't let myself down.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDITH1654 8/5/2012 12:01AM

    You overcame so many obstacles!
1. You forced yourself to WALK to the store
2. You readjusted your thinking from negative to positive
3. Your attitude change brought about completion of a goal!

Good job!!!

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Thank you!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

As I put my belt on this morning, I realized I might need to get a new, smaller one since I need to go farther than the last hole will allow. When I started SP (I think it was 2, 2 1/2 years ago??), I was on the last hole of the belt-- just on the opposite end. That realization made me think a bit--and look at myself (my stomach) in the mirror, thinking , "Wow, I look pretty good."

Even though I haven't been active on SP in about a year and haven't been exercising a lot or tracking food, SP still plays a daily role in my life. Even though I didn't fully "get it" at the time, SP really is a lifestyle change...and one that has become ingrained in me. I am conscious of the food choices I make- and when I CHOOSE to eat something that is "less healthy," I do it with awareness. I have significantly cut down on my "mindless" eating, though on occasion I still go there but I don't beat myself up for it. And I'm no longer stressing that I'm not on SP like I used to be. It's ok. It used it exactly as I needed it at the time, and I continue to do so in the way I need to now, even if it is more in my head and less on the computer. I may be back here to track exercise soon as I begin training for my part (4 mile hike up a snowy mountain) in an early Spring 5 leg team race (not sure what they are called after Triathlon) and perhaps doing my own triathlon later in the Spring. Either way, I know that without SP- and ESPECIALLY without the friends and teams on here that supported & encouraged me- I would not be this healthy or feel t

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNOTT 11/29/2009 7:01PM

    It was so nice hearing from you again! And I think that you have learned, as most of us have, that this site helps you make those healthy choices, so if you're not on here regularly, you can still be healthy. Sounds like you're really doing great! Best wishes on your training and your whatever-athons!

emoticon

Lynn

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MVMEME 11/26/2009 9:28AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Disappointed

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I feel like I have been doing pretty well- maintaining a +/- 4lb weight change over most of the last year. I'm now at 163.5. This is 21 lbs less than my highest weight when I started in April 2008 emoticon, and 5 pounds more than when I recorded my last "official" weight in March 2009. emoticon. I feel like I have made some significant lifestyle shifts in my eating habits. And I have. I've started getting back into fitness over the past week....I'll admit here that it's been MONTHS since I've done any regular exercise. MONTHS (almost a year??) since I logged my daily food intake.

But it's not all about the weight (though it is fun to see the progress of pounds shedding), so today I decided to take my measurements. I feel kind of silly, but it made me upset to see that I've put several inches back on, especially in my waist. More than half of what I took off there is back on. I know, I know...2 inches is not a huge deal, but I liked the way my stomach looked minus 3 inches and I wonder how two inches could have crept back on me unaware. And I know that I SHOULD/COULD focus on the positive that overall I've still dropped 8 inches total from different areas since April 2008. But I still felt disappointed in myself--teared up a bit. Maybe doing these measurements is what I needed to jump start me back into SP. I've been saying for months that I'm coming back...yet I haven't.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLCB1023 7/15/2009 2:07PM

    You know the problems here and the solutions too. You stated them yourself. So time to get Sparking and let the rest of us support you. emoticon

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LYNNOTT 7/15/2009 1:27PM

    That's really not bad for not tracking your food or exercising in months! You look great in the picture! You did so well before, I have to think that you can jump back in and shed the extra weight and inches in no time!

Best wishes,
Lynn

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FATBUSTERMOM 7/15/2009 11:01AM

  emoticonHey, good for you, you are hanging in there! I hate the assessment stage, but you have a lot of positive to focus on. Sounds like you know what to do, kudos to your venting and keeping with it!!!!!

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MYRA34 7/15/2009 10:37AM

    Thanks. I hear you about the tape measure shrinkage...I do have to laugh a bit about that part. I couldn't find the tape measure I'd used before, so I printed the SP one out. When the inches came out more vs less or the same, I hunted around in the toolbox for a tape measure to check the accuracy of the SP one. Turns out it is 100% accurate! emoticon

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TEACHERH 7/15/2009 10:32AM

    Yeah, I hear you. I hate when those inches come back and I scowl at the tape measure like it shrunk in the wash (without being washed mind you). One foot in front of the other, and it will work if you keep working it.

emoticon

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NO_SNOW_BODY 7/15/2009 9:55AM

    Welcome back , you said you hadn't been working out, maybe that is the inches. I have a feeling once you get back into a routine those inches will disappear again. good luck and have fun.

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Gratitude over fear

Monday, February 23, 2009

Last Wednesday I was gung-ho to get back with the program: I wrote a couple blogs, drank my 8 glasses of water, entered all my food, stayed w/in my calorie range, got fruits and veggies in, and got myself to the gym even though it was 8pm. I had a great workout and felt really good...starting off on the right track!

Then early Thursday morning I woke up feeling very hot and nauseous. I got up to make some toast, thinking that might help. Instead I ended up passing out and going into the hospital in an ambulance. The docs couldn't figure out what was going on and eventually sent me home with some anti-nausea meds. The next morning I had an allergic reaction to the meds and ended up back in the hospital to deal with that and for further tests to follow-up from the previous day. I finally came back home later that afternoon, still none the wiser about what caused the episode...it may have just been a bad virus.

I'm feeling fully recovered now...and I realize as I've been thinking about those few days I'm letting my fears get the better of me, wondering "maybe I shouldn't have gone to the gym that late" or "maybe i shouldn't have done an hard workout on the Elliptical" or "maybe i should have had a better dinner" etc. So I've been hesitant to get back to the gym, even though logically I KNOW it had no bearing on me getting sick and I KNOW and I am back to feeling normal again. So I started thinking about what went RIGHT and how LUCKY I was/am...
- i sat down before i passed out so it was only a short fall
- my roommate was home to call 911
- my friends took turns driving me to/from the hospital and doctors, and waited with me in the ER
- i happened to be going to my follow-up appointment with my doc when my allergic reaction started...so she was right there to help with that
- my family was checking in with me several times a day and my parents helped guide me in what I needed to ask the doctors
- a great team of doctors at the (second) hospital that really took the time to test everything out and out me at ease
- my roommate got me a "special easy-on-my-stomach- dinner" Friday night when I could finally start eating again: Oyster crackers, mini-saltines, Ritz and clementine's (the fruit isn't quite as easy on the stomach but a clementine was the only thing I was able to eat the day before)
- lots of calls and texts from friends checking in and offering love

I think seeing it here in writing makes it more concrete and makes me feel full of love and gratitude, pushing the anxiety away. I WILL get back to the gym on Wednesday...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TREWLEY 3/19/2009 2:56PM

    i totally understand the anxiety, as soon as i get even the littlest pain i "whoa..don't wanna over do it ill just skip that", or if i get a little queasy i say, " im ganna die from dehydration!!", or some thing silly like that. im a hypocondriact, but you darling PASSED OUT. thats not little, thats scary. so all the feelings of dread you had(or are still having) are very understandable. just so you know. emoticon
on that note you are doing fabulous, and it is awesome that you are concentrating on the positive. i know when im feeling anxious usually all i need is a mental pep talk and reminders of all the good. keep it up dude.


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LYNNOTT 2/24/2009 1:49PM

    Wow! What an awful thing to happen! But you had so much going for you, and I'm glad you're feeling better now. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you get stronger and take up the healthy journey.

emoticon

Lynn

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FINALLYFIT08 2/23/2009 11:24PM

    Wait a minute! I just saw you! You know the old thing about as soon as you really relax and shift gears, your body says "Oh! Okay! Now I can get sick!" Maybe that could be part of it? You really do have an amazing capacity for recognizing the good parts of the experience, and here I thought I was the silver lining queen! It really is great to read about all of the support that you got through all of that.

Sending you hugs and wishes for a good first week back...


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MVMEME 2/23/2009 10:51PM

    what a week you had!!!! you forgot to mention that this was supposed to be your vacation week emoticon you are quite a trouper...I am more than proud of you. love ya mom emoticon

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I've Come a Long Way Part 2: Photos

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ok, so I started thinking it's too bad that I don't have any "before" pictures to compare with now to really show the change...but then I thought why does it matter, I probably looked pretty similar a year, 2 years, 3 years ago...

Just for fun I went back and looked at my pics. hmmm...wow. I guess there is a difference in how I look: for starters, a lot less hanging over my belt, my face a bit leaner. In my most recent pic (my profile photo), I'm actually looking quite trim to my eyes.

So, I added the "befores" and "afters" to my photo gallery...it's good motivation for me to look back and see that it really did make a difference. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYKY 3/16/2009 11:41AM

    Thanks again for your comment.
you were the 1st one I told.
You encourage me the way you keep going.
I hope you don't get rid of the winter 06 photo or the 07 too.
I look at your smile and another friends smile and wave, you two always makes me smile back at you.

You and skinnynanny (Tina) I know I can go to and always get a smile you both smile with your eyes too.
Well as you can tell I love smiling faces.

Let us keep on the healthy road of life and give our smiles as we go.

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LYNNOTT 2/19/2009 2:32PM

    emoticon

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MVMEME 2/18/2009 10:36PM

    WOW...I'm impressed!!! you look terrific

love ya mom

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