Saturday, July 21, 2012
So last night I was craving some frozen yogurt, and I wouldn't let myself get any, thinking "I'm fat enough...I don't need to eat that." (I know, not a very kind thought to have) But then I became so focused on wanting it, that I couldn't get it out of my head even when I was trying to read.
And then I had this realization- the more I tell myself that I "shouldn't" have it, the more I'm reinforcing the belief that I AM fat. I mean, it wasn't like I was going out to have a full ice cream sundae with all the works..I'd had a healthy eating day, had room in my calorie allowance, drank LOTS of water....and this would be 200 calories of low fat frozen yogurt. So I switched my thinking, and thought this would be GOOD for me to have~ not rationalization but rather acknowledgment that while I'm not happy with how my body looks right now, denying myself this relatively healthy treat makes me feel like I'm in a much "worse" place than I am.
So, I decided to at least walk the 5 minutes to the store...and once I got outside, I thought, I should take the long way and do a couple more blocks to do a larger loop to get to there. As I started to walk, my legs felt like lead and I wanted to make it a short loop...Then I remembered the goals that I had just put on my SparkPage a couple days ago: : 30 minutes of exercise 4x/week and at least 10 minutes on the other 3 days. I had only ONE more 30 minute day and 2 more 10 minute days. So I thought, I'll make this a 10 minute day but each time I came to a side street that would have looped me back to the store, I told my self, "just walk a little father up to the next one." And whaddya know! Once I got to the store, I'd been walking for 20 minutes! It was a slow walk, so I didn't burn a ton of calories, but I felt good that I met another day's goal and that I didn't let myself down.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
As I put my belt on this morning, I realized I might need to get a new, smaller one since I need to go farther than the last hole will allow. When I started SP (I think it was 2, 2 1/2 years ago??), I was on the last hole of the belt-- just on the opposite end. That realization made me think a bit--and look at myself (my stomach) in the mirror, thinking , "Wow, I look pretty good."
Even though I haven't been active on SP in about a year and haven't been exercising a lot or tracking food, SP still plays a daily role in my life. Even though I didn't fully "get it" at the time, SP really is a lifestyle change...and one that has become ingrained in me. I am conscious of the food choices I make- and when I CHOOSE to eat something that is "less healthy," I do it with awareness. I have significantly cut down on my "mindless" eating, though on occasion I still go there but I don't beat myself up for it. And I'm no longer stressing that I'm not on SP like I used to be. It's ok. It used it exactly as I needed it at the time, and I continue to do so in the way I need to now, even if it is more in my head and less on the computer. I may be back here to track exercise soon as I begin training for my part (4 mile hike up a snowy mountain) in an early Spring 5 leg team race (not sure what they are called after Triathlon) and perhaps doing my own triathlon later in the Spring. Either way, I know that without SP- and ESPECIALLY without the friends and teams on here that supported & encouraged me- I would not be this healthy or feel t
Monday, February 23, 2009
Last Wednesday I was gung-ho to get back with the program: I wrote a couple blogs, drank my 8 glasses of water, entered all my food, stayed w/in my calorie range, got fruits and veggies in, and got myself to the gym even though it was 8pm. I had a great workout and felt really good...starting off on the right track!
Then early Thursday morning I woke up feeling very hot and nauseous. I got up to make some toast, thinking that might help. Instead I ended up passing out and going into the hospital in an ambulance. The docs couldn't figure out what was going on and eventually sent me home with some anti-nausea meds. The next morning I had an allergic reaction to the meds and ended up back in the hospital to deal with that and for further tests to follow-up from the previous day. I finally came back home later that afternoon, still none the wiser about what caused the episode...it may have just been a bad virus.
I'm feeling fully recovered now...and I realize as I've been thinking about those few days I'm letting my fears get the better of me, wondering "maybe I shouldn't have gone to the gym that late" or "maybe i shouldn't have done an hard workout on the Elliptical" or "maybe i should have had a better dinner" etc. So I've been hesitant to get back to the gym, even though logically I KNOW it had no bearing on me getting sick and I KNOW and I am back to feeling normal again. So I started thinking about what went RIGHT and how LUCKY I was/am...
- i sat down before i passed out so it was only a short fall
- my roommate was home to call 911
- my friends took turns driving me to/from the hospital and doctors, and waited with me in the ER
- i happened to be going to my follow-up appointment with my doc when my allergic reaction started...so she was right there to help with that
- my family was checking in with me several times a day and my parents helped guide me in what I needed to ask the doctors
- a great team of doctors at the (second) hospital that really took the time to test everything out and out me at ease
- my roommate got me a "special easy-on-my-stomach- dinner" Friday night when I could finally start eating again: Oyster crackers, mini-saltines, Ritz and clementine's (the fruit isn't quite as easy on the stomach but a clementine was the only thing I was able to eat the day before)
- lots of calls and texts from friends checking in and offering love
I think seeing it here in writing makes it more concrete and makes me feel full of love and gratitude, pushing the anxiety away. I WILL get back to the gym on Wednesday...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Ok, so I started thinking it's too bad that I don't have any "before" pictures to compare with now to really show the change...but then I thought why does it matter, I probably looked pretty similar a year, 2 years, 3 years ago...
Just for fun I went back and looked at my pics. hmmm...wow. I guess there is a difference in how I look: for starters, a lot less hanging over my belt, my face a bit leaner. In my most recent pic (my profile photo), I'm actually looking quite trim to my eyes.
So, I added the "befores" and "afters" to my photo gallery...it's good motivation for me to look back and see that it really did make a difference.
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