Thursday, January 21, 2010
So I wish I could say everything in my life right now is: sunshine and roses but, the reality is I don't feel it.
When hubby came home from work today and said: I think I'll give mom a big kiss (fooling around with Wyatt, then he wants to), I felt so loved and happy. I know that sounds really lame and dorky but, I'm just telling the truth.
Then they went downstairs to play and have been there since about 6:00pm and I'm upstairs moping around again.
I am so tired of these constant moods swings of mine, one day I feel good and the next is all downhill again.
I have been taking some "natural" remedies.....OM3 (fish oil) and Maca Powder (which is supposed to help with a variety of things) and I started to feel really good, I've been taking them for about a month now (someone also recommended Vitamin D).
Then this last week, I thought I was getting my monthly cycle and wham....feeling crappy again.
I have severe Endometriosis and have MONTHLY pain with each cycle.
Most recently I have been debating having an appt. with my gyno to talk about a hyst. but, then we would have NO chances of another conception, yes.....that is what I was hoping for since our son was born over 4 years ago.
I just want to curl up in a ball and hide FOREVER.
I was watching the news on Haiti this evening and thought: Tina, why are you so selfish, when all these people have nothing and I know my family is blessed with what we do have?
Why do I allow myself to feel so depressed when in reality I know things (financially) could be better but, they could be so much worse too.
Really.....I feel that I am a good person and have a loving heart and my friends have told me so but, why do I still feel empty and incomplete so often?
Honestly, I don't have any friends here where we live (Edgerton). I have been going back to the gym in town and am supposed to get back into a routine there as well. But when I go, I try desperately to focus on what I'm doing rather than who I'm talking to because, no one there does really talk to me that much. They all pretty much have their group of friends and I'm not one of them. I have tried to chat a little in the past, without success.
So.....if the people that know me say: Tina, you are awesome and thanks for being you, then why do I feel so alone?
Another friend in Stoughton told me I have "high expectations of people" and that everyone is different and let them be them and who they are and not change them, etc.
Example: I have tried numerous times to get "ladies together for a night out". Here I am really being selfish again because, what I really want is the female companionship and getting together to have a fun night.
So when it doesn't happen this way and ladies back out for one reason or another, I get discouraged and doubt myself and say....why does this always happen to me?
Actually I was successful in a "ladies night" last week at the Melting Pot. There were 15 of us all together out to have a good time and honestly, I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time.
Not that my family home makes me miserable but, just that kind of friends getting together to go out sorta night.....laughing and talking! What a great time, I just wish there were more times like that ya know.
I know I've been told people have their own lives Tina and you need to get a hobby or find something to do but, what?
I'm sure I CAN do it but, wanting to do something alone isn't fun to me.
On my FB account I am trying to get a monthly ladies night going so.......
next month, it is roller skating night and I'm really hoping that many ladies show up, if anything else.....to laugh at me falling all over the place.
IT DOES FEEL GREAT TO LAUGH!!!!!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I did an hour of class yesterday: 500 Calorie Burn which is: 4min hand weights, 4min TRX (straps from the ceiling that you support your weight with for crunches, etc.), 4min Spin and 4min Bosu for an Hour.........
Yikes, what a workout it was but, again I think I pushed myself too hard because, I felt light-headed towards the end on the bike and felt like I was going to pass out and felt really cold.
How do you know it is too much before it's too late?
Monday, January 04, 2010
2 years on Spark and I haven't accomplished a thing, no weight-loss, no dieting, heck....no full fledge trying.
Argh.....when am I going to do this for good.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Can you believe I did 2 classes tonight instead of just the 1 I intended on doing, AND it was all because another girl in the first class encouraged me to do so!
I went in for my 45-minute, 4:30pm Zumba class tonight and just about lost my cookies again.
So as I was huffing and puffing towards the end, the instructor came up to me and asked me how I liked it.
Well I was honest and said; I felt and looked like a big blob and didn't think I was coordinated enough, but I stuck it out anyways and tried my best.
She said; good and don't give up quite yet, these women have been doing this for a good year and I too will learn it in time.
I just looked ridiculous and tripped over my feet many, many times.
The class was really full too, maybe 25 other ladies attended and of course I was in the front, so I could see my son in the playroom area.
I really enjoyed the dance moves, but couldn't keep up with the Salsa or some of the other dances, but again I tried.
So the class is over and this girl says to me; are you gonna come to the next class for Spin?
I about fell over and looked over my shoulder to see if she was talking to someone else.
I thought me? Is she really asking my un-coordinated butt, red-faced, just about falling over self, If I'm going to do ANOTHER CLASS?
So.......what did I say? Sure, I'll give it a try, I'm here anyways, why not try something new.
It was a good lower-impact class to take too, there were only 10 women in this class including myself and the instructor was SUPER nice!
Honestly, my son was so terrific too.......
at first he was alone in the playroom and then for the Spin class another little boy came and joined him.
Wyatt was so excited, he talked about "having a new friend" on the way home! :)
So, I did it.....I took a 45-min Zumba AND 45-min Spin/Bosu class tonight!
Yeah for me, because I haven't died yet!!!! :P
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Well, last night was a tough night alright.
Tell me if this is "normal".....
This first class was indeed intense and the owner, who was the instructor last night, said I didn't have to follow the other's, but I tried to as much as possible because she kept saying...come on ladies this way and that and told me to lift here and there, when I can't even squeeze my big gutt to begin with.
So it was a 45 minute workout class that I almost fell over with in 20.
I literally got up at one point and thought I was gonna pass out.
My face was pitch red and of course I was sweating, then I just got really dizzy and hot/cold at the same moment.
Well, I made it through and she gave me a high 10 and said good job, but ignored me in the middle when she said; how do you feel everyone while the workout was going on and people chimed in. I tried to ask then, but she just looked away and on to the ones she knew.
As I was leaving I grabbed gulps of water from the drinking fountain and headed out the door.
My head was pounding and I felt sick, once I reached home, only about 5 minutes away, I threw up and hurt all over.
So tell me this: I need to know if I pushed myself too hard this time or if it is just my body reacting to NOT working out in sooooooooooooo long?
I'm going back tonight for Zumba and need to know if I should just do what I can or what.
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