Monday, December 31, 2012
This past year has truly been a great one. I have made healthy changes in my life and I feel like I'm so much closer to my dreams than a year ago. I've adopted some healthy habits, learned so much about myself, lost 35 pounds so far, moved to a new city to follow my dreams, realized what my goals are in life and become a lot stronger along the way.
I am excited to start the year 2013 knowing in my heart that I have the power to make my life what I want it to be. I know there are a lot of amazing things yet to happen and I can't wait to see what the new year will bring!
I WISH ALL OF YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR AND BEST OF LUCK WITH ALL YOUR GOALS IN 2013!!!
Here are a few pictures from the past year that were taken along my journey to health:
New Years Eve 2011. I weighed 190 lbs and was very uncomfortable in my own skin. I knew I needed to lose weight and get healthier...
...but I really didn't start working at it until February 15th. When I saw the pictures that my boyfriend took when we were having dinner on Valentine's Day I decided it was time for change. And I never looked back.
In the spring, I traveled to St. Petersburg, Russia, for a few days. I felt a lot more confident and had lost about 15 pounds.
Then the summer came and I was excited to go shopping! By June, I was 30 pounds lighter and I needed some new clothes!
In August, my boyfriend and I spent a wonderful two-week holiday in Greece. I felt beautiful and even confident enough to wear a bikini to the beach!
After that, we moved to a new apartment in a new city and I maintained my new weight for a while. I managed not to gain the weight back even though I went through a period of high stress which usually causes me to gain weight.
And this is me today, at 155 pounds, when I went shopping for a nice dress to wear today on New Year's Eve:
I lost 35 pounds this year. My measurements are now 41 - 32 - 41, and I lost 4.7 inches on my hips, 4 inches on my waist, 4 inches on my bust, 2 inches on my upper arm and 3.5 inches on my thigh. Some might say that's not very much to lose in a year, but I disagree. I am so proud of myself for doing this for me and sticking with it. This is my lifestyle now, not a diet. I'd rather lose 35 pounds in a year than to lose 60 and gain half of them back.
In 2012, I went from this:
I can't wait to see what 2013 will bring!
HAPPY NEW YEAR, my lovely SparkFriends!!!! I love you all!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
I changed my goal weight - I know, I know, I've done this a few times now and I should just make up my mind. First, my goal weight was 130 lbs, but then I changed it to 120 lbs. BUT I now changed it to back to 59 kgs/130 lbs. Here's why:
1) I want to get down to 130 lbs first and see how I look and feel at that weight. I have a feeling that losing 25 more pounds would be enough and I probably won't want to lose any more weight then.
2) The last time I weighed 120 lbs was back when I was 16 years old and way skinnier. As I've said before, I've grown to love my curves and my feminine shape and don't want to lose that. It has never been my desire to be skinny.
3) It feels a lot more realistic and doable for me to have a goal weight of 59 kg/130 lbs. I feel a lot more comfortable now that I changed it! I feel like I'm well on my way to my goal weight already now that I have lost 35 pounds and I'm past the halfway point of my weight loss journey. So, psychologically it makes a huge difference to change it back to 130 lbs.
And, when I get there, if I still want to lose more weight I can always keep on going. But for now, I think 130 lbs is a very reasonable goal for me :)
Saturday, December 29, 2012
I lost another pound this week which means I have now lost a total of 35 pounds! I started my journey last February and so much has changed since then. I know I have a long, long way to go but I'm proud of the progress I have made and excited about the changes I see in myself every day! And I don't just mean my size, but changes in my energy level, my mood and my self-confidence. I firmly believe I can reach any goal I set for myself and become the person I was meant to be in all aspects of my life. It's a life-long process, of course, and I'm not in a hurry. There will be good days and bad days, but the important thing is that I will not stop moving forward no matter what happens. I know that now.
Thank you for sticking with me every step of the way! I couldn't have done this without you.
Friday, December 28, 2012
First of all, I want to thank you for the supportive and kind comments on my previous entry. I really appreciate the support! It's so relieving to know I'm not alone in this.
I have still been feeling very vulnerable today. The urge to binge is still there. I gave into my cravings a little bit but I didn't binge, and I tracked every bite. I consumed about 2,000 calories today which obviously is too much but it could have been a lot worse. I'm trying my hardest to get over this. I have planned all meals for the next few days and I also went grocery shopping today. I bought lots of fruit, veggies and whole foods. I'm determined to eat healthy tomorrow and keep on making healthy choices.
I'm praying tomorrow will be easier. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Oh and PS. I weighed myself this morning and I maintained my weight during the Holidays! I'm really happy about that :) I think this is the first Christmas in years when I didn't overeat.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but years ago I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder. Before that, in my teens, I used to be bulimic. In the process of trying to recover from the binge-purge cycle, I managed to stop throwing up after a binge but I couldn't get my binging under control no matter how hard I tried. I gained A LOT of weight because of that.
Needless to say, my relationship with food has always been problematic. I love food. I'm obsessed with food. Even as a child my thoughts were often centered around eating and most of my childhood memories have something to do with food. I was a thin child and remained normal weight until I was about 16 years old. That's when my binges started and could last for days. I messed up my metabolism, my body and my mind in the process. For years, I was depressed and I hated myself every single day. I couldn't bear to look in the mirror when all I could see was myself getting fatter even though I was desperately wanting to be thin. Those were dark times. I cried myself to sleep and didn't leave my room for days. I remember the dreadful feeling when I realized all my clothes were getting too small for me to wear. My parents were worried sick and I felt like I was letting everyone down. I was feeling hopeless and so out of control. Back then, and even way before that, I was never normal about food. And now, after years of struggling to find balance and peace, I still find myself haunted by the same old ghosts.
Today I got the urge to binge. This is difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it first hand, but I'll try. All I could think about was eating an entire box of chocolate at one sitting. The urge was so strong that it almost felt like a physical pain of sorts, kind of like hunger but a lot stronger. I have been allowing myself a few pieces of chocolate every day so I know it's not because I've been depriving myself or anything like that. I also know that if I had not allowed myself to have those small daily chocolate treats, it could have been a lot worse. But when I got that feeling, all I wanted to do was eat, eat, eat and eat. I wanted to keep on eating until I could not eat one more bite. It's crazy how it can happen just like that. When it gets to the point where all I want to do is binge, nothing really seems to help. Having a small portion of the food you're craving doesn't really help because you want to eat LOTS AND LOTS of it. I did however eat a small portion of chocolate and I tracked it as well. The only thing to do is to wait it out. You have to distract yourself, bribe yourself, write it all down, do something - anything - instead of the one thing you want to do: eat.
I really don't know what brought this on. I have been doing really well. I've been eating regularly, I haven't deprived myself, I've been getting enough calories, and nothing upsetting has happened. Maybe it's just because it's been about a month since my last 'binge' and now I'm being tested. All I know is that I was able to fight back and I'm grateful I now have the tools that make it a lot easier for me (SparkPeople, you guys, the nutrition tracker...).
It's such a scary, powerful thing. Sometimes it happens because you're stressed, bored, anxious or something else is going on in your life that is triggering the need to binge. But sometimes there is no obvious trigger, it just happens. Like today. I'm glad I was able to fight back today and I pray I will have the strength to avoid it in the future as well. I ended up consuming about 1,500 calories today which I am so, so, so very proud of.
I joined the SparkTeam called Living Binge Free today. I really hope I'll find the support and courage I need to be able to live my life binge free in 2013.
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