Monday, February 06, 2012
Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a year since the last time I updated my SparkPage. I feel like I should maybe give a short recap on what's been going on, but honestly, I don't know where to start. On the surface, not much has changed, but I feel as though I've gone through a lot mentally over the past year and learned so much about myself along the way.
Weight loss wise, I'm right where I was when I wrote my last blog entry almost a year ago. I'm about 85 kilos (187 lbs) so I haven't gained or lost any weight over the last year. I'm grateful for that because I know things could easily be a lot worse considering my eating and exercise habits (or lack thereof). Ironically, even though this is about the heaviest I have ever been, I now love and appreciate my body more than ever before. That doesn't mean I don't want or need to lose weight - because I do - but I no longer hate my body or the way it looks just because it's not "perfect" (ughh, I hate that word). I can't believe there was a time in my life when all I could see when I looked in the mirror were flaws. I used to feel like everything about me was wrong. Well, not anymore.
I know I need to be fitter, healthier and stronger to be able to enjoy my life the way I want to, but these days when I look in the mirror I see so much more than flaws or imperfections. Instead, I see a beautiful, amazing, attractive young woman with so much potential and a whole life ahead of her. I know I will never feel 100 % confident about myself at this weight but at the same time I know I have the power to do something about it and make a change.
Every day is a new beginning. Every day we can get up and choose to make a change in our lives. We can choose to be more positive and not let anything get us down. I know I have it in me to start making those small but important changes in my life that will eventually lead into a healthier, happier, more fulfilling life.
I'm so happy to be back. I've missed you all :)
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
This March, I'm going meatless! I have been wanting to cut back on meat for a while now, and this just feels like the right time to do it. I'm so excited! I'm going to try all kinds of delicious, light, and nutritious vegetarian foods and I'm sure I won't even miss eating meat! (and by meat I mean all kinds of meat; poultry, pork, seafood, beef... etc.).
Over the past few months I've come to realize that I eat meat way too often (almost at every meal). Because I have high cholesterol and I'm trying to cut back on calories, giving up meat seems like a smart thing to do! I'll make sure I get enough protein from dairy, eggs, beans, lentils and other protein rich foods so I'll be fine.
My reasons for doing this are obviously health and weight loss related, but I'm also doing this for ethical reasons. The meat industry today is just so disgusting and I hate that the animals are tortured and force-fed and pumped full of hormones and antibiotics and whatnot. It's just so wrong and so unethical, and frankly, I want nothing to do with all that.
This month my goal is to read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. I'm pretty sure that after I read it, my Meatless March will turn into many meatless months to follow...
How often do you guys eat meat? Have you ever thought about cutting back?
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Itís been forever since my last update and I feel really, really, REALLY bad. I just fell off the wagon so badly that I didnít even want to face it and log in here. Stupid, I know. I'm so confused. Why did this happen AGAIN? Where did I go wrong? I donít know what happened - well, I DO KNOW what happened: for some crazy reason, I decided to kiss my healthy new habits goodbye and go back to binging and feeling miserable all over again. But I donít know WHY it happened.
I know I need to figure it out though. Iíll never be able to change my behavior if I donít identify what triggers me to over eat in the first place! There are so many triggers though: stress, boredom, anxiety, loneliness, sadness and - believe it or not - even happiness. So, for me, pretty much every single emotion has a the unfortunate side effect of triggering a desire to eat, eat, eat. I know Iím an emotional eater, always have been. When I eat, thereís so much more than just hunger involved. Food brings me joy, it keeps me company, it distracts me from facing thoughts that are unpleasant. Itís a way for me to celebrate, to unwind, to relax, to have a good time.
Only, Iím not having a good time right now. I NEED TO GET MY EMOTIONAL EATING UNDER CONTROL. I have a plan though. Iím not going to eat in front of the TV anymore. Whenever I watch TV, I tend to snack all the time. It has to stop! Also, Iím going to make a list of things to do instead of eating when I feel stressed, bored, lonely or whatever! It should help :) I could go for a walk when Iím bored, or read a book, or call a friend. Anything instead of eating! Iíll plan ahead and have regular meals at regular times, sitting at the table. Iíll come up with lighter and healthier alternatives for the weekend when I feel like having something special (instead of the usual pizza / Mexican food routine!!).
I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. Iím not beating myself up about this: Iím not perfect. All I can do is keep on moving forward. Step by step. I believe in myself. I believe that I can stop the mindless eating and start eating healthy (and make it a habit that will last all my life). I donít care how long it takes. I don't care how many tries it will take or how many times I must fall down.
I WILL be healthy, strong, and completely comfortable in my own skin. Thatís all that matters. Not the numbers on the scale.
Monday, February 07, 2011
So, I've had a tough week. I received some upsetting news a week ago. My boyfriend told me out of nowhere that he is leaving for the entire summer to do an internship in Ghana, Africa. As you might or might not know by now, I'm the type of person who definitely does not enjoy being alone. Long distance relationships are the worst. That became clear to me last year when my boyfriend and I lived hundreds of miles apart. Don't get me wrong, I know this is such a great and once in a lifetime opportunity for him, and I'm really glad he has been offered a chance like this! It's just that I had a strong emotional reaction to the news (I'm like that, my initial reaction to change of any kind is to freak out!) and, being the emotional eater that I am, self-medicated with food. And lots of it.
I don't think I've gained any weight and I'm back on track now. I really need to find new ways to deal with my emotions! Binging is no longer an option. It just makes it a hundred times worse.
I'm not letting anything stop me from reaching my goals. This is my life, and I know I can change it for the better. I'm not perfect. I'll make mistakes. I'll slip up and fall of the wagon. But now the difference is that I'm going to get up EVERY SINGLE TIME and keep on moving forward. I think this is the lesson I need to learn. This is why I'm still struggling with problems like these. I need to learn to never give up, no matter what happens, no matter how badly I mess up.
There is ALWAYS a new day :)
Tomorrow I'll restart my 28-Day Bootcamp Workout Challenge. I fell on my right knee last Wednesday when I was coming home from school (I'm so sick of winter already! High heels and snow do not work well together) and it hurt so badly for a few days that I couldn't work out. Tomorrow I'm getting back on the exercise wagon as well, promise!
Hope you're all well!
-------------------------- edit ---------------------------
I just realized that I'll have the entire summer to focus on getting back in shape! When my boyfriend eventually comes back from Africa he won't even recognize me at the airport! I'll look soooo hot ;)
(It's all about staying positive, no matter what!)
Monday, January 31, 2011
- 9 pounds
- 1.2 inches on my waist
- 1.2 inches on my hips
- 1.6 inches on my bust
- 1 inch on my thigh
- 0.4 inches on my upper arm
- that tracking is everything!
- that one day or one week of unhealthy eating doesn't mean all is lost!
- that just one meal can make a difference on how I feel!
- that I am beautiful, regardless of my size!
- that I feel a million times better when I work out and eat right. It boosts my self-esteem through the roof!
I learned a lot of things really, those are just a few that came to mind :)
On January 1st, I tried on a pair of jeans that were too tight to even zip up. Today, I tried them again and not only could I zip them up but they were also looking nice on me!!!! AMAZING! I am so proud of the progress I'm making. I'm not going to give up on myself, I'll keep on working towards my goal and one day, I'll get there!
Tomorrow it's February 1st! In February I want to focus on working out consistently and staying within my calorie range. Speaking of exercise, I just joined the Official 28-Day Bootcamp Workout Challenge here on SparkPeople! I'm so excited about it :)
Here's a link to the article about the Bootcamp if you want to read more about it: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitnes
The rules of the Bootcamp are:
- Do one of the 10-minute workout videos each day
- Do five 30-minute cardio sessions per week
- Follow the plan for four weeks
I finished the first workout video earlier today and it was pretty tough!!But it's only 10 minutes so it's totally doable. It got my heart rate up and I could feel my muscles burning and working. I felt great afterwards!
I'm excited to see what February's got in store for me :) My goal is to lose a few pounds and some inches, tone up and get stronger and healthier!
Here we go!
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