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Fell down but I'm getting back up.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Itís been forever since my last update and I feel really, really, REALLY bad. I just fell off the wagon so badly that I didnít even want to face it and log in here. Stupid, I know. I'm so confused. Why did this happen AGAIN? Where did I go wrong? I donít know what happened - well, I DO KNOW what happened: for some crazy reason, I decided to kiss my healthy new habits goodbye and go back to binging and feeling miserable all over again. But I donít know WHY it happened.

I know I need to figure it out though. Iíll never be able to change my behavior if I donít identify what triggers me to over eat in the first place! There are so many triggers though: stress, boredom, anxiety, loneliness, sadness and - believe it or not - even happiness. So, for me, pretty much every single emotion has a the unfortunate side effect of triggering a desire to eat, eat, eat. I know Iím an emotional eater, always have been. When I eat, thereís so much more than just hunger involved. Food brings me joy, it keeps me company, it distracts me from facing thoughts that are unpleasant. Itís a way for me to celebrate, to unwind, to relax, to have a good time.

Only, Iím not having a good time right now. I NEED TO GET MY EMOTIONAL EATING UNDER CONTROL. I have a plan though. Iím not going to eat in front of the TV anymore. Whenever I watch TV, I tend to snack all the time. It has to stop! Also, Iím going to make a list of things to do instead of eating when I feel stressed, bored, lonely or whatever! It should help :) I could go for a walk when Iím bored, or read a book, or call a friend. Anything instead of eating! Iíll plan ahead and have regular meals at regular times, sitting at the table. Iíll come up with lighter and healthier alternatives for the weekend when I feel like having something special (instead of the usual pizza / Mexican food routine!!).

I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. Iím not beating myself up about this: Iím not perfect. All I can do is keep on moving forward. Step by step. I believe in myself. I believe that I can stop the mindless eating and start eating healthy (and make it a habit that will last all my life). I donít care how long it takes. I don't care how many tries it will take or how many times I must fall down.

I WILL be healthy, strong, and completely comfortable in my own skin. Thatís all that matters. Not the numbers on the scale.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 2/28/2011 10:01PM

    If we didn't need a re-start now and then Annie, we'd be perfect, but, alas, we're not so we try and try again until new habits take the place of old ones. Hang in and keep a positive attitude. You'll do this thing. -- Lou

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ANIMAI27 2/27/2011 4:11PM

    I can relate to this alot, winter of '10 i lost almost 30lbs, feel off my wagon and gained it all back. Also was avioding SP like it was the plague though I have alot of good friends here I shouldnt have been avoiding because I was being an idiot!

I am trying now to get back to where I was last year here and its hard for me to try to stick to even logging in everday So I have set that as my goal for now, even if I dont do anything else on the site.

Emotional eating is kind of the same for me, I tend to under eat the good things and over eat the bad things (the last week has been really bad for that, all my cals come from junk food instead of good things even though I am staying in my cal range)

Hang in there! You can do this!! You are in the right place to get to where you want to be!

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It's persistence - not perfection - that I strive for!

Monday, February 07, 2011

So, I've had a tough week. I received some upsetting news a week ago. My boyfriend told me out of nowhere that he is leaving for the entire summer to do an internship in Ghana, Africa. As you might or might not know by now, I'm the type of person who definitely does not enjoy being alone. Long distance relationships are the worst. That became clear to me last year when my boyfriend and I lived hundreds of miles apart. Don't get me wrong, I know this is such a great and once in a lifetime opportunity for him, and I'm really glad he has been offered a chance like this! It's just that I had a strong emotional reaction to the news (I'm like that, my initial reaction to change of any kind is to freak out!) and, being the emotional eater that I am, self-medicated with food. And lots of it.

I don't think I've gained any weight and I'm back on track now. I really need to find new ways to deal with my emotions! Binging is no longer an option. It just makes it a hundred times worse.

I'm not letting anything stop me from reaching my goals. This is my life, and I know I can change it for the better. I'm not perfect. I'll make mistakes. I'll slip up and fall of the wagon. But now the difference is that I'm going to get up EVERY SINGLE TIME and keep on moving forward. I think this is the lesson I need to learn. This is why I'm still struggling with problems like these. I need to learn to never give up, no matter what happens, no matter how badly I mess up.

There is ALWAYS a new day :)

Tomorrow I'll restart my 28-Day Bootcamp Workout Challenge. I fell on my right knee last Wednesday when I was coming home from school (I'm so sick of winter already! High heels and snow do not work well together) and it hurt so badly for a few days that I couldn't work out. Tomorrow I'm getting back on the exercise wagon as well, promise!

Hope you're all well!

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-------------------------- edit ---------------------------

I just realized that I'll have the entire summer to focus on getting back in shape! When my boyfriend eventually comes back from Africa he won't even recognize me at the airport! I'll look soooo hot ;)

(It's all about staying positive, no matter what!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMANDA_YVONNE 2/9/2011 3:43PM

    i love your edit, way to look on the bright side!

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PHEBESS 2/8/2011 8:11AM

    Is there any way you could get to Ghana to visit him? Sounds fascinating!

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THISYEARSMODEL 2/7/2011 9:23PM

    Hang in there, you can do it!

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IUHRYTR 2/7/2011 7:20PM

    Sorry you hurt yourself and that he will be away so long. Instead of eating when you feel sad, guilty, etc., do something else for 15-20 or so to take your mind off what is bothering you. Clean the apartment, walk outside, do exercises, soak in hot water or anything else that helps get you past the moment you want to reach for food. Sometimes it takes me a combination of these things and longer than 20 minutes, but sometimes just a few minutes of re-directed activity does the trick. That and keeping in mind a picture of how i will look when I reach my initial goal weight. emoticon -- Lou

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MAKI34 2/7/2011 7:16PM

    Hahaha, I love your edit part. And you are so totally right, it's about not giving up. Even if we never reach our goal 100% but as long as we are always trying.

I feel your pain about your boyfriend. I hate change too! But just keep positive and you'll be fine~

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KPA1B2 2/7/2011 3:52PM

  What a great opportunity for your boyfriend! You said that you don't like being alone, is there any way that you could visit him while he is there? Or you take a vacation with a girlfriend or family member while he's gone?

You know that you react to emotions by binge eating. I have to keep all the junk food out of the house or I will eat it all! (and not have a good reason, other then it's there.) I also try to keep a variety of easy foods to snack on. At least that way if I do want to binge eat, it's not junk food

Good luck, you can do this!

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Day 31 - JANUARY RECAP

Monday, January 31, 2011

IN JANUARY...

...I lost:
- 9 pounds
- 1.2 inches on my waist
- 1.2 inches on my hips
- 1.6 inches on my bust
- 1 inch on my thigh
- 0.4 inches on my upper arm

...I learned:
- that tracking is everything!
- that one day or one week of unhealthy eating doesn't mean all is lost!
- that just one meal can make a difference on how I feel!
- that I am beautiful, regardless of my size!
- that I feel a million times better when I work out and eat right. It boosts my self-esteem through the roof!

I learned a lot of things really, those are just a few that came to mind :)

On January 1st, I tried on a pair of jeans that were too tight to even zip up. Today, I tried them again and not only could I zip them up but they were also looking nice on me!!!! AMAZING! I am so proud of the progress I'm making. I'm not going to give up on myself, I'll keep on working towards my goal and one day, I'll get there!

Tomorrow it's February 1st! In February I want to focus on working out consistently and staying within my calorie range. Speaking of exercise, I just joined the Official 28-Day Bootcamp Workout Challenge here on SparkPeople! I'm so excited about it :)

Here's a link to the article about the Bootcamp if you want to read more about it: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitnes
s_articles.asp?id=1102

The rules of the Bootcamp are:
- Do one of the 10-minute workout videos each day
- Do five 30-minute cardio sessions per week
- Follow the plan for four weeks

I finished the first workout video earlier today and it was pretty tough!!But it's only 10 minutes so it's totally doable. It got my heart rate up and I could feel my muscles burning and working. I felt great afterwards!

I'm excited to see what February's got in store for me :) My goal is to lose a few pounds and some inches, tone up and get stronger and healthier!

Here we go!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGPIE17 2/1/2011 10:15AM

    Wow, WTG! Rock February like you rocked January! ;)

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IUHRYTR 1/31/2011 6:25PM

    You made tremendous progress in January Annie. Good going! Now on to February. I know you'll have even greater results. Stay focused, determined and positive and emoticon -- Lou

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Day 30 - 1 Step Back, 2 Steps Forward

Sunday, January 30, 2011

"Fall seven times, get up eight." - Japanese Proverb
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams
"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb
"Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never." - Winston Churchill
"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." - Samuel Johnson

These quotes are from a SparkPeople article titled 1 Step Back, 2 Steps Forward. And today, they really speak to me.

What is it about weekends that makes me go crazy? Is it just a bad habit I'm still struggling to overcome or is it just a way to unwind? All I know is that I have been eating all those unhealthy foods that I have tried so hard to avoid for the past few weeks. Pizza, hamburgers, chocolate, ice cream, cookies, popcorn... The list goes on. You can imagine how I feel at the moment. Not healthy at all.

I don't know why I 'gave up' this weekend. I will not say: "I don't know what happened, something just took over me and I couldn't help it". That is not true. Instead, I'll say: "I made a choice, and it was a poor one. I was fully aware of each bite I took, I knew how it would affect my weight loss efforts and I still did it. It was a bad decision and I regret it, but I take full responsibility and own up to my mistakes." After all, it happened because I chose to eat that way. We always get to choose and this time I didn't choose wisely. I know I really wanted to eat all that food, a part of me did. And another part, the new healthy part, was screaming "STOP RIGHT NOW!" It only has a faint voice now but it will get stronger and I WILL learn to listen to it. Because THIS - eating like this, feeling bloated and disappointed - is just not worth it. It's just not.

I decided that I'll learn from this. I'll take a shower and go to bed, and tomorrow morning I will wake up to a new day and make it count. One step back, two steps forward. It's important to keep on moving forward despite setbacks or mistakes you might make. We are not perfect. We are human. I will learn from this weekend, forgive myself, and move on.

ALL IS NOT LOST.

emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 1/30/2011 7:18PM

    All is never lost when a positive attitude prevails. It's true no one forces us to eat when and what we don't. We do it ourselves and have only ourselves to blame. But, new beginnings can happen any day, any meal, any exercise. Don't throw away the progress you have made this month. Start again and come back stronger than before. emoticon You WILL do it! -- Lou

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Day 27 - Stage 2, Healthy Habits. Habit 1: Control Portions

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'm now on Stage 2 of the SparkDiet and I decided to post a short summary of all of the six the Healthy Habits as I move through this stage. I feel like it's easier to fully understand the importance of each habit if you write it down and process it thoroughly.

I'm now already at Habit 2, but since I didn't post this last week I'll start with Habit 1, Control Portions:

"The first step to diet renewal is to regain some control over what goes on your plate. During your Fast Break, you started tracking food and calories to get a clear picture of what your current diet looks like. This week, you're going to focus on Food Portions. With careful measurement, you'll learn exactly how many servings you're eating, then reduce portions until they're more in line with recommended serving sizes.

This will be the habit that can cut the most calories the quickest. You could literally lose weight by doing nothing more than eating single servings of your favorite foods instead of the culinary pile of calories you're normally faced with."

Things to do:
- use smaller plates / bowls
- don't eat in front of the TV and pay attention to what and how much you're eating
- track your meals (!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!)
- use a set of measuring cups to measure your servings
- use a small kitchen scale
- eat more slowly
- drink more water
- eat lots of fiber-loaded foods

So, there you go! Portion control is so essential when it comes to losing weight. I think eating too much of my favorite foods made me overweight in the first place. If I had just cut back and had a small portion of whatever I was having, maybe I wouldn't have gained all that weight. Oh well, it's all in the past and I want to focus on the future instead. From now on, I'll carefully measure my portions, choose my treats and enjoy them in moderation, track every single bite here on SparkPeople and eat more slowly.

BY THE WAY, one of my FastBreak goals was to stop eating in front of the TV. And I'm very proud to let you know that I haven't eaten in front of the TV in 27 days now! It has worked wonders. I had gotten so used to eating in front of the TV (since we currently live in a small studio apartment, the TV is right there, you can actually watch it sitting at the kitchen table..) that I didn't even think it would be possible to enjoy a meal at the table! Haha! Well, I proved myself wrong.

Today I'm going to be busy studying. I'll go for a nice long walk later today though! Have a great day everyone!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 1/27/2011 5:17PM

    Your positive attitude is contagious and your progress is emoticon. Keep up the good effort, one pound at a time. emoticon because you are emoticon. -- Lou

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QUEENCREOLE 1/27/2011 6:00AM

    Great post! Good luck on your journey.

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