Friday, October 15, 2010
Thank you all for your advice and insights on my previous entry. I have decided to follow my instinct and restart my SparkDiet. I definitely feel like it is the right thing to do and I'm sure I won't regret making this decision later on. So, bye bye Atkins - hello, SparkPeople! :)
Today has been such a wonderful day. Since it's been so long and I haven't really updated in a while, I feel like there's a bit of catching up to do! I have made a few significant changes in my life since last spring:
1) I quit my English studies in the University of Turku for now (I can always go back there in the future if I feel like it) and moved back in with my boyfriend in Lahti.
2) I am now studying something I REALLY, REALLY LOVE: journalism. I am so excited about my studies and I feel like this is something I can really see myself doing in the future as well. I love writing so this really feels very natural to me. It's such a huge difference compared to studying English at the Uni. Back then I felt like every day was a struggle and I didn't find what I was studying interesting. Now it's the complete opposite!!
3) I am so much happier than I was last year when I was living alone far away from my family and my fiancÚ, studying something I didn't feel passionate about. Now I feel like my life has turned around completely: I'm living together with Tommi again, I'm studying something I really love, and I don't feel sad or depressed all the time.
It's amazing how quickly things can turn around. A year ago, I would never have imagined I'd be living this beautiful life I'm living right now. I'm so thankful for everything and I feel really blessed.
The only thing that has not changed yet is my weight. It's still exactly the same. But I'm working on it, and this time I'm only taking baby steps. I feel like today was a huge success since I usually have a hard time on weekends (especially Fridays and Saturdays!). I was so proud of myself for having Greek salad and ciabatta for dinner instead of our usual Friday night pizza or taco routine. It's all about little changes like that! I don't feel deprived at all. I feel content and confident that this is going to be the next big change in my life: I'm gaining control over my food choices and losing weight in the process!
Sure, I could have done better calorie wise (ended up consuming 1890 calories today) but it also could have been a lot worse - and it usually is! Tomorrow is my next big chance to prove that I'm on my way to a healthy new way of life.
Maybe I'll skip the dessert and just enjoy some fruit and a nice cup of peppermint tea :)
Have a wonderful Friday night everyone! It's almost midnight here in Finland and that means its also bedtime. I need my beauty sleep! ;)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
So, I've been pretty desperate lately.
A few weeks ago, to my horror, I noticed that I had gained 15 pounds over the summer. I know how it happened, too. I was constantly craving carbs and sugar to the point that I was eating them all the time. I wanted to stop but I just felt like I couldn't. I hit an all time low with my carb-craze when I had to come face to face with my weight and the fact that I had begun to binge large amounts of food in secret again. I felt miserable and like a big fat failure. In addition to all of this, I haven't been active here on SparkPeople. Why? I guess it's because I was doing so badly. Crazy, right?! I didn't want to face the reality of my situation, I guess. That's when I should have come back here to get back on track again and to find support. I don't know why I didn't.
Anyway, I got really desperate and started browsing the internet for some sort of a plan to stop craving unhealthy carbs all the time. I read about sugar and carb addiction, and eventually found the Atkins website. I have ALWAYS been extremely skeptical when it comes to diets like Atkins and have sworn NEVER to go on one. But after browsing through the success stories and reading about how amazing people were feeling after they had started the Atkins diet, I was beginning to actually think about going on the diet myself. I was desperate for a change.
I felt like it was the solution to all my problems. No carbs - that was exactly what I needed! Despite the faint voice of doubt I kept hearing inside my head, I decided to give it a try.
Today, I'm on my fourth day on Phase 1, Induction. During this phase, you're only allowed to eat 20 grams of carbohydrates a day, and it lasts two weeks. I feel very torn at the moment: on one hand, I feel like I should give it a try and not give up this time. On the other hand, though, I feel like this is something I'm not going to be able to do for the rest of my life. Sure, the amount of carbs is slowly increased to about 60 grams or more a day, but that still seems too little to me. I'm wondering what that will lead to in the long run; will I only end up binging carbs again? I've often heard that if you deny yourself something, it'll only lead to trouble.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know if I can keep up with this diet and make it a permanent, healthy lifestyle. I'm afraid that if I lose the weight and manage to follow the plan for a year or so, I'll eventually get bored and go back to my old ways and gain all the weight back again, which is something I definitely do not want to happen!!!
The thing that worries me the most is that you're not allowed to eat as much fruit and veggies as I would like. I also do enjoy whole grain bread, dark rice and whole wheat pasta, but they are not allowed in the diet either. I don't know, I just feel like this is not sustainable in the long run, especially since I do love a cookie or a slice of pizza every once in a while... I wonder, will I end up binging if I stay on Atkins?
The other thing that I'm worried about is whether or not Atkins really is a healthy diet. They encourage you to get most of your energy from fat and also to eat very high amounts of protein. I've been trying to find an answer to this question on the internet, but all the studies say different things and there is no one definite answer.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Should I stick with Atkins for now or should I follow the SparkDiet guidelines? What do you guys think? It's only been four days and I'm already contemplating this. I miss eating fruit and fiber rich cereal and plain yogurt. The thought that keeps going through my mind is that I don't think I want to give them up for the rest of my life.
I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this!!
Friday, May 21, 2010
It's been such a long time since my last entry.
A week from now I'll be sitting on a plane with my mom and my sister, on my way to the beautiful island of Corfu, Greece. When we booked the trip, I visualized myself being a lot thinner and in control of my eating when we finally go there. This was almost four months ago. Today, as I am sitting here writing this, nothing has changed. I haven't lost any weight, I'm still the same size, I still struggle with over-eating and, right now, I just feel plain miserable. I feel so sad that I wasn't able to lose weight before this vacation that I have been dreaming about for so long. What happened? I don't know. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself and my expectations were too high.
The thing is, I'm afraid I won't be able to enjoy the vacation at all now that I haven't lost any weight. AND I REALLY WANT TO. I'm afraid I won't feel comfortable going to the beach and wearing a bikini, and I'm really worried I'll keep comparing myself to my little sister who is a different shape than I am and 20 pounds lighter. There are times when I feel really beautiful and confident and love my curves, but there are also times when I don't even want to go outside or be seen in public because of how disgusting I think I look. I don't want to ruin this vacation for me or for any of us.
Right now I'm wondering if there is anything I could do to make me feel positive and happy and less self-conscious. I was actually thinking of going on a liquid fast for the rest of the week before our vacation to feel better about myself but, honestly, I know that's just not a good, healthy solution.
Any advice, encouragement or positive thoughts would be GREATLY appreciated at this point. I'm so desperate to get over this right now.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
I wanted to give you guys and update on how I'm doing with my personal challenge and the Couch to 5K program! Everything's going really well and I'm now on Week 2 of C25K! Today it's time for my very first Week 2 session which consists of a warm-up walk and then 20 minutes of alternating between 90 seconds of jogging and 2 minutes of walking. Should be fun and challenging! Last week when I went jogging my left leg hurt a little but it's okay now so I'm hoping I'll be able to run today. It's important to stretch, warm up and cool down every single time. I know that now.
Also, today is Day 10 of my Personal Challenge and I'm still going strong! I haven't skipped any workouts and I can already see my arms getting more and more toned (since I've been doing more push-ups etc. over the past few months than ever before!). It feels great and it's not at all too exhausting or tough. Sometimes I feel lazy and try to come up with an excuse to skip a workout, but I know I'll only feel miserable afterwards. And sure, my intake could have been better this Easter - but it also could have been A LOT worse! I'm happy with how I'm doing. This is all about making life long changes, not quick fixes or unattainable plans. Small substitutions, more exercise, more healthy meals, smaller portions - that's what really counts!
OH, and HAPPY (belated) EASTER to all of you! :))
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
A few days ago I joined two different Couch to 5K teams here on SparkPeople and began working my way towards my dream of becoming a runner (well, at least someone who can run 5 kilometers non stop without getting totally exhausted!). Today was my very first C25K workout and it went really well! During the first week, you alternate between 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes (+ warm up and cool down walks). Obviously, this is fairly easy and that's the point, but I'm still really happy that I was able to do it and it only left me feeling more energized rather than sore or tired. My next C25K workout will be on Friday and the last Week 1 session will be on Sunday. This is something I promised myself I would do in 2010. I feel confident that I can do this!
Also, I'm on a personal 60-day challenge. In just 57 days I'll be in Greece with my mom and my sister, and I really want to feel good about myself when we go there. I don't even care about how much weight I lose, I just want to feel strong and motivated and like I have been working hard for the past couple of months - then I can really enjoy my time there without a guilty conscience! My challenge is actually fairly simple and basic. No sweets/junk food during the week - I'm limiting my consumption to one day a week, Saturday. (Special occasions are always special occasions, however. Like birthdays etc.) I'm also working out daily (with C25K, nordic walking and swimming as my main cardio exercises) as well as doing strength training for 15-20 minutes 6 times a week (exercising a different muscle group every day so that I won't hurt my muscles by over training them!). So, as I said, pretty basic and very doable - but also VERY CHALLENGING for me since I'm the laziest chocoholic you'll ever meet. Haha!
Today is day three and I feel great. I know things will get tough and there'll be bumps and obstacles along the way but I'll just keep on going forward!
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