Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I'm still extremely sad and shocked about yesterday's tragic events but I'll try and put that aside for a while and focuse on the positive.
Things have been going amazingly well this week (food-wise). I decided on Sunday that this week would be different and that I'd really focus on making the right, healthy choices. And I HAVE! My fat intake was still way too high and I was eating lots of unhealthy foods. And, as I looked at the pattern of certain foods on NutritionTracker, I noticed that I was still an emotional eater. I realize you don't just 'get cured' after years and years of emotional eating. It takes time and effort and I'm ready to work for it. I'm glad I noticed the biggest problems. I now know what made me gain so much weight in the first place. I was eating irregular meals, I ate too much at a time, I consumed way too much foods high in fat and calories, I was (and am) an emotional eater, I skipped meals, I binged, I even purged at times when I was bulimic, I ate lots of foods that were extremely unhealthy and high in calories but yet weren't filling at all so I was hungry even after consuming a huge amount of calories. My biggest problems were ice cream, chocolate, fast food, pizza, chips, candies, soft drinks and PORTION CONTROL (or lack there of). I was also very passive and never walked anywhere unless I really had to. And, as you may have guessed by now, I was very unhappy.
But now I really feel like things are changing for good. I'm learning to make healthy choices so that this will be a change that'll last a lifetime. No more diets, thank you very much. I'm through. I'm not as impatient anymore either which is good because I'm less stressed about my new lifestyle and therefore I don't feel the need to 'control' my stress with food. I'm much stronger now. I'm much stronger and much, much more mature. I'm ready to work to achieve this goal. I'm ready to change my lifestyle and become the active and fit girl I really am. I know it'll take time and it's ok. I will not stop for as long as I live. I will not run away from my problems any longer. Things are finally really starting to change and it feels amazing. I believe in myself. I know I can do this. I've already surprised myself and made myself proud over these past few weeks. It seems like I'm capable of doing things I never thought I could do. I CAN DO THIS. I can and I will.
I'm so thankful for this amazing chance to make my dreams come true.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I'm so shocked. I can't believe this is happening again. I don't know if you've heard about this or not but there has been a school shooting incident in Kauhajoki, Finland today. Apparently, a 22-year-old student called Matti Juhani Saari killed 9 of his classmates, a male teacher and himself earlier today. Isn't it shocking? His motive was that he hated the human race and this was his way of showing that to everyone. I find that so hard to believe... WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT? Obviously, he must have had some serious mental problems. He was lonely and isolated. But I mean, come on! This was not supposed to happen! Especially not after last year when Pekka-Eric Auvinen, a 18-year-old high school student killed 8 people at his high school. This speaks of a huge problem. Something has to be done QUICKLY to prevent tragedies like these from happening. It's so terrifying to think that you never know what will happen and who will lose it and start mindlessly shooting people he knows very well. It's a scary thought,
I just want to express my deepest condolances to the families and friends of the victims of today's shocking events. And, to the victims, I only have this to say: I hope you rest in peace.
Monday, September 22, 2008
I moved on to stage two today. So far, I'm off to an excellent start. I realized I was getting way too much of my calories from fat and decided to cut way back on my fat intake. I went grocery shopping with Tommi today and we bought lots and lots of healthy foods: kiwis, bananas, carrots, tomatos, lettuce, cucumber, apples, low-fat cottage cheese, natural (non-fat) yogurt, lean chicken... I'm so excited. I'm FINALLY really doing this. No more slacking. I'm ready for this now.
I'm still at about 169 lbs. I'm so glad I hadn't gained any weight last week... Things got a bit out of hand. But thankfully I didn't give up - I won't! - and pulled myself together. I'm not as impatient as I used to be anymore. I guess I'm growing up and learning that change takes time to be a lifelong change.
I hope you're all doing great! I have to go blow-dry my hair and then I'm off to bed. A demain!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I've finally managed to pull myself together. Today I stayed within my calorie limits and reached all the other nutritional goals as well. I'm feeling a little ill though, and that's why I haven't really been able to work out. I just want to get better as soon as possible. Things are going great now. I'm not going to give up. Ever. I will keep on going and I'll reach all my goals in the future.
This is going to be a bit short because I have a million things to do for tomorrow and it's already 9 pm here. I hope everyone is doing well!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
...it's so easy to fall off the wagon. It's so easy to say (after you've eaten three slices of cake or four candy bars) *Well f*ck this then, I screwed up, I shouldn't have eaten this. I might as well eat the rest because OBVIOUSLY I have NO SELF-CONTROL and the damage is done.' I admit I used to think like that in the past. Every time I ate something I shouldn't have or skipped a few workouts I'd just QUIT! That is so sad. It's sad because when you begin to slip the last thing you should do is blame yourself, get depressed and give up! YOU SHOULD STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, LOOK BACK AND TRY TO LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES YOU MADE - AND MOVE ON! Easier said than done, I admit. It's not easy to stay motivated and to believe in yourself in every situation.
But I want to learn to be more positive even when I find myself doing the things I shouldn't do. I want to keep the faith and forgive myself. I'm only human! Life is a marathon. You just have to keep moving forward, NO MATTER WHAT. What good would it do to me to stop when things get rough? It would only make me feel worse! But, instead, if I try to learn from my mistakes and decide to keep on going forward things will eventually change! I have to stop being so hard on myself. I have to stay motivated. I don't want to give up anymore. I want to stop running away from my problems.
Yesterday was my Tommi's birthday and I had three tortillas, some chocolate, Coke and a slice of cake (on top of the other meals I had eaten earlier). Today I had another two slices of that cake and a tortilla. I realize it's not the end of the world but what scares me is the fact that I know myself and I know that, in the past, all my previous attempts to change my lifestyle have failed in situations like these. So now, I think, it is time to take a deep breath and calm down. It's time to be reasonable. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! I can put this behind me and move on. I WILL BE MUCH HAPPIER if I do so. Sometimes I think that, subconsciously, I am looking for a reason to quit. I have some cake and there, everything's ruined, I can quit and go back to eating whatever I want (and feeling miserable!!). I WILL NOT DO THAT this time. I will not.
Therefore, I am going to get back up and keep on moving forward. I'm going to forgive myself and leave this behind me. Tomorrow is a new day. A new chance to make healthy choices. I am going to make it. I will lose all this weight and negativity and become healthy and strong.
I forgive myself.
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