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New Year, New Goals

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Hi everyone!

It's been almost a month since my last update! After Christmas, I have to say, things got a little crazy. Just as I feared, once I allowed myself to have a little bit of those treats that I wasn't allowed to have before, I lost control. It scares me to think how easy it is to get lost in that same old mindless cycle of overeating. I really want to focus on adapting a new LIFESTYLE and get rid of the dieting mindset once and for all. I thought that was in the past already, but apparently I still need a lot of practice.

I started school again last Monday, and got back to working out regularly and eating healthy meals. I'm not going overboard this time: balance is the key. I'm cutting back on high-calorie treats and working out more (cardio 60-90 mins every day, strength training 30 minutes on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays). It's that simple! I'm looking forward to the spring and all that it has in store for me. I'm not sure what next fall will bring (I don't know if I'll continue studying here in Turku, probably not - I don't see how I would be able to be happy here. I feel lonely and miss Tommi all the time, and in addition to that, I don't get anything out of my studies. I'm looking for a better option for myself, and I'm hopeful that I'll find it. In my heart, I feel like I don't belong here.).

Anyway, it's a new year - HAPPY NEW YEAR, BY THE WAY! - and with it come new goals. Instead of a few big resolutions, I am setting myself lots of small goals that will make a big difference in 2010.

In 2010, I will...

...reach my goal weight of 59 kgs and adapt a healthy lifestyle that will last as long as I live.
...start a new hobby.
...learn to be an optimist.
...learn to love working out.
...focus on my writing.
...stay in touch with my friends.
...send my poems to publishing agencies. abroad.
...finish my novel. more.
...can run 20 minutes without stopping. in the European size 36.
...cut back on sodium, fat and sugar, and eat more fruit and veggies. yoga regularly.
...learn a new language.
...find something else to study; something, that will bring me satisfaction and joy, and won't drain me emotionally and cause anxiety.
...keep a diary. more spontaneous. a great and a loving girlfriend.
...learn to love myself unconditionally.
...keep my promises.
...take risks and follow my heart.
...try new things.
...keep my apartment clean.
...exercise regularly.
...get enough rest and sleep.
...get things done on time.
...not spend too much money on clothes.
...believe in myself. less TV.
...spend less time on the internet.
...try not to stress about things as much.
...go camping.
...take a cruise.
...go to a spa. more grateful. less selfish. honest. myself, at all times.

I know this year will be a wonderful one. I want to follow my heart and find my place in this world. I don't want to waste another year doing something that leaves me empty inside. I have goals now, and I'm determined to reach all of them.

Happy New Year to all of you - I hope it'll bring you joy, health, love and peace.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZANNACHAN 1/18/2010 10:37AM

    I love your goals! I wouldn't exactly call them small goals--you have a number of challenging things on there. but I think it's important to dream big and to stretch yourself, to challenge yourself for what you really want.

I hope that this year is a wonderful one and that you find something more rewarding than your current program.

Happy New Year to you as well!

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IUHRYTR 1/16/2010 9:09AM

    All sound, achievable goals. I hope things work out for you at school. -- Lou

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CMAXSON 1/16/2010 6:19AM

    good luck to you in the new year :) You have a lot of goals for the year but you can do it!!! Stay strong and you will get to check every single on off the list come 2011 :)

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Can you believe my challenge is already over?! These three weeks have gone by so quickly that I didn't almost even notice. These three weeks have made all the difference in the world to me! I've gotten my weight loss going again - it's about time!!! - and I feel a million times better and a lot more confident than when I started on December 1st.

During these three weeks I have...

1) Learned that I CAN DO THIS: I can get my emotional eating under control and lose weight WITHOUT feeling deprived all the time!
2) Gotten my confidence back.
3) Lost four pounds and gained muscle.
4) Gotten a lot firmer and much more toned!
5) Learned to love exercise - I never thought it could happen!!
6) Realized the importance of taking care of myself and what a difference it makes in my every day life.
7) Worked very hard to build consistency and to learn to be more patient with myself.
8) Understood that as long as I feel good in my own skin, it doesn't matter what other people say or think. I know I'm beautiful, and that's all that counts.
9) Noticed that my clothes fit a lot better and my skin looks smooth and clear because of eating healthy and getting lots of air.
10) Also realized that I could never keep this up for longer than three weeks: I need days off when it comes to working out, and I need my occasional hamburger or a chocolate bar. But I have learned that it's all about balance and moderation.

I now know where to go from here. I'll keep on working hard and focusing on getting fit, but this bootcamp is now over and I don't mind! :D HAHA. I honestly feel more than excited about getting to eat all the lovely Christmas foods - and chocolate - tomorrow! IT'S BEEN SO LONG! Tomorrow, I'm not counting calories. But after Christmas it's time to get serious again. I'll get back to my usual routine of working out three times a week and doing at least 45 mins of cardio a day. I'll follow the SparkDiet and its calorie limits, but still have an occasional treat every now and then. C'est la vie! Then, hopefully, I'll get down to 130 pounds by summer.

If I don't update tomorrow then I'm already wishing you all MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope you all get to enjoy the holidays and relax with your loved ones!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANSASC 12/24/2009 11:12AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Merry Christmas to you as well.

I am so proud of you. You did it!! YAY!! emoticon

You learned a lot these past weeks and I am so glad you got confidence. You deserve a break and chocolate emoticon

Have a great holiday

Jess emoticon

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ZANNACHAN 12/23/2009 4:47PM

    Have a very Merry Christmas as well!

That's awesome! I'm so glad that your boot camp worked out so well--not just in the short run, either. Now you just have to figure out how to implement those lessons (while still allowing yourself treats, so you don't feel deprived in the long run). It can be done--the key is watching your proportions, I guess.

Enjoy tomorrow, and know you'll be getting 2010 off to a great start!

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IUHRYTR 12/23/2009 3:14PM

    So happy for you that you finished this challenge. I can read the excitement in your words. I hope you enjoy your success and keep us updated on your Christmas. -- Lou

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Sexy By Christmas Bootcamp - Day 19 - Emotionally drained (but happy).

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Wow. This has been a long, emotionally exhausting day.

I woke up and decided to weigh myself after a week of hard work. As you might remember, last weekend when I was here I weighed myself only to find out I hadn't lost a single pound in a long time. This time, however, things went differently: apparently, I have suddenly lost 4 pounds! I'm not complaining though! ;) I'm so happy! My hard work is finally showing on the scale as well. And then as I put on my clothes I noticed they fit a lot looser around the waist, and I thought I looked pretty good as I was getting ready to go to my grandma's to do some Christmas cleaning for her.

That's when things took an ugly turn.

I should probably tell you that my grandma means well but she just often ends up hurting people's feelings. She doesn't mean to, and she doesn't understand it when people get offended. Since I was a child, I remember her making remarks about me and my sister - especially our bodies. We were never chubby children, we were completely normal weight and healthy and cute. Still, I remember her pointing out a number of times that we just were not like our cousin Laura who is tall and skinny. Anyway, today she did it again. We were watching TV and there was this woman, beautiful and slightly overweight, and my grandma kept making remarks about her weight for the entire time she was watching it. And then she suddenly turned to me and said:

"See? You're not the only fat person in the world! Be happy! Look at that woman, she's happy too even though she's fat! You're chubby but it's okay!"


I can't even begin to describe the emotions I went through. I felt physically ill. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. My mom and my sister both stopped what they were doing and just stared at her in disbelief. I couldn't help myself and I shouted "THAT WAS SUCH A MEAN THING TO SAY!" but she didn't get it, she just laughed. She thought I was kidding! I went into the bathroom for 20 minutes and cried like a baby. I couldn't stop the tears. Her words hurt me so deeply, not only because they were insensitive, but also because I have so many scarves from such a long period of time that were just beginning to heal before she cut them open again... I have been battling eating disorders and food related problems since I was 11 years old. I was bulimic when I was 12, and that was when it all started. My dad used to force my sister and me to work out and didn't let us eat after 7 pm. It was crazy, and my relationship with food never developed normally.

What hurt me the most was my worst fear (people thinking that I am fat) said out loud by someone who is supposed to love me and be kind to me. And the worst thing is, she honestly did not understand she had hurt me until my mom explained to her what a hurtful thing it was to say and how sensitive I am when it comes to my weight. I was upset for the rest of the day, and cried for hours on end. I felt so hurt, so broken, so ugly. I was feeling so good about myself earlier today and then, all of a sudden, it all got shattered by a rude comment.

I'm trying my best to ignore it but it's almost impossible. I still hear the words inside my head. Fat. I am fat. I don't feel fat, I don't want to be fat, I don't want people to think I am fat let alone CALL ME fat.

I still get upset when I think about it.

All I can do now is keep on following my program. I'm on the right track here, and it's all that matters. I'm trying my best to stay positive. I can't let this get me down.

I did okay on my challenge today despite this fiasco. I didn't meet my calorie limit of 1200 as I pretty much lost my appetite after the incident. I'm going to be careful though not to eat too little as I really don't want to be unhealthy in any way. I did work out and walked for 45 minutes and did some serious cleaning for an hour. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm really hoping I'll get past what happened and move on without any resentment.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANSASC 12/21/2009 9:08AM

    What is it about grandmothers that makes them completely oblivious? My grandmother does that sometimes too! Don't sweat it, though. You are doing great! You are showing progress and you have a plan of action - AND you are sticking to it!

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BNAILS50 12/21/2009 3:41AM

    You already are

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    I just want to say sorry this happened to you. .:HUG:. emoticon
I know the feeling, and to be honest its okay to cry. Its better to cry and let it all go so you can feel better.

You need to look yourself in the mirror and say: " I am a sexy thang!" Yes say it with and "a" :)
You are a beautiful girl inside and out. You are being healthy by eating right and working out. You have a beautiful face and hot body. Yes you are all that! Work It!
Don't let any one bring you down. Don't give people that power over you. You are in control of your emotions and life.
Keep on doing it girl. And Great Job on losing 4 pounds YAY!!! emoticon
Happy Holidays emoticon

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IUHRYTR 12/19/2009 8:27PM

    I, too have seen your pictures and you look terrific! Hot! A fox! I know how hurtful remarks from others can be and how difficult they are to ignore, but you have such a fantastic attitude that I'm confident you'll put this past you and keep going with your inspiring progress. Terrific, hot, a fox. Remember those words. They're true. -- Lou

Comment edited on: 12/19/2009 8:32:51 PM

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ZANNACHAN 12/19/2009 7:14PM

    First of all, I agree with Candice--I've seen pictures of you and you are a beautiful woman. And I'm not just saying that to make you feel better--you really are lovely. So please don't let others make you feel bad about your body! You are working to keep yourself healthy and fit and that's, as she said, all that matters.


I don't know why, but family often can mean well and hurt us more than any other person. About a year and a half ago, I was at a major family reunion and already feeling pretty lousy anyway (because my husband was home sick and it turns out I was coming down with the stomach bug my husband had) when my dad asks in this really loud voice (his natural speaking voice is unfortunately quite loud) if I'd put on weight because my face looked fat. Talk about mortifying. He knew--as did most of my family--that I had been struggling with my bad hip and everything, and I was probably the heaviest that I've ever been despite trying to rehab that hip for 2 years, but I was mortified. I wanted to crawl under the floorboards or something. And then I had a cousin point that I had a lot of grey hair visible--ugh. I'm not even that old! Neither of them meant to be mean, but I felt like I must look like some pathetic old fat woman, and I just wanted to disappear.

Family. Gotta love them even when you want to strangle them. And no matter how healthy or beautiful or fit or incredible we may look, there will still probably be someone in the family (at least my family) who is all to likely to innocently point out some flaw--whether it's muffin top showing above the jeans, saying we're overweight because we aren't built like a stick model, that our hair is the wrong color, that we have wrinkles, whatever. And it's hard. I know that when I happens to me it can just ruin my entire day. But you know, it's not because there is anything wrong with us, and we need to learn to not listen to them when they say stupid stuff like that, don't let them ruin our day. But somehow it's a lot easier to do when it's some one like a colleague, a lot harder when it's your family who's supposed to love you no matter what.

And who0 hoo! Congratulations on losing 4 lbs! I knew that your hard work would pay off! I've heard before that weight loss can do that--in spurts. I don't know why, but I'm glad that you are finally getting to see concrete progress! That's great!

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GONABFIT 12/19/2009 6:55PM

    I'm sorry this happened to you! I too have a fear of people saying I am fat, and it's like when they say it out loud, it reaffirms my own insecurities... Just know you are beautiful inside and out!

And the best thing is you are actively working towards being healthy...

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CANDLES-73 12/19/2009 5:23PM

    Ok, first of all - I have to say, I looked at your photos and you are a-DOR-able! PLEASE don't let other people make you feel down about yourself! You are working hard at being healthy, and that's all that matters. I have an older family member who likes to remind me when I've put on a few pounds myself - so I know how hurtful it can be. Keep your chin up, and try not to let it get to you. Good luck with your challenge!

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Sexy By Christmas Bootcamp - Day 18

Friday, December 18, 2009

Five more days of bootcamp left! Time has gone by so quickly. The weirdest thing is that it's been so easy. I used to get the worst cravings, especially for chocolate, even if I went a few days without eating it! This time it's been completely different. I think it's the mature, solid, no-excuses decision that I made that has changed everything. Chocolate is out of the question, and it's okay - because I know I'm not keeping this up forever, this is just a jump start, a break from eating all that junk I used to eat non stop. When my bootcamp is over I'm going back to my usual routine of working out three times a week (I'll still do cardio every day) and having one day every week when I can still have my favorite treats in moderation.

One thing I'm noticing though is that I'm getting a little lazy. I have to force myself to work out when all I want to do is curl up under warm blankets and listen to Christmas music or watch TV. I should work out in the morning to get it over with. It's worse in the evenings when you get tired and all other things come in the way.

Last night I worked out at 11:30 pm!!! HAHA. I was so tired and I was feeling a little ill, my throat was sore and my nose was runny... I had been debating all evening whether or not I should work out and then decided to skip it for the day since I wasn't feeling 100 % well. BUT then I started to feel really guilty and began questioning my motives: was I really feeling ill or was I just being lazy? I decided to work out before going to bed, AND I DID. Crazy. But I felt really good afterwards (at least mentally - physically, I was feeling a little shaky and that's why I'm taking my day off today. I always have a day off once a week, usually Sunday, but I decided to use mine today as I'm not feeling completely well.).

Now it's time to go to bed. I'm at my parents' now, Tommi and I drove over here earlier today for the weekend. It's so ridiculously cold outside: it's something like 1.5 Fahrenheit (we use Celsius here, and it's -17 degrees Celsius). I can't remember the last time it was this cold! It's really beautiful though, everything's white and crispy. But I feel like I'm about to freeze to death when I go outside... I'm not used to this cold weather! I find it so funny when people think Finland is such a cold, cold place and there's snow all year round and polar bears and whatnot. Trust me, there's no polar bears. And usually, there's not even snow, at least not in the south, and the summers are hot. I read somewhere that the climate here is much like that of Minnesota in the US.

Alright now, everyone. It's time for me to get some rest before another busy day tomorrow. Hope you're all doing well! :)


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 12/18/2009 7:31PM

    I admire your dedication and perseverance. Stay warm and get feeling better. -- Lou

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ZANNACHAN 12/18/2009 6:40PM

    Wow. I can't believe that there's only 5 more days left to your bootcamp. Sure we can't be that close to Christmas already? But you've been doing an amazing job, and I know you'll be able to stay on target for the last 5 days.

It's warmed up here--it's 35 F today (about 1.7 C--it sounds warmer in F though) but that means that we have no snow any more. Actually, I'm always amazed at how far north European countries are--I read somewhere that Rome was at the same latitude was as New England. It's because they are kept warmer by the gulf stream, I guess, but latitudes that are really cold here are temperate there. When we went to Scotland, we actually visited the arctic circle, and there were fuchsia trees growing there! That kind of boggles my mind.

Heh, I've been fighting an acute attack of the lazies myself, I'm afraid--I just want to stay in bed, or if I get up, curl up on the couch with hot tea, a good book, and a blanket. The only way I've been making myself work out is making myself eat, drink some water, and then exercise before I do anything else, and not let myself sit on the couch all day with above mentioned tea, blanket, and book. But, oh, it's a struggle every day, because the couch is so tempting.

But good of you to listen to your body. If you are starting to not feel well, don't push yourself too hard--you can make yourself really sick that way.

Stay healthy, stay focused, and have a great weekend!

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Sexy by Christmas Bootcamp - Day 16

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I just got home from a long day of shopping! I walked for at least an hour and a half around the town looking for Christmas presents to all my loved ones. I found a cute skirt for Amanda and a little something for Tommi (I already have bought a few things for him), and the book I ordered for my mom (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert) arrived today! Now I only have to get something for my grandma and dad. It would be so much easier to buy gifts if I had more money! But as a student my budget is pretty limited. The presents aren't the main thing though, I think what makes Christmas special is the company of your friends and family, and just enjoying the holidays the best way you can.

So far, I'm doing really well with my goals. It's only 6:02 pm here in Finland so I'll have to update this post later when I know how the rest of the day went.

- 1200-1550 calories emoticon
- 12+ glasses of water emoticon
- 6+ servings of fruit and veggies emoticon
- 60+ mins of cardio emoticon
- no candy/junk food emoticon
- 30 mins of strength training; abs emoticon

Here's a few pictures of me on my way out earlier today:

Bye for now! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZANNACHAN 12/16/2009 11:38AM

    Wow, that does hit how far away you really are--it's not even noon here. I'm not ready for evening yet! LoL

Sounds like you had another productive and successful day! It's wonderful to see how you've been able to stay so on target and still live your life--do your Christmas shopping, go skating with your sister, finish papers for school, whatever.

And congrats on being almost done on your Christmas shopping! Soon you'll be able to just relax and enjoy the holiday.

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IUHRYTR 12/16/2009 11:14AM

    It sounded strange reading that it's night there. I forget how far away from the U.S. you are. Good for you for staying within your guidelines. You have great willpower. Keep it up. -- Lou

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