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At home

Friday, November 06, 2009

I arrived here at my parents' home after a 5-hour train ride completely exhausted. My train was late and nothing seemed to go as planned, but I'm here now and that's what counts. It's Father's Day on Sunday (at least in Finland) and that's why I wanted to come. I also hung out with Tommi (he's here to visit HIS parents who live very close to mine) and it was so nice to see him again, I missed him a lot although we only just met last weekend. I'm just so used to being with him all the time.

Today's been great food-wise, I had some chocolate but didn't go over my calorie limit :) Yay! I also walked a lot. I don't know if I'm going to work out today because I'm still really sore. I'm probably going to work out tomorrow instead.

Alright, I better go now. Have a great Friday everyone! AND STAY STRONG!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BLEAN_N_FIT_AZ 11/6/2009 2:36PM

    I bet your Father is happy that you are home for Father's Day.
Enjoy your time, you did really well with the chocolate...for some of us it is really hard to stop. WTG.
Enjoy your weekend, once you're rested you will feel like exercising.

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Feeling good about my body

Thursday, November 05, 2009

I was just trying on some clothes I found at the back of my closet, and - this is the embarrassing part - and while I was doing that I was listening to my feel-sexy-music (mostly Beyoncé) and dancing a little. I love dancing. Anyway, when I looked in the mirror I suddenly felt very strong, confident, sexy and beautiful. I know there is a long way to go before I reach my goals but hell, I'm GETTING THERE. And I also realized something else: I've often wanted to get back to the weight I was at when I was around 15 years old (110-120 pounds). It's been automatic, that's the first number that came to mind when I thought about what my goals are. But now I'm thinking that the number doesn't really matter and besides, I don't even know if I want to look like when I was 15. I want my body to be more feminine and I want to keep these curves that I love so much. Sure, I need to get in shape and focus on strength training to get firm - but I really don't want to look like a teenager anymore.

Here's how I did today:

Eating 1200-1550 calories a day emoticon
At least 60 minutes of cardio emoticon
10+ cups of water emoticon
Taking the stairs instead of the elevator emoticon
Eating at least 2 servings of fruit and veggies emoticon

I did so well except for the last goal. I need to focus on getting enough fresh fruits and veggies in my diet! AND I WILL.

My body is so sore after yesterday's strength training session. I cooled down and stretched but I guess it just had been such a long time since I last worked out properly that my body isn't used to it. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow so I'll be able to work out again!

Some motivating pictures:

Hope you're all well!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZANNACHAN 11/10/2009 10:53AM

    I think it's valuable to feel good about your body! I need to take a lesson from your book. I know that part of me wants to get back to my weight from when I was younger and slimmer--but I'm not that young any more, so I don't know if that's realistic or reasonable or even possible. And curves are definitely a good thing, *grin*

You are doing great!

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SRNEUBIE 11/5/2009 2:46PM

    Good job meeting most of your goals! Also, you are don't want to look like a teenager. Be proud of your curves! :) Keep up the good work!

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COLO_GIRL 11/5/2009 2:36PM

    This is great! You will reach your goals and our bodies have changed so much since we were teenagers. I don't want the body I had then...i think I was too gangly and thin. What I want is a body that when I look in a mirror, I don't want to start crying.

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Positive energy (& dreams)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

So I've been reading this book by Chérie Carter-Scott called If Success Is a Game, These Are the Rules: Ten Rules for a Fulfilling Life! I'm now on page 129 and I'M LOVING IT. It speaks to me in so many levels and I truly recommend it to all of you. It guides you towards making your dreams come true and helps you reach the goals you've set yourself along the way. It's so amazingly positive, encouraging and inspiring that I feel like I'm bubbling with all this positive energy. I really believe this book will help me to find out what my dreams are and make them my reality. I already feel a sense of clarity I haven't had in a long time. It's wonderful!

I've now written down some of my most important dreams and made a game plan about how to actually live my dreams. For example, I want to get down to healthy weight and feel comfortable in my own skin. Therefore I'm going to work out regularly, track my meals and eat healthy foods until I weigh 120 pounds by the summer 2010. Another goal for me right now is to find something interesting to study (and to be able to live with Tommi again). To reach that goal I'm going to find out what studying opportunities the city of Lahti offers that interest me and that I could feel passionate about. And then I'll apply to those schools. AND get in. Also, one important goal for me right now is to finally finish my book (and hopefully get it published!). To make that dream come true I'll take some time to write at least a few pages every day until I'm finished - and then I'll just send it off to publishers and hope for the best! I have a couple more goals (getting married in a few years, being able to take a vacation next summer...etc.) that I'm going to focus on, but I feel like these are the most meaningful ones for me at this point of my life.

The book also encourages the reader to take a look in the mirror and ask what you really look for in life, your job, a relationship or whatever it might be that you're willing to change. What I realized was that I have ended up here studying something I really do not feel passionate about and don't feel happy doing, because I haven't taken the time to really listen to myself and evaluate what my strengths and weaknesses are. I haven't paid enough attention to the person I really am and what I enjoy doing. I wrote down a few things that came to mind and here is the result: I'd love to have a job that doesn't take up all my day but leaves me free time to spend with my family and friends. I don't want an academic job or a job that requires lots and lots of studying (of theoretical information) but I want to do something more hands-on and creative. I like beauty, well-being, nutrition, fashion, writing and traveling. These are some things I could see myself focusing on in the future. I could be a cosmetician, a make-up artist, a nurse, or a journalist (just to mention a few examples). I just want to find something I could study near Lahti so I could live together with Tommi. That really would mean the world to me. I miss him so much and I absolutely hate this distance and the fact that we only get to see each other on the weekends. I don't feel whole without him.

Oh wow, I've written so much! I'm sorry if this is incoherent, it's just that I have so many thoughts inside my head right now and I keep typing them down but I'm not sure if this makes any sense to you all! I sure hope it does :))

Change of subject:

Today has been a success food-wise and exercise-wise as well! I've had healthy meals and ended up consuming about 1300 calories today. I also worked out in the morning (strength training) and I'm planning to do yoga before going to bed tonight. I feel so much better and stronger already. This is going to be the last time I've ever had to start over. I'm ready to turn my life around for good! (I even went back to Diet Stage 1!! Just to make my fresh start official. I'm so serious about this.)

Anyway, I hope you're all well.

A few pictures that motivate me:


(This Miu Miu bag is pure perfection. It would make a lovely reward once I reach my goal weight!)

(I love her style and her hair)

My weight loss inspiration:

I don't really like Kim Kardashian except for her amazingly motivating and beautiful body. Haha, Tommi actually said I kinda look like her; we have the same body type. And I'm hoping that if I work hard and exercise regularly I'll be able to look at least HALF as good as she does!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZANNACHAN 11/4/2009 2:35PM

    I'm so glad to see you inspired and fully of energy and focus!

I think it's important to step back periodically from your life and evaluate it--what makes you happy, what isn't working for you, what needs to be fixed. knowing what you really want is a big part of that. I did that last winter--spent about 4 months thinking through what I wanted from my life and how I intended to get there, of which sparks is one piece of that bigger puzzle. It's been a slow process, but a rewarding one. I hope it goes as well for you!

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Remember me?

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Hello everyone! It's been such a long time since my last update, I hope you guys still remember me! emoticon

The past few weeks have been very frustrating and difficult for me. Some days are better than others, but most of the time I feel lonely and desperate. It makes me sad to be so far away from my family and Tommi. I get to see him almost every weekend, but it's killing me that I always have to leave when all I really want is to stay with him where I belong. It would be easier if I enjoyed studying here, but as I wrote here a while back, I really don't. Nothing has changed in that respect, sadly. I really try to focus and stay positive and like the classes I'm taking but it doesn't work. I'm not getting discouraged though, because I know I can always apply somewhere else next spring (or change my major). I just have to suck it up for now and get through this year. I'm glad I came here because this experience has taught me a lot about myself. I now have a much clearer idea of what I want and who I am. This is a valuable lesson for me.

Food-wise... things have not been going well. I've tried to stop but it felt as though I had no control over myself. I just kept eating and eating mindlessly, mostly because I was feeling so sad and empty inside. My wake-up call was last weekend when I tried on a dress I bought last spring and it didn't fit. It was so devastating to be forced face to face with my problem. I knew I had gained some weight but it really shocked me to actually see proof of that.

So, here I am again. I am committed to change my lifestyle completely. I never want to find myself in this situation again! I want to find balance between my love of food and being fit and healthy. I know my mood will improve as well once I change my eating habits. I can't wait for that to happen. I'm so sick of feeling like this all the time. I'm sick of eating all this food and still feeling empty inside. It's time to make some changes!

Over the next seven months I'm going to...

- start eating healthy and regular meals (1200-1550 calories a day)
- be active here on SparkPeople
- work out more (strength training three times a week for 30 minutes, at least an hour of cardio a day)
- find a balance and learn to enjoy my favorite foods in moderation WITHOUT going overboard
- focus on what makes me happy
- find something more interesting and suitable for me to study (and APPLY to different schools)
- lose 55 pounds (25 kgs)
- be more creative
- learn to love myself unconditionally
- surround myself with the positive at all times!
- find the real me :)))

Those are some of the things I'm going to focus on over the next months. My goal is to lose 50-55 lbs by June 2010. I know I have what it takes to reach that goal. I'm so much stronger than I think! :)

I've been eating healthy meals for the past couple of days and I can already say I feel a lot different. I feel much more calm and relaxed, and the constant frustration and desperation is beginning to fade.

I'll need your help along the way because I know there'll be days I'll just want to give up and eat a box of Oreos or something. So I need to know: Are you with me on this?? emoticon

This is it. This time I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

These pictures make me smile.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYGODDESS 12/2/2009 10:00AM

    Oh yeah...Oreos rock...especially the chocolate fudge covered ones!!!! That is YOU, right...putting lipstick on, on the floor & the shoes with gold on heels are your right....I LOVE LOVE LOVE those shoes!!!

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IUHRYTR 11/4/2009 7:02AM

    We're here for you. Stay strong and true to your goals and you'll succeed. -- Lou

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LATIN_LITTLE_LU 11/4/2009 4:06AM

    I'm with you. I too have just been hit with reality about my recent weight gain. Thank you for the blog. It definitely inspired me to stop being soo sad, to move on and start making positive changes. I wish you the best. Have a good week. ~ lou

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MAKI34 11/3/2009 4:20PM

    Girl you know I'm with you! I love that you wrote your goals down! They are great and you can achieve them! I do advice you to first conquer your emotional goals because no matter how hard you work out or eat healthy, if you are not emotionally healthy and strong any little thing can make you brake down! I can say that from experience! Unless you are truly happy you wont be able to find a balance in your life. Even if you loose all the weight you want you still wont be happy unless you cure your sole first! Good luck and I'm here for you!

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Rise and shine!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Good morning, ladies (and gentlemen)!

Most of you are in a deep sleep when I'm writing this but for me it's morning already, and I'm having breakfast (a banana, some low-fat yogurt with muesli, and chamomile tea) and getting ready for school. I only have one 45-minute lecture today. It's grammar. GRAMMAR. I can't even begin to describe how much I hate all kinds of pointless grammatical rules, I couldn't care less. As long as I know how to speak, read and write English - and I think I do - that's fine with me. But no, studying here is all about the grammatical rules and the phonemes and whatnot. One of our professors told us that she has spent the past 15 years studying and examining the letter (or should I say, the PHONEME, the sound) of /i/. Can you believe that? And she's so passionate about it, too.

Beats me.

Anyway, enough about that. I'm feeling much better today. When I get home from school I need to pack since I'm going home for Tommi's grandmother's funeral. She had been very sick for years so, as sad as it is, it's also a sort of relief that she doesn't have to suffer anymore.

It's good to go home and spend time with my family, I haven't seen them in a long time and I really miss them. I only have a week left before midterm and the 8th week (which is always a week off, I can't wait!). Tommi has a fall break at the same time so we're planning to go on a little vacation together. It'll be so much fun!

Okay, I better start getting ready. See you later!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAKI34 10/13/2009 12:10AM

    Good luck on your trip. And I really hope you can survive studying something you don't really like! I mean your professor obiously loves what she teaches, but I couldn't imagine myself going everyday to some boring class that I hate!

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NIXFROMTHEBLOC 10/12/2009 4:59AM

    Have a good trip

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MARK1963113 10/9/2009 7:26AM

    Good morning. Thanks for the blog post. Have a safe and blessed weekend. My condolences to the family.

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KANSASC 10/8/2009 2:01PM

    Yay! For Fall Break! emoticon

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ZANNACHAN 10/8/2009 11:43AM

    My sympathies for Tommi and his family for their loss. I am glad that she's at peace now, at least.

I studied phonemes etc. in my linguistic anthropology class--how I hated it! It went beyond grammar to the sub-grammar that made up languages and I really couldn't have cared less. At least I only had to take the one class! And at least half of that class was linguistics from a cultural perspective (such as gendered use of language and language and power) so really it was only a half semester of phonemes and syntax and the like

But then I hated studying English grammar in school, even though it was helpful for learning Spanish because I understood the roles the different parts of speech performed (for example, direct objects and indirect objects in Spanish are treated differently than they are in English, so you have to know whether or not something is a direct or indirect object. You don't have to know the term, but you do have to recognize the difference.) My friend compared studying grammar and dissecting sentences to dissecting a frog--now you know why and how the frog jumps, but it no longer jumps.

Have a great mid-term break! I'm so envious of a school system that gives you a week off after the midterm! Here, we get 3 days off for Thanksgiving, but that's at the end of the semester, shortly before finals, so I am always so swamped that the holiday is super-stressful. We do get a break in the winter/spring term, though, for spring break.

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LUCYGODDESS 10/8/2009 8:56AM

    Tell Tommi I send my sympathies for the passing of his grandmother. But you are right that sometimes it's better for them to go on than to suffer.

The letter "I"...amazing! WHEW...bless your heart. Hopefully I will catch ya on here later today. I saw you on yesterday & you had your setting for chat set to "away". I hung out & waited a while & then had to do an update for our computers by shutting down & rebooting. When I came back you had vanished.

Keep your head up, diva!

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THEONE909 10/8/2009 3:58AM

    Have a wonderful trip

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ELDONMYER1 10/8/2009 3:36AM


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