Thursday, September 18, 2008
I've finally managed to pull myself together. Today I stayed within my calorie limits and reached all the other nutritional goals as well. I'm feeling a little ill though, and that's why I haven't really been able to work out. I just want to get better as soon as possible. Things are going great now. I'm not going to give up. Ever. I will keep on going and I'll reach all my goals in the future.
This is going to be a bit short because I have a million things to do for tomorrow and it's already 9 pm here. I hope everyone is doing well!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
...it's so easy to fall off the wagon. It's so easy to say (after you've eaten three slices of cake or four candy bars) *Well f*ck this then, I screwed up, I shouldn't have eaten this. I might as well eat the rest because OBVIOUSLY I have NO SELF-CONTROL and the damage is done.' I admit I used to think like that in the past. Every time I ate something I shouldn't have or skipped a few workouts I'd just QUIT! That is so sad. It's sad because when you begin to slip the last thing you should do is blame yourself, get depressed and give up! YOU SHOULD STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, LOOK BACK AND TRY TO LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES YOU MADE - AND MOVE ON! Easier said than done, I admit. It's not easy to stay motivated and to believe in yourself in every situation.
But I want to learn to be more positive even when I find myself doing the things I shouldn't do. I want to keep the faith and forgive myself. I'm only human! Life is a marathon. You just have to keep moving forward, NO MATTER WHAT. What good would it do to me to stop when things get rough? It would only make me feel worse! But, instead, if I try to learn from my mistakes and decide to keep on going forward things will eventually change! I have to stop being so hard on myself. I have to stay motivated. I don't want to give up anymore. I want to stop running away from my problems.
Yesterday was my Tommi's birthday and I had three tortillas, some chocolate, Coke and a slice of cake (on top of the other meals I had eaten earlier). Today I had another two slices of that cake and a tortilla. I realize it's not the end of the world but what scares me is the fact that I know myself and I know that, in the past, all my previous attempts to change my lifestyle have failed in situations like these. So now, I think, it is time to take a deep breath and calm down. It's time to be reasonable. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! I can put this behind me and move on. I WILL BE MUCH HAPPIER if I do so. Sometimes I think that, subconsciously, I am looking for a reason to quit. I have some cake and there, everything's ruined, I can quit and go back to eating whatever I want (and feeling miserable!!). I WILL NOT DO THAT this time. I will not.
Therefore, I am going to get back up and keep on moving forward. I'm going to forgive myself and leave this behind me. Tomorrow is a new day. A new chance to make healthy choices. I am going to make it. I will lose all this weight and negativity and become healthy and strong.
I forgive myself.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I think I'm coming down with a cold or something. I'm constantly sneezing and my head feels so heavy, too. Most of the people in my class are ill at the moment so I wouldn't be surprised if I got the flu as well. It's so contagious. When I got back home when my classes were over for today, I was completely exhausted. It was beautiful outside and I felt really bad for not being able to go for a walk like I usually do. I figured I should rest and maybe that way I could avoid getting sicker. We'll see.
Other than that, I'm doing fine! We practiced interpreting at school today (from Finnish to English). At first I was so nervous but then, in the end, it went really well! Much better than I expected anyway. It's got a lot to do with our teacher in that particular class. He's AMAZING. He's originally from the US (from Washington D.C) but he moved here to Finland about thirty years ago. He's so relaxed and calm and funny - I actually really look forward to his classes!
Food-wise, things are going fine as well. I just tracked my dinner on NutritionTracker and I noticed that my fat intake still is a bit high and it definitely is something I need to focus on. After all, I'm doing this to get thinner and healthier and I'm certainly not going to get to my goal by eating greasy foods. The thing is, though, that the foods I eat aren't even that greasy! I mean, they're not junk food or fast food or anything of the sort. But there's so much HIDDEN fat in almost everything you eat; the fat that you cannot see anywhere. I need to cut back on my cheese intake and stop using as much olive oil as I'm using now. But, all in all, I'm doing a pretty good job! I'm proud of myself. It's almost been a week now already. Time goes by much quicker than I notice.
Anyway, I think it's best I put on my pajamas and go to bed. I'm exhausted. I hope you're all well and healthy! Bye for now!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I had the most amazing walk outside today. It was sunny and a bit chilly already, too. It was dusk. The sky was still clear blue and the sun was shining; it made everything look golden and soft red. Everything was perfect. At that moment I realized how much there is to see in the world and how amazingly beautiful it can be. I don't want to waste my life worrying about things that, in the end, are absolutely meaningless. I want to lose all that negativity and stop letting food control my life (it doesn't anymore, thanks to SparkPeople). I know I sound really naive and it all sounds like a big cliché but world really is a wonderful place and I intend to make the most of my life here!
It's not hard to resist junk food and candy and all that crap I used to eat in a daily basis. I know it's not good for me. I now know that no matter if I eat twenty chocolate chip cookies or a whole pizza soaked in fat, it won't make me any happier. It WILL NOT make me whole or safe or happy. Instead, it WILL make me feel absolutely miserable. From now on, I'm going to do my best to be active and find things that bring me real happiness and satisfaction, things that make the emptiness and boredom go away.
I think I'll start going to a yoga class or something.
Stay positive everyone! WE CAN DO THIS. It's never too late!
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