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Having a hard time..

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Thing aren't going well right now. Not at all.

I don't know where to begin. I feel so lost. Every night I make a decision that tomorrow will be a new beginning and I promise myself that I'll be strong enough to make healthy food choices and stick to my workout plan. But every morning, just like today, that determination is gone. I give into all my temptations and try ignore the feeling inside me that is trying to tell me that everything's not okay. I don't know what to do to stop eating like this.

I'm terrified I'll gain back all the weight I've lost so far if I don't stop right now. It's always so easy to fall back into your old habits. I'm scared to death I won't be able to stop and I'll end up feeling miserable and looking like I did before I lost all that weight. I don't want that. I just want to feel happy and energetic and, more than anything, I want to start losing weight again.

How can it be so difficult? It's not like I'm not motivated because I am - I really, really, REALLY want to lose this weight and get back on the right track. I just don't know how. The days are so long and there's very little to do but eat (or plan what you're going to eat). I'm thinking about food and eating all the time.

All I know is that I feel miserable. And very, very FAT.

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--------------------------- EDIT -------------------------------

Okay, I'm done whining and feeling sorry for myself! Hell; I CAN and WILL DO THIS! I'm not going to give up, ever. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll make better choices and prove myself I can get back on track! Thanks so much for the encouragement, you're amazing.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBIEGURLYGIRL 6/18/2009 1:15AM

    Aw hun don't be hard on yourself. I know how you are feeling, I have those days. Just keep thinking positive. You are trying and will continue to try because I tell you want to be healthy.
Don't give up. you can do it. emoticon

Mucho Amore

Jess emoticon

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LUCYGODDESS 6/17/2009 9:42PM

    Girl you have a lot of different things going on right now, so take it easy on yourself. But do buckle down & stick with it. Don't bring the unhealthy stuff in the house. You know the drill. Eat healthy things & drinks lots of water. Maybe we'll chat tomorrow. You hang in there. We all go thru these slumps.

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KIM122278 6/17/2009 4:22PM

    I don't want you to be so hard on yourself..You ARE doing all the right things by having a positive attitude and starting the journey..That is the hard part, to get started. It sounds to me like it's maybe more like stress that's getting to you, which can REALLY affect progress! You just keep that positive attitude that I know you have, and it will get easier over time. Just think of all the hard work you've already put in to get where you are now. Keep going pretty lady! You CAN DO IT!! emoticon

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LIZZY781 6/17/2009 3:50PM

    Stop being so hard on yourself. Every day is a new beginning. Dust yourself off and start again. Just don't give up. You can loose the weight!!! emoticon

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Ready to make today count!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

As you may notice I actually got up earlier today than yesterday (just as promised). Now I'm about to have breakfast and have a wonderful day. I'm so sick of listening myself whine about all kinds of things pretty much all the time that today I'm just simply not going to do that. I'll enjoy the day and everything's it has to offer despite the fact that it's still cloudy and not as warm as I would've hoped.

I'll make healthy food choices, exercise, clean the flat, have fun with Tommi and just enjoy all this free time (instead of complaining about not having a job).

I'm ready to make today count!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAKI34 6/17/2009 11:53AM

    emoticon That's the way you do it! You just have to decide to be happy! It's all in our attitude! Positive thinking brings positive results! Wish you the best!

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LUCYGODDESS 6/17/2009 9:54AM

    I know it's hard not to worry about money, but yes you guys do need to enjoy "the now." Once you get a job and school, you won't have as much time & ironically, you'll be wishing you had more time for beautiful NOTHINGNESS!
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What a boring day...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Okay I'm officially bored. And when I'm bored, I eat. And when I eat out of boredom, I eat way too much. And when I eat too much I feel like crap.

Get the picture?

It's just that the weather has been bad all day and I have no money to do anything fun. I have cleaned the flat a thousand times, re-arranged all the closets, read a book, watched TV... I just wish I had a job. It would bring some structure to my days.

I made pancakes earlier today. Very yummy but very fattening. I'm at about 1000 calories for today and we haven't even had dinner yet. I'm making French baguettes with tomatoes, cheese, lettuce and some light dressing. I'm hoping I won't go over my calories (at least not much).

Oh and I also went for a brisk 60-minute walk! I did at least something right. I'm so ready to get this weight loss really going again!! This plateau is making me so frustrated. And when I'm frustrated.... I EAT. I'm so done.

Anyway, I'm starting to make dinner now. Later beauties!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZGLEADALL 6/17/2009 11:43AM

    I can totally sympathize with your circumstances.I'm not working at the moment as well and it is really getting old!You can only clean so much... My husband says: "you can go do whatever you want." But all of my friends work and it's just not as much fun going to do stuff on your own. And you would think because you have all this time that eating right and exercising would be easy.Wrong! I find when I have a set schedule like I do when I am working I know I only have so much time to work out and plan my meals and I just do it.And like you when I get bored all I want to do is eat as well.

Anyway.Hope you find a job.In the meantime, hang in there!

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LUCYGODDESS 6/17/2009 9:51AM

    Pancakes sound sooo yummy! But you need to use sugar free syrup, not full fledged maple syrup. A maple flavored sugar free. Over here we have Carey's brand & Maple Grove Farms brand, but I'm sure you can find something like that over there. Hey diva, I'm not asking you to find Ranch dressing...lol. emoticon

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Good morning everyone!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Well, to be exact, it's not really morning here in Finland anymore but afternoon instead - I just woke up so late that it feels like morning to me. Now that I don't have school or work or anything of the sort, my normal daily rhythm has flown out the window. I go to bed around 2 or 3 am and wake up at noon. I don't want to wake up that late, it seems like a waste of time to sleep the days away. But the thing is that I've always loved to stay up late and, also, I've always hated to wake up early (7 or even 8 am) so this comes pretty natural to me. It doesn't make it any easier that Tommi's just like me when it comes to sleeping patterns. We'll just stay up all night and talk and watch movies and things like that. (Well, come to think of it, maybe it's a good thing that he likes to stay up late too - otherwise I'd be up all night with no one to keep me company!)

Anyway, that has to change. Tonight I'm going to bed earlier (midnight or 1 am the latest) and I'll get up at 10 am tomorrow morning. That's a good start, right?

I so hope that today will be less boring than yesterday. It was raining all day so there was very little to do other than stay indoors and be here on Sparks. I'd love to do something fun like go to a picnic or to the beach or something. But sadly, it looks like it's going to be cloudy today and it's not very warm either. Too bad.

Oh well, we'll see what happens. Later ladies!

  


Update (finally!)

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hey ladies!

Gosh it's been so long since my last update, I can't believe it's mid-June already! A lot has happened during my hiatus and I have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to you guys: I'll definitely go through your blogs and SparkPages once I'm done writing this.

Here's everything that's been going on in a nutshell:

- Entrance exams: I took part in a couple of university entrance exams almost two weeks ago (in Finland, you have to apply to the universities you're interested in, and then participate in their entrance exams (and you also have to read a couple of books for those exams which is not a picnic, trust me). Based on the results from these exams, you'll be either accepted as their student - or not. Only about 40 new students are accepted each year and there always are more than 400 applicants so it's not easy to get in. We'll see how it goes.) I applied to three different universities (in the Turku, Tampere and Joensuu). Actually, I also applied to the University of Helsinki but didn't go to the exam because I didn't have time to prepare for it. Anyway, I'm getting the results on July 10th (from Turku) and 13th (from Tampere and Joensuu). I CAN'T WAIT!!! I think the exams went well and I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

- Beauty school: Last Friday I was informed that I have been accepted as a student of a beauty school I applied to here in Lahti! It's my plan B - in case I don't get into any university I'll start my studies at the beauty school in August.

- No work: I didn't get the job in the jewelry store after all. They decided to go for someone with more experience. So, both Tommi and I are unemployed at the moment. No work, very little money. I'm so stressed. But we're hanging in there.

- I've hit a plateau: My weight doesn't go either up or down. No matter what I do. Well, naturally I'm glad that it doesn't go up since I've been eating all kinds of unhealthy junk lately. I'm sick and tired of it and I want to do something about this!! I want to see the numbers on the scale go down again!! Now that I don't have a job and have all this time in my hands, I'm gonna start tracking my food & workout here ONCE AGAIN and I'll stick to it, too. I'm stress-free at last so now I can give 100% to SparkPeople!

Actually, that's all that's been going on over here. Lots of little things, too, of course, but there's no point in writing down every single thing that has happened! You'd get bored in no time! Haha.

But, as I said, I'm back now and I'm not going anywhere either. I need all the support I can get so that I'll be able to get my weight loss going again and manage to avoid all the temptations that summer seems to bring along with it!

Okay, I'm off to read your blogs and comment now! Hope you're all doing wonderful!!

Anne-Maija

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAKI34 6/15/2009 10:04PM

    Hey there, I missed you! So you're trying out beauty school? I've recently have thought about maybe doing that too. I would like to maybe be a makeup artist or something like that! I would love to learn how to do my own makeup correctly! LOL! Let me know how that goes! Well glad you're back and don't worry you look great so I'm sure it wont be too hard to get back on track!

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MSLZZY 6/15/2009 7:52AM

    So glad you are back! I missed you. Sorry about the job but maybe you'll find a new one. Do the best you can and concentrate on eating healthy and getting
exercise. You are worth it!

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RACHEAL01 6/15/2009 6:47AM

    Good luck with your uni exams :) And with losing weight too :)

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