Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thing aren't going well right now. Not at all.
I don't know where to begin. I feel so lost. Every night I make a decision that tomorrow will be a new beginning and I promise myself that I'll be strong enough to make healthy food choices and stick to my workout plan. But every morning, just like today, that determination is gone. I give into all my temptations and try ignore the feeling inside me that is trying to tell me that everything's not okay. I don't know what to do to stop eating like this.
I'm terrified I'll gain back all the weight I've lost so far if I don't stop right now. It's always so easy to fall back into your old habits. I'm scared to death I won't be able to stop and I'll end up feeling miserable and looking like I did before I lost all that weight. I don't want that. I just want to feel happy and energetic and, more than anything, I want to start losing weight again.
How can it be so difficult? It's not like I'm not motivated because I am - I really, really, REALLY want to lose this weight and get back on the right track. I just don't know how. The days are so long and there's very little to do but eat (or plan what you're going to eat). I'm thinking about food and eating all the time.
All I know is that I feel miserable. And very, very FAT.
--------------------------- EDIT -------------------------------
Okay, I'm done whining and feeling sorry for myself! Hell; I CAN and WILL DO THIS! I'm not going to give up, ever. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll make better choices and prove myself I can get back on track! Thanks so much for the encouragement, you're amazing.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
As you may notice I actually got up earlier today than yesterday (just as promised). Now I'm about to have breakfast and have a wonderful day. I'm so sick of listening myself whine about all kinds of things pretty much all the time that today I'm just simply not going to do that. I'll enjoy the day and everything's it has to offer despite the fact that it's still cloudy and not as warm as I would've hoped.
I'll make healthy food choices, exercise, clean the flat, have fun with Tommi and just enjoy all this free time (instead of complaining about not having a job).
I'm ready to make today count!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Okay I'm officially bored. And when I'm bored, I eat. And when I eat out of boredom, I eat way too much. And when I eat too much I feel like crap.
Get the picture?
It's just that the weather has been bad all day and I have no money to do anything fun. I have cleaned the flat a thousand times, re-arranged all the closets, read a book, watched TV... I just wish I had a job. It would bring some structure to my days.
I made pancakes earlier today. Very yummy but very fattening. I'm at about 1000 calories for today and we haven't even had dinner yet. I'm making French baguettes with tomatoes, cheese, lettuce and some light dressing. I'm hoping I won't go over my calories (at least not much).
Oh and I also went for a brisk 60-minute walk! I did at least something right. I'm so ready to get this weight loss really going again!! This plateau is making me so frustrated. And when I'm frustrated.... I EAT. I'm so done.
Anyway, I'm starting to make dinner now. Later beauties!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Well, to be exact, it's not really morning here in Finland anymore but afternoon instead - I just woke up so late that it feels like morning to me. Now that I don't have school or work or anything of the sort, my normal daily rhythm has flown out the window. I go to bed around 2 or 3 am and wake up at noon. I don't want to wake up that late, it seems like a waste of time to sleep the days away. But the thing is that I've always loved to stay up late and, also, I've always hated to wake up early (7 or even 8 am) so this comes pretty natural to me. It doesn't make it any easier that Tommi's just like me when it comes to sleeping patterns. We'll just stay up all night and talk and watch movies and things like that. (Well, come to think of it, maybe it's a good thing that he likes to stay up late too - otherwise I'd be up all night with no one to keep me company!)
Anyway, that has to change. Tonight I'm going to bed earlier (midnight or 1 am the latest) and I'll get up at 10 am tomorrow morning. That's a good start, right?
I so hope that today will be less boring than yesterday. It was raining all day so there was very little to do other than stay indoors and be here on Sparks. I'd love to do something fun like go to a picnic or to the beach or something. But sadly, it looks like it's going to be cloudy today and it's not very warm either. Too bad.
Oh well, we'll see what happens. Later ladies!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Gosh it's been so long since my last update, I can't believe it's mid-June already! A lot has happened during my hiatus and I have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to you guys: I'll definitely go through your blogs and SparkPages once I'm done writing this.
Here's everything that's been going on in a nutshell:
- Entrance exams: I took part in a couple of university entrance exams almost two weeks ago (in Finland, you have to apply to the universities you're interested in, and then participate in their entrance exams (and you also have to read a couple of books for those exams which is not a picnic, trust me). Based on the results from these exams, you'll be either accepted as their student - or not. Only about 40 new students are accepted each year and there always are more than 400 applicants so it's not easy to get in. We'll see how it goes.) I applied to three different universities (in the Turku, Tampere and Joensuu). Actually, I also applied to the University of Helsinki but didn't go to the exam because I didn't have time to prepare for it. Anyway, I'm getting the results on July 10th (from Turku) and 13th (from Tampere and Joensuu). I CAN'T WAIT!!! I think the exams went well and I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
- Beauty school: Last Friday I was informed that I have been accepted as a student of a beauty school I applied to here in Lahti! It's my plan B - in case I don't get into any university I'll start my studies at the beauty school in August.
- No work: I didn't get the job in the jewelry store after all. They decided to go for someone with more experience. So, both Tommi and I are unemployed at the moment. No work, very little money. I'm so stressed. But we're hanging in there.
- I've hit a plateau: My weight doesn't go either up or down. No matter what I do. Well, naturally I'm glad that it doesn't go up since I've been eating all kinds of unhealthy junk lately. I'm sick and tired of it and I want to do something about this!! I want to see the numbers on the scale go down again!! Now that I don't have a job and have all this time in my hands, I'm gonna start tracking my food & workout here ONCE AGAIN and I'll stick to it, too. I'm stress-free at last so now I can give 100% to SparkPeople!
Actually, that's all that's been going on over here. Lots of little things, too, of course, but there's no point in writing down every single thing that has happened! You'd get bored in no time! Haha.
But, as I said, I'm back now and I'm not going anywhere either. I need all the support I can get so that I'll be able to get my weight loss going again and manage to avoid all the temptations that summer seems to bring along with it!
Okay, I'm off to read your blogs and comment now! Hope you're all doing wonderful!!
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