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Don't you just love Fridays?

Friday, April 17, 2009

So, it's finally Friday and the weekend is here! Tommi and I rented a movie and bought some candy for tonight. I just associate Fridays with allowing myself to have some of those guilty pleasures of mine that I'm not having on any other days. I just finished tracking my meals so far and I have to say I'm a little surprised at how many calories I'm consuming on Fridays (and on weekends in general). I realized that I was eating more than usual but still... So far I'm a little under 1800 calories for today - and that's A LOT. Besides, I haven't even tracked the candy I was planning to have later today while watching the movie. Oh well, I'm glad I'm using the Food Tracker - otherwise I would've probably never fully realized just how many calories I'm consuming.

Tomorrow will be a healthier day food-wise, I promise.

Okay, the dinner is almost ready now so I better go and set the table. I'll probably be back here later today!

I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAVING A WONDERFUL FRIDAY!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYGODDESS 4/17/2009 4:53PM

    You're doing great! Enjoy your flick & food! emoticon

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BEL_RIOSE 4/17/2009 11:48AM

    Happy Friday!!

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What a perfect day!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Thought I'd update really quickly before going to bed. As the title says, I had a great day today! I had school from 10 am till 6 pm but it went by really quickly since we had all my favorite classes today with my very favorite teacher, Mr. Howard. I had history, translation/interpretation, Spanish and culture anthropology. I feel like I'm improving all the time and my English is getting better every day. It's funny: I've now started to dream and even think in English. I often can't come up with the Finnish words for certain things so I just say it in English. I'm making progress! As native English speakers, what do you think about my English? Do my blog posts make any sense? :D

After school me and my friend Jaana went for a long walk (80 minutes!). I was so proud of myself for having the energy to go after such a long day of walking around town and campus. When I got home Tommi and I had a healthy and tasty dinner and now I'm absolutely beat. I can barely keep my eyes open!

So, I guess I could say that today was a success! I'm so happy and proud of myself for doing this. I hope you all have a great Spring day today! It was so incredibly pretty and warm here in Lahti - SUMMER IS ON ITS WAY!

Bye for now!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 4/16/2009 5:35PM

    Your English is perfect! No problem understanding you at all. Glad you had such a beautiful day and you had time to enjoy the nice weather walking with a friend. Get a good night's sleep and keep on Sparking!

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LUCYGODDESS 4/16/2009 4:05PM

    Your English is great. I would have never known that you hadn't spoken English all your life, if you didn't have that you were from Finland on your page. I just hope you can understand me...being from the South in the states, we Southerners are notorious for having our own colloquialisms & sayings that Northerners & people from other parts of the world go "...what the *@$% is she saying????)...lol.

It's funny to me that you are heading to bed & I have one more hour of work until 5 pm here. Oh well. It's always interesting to look at your food log & see some of the Finnish foods you eat (although Lord only knows what they could be....the only one that I can 1/2 way figure out is jogurti...that has got to be yogurt...right?) Watch it end up being beans or meat or something...lol.

Kudos to you for the long walk. I hope it was a rapid walk. Ya know you can't stroll along leisurely & burn calories, but I'm a good one to talk...NOT! I hate exercise, but really need to do it. It's the only way I could really get my abs in shape.

All right...have a great night, pleasant dreams, don't let the bed bugs bite! LOL.
Lisa

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Got nothing to prove! :)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I don't know if you ever get this feeling but I sometimes feel like now that I've lost weight I just want to meet all those people I haven't seen since I started losing weight and show them the new me. Now, I know realize this is perfectly normal - at least to some extent. Who WOULDN'T want to hear positive feedback about their new appearance? But for me, it's become a little exhausting. I stress and worry about the fact that there are people out there who still think I'm fat although I'm not! It's exhausting!

After all, I got nothing to prove to anyone. I know I'm doing great and I feel happier and healthier than in a long time - and that's all that matters! I shouldn't waste my energy on worrying about pointless things like this. (And if I do meet those people again that I haven't seen in a long time, then let me tell you they'll be surprised! And I got nothing against that! :D)

Okay, I'm almost off to school now. I got classes from 10 am to 4 pm so it shouldn't be too tough. But once I get home I really need to start working on those assignments I was given a loooong time ago and absolutely NEED TO finish asap!

Bye! I think most of you are still sleeping so I hope you sleep well and wake up feeling rested and energetic!

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LUCYGODDESS 4/15/2009 9:49PM

    Ladybug...you are sound asleep right now...it's 11:18 PM here in the U.S. in good old Maryville, Tennessee and it's around 6:18 AM there in Lahti, Finland. WOW! I'm getting close to getting ready for bed here. I think you guys are 7 hours ahead, is that right?

Anyway, I totally understand the wanting people to see you looking good thing. I worry sometimes that I am almost vain about it. I was a complete geek in high school (had a completely overprotective and turns out "mental" mom...no I'm not being mean...she has been certified after many years...), then went out on my own & was working at Home Depot years ago & someone from high school came through my line...they were like "OMG...you look amazing...uh I mean...uh you just look soooo good...ummm I'm not saying you didn't but ummmm wow." I said "no I totally understand...thanks!" I was stoked for the day!!!!

Then right after I got married 6 years ago I put a ton of weight on. 50 something lbs I think. Anyway, I felt like garbage for years...happy with hubby & all but when I passed a mirror like an unattractive mess! Then a little over a year ago I found sparkpeople & now I'm the same size if not smaller than when I was married. I feel like a million buck!!!

So girl.....I totally understand where you are coming from....I'm not knocking people who are overweight...I'm not saying how they need to be...I just know how I need to be to feel better about myself! But don't be stressin' over it DIVA! When you run into em' it's like a big KAPOW on both ends...yours & theirs. Just let it happen, when it happens...& if it doesn't then too bad for them. But it will happen....don't fret!

Girl you GO!!! You be proud when people see you & are shocked! It's a DAY MAKER!!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/15/2009 11:18:10 PM

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BEL_RIOSE 4/15/2009 12:05PM

    A lot of who we are is based on our appearance, so stressing out about those people who you haven't seen in years still thinking that you have your old appearance makes sense. But you know you've got nothing to prove, and that focusing on that could eventually turn negative.

Good luck on the homework!

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Good morning!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It's 9.30 a.m here in Finland and I'm off to school in fifteen minutes. I have a Swedish lesson in the morning and after lunch I have two hours of English literature ahead of me! It's a pretty easy - and short - day, I get off already at 2 p.m. I was planning to go for a long walk right after I get off from school and spend the rest of the day studying and doing school work (I have so many things to do that I don't even know where to start!).

Anyway, I'll have my healthy breakfast now and start the day off on the right track. I want to eat super healthy today (and from now on, for that matter) after this Easter weekends gluttony.



I'll be around here again later! Bye for now!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEL_RIOSE 4/14/2009 11:09AM

    Have a fun short day! Today I'm at school from 10:30-4:30 and I'm not looking forward to it haha.

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Compulsive spending

Monday, April 13, 2009

Okay, here's the deal. I'm in trouble. As a student with no job, my budget is pretty limited. The Finnish welfare system helps students out by supporting their studies financially (I get 512 dollars month) and I also got a student loan from the bank last October (3550 dollars for this entire year). My studies cost me about 400 dollars a month and my half of the rent is 290 dollars. When we moved here in August of last year I decided to be a grown-up and take good care of my financial situations. At first, things went well. Sure, I realized that I was shopping a lot more than before but I figured that wasn't a problem. Before I lost weight I never went shopping because the clothes didn't fit properly so I figured I deserved to buy myself nice clothes after all the hard work that finally paid off. I've always been a bit of a perfectionist - I want to look my best at all times, wear the prettiest clothes, have the thickest hair, be the smartest student on my class. It's exhausting. I think my perfectionism is a part of the reason I am in this mess right now.

My situation right now is that I'm broke. I have no money on my bank account. My student loan is gone. I've spent it all. Every single penny. On clothes, shoes, make up, bags, perfumes... Sure, I've been paying my half of the rent and groceries and my monthly school payments and other bills but I've spent way too much on clothes. I've been in denial for months but today was my wake-up call. I read an article here on SparkPeople about compulsive spending and it really hit home for me. I think I have a problem.

The truth is, lately I've been lying to people about how much money I spend on clothes. I've even hidden some of the things I've bought because I was so ashamed I bought them even though I don't have the money. I've bought clothes I almost never wear and loads of things I don't need. I get blackouts after shopping and I don't even know how much I've spent until I go through the receipts. It's this euphoric rush I get when I'm shopping - it makes me feel beautiful and stylish and happy and mature and alive. And when I come home and realize what I've done I hate myself for it. I feel so ashamed and anxious and stressed because I know I shouldn't have done what I did. And, sooner or later, I go do it all over again. I need more and more to get the original high - I'm like a drug addict. I shop more and more often. I spend more money. I'm out of control! And I know it's not fair. I owe Tommi 3000 dollars already and now I can't even pay my half of the rent. I don't know what to do! I can't work in the evenings because I have to spend all my free time studying for the entrance exams that take place in five different universities in a month! I have eight thick books to read and memorize so I just can't work. I've talked to Tommi about this and he was really sweet and understandable. He didn't judge me at all and he wasn't mad. He said he'd take care of me till I'm back on my feet again. I promised him I'd get help for my problem and I will. I have a therapy session once a month (just a check-up because of my recovery from bulimia) and I'll definitely bring this up when I go there. I haven't told my therapist about this yet even though she asked me. I was in denial.

I think I moved from food addiction to another addiction. And now I have to get rid of it. It could ruin my life! I don't know why this happened... And I never really realized it was going on. Well, actually I think I did but I just looked the other way and didn't want to face the problem. But I am facing it now and I want to get rid of it. The good thing is I don't even have money so I won't be able to buy anything. (Actually, that's not a good thing. But you just gotta stay positive sometimes...)

Ok, that's it. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I'm off to bed now. Tomorrow will be my fresh start! And I'll also eat much, much healthier and lighter than today.

SWEET DREAMS EVERYONE! I'm ready for bed!

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LUCYGODDESS 4/14/2009 9:44AM

    Girl I had a problem with that same kind of thing, but now that I'm married (well ummm...actually had it for a while even after I was married), we are saving to have our house restained & other things household wise. It was really hard when I started cutting back, but YOU HAVE to do it.

Now, since I've lost weight & look better thanks to sparkpeople, when I go shopping, sometimes I just look. OH things still call out to me, but I try to resist. One thing that helped is when I lost weight & got rid of my old clothes and started buying new ones I only buy what I realllllllllllllly love! And I have this shop that I absolutely LOVE, Dress Barn. It is about 20-25 mins from my home and I try to limit my trips there, but when I DO go, I know that I am only go buy 1 or 2 items. Of course I hit the clearance racks first & try to go when they have promotional things going on. OH ocassionally I find things I like other places, like Ross Dress for Less, which is in the same town I live in, but now I try to get things only if I really need them or truly can't live without them (and you are still to new in this addiction to know if you truly can't live without something, because everything seems that way.) This takes practice girlfriend!

I am going to send you some links of spark articles I found on budgeting your money. Hubby & I are trying to do this. When we paid our taxes this year & saw how much we had made & then exclaimed (Where did all our money go) we knew it was time to do something.

Also, I think it is a super idea for you to let your therapist in on this. You have good gut-instincts girl. Just use them. Rember...
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I believe in ya! You can do this!

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MSLZZY 4/13/2009 5:41PM

    Any addiction is awful but you seem to be thinking acout getting help. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. You CAN do this with help from therapy and your Spark friends who support you. Keep working at your problem. Denial only hurts you in the long run. I have faith you can overcome this and in the end, you will be a better, stronger person. Thanks for sharing. Write if you need to talk about anything-I'm here for you! emoticon

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BEL_RIOSE 4/13/2009 5:19PM

    ARG! I too am a bit of a compulsive shopper, I just don't know how to SAVE money, there's always something I want, it's usually more in the electronics section at the store, but it's really hard to stop spending.

One thing that may help is when you do get your money from welfare, pay your rent and bills, and then have some one you care about keep the rest (like make a savings account in your boyfriend/husband/friend's name and have him keep the money there) that way you can start saving and paying off your debt, and you'll feel like you have no money to spend because the money isn't in your hands/checking account.

Good luck! emoticon

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