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I need your advice

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

There's something that's been bothering me for a while now and I need to write it all down to clear my head. I'd appreciate it if you could tell me your opinion about this. Sometimes it helps to share your problems with others to find clarity and peace of mind - so, here we go.

The problem is my little sister. I lover her very much and she's been my best friend for as long as I remember. For the past few months I've noticed a change in her - a change that is all too familiar to me. I thought this problem was already in the past but apparently it is not.

Both me and my sister have had weight issues all of our lives. Our dad has been extremely demanding and hard on us - he used to weigh us every day to make sure we hadn't gained any weight and he forced us to work out even when we were ill. He himself certainly has some kind of an eating disorder, no doubt about it. But the thing is, he passed it onto us. I was bulimic for 7 years of my life. My sister struggled with both anorexia and bulimia. (Even my cousin, a very close friend of mine, became anorexic when I was a teenager so it felt like there was nowhere to hide from these weight problems). I'm very proud to say that I consider myself recovered now - it's been well over a year now since the last time I binged/purged. I never even dreamed I could be free of that nightmare - but I am, and I feel so amazingly good about that. Even my sister seemed to be doing fine.

Until this winter. She lives at home with my parents so I don't see her that much now but every time I go there I see her getting thinner and thinner and eating less and less. Basically, she eats nothing. It hurts me so much to see this happen to her again. My parents know about this and they've confronted her about it. Of course, she denies having a problem. But it's so obvious - especially for someone who knows all the behaviors and tricks that the disease involves. A month or so ago I had enough and talked to her about this. She got really mad at me and asked me to leave her alone. She said she didn't stop eating because she wants to be thin - she stopped because she wants to die. I told her I couldn't watch her do this to herself and that I loved her and wanted to support her to get over this. She just walked away.

Now, here lies the real problem:

It's only been a year since my recovery and the wounds are still raw. It is extremely triggering for an ex-bulimic to be in a situation like this. It might be difficult to understand but it just brings back a lot of bad memories and the part of my past I want to leave behind (the disease). I told her that, as much as I love her, I can't be around her if she chooses to keep this up. It's too risky. I don't want to risk my health and happiness because of this. I'll support her and love her no matter what but I just can't be around her. The last time I was there I skipped lunch and dinner and every time I ate I felt bad and guilty while she was sitting next to me, pushing her food around the plate, looking at me like a fat pig. She's also made it very clear that she knows she's thinner than me and it just makes me feel miserable.

It's almost Easter now and we had been planning to go home for the holidays (from Thursday till Sunday) but I don't know if I can go. I just talked to my mom on the phone and she said my sister's gotten even worse since the last time I've seen her. I don't know if I'm strong enough to see all that and go through it all over again. Don't get me wrong, I love her very very much and I hope she leaves this madness behind. It's just that... I don't know if I can help her this time. Especially if I get sucked into the disease again. AND I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN ever again.

On the other hand, I feel like I need to protect myself from this. I'm on the right track here: I'm healthy and happy and becoming stronger every day. I don't want to risk that.

But then again, I feel bad for not going if she needs me there.

I don't know what to do emoticon What do you think? I'd really appreciate your thoughts about this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BLEAN_N_FIT_AZ 4/7/2009 4:45PM

    I have a sister who also was bulimic and anorexic, even though my other sister and I aren't afflicted. So I kind of understand. My sister was not a minor when my brother and I had to committ her for an involuntary physic evalutaion at the state mental institution because she was was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but knew we had to for her.
If your sister is a minor your mother can intervene, if she isn't a minor then it becomes more difficult. Have you talked with your Mother about what can be done to get your sister help. As for you going to home for Easter, are you part of any support group, do you have a s or a sponsor or a person you can contact when you have those feelings where you may slip? That way you can be at home to help. but also manage being there.
I will pray for you and your family...good let us know how your sister is doing, and you, too!

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PSYCHEDOUT 4/7/2009 2:11PM

    I agree with all of the others. Your sister needs help and fast! It sounds like it would be a good idea for the whole family to go to family counseling because as supportive as your mom sounds eating disorders are obviously a family legacy. Your sister needs your love and support now more than ever so, even though it is scary, remember all of the things that you needed that helped you get through it and help her find a way to those resources. What you can do for your sister now is, when you are with her is model good eating behaviors. Showing her that a balanced healthy diet is the best way to love and care for you body.

BUT above all the suicidal thoughts must be addressed first, starving yourself do death is a slow and painful way to die, she must be fighting some extremely painful issues that only treatment by a professional can help.

Good luck to you and your family.

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LUCYGODDESS 4/7/2009 12:41PM

    Girl I would definitely let your mom in on this if your sister is a minor. You may want to try to get some adult in the family who will take this thing seriously, involved. Surely your mom would be a good one to go to, huh?

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MSLZZY 4/7/2009 11:33AM

    How old is she? Can they intervene and get her medical attention? If she is a minor, they can take her to a doctor or behavioral specialist. She needs counseling and quickly! Is there anything else going on-abuse (mental, physical, sexual)? There is a HUGE underlying problem that needs to be addressed and soon!
As for you, you will need to decide if you can overcome your past problems. You need to protect yourself but how, I'm not sure! In your heart, I know you will make the right decision for you and your sister. Are you going to be staying with your parents or is there a place you can stay to give yourself a break during the holidays? You may need to distance yourself during that time to rethink your past and make it through? Tough questions but know that I will be praying for you and your sister. Marsha

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BEL_RIOSE 4/7/2009 11:32AM

    I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! Unfortunately I don't know if I can be much help, I don't have much experience in this area. My best advice would be to start working on getting her help. It sounds like your mom would be supportive in that situation.

Going to Easter may be good for you, since you were able to beat it, you may have some insights you don't realize that may be worthwhile for your sister.

Even though you're scared that you'll fall back into old patterns, you have a support system for healthy eating right here on SP, and braving the risk may be able to help your sister.

I hope that helps, take my advice with a grain of salt since I don't have a lot of experience.

emoticon Good luck with whatever decision you make

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Good morning everyone!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

I woke up constantly last night because I was so cold. Literally, I was freezing - even though I had a really thick blanket and I was wearing warm clothes. When I got up this morning I didn't feel any better. But I decided to put on my make-up and get ready for school nonetheless. I took my temperature a moment ago and looks like I have a little fever. Now, the problem is that I can't stay home today because I've been missing so many classes lately - last week, I felt like I was coming down with a cold and stayed home for two days but then we had the cruise to Tallinn and I wanted to go with others so badly. Which is why I never fully recovered.

Luckily I have a pretty short day today (from 10 am till 2 pm). I had planned to have a real spring cleaning at the flat today but I don't think I'll have the energy to do that. I just want to get better already so I can start working out for real!

Okay, I better get myself ready or I'll be late. Have a lovely day everyone! And I hope you're all healthy!

emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 4/7/2009 5:57AM

    Take care of yourself and rest when you get home. You can always clean your flat becuase housework will always be there, unless you have a maid LOL. Sleep if you need to and get better!

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BRIGHTEYES1021 4/7/2009 3:46AM

    Hope you feel better! emoticon

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What a great day!

Monday, April 06, 2009

First of all, I have to say that I feel a million times better now that I'm back on the right track! Getting started always is the most difficult part but I really feel like I'm getting there. I had just a little over 1200 calories today and met my nutritional goals for protein and fat too. I'm so happy! I walked to school and went shopping afterwards so I must've been on my feet for over 60 minutes. I was supposed to work out today but I feel like I'm coming down with a cold. I have a little fever and I'm freezing so I didn't want to take the risk of getting even sicker because of working out. But I gotta say I feel amazing. I know I can do this now! I'll get down to 130 pounds before I even know it! I want to be healthy and fit again.

(Yesterday's outfit:)

Okay everyone, I'm off to bed now! Ciao!
emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEL_RIOSE 4/6/2009 6:20PM

    I'm glad you had such an awesome day!!!

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Off to school

Monday, April 06, 2009

Good morning everyone!

It's 9.10 am here and I'm off to school in a minute. But not before having breakfast though! I'll have some plain yogurt with berries, water and green tea. I don't feel like eating much in the mornings but I know it's healthy to have at least something to get your metabolism working! Besides, I don't want to feel tired during my morning classes.

I was so tired this morning I could barely keep my eyes open. But I feel a lot better now! I'm excited about today. It'll be full of healthy choices and steps towards my goal. I'll ask a friend of mine to take a walk with me later today. It's so much fun to have someone to walk (and talk!) with.

I better go now or I'll be late. I'll have my vitamins and calcium supplements before I go! I want my body to get all the healthy things it needs.

(By the way, I always get really nauseous when I take my multivitamins. Does this ever happen to you?)

Have a great day everyone! emoticon emoticon

(Me right now trying to stay awake! Haha!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 4/6/2009 6:54AM

    I try not to take any pills on an empty stomach becuase it cann cause problems. So, eat something first, then take your vitamins so that's not all that's there to digest. Breakfast keeps your body going so you don't lose focus later in the morning!

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A relaxing Sunday

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Today was such a lovely, relaxing day. I got back on track, had a great time with my baby, made healthy veggie soup for dinner and just enjoyed myself. Now I better get ready for bed - school starts at 10 am tomorrow morning. Back to the usual routines! Easter is right around the corner already though and I got at least Good Friday off - maybe even Thursday as well! We'll see. Anyway, I'm off to bed now. Sweet dreams everyone!

That's me earlier today. I took picture's of today's outfit but I didn't have time to upload them on the laptop. Maybe I'll just post them tomorrow - or maybe not!

Sleep tight! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEL_RIOSE 4/6/2009 12:42AM

    I'm glad you had a relaxing day! (Mine was filled with crazy family, so I'm super super jealous!) I'm sure school will go well, have a good Monday tomorrow :D

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