New hairstyle

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

I basically always wear my hair down and never use a ponytail. For some odd reason I felt like making an exception today. This is how it turned out:









What do you think? Can I pull it off?

(Oh and I'm not really THAT pale. The light just made my face look that white!)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYGODDESS 4/9/2009 9:33AM

Nice for a change...but you could probably pull off almost any hairstyle. Looks great! Report Inappropriate Comment

BEL_RIOSE 4/8/2009 12:06PM

Looks great! Report Inappropriate Comment

Spring cleaning

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Today's classes got canceled so I decided to take advantage of the situation by giving our lovely little flat a spring makeover. Now it's clean and tidy and I feel really good that I got it done - FINALLY!

It's almost lunch time and I'm trying to figure out what to eat. I think I'll have a sandwich of some kind. Maybe a little cheese, some lettuce, tomato slices and tuna or turkey. Sounds good, doesn't it? I feel a million times better now that I'm making healthy choices and taking good care of myself. It makes me feel beautiful, healthy and strong. I don't even care that I'm not at my goal weight yet because I know that I'm getting there and even the journey towards that goal feels amazingly good. I'm learning and growing stronger every day.

Now I'm off to have lunch in my clean little kitchen! I'll be back again later.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYGODDESS 4/9/2009 9:36AM

Girl you have inspired me today!!! I am work now, but think when I go home tonight, I will clean really well also. I need to put some laundry in while I am cleaning floors, dusting & organizing. Hubby comes back tomorrow evening, so I better kick it in high gear anyway, RIGHT???? Report Inappropriate Comment

Thank you so much for your advice!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Thank you for taking the time to share your opinion about this problem. I agree with everything you guys said. I know she needs me now. She needs a healthy role model with normal eating habits. She needs my friendship. I'll be okay because I know deep down in my heart that I could never ever go back to the old habits anymore. No matter how tempting they might seem. That's not what the real me wants. The real me wants to be alive and eat and be happy. And I will - because that'll be the greatest gift I can give to myself AND my sister.

And yes, there definitely is a much bigger underlying problem and this is just one symptom of this problem. I don't know why or how it began, but my sister has been severely depressed many times in the past and she's had serious problems for years now. She's actually on medication. She's been seeing a psychologist for 6 years so at least she's getting professional help to get better. I just hope it helps. (She's not a minor by the way which makes it a little more difficult to get her help especially if she doesn't want that help.)

Anyway, I've made a decision now. I'm going home for Easter. I'll do the best I can to help my sister while taking good care of myself. After all, I really miss my family and especially my sister.

Thanks again for helping me to make this decision!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PSYCHEDOUT 4/8/2009 8:02PM

Good luck! Report Inappropriate Comment

I need your advice

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

There's something that's been bothering me for a while now and I need to write it all down to clear my head. I'd appreciate it if you could tell me your opinion about this. Sometimes it helps to share your problems with others to find clarity and peace of mind - so, here we go.

The problem is my little sister. I lover her very much and she's been my best friend for as long as I remember. For the past few months I've noticed a change in her - a change that is all too familiar to me. I thought this problem was already in the past but apparently it is not.

Both me and my sister have had weight issues all of our lives. Our dad has been extremely demanding and hard on us - he used to weigh us every day to make sure we hadn't gained any weight and he forced us to work out even when we were ill. He himself certainly has some kind of an eating disorder, no doubt about it. But the thing is, he passed it onto us. I was bulimic for 7 years of my life. My sister struggled with both anorexia and bulimia. (Even my cousin, a very close friend of mine, became anorexic when I was a teenager so it felt like there was nowhere to hide from these weight problems). I'm very proud to say that I consider myself recovered now - it's been well over a year now since the last time I binged/purged. I never even dreamed I could be free of that nightmare - but I am, and I feel so amazingly good about that. Even my sister seemed to be doing fine.

Until this winter. She lives at home with my parents so I don't see her that much now but every time I go there I see her getting thinner and thinner and eating less and less. Basically, she eats nothing. It hurts me so much to see this happen to her again. My parents know about this and they've confronted her about it. Of course, she denies having a problem. But it's so obvious - especially for someone who knows all the behaviors and tricks that the disease involves. A month or so ago I had enough and talked to her about this. She got really mad at me and asked me to leave her alone. She said she didn't stop eating because she wants to be thin - she stopped because she wants to die. I told her I couldn't watch her do this to herself and that I loved her and wanted to support her to get over this. She just walked away.

Now, here lies the real problem:

It's only been a year since my recovery and the wounds are still raw. It is extremely triggering for an ex-bulimic to be in a situation like this. It might be difficult to understand but it just brings back a lot of bad memories and the part of my past I want to leave behind (the disease). I told her that, as much as I love her, I can't be around her if she chooses to keep this up. It's too risky. I don't want to risk my health and happiness because of this. I'll support her and love her no matter what but I just can't be around her. The last time I was there I skipped lunch and dinner and every time I ate I felt bad and guilty while she was sitting next to me, pushing her food around the plate, looking at me like a fat pig. She's also made it very clear that she knows she's thinner than me and it just makes me feel miserable.

It's almost Easter now and we had been planning to go home for the holidays (from Thursday till Sunday) but I don't know if I can go. I just talked to my mom on the phone and she said my sister's gotten even worse since the last time I've seen her. I don't know if I'm strong enough to see all that and go through it all over again. Don't get me wrong, I love her very very much and I hope she leaves this madness behind. It's just that... I don't know if I can help her this time. Especially if I get sucked into the disease again. AND I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN ever again.

On the other hand, I feel like I need to protect myself from this. I'm on the right track here: I'm healthy and happy and becoming stronger every day. I don't want to risk that.

But then again, I feel bad for not going if she needs me there.

I don't know what to do What do you think? I'd really appreciate your thoughts about this.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BLEAN_N_FIT_AZ 4/7/2009 4:45PM

I have a sister who also was bulimic and anorexic, even though my other sister and I aren't afflicted. So I kind of understand. My sister was not a minor when my brother and I had to committ her for an involuntary physic evalutaion at the state mental institution because she was suicidal...it was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but knew we had to for her. If your sister is a minor your mother can intervene, if she isn't a minor then it becomes more difficult. Have you talked with your Mother about what can be done to get your sister help. As for you going to home for Easter, are you part of any support group, do you have a s or a sponsor or a person you can contact when you have those feelings where you may slip? That way you can be at home to help. but also manage being there. I will pray for you and your family...good luck...do let us know how your sister is doing, and you, too! Report Inappropriate Comment

PSYCHEDOUT 4/7/2009 2:11PM

I agree with all of the others. Your sister needs help and fast! It sounds like it would be a good idea for the whole family to go to family counseling because as supportive as your mom sounds eating disorders are obviously a family legacy. Your sister needs your love and support now more than ever so, even though it is scary, remember all of the things that you needed that helped you get through it and help her find a way to those resources. What you can do for your sister now is, when you are with her is model good eating behaviors. Showing her that a balanced healthy diet is the best way to love and care for you body. BUT above all the suicidal thoughts must be addressed first, starving yourself do death is a slow and painful way to die, she must be fighting some extremely painful issues that only treatment by a professional can help. Good luck to you and your family. Report Inappropriate Comment

LUCYGODDESS 4/7/2009 12:41PM

Girl I would definitely let your mom in on this if your sister is a minor. You may want to try to get some adult in the family who will take this thing seriously, involved. Surely your mom would be a good one to go to, huh? Report Inappropriate Comment

MSLZZY 4/7/2009 11:33AM

How old is she? Can they intervene and get her medical attention? If she is a minor, they can take her to a doctor or behavioral specialist. She needs counseling and quickly! Is there anything else going on-abuse (mental, physical, sexual)? There is a HUGE underlying problem that needs to be addressed and soon! As for you, you will need to decide if you can overcome your past problems. You need to protect yourself but how, I'm not sure! In your heart, I know you will make the right decision for you and your sister. Are you going to be staying with your parents or is there a place you can stay to give yourself a break during the holidays? You may need to distance yourself during that time to rethink your past and make it through? Tough questions but know that I will be praying for you and your sister. Marsha Report Inappropriate Comment

BEL_RIOSE 4/7/2009 11:32AM

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! Unfortunately I don't know if I can be much help, I don't have much experience in this area. My best advice would be to start working on getting her help. It sounds like your mom would be supportive in that situation. Going to Easter may be good for you, since you were able to beat it, you may have some insights you don't realize that may be worthwhile for your sister. Even though you're scared that you'll fall back into old patterns, you have a support system for healthy eating right here on SP, and braving the risk may be able to help your sister. I hope that helps, take my advice with a grain of salt since I don't have a lot of experience. Good luck with whatever decision you make Report Inappropriate Comment

Good morning everyone!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

I woke up constantly last night because I was so cold. Literally, I was freezing - even though I had a really thick blanket and I was wearing warm clothes. When I got up this morning I didn't feel any better. But I decided to put on my make-up and get ready for school nonetheless. I took my temperature a moment ago and looks like I have a little fever. Now, the problem is that I can't stay home today because I've been missing so many classes lately - last week, I felt like I was coming down with a cold and stayed home for two days but then we had the cruise to Tallinn and I wanted to go with others so badly. Which is why I never fully recovered.

Luckily I have a pretty short day today (from 10 am till 2 pm). I had planned to have a real spring cleaning at the flat today but I don't think I'll have the energy to do that. I just want to get better already so I can start working out for real!

Okay, I better get myself ready or I'll be late. Have a lovely day everyone! And I hope you're all healthy!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 4/7/2009 5:57AM

Take care of yourself and rest when you get home. You can always clean your flat becuase housework will always be there, unless you have a maid LOL. Sleep if you need to and get better! Report Inappropriate Comment

BRIGHTEYES1021 4/7/2009 3:46AM

Hope you feel better! Report Inappropriate Comment