Saturday, April 04, 2009
After reading a few eye-opening articles about motivation here on Sparks, I realized that the problem isn't the fact that I'm not motivated. Not at all. I still am determined to lose weight - I think about it all the time, I want it more than anything else. The problem is that I'm making really bad decisions at the moment. Everyone has two different sides to them: the hedonistic side that wants immediate gratification and is ready to give into cravings, and the other side that wants more abstract things, like weight loss, health, or to look more attractive. I've been giving into my hedonistic side lately. And to say that I lack motivation makes the problem worse because it makes it seem much more mysterious and out of my control. It makes me passive. I sit on the couch, eating popcorn and drinking soda, telling myself: "All I need is my motivation back and I'll be fine. I'll stop eating when I feel motivated again". Umm, excuse me? That's a load of crap. I AM motivated. The only problem is that I CHOSE to have popcorn and sit in front of the TV for hours on end instead of going for a walk and having something healthy to snack on. I made that choice, and I have to take responsibility for it. It may not have been a good decision, no. But it was my own valid, grown-up decision - and there are reasons behind why I made that choice.
The thing is, I have to get real about my situation. I make the decisions that make me or break me. You can't have your cake and eat it too - there has to be priorities in life. And right now my number one priority is getting in shape and becoming the healthy and happy young woman I know I really am. That means I have to stop blaming the lack of motivation for my relapse and be responsible for - and aware of - the choices I make along the way.
After all, I want to do this. I really want to lose weight and be healthy. I want to learn to follow a balanced meal plan and work out so that my body becomes strong and healthy. That'll feel so much better than having the entire cheesecake for dessert.