Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Ahhh I'm so mad at myself right now!! This is so frustrating! What the hell is the matter with me? I feel miserable AND FAT ... I HAVEN'T: worked out, followed my meal plan, tracked my food or exercise, been active on Sparks or made healthy decisions. I HAVE, however: been lazy, given into my cravings, eaten too much, eaten for wrong reasons, ignored the fact that living this way makes me feel so incredibly sad and miserable. WHY ON EARTH DO I FIND MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION? Again?! I should know better already! I should be stronger than this. I hate this so much!
I don't know if I've gained weight. That's not even the point. The point is that I FEEL FAT and sad and lazy and hopeless and desperate. When I work out and eat healthy (and not too much) I feel so amazing - and so beautiful and sexy, too. It's because I know I'm going into the right direction. I know I'm doing something to get in shape and feel better about myself. But now I just feel lazy and guilty for not doing all those things that made me feel good. What made me relapse? I don't even know. I didn't log in here for a few days and suddenly, before I even knew it, I found myself stuffing my face with pizza and chocolate and whatnot.
BUT I KNOW I SHOULD NOT BEAT MYSELF UP FOR THIS. I know. I'm only human, it happens to the best of us. I should NOT let this get me down. And you know what? I'm not going to! That just doesn't help AT ALL. I want to get back on track TODAY and start making those healthy decisions again. It's okay. I still have time before summer (to get in shape for a bikini!) and, in fact, I'm not in a hurry. I don't care how long it takes, I don't care if it's just baby steps. AS LONG AS I KNOW I'M NOT STANDING STILL - or worse: moving backwards.
I'm going to be active here from now on (because, as I've said a million times, it helps me so very much to stay on the right track). I want to get down to 130 pounds, work out regularly and follow my meal plan. I don't want to get back to where I once was - weight wise and mood wise. I want to be happy and feel beautiful - AND TO BE PROUD OF MYSELF AGAIN!