Sunday, September 26, 2010
This month I've learned that weekends aren't free. I've gained and lost the same 2 lbs. for 3 weekends in a row. No more. I tightened it up this weekend, and I already like the results. I'm on track to lose 30 lbs. this week. I almost can't believe it. I said ALMOST. I think it took all the back and forth this month to get me to the point where I was really ready for the 30 lb. mark. I'm not letting anything get in the way of me and that goal. I believe I can reach it by Thursday -- the end of September. If not, then by Saturday, definitely.
My goal is to get to the point where I accept advancement and change gracefully. I don't want to have to claw my way into progress. It's almost like I set myself up for a struggle. I could have hit 30 lbs. 10 days ago, but I stymied my own success by getting sloppy on the weekends. I knew better, but I did it anyway. I have to believe that's my own little way of sabotaging my progress. So now crossing the 30 lb. mark FEELS like hard work. I really want to get to the point where I'm okay with the weight loss being an 'easy' thing. Ease is something I don't quite know how to relate to -- in any area. I find myself sabotaging my own progress in other areas of my life as well. That's something to work on in the month of October. I'm going to become more at ease with 'ease'.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Well, tonight I was supposed to go to dinner with the in-laws. That didn't happen. I had all my calories by my usual time today -- 4pm. My husband was really disappointed when I called him to tell him I didn't think I should go, and that maybe they should go without me, or we should have breakfast in the morning instead.
Lately I've found that I've had to disappoint people more and more frequently when it comes to social eating. One of the things I have tried to avoid for so long is disappointing people -- not just in this area. The older I get, however, the more I realize that it's just impossible to avoid disappointing people sometimes. You have to follow your own conscience, or your life will be the product of other people's priorities. I can't allow that.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I believe I've broken past the mental barrier that was blocking my openness to reach past that 30 lb. mark. I'm ready to forge that stream! There are times when your head has to catch up to your body in terms of processing the progress you've made, and readying itself for new territory. I believe that when the head, the heart and the body are all in sync, you can't go wrong. So, we're all on board, and ready for new adventures. I try not to put too much pressure on myself to lose weight in a specific amount of time. I tell myself that 5 lbs. a month is reasonable, and if I lose less than that, it's usually a signal that I have stalled out, and need to reassess some things. I may not quite get there in September. I knew the 30 lb. mark would be a doozie. I put on my armor, and I believe I've won the staring contest with the 30 lb. giant. HE WILL COME TUMBLING DOWN!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
I'm realizing I'm attempting to sabotage my own efforts by revealing them to my loved ones. I'm throwing my new found beliefs about weight loss and mind/body alignment out there, and waiting for them to be challenged or rejected. That gives me further reason to retreat into internal conflict. I will not continue that pattern. I will make a stand, and continue to become who I'm becoming in this world. Self-conflict has led me to depression, anxiety, weight gain, chronic allergies, and on and on and on. No more. I can deal with not being liked, even by those I love. I need to work on gaining some self-love right now.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
I find I'm becoming less of a brat when it comes to things I won't allow myself to have much of. I think. Like beef and pork -- and now cappuccino. I haven't really lost this week, and I think it's due in large part to the cappuccinos I've been drinking from BP. Just a theory.
So, I had to forgo my usual morning treat today. I miss it, but I'm not wringing my hands about it. I know it's something I could have, but I'm making the decision to keep it at a distance because it seems to be sabotaging my efforts. I'm more focused on the long-term effects that it will have on the plan, than I am on the momentary pleasure of having it.
Could this be the kind of breakthrough my online weight loss coach Renee Stephens preaches about? Some variation of it? Rather than focus on what I can't have, I'm focusing on the benefit of increased weight loss effectiveness.
Breakthrough was my intention, and on many levels, it's what I'm getting.
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