Tuesday, June 29, 2010
As I was putting a dash of fiber in my chili today, the thought occurred to me -- "Does this really matter? I know how chronically low my fiber levels have been lately -- probably all my life. Does putting this little dash of fiber in my chili really matter in the grand scheme of things?"
The truth is, of course, it does. Everything matters. More specifically, everything we do with consistency matters. Even the small things. Especially the small things. I've learned that the biggest deterrent to personal growth and change is convincing ourselves that the small things don't matter. The truth is, these small things are what represent our commitment to the big picture.
Think about it. Every significant thing we've accomplished in life thus far has been through very small steps, repeated with relative consistency. If you have a high school diploma or a college degree, it's because you woke up each morning, got dressed, and went to class. We weren't always mindful of what the end goal would be. We found ways to involve ourselves in the process without constantly questioning how each step related to the final goal. We met friends. We had late night pizza parties. We went to concerts and sporting events. We enjoyed the ride -- at least to some degree.
Applying that principle to weight loss is what will help us to achieve the results we desire. As we start to focus less on the benefit of each and every action we take to improve our health, and just begin to enjoy the process, we will eventually develop habits that we won't have to constantly second guess.
So I'll pat myself on the back for taking the time to put a little sprinkle of fiber in my chili. And I'll pick up more fruits and vegetables next time I visit the grocery store. Eventually, I may even forget there was a time when I had to force myself to do it. By then, the benefits of consistent action -- even on a small scale -- will likely speak for themselves.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I'm back to counting calories. I had attempted 'intuitive eating' rather than counting calories, but that was just too much freedom for me. That's like asking a drunk to decide when he's had enough. It just didn't fly.
The calorie counting is tedious and sometimes boring, but it's the only way I can get an accurate gague of what I'm actually consuming everyday. If I trust my internal barometer, I end up taking advantage of the freedom, and slowly but surely, beginning to over-indulge.
I started this phase of my weight loss program on the 18th of February. Since then, I've lost about 12 lbs. My ticker is set to reflect what I've lost since February. I had gotten in the habit of going 2 - 300 calories over my limit several days a week, and I wasn't seeing the results I wanted. I had been at a stand-still for about 6 weeks until this week when I decided to really hold myself accountable to the 1550 calorie limit. I like the results I've seen.
I have a history of losing 30 lbs, then regressing. I don't know. There's something about that 30-lb. mark that turns a switch in my head, and tells me I'm doing fine, and can rest on my laurels. It's hard not to do that. I've really found inner strength and resolve these last 6 weeks that I didn't know I had. I got on the scale, and it would move up a lb., down 2. Up 1.5, down .5, up 1, down 1... For WEEKS. But I didn't get discouraged. I was disappointed, and frustrated, but I never threw in the towel. I just tweaked and tweaked until I figured out what my body was trying to tell me. I have shown myself that in spite of myself, I am committed to being the person I'm supposed to be.
My desire is to keep my resolve -- through ups and downs. Even if I only lose 25 lbs. this year -- as long as I'm moving in a forward motion, I'm where I'm supposed to be. Looking forward to good things ahead.
Monday, June 14, 2010
I've been tracking my food very carefully for a few weeks now, and I've noticed something important: When my protein levels are low, I tend to overeat. I knew protein was important, but I'm really surprised at how consistent my overeating is when I don't get enough protein, particularly in the morning. I'm going to start working on being consistent with my protein intake, and hopefully my weight loss will be consistent as well. Stay tuned...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I'm still on the journey. Here's where things stand now:
I was losing for a few weeks when I decided to stop eating after 4pm. Eventually, I stopped losing, even when stopping eating after 4pm. In the last couple of weeks, I had started gaining. Not the direction I wanted to go in. So I had to admit to myself that I had figured out how to get in the same amount of calories before 4 that it used to take me all day to get in. Funny how the human mind and body work. Something just wants to take me back to those old habits.
But I feel the grace of God working in my heart and mind. I didn't react to the weight gain like I used to. I didn't get discouraged. I just went back to the drawing board. I'm back to counting calories now, and losing again. I need to get my body and mind readjusted to the amount of food I'm SUPPOSED to be eating to sustain myself, rather than consuming the maximum amount it's possible for me to have before 4 in the evening.
I've figured out that my appetite is like a car whose steering mechanism is malfunctioning. It's going to completely go off the tracks unless there's someone, or something there to keep it on track. That's where the calorie counting and other restrictions come in. My appetite has to be continually kept in check.
Hopefully I can use the calorie counting for a few weeks, until I've adjusted to it again, and then use my intuition for a while. If I have to count calories ever so often, I'll just think of it as maintenance.
It's a process, and I'm doing better with understanding that now. Thank God.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Okay, I'm a flaky Sparker, but I'm glad to be back. I've been through a lot of ups and downs with my weight (literally) since I last visited the site. I've been through calorie-counting and the Weigh Down Workshop in the last 2 years. I learned a lot from both those programs, and I'm ready to apply the lessons in a way that fits better with my lifestyle and eating issues.
I decided that keeping track of everything that went into my mouth was a little tedious after a point. It was a good practice to learn. It's good to know how much food is enough to keep you going, yet allow you to lose weight. I know my point of equilibrium is about 1500 calories. Thanks to my calorie counting program, I know what eating 1500 calories a day feels like. I know when I've overeaten.
Thanks to the Weigh Down program, I know how to better pay attention to signals of hunger and fullness. I know how to start with the good parts so I'm not tempted to eat the whole thing to get to the best part.
Now it's time for me to put those skills to practice. I've started a super simple program that's hard to get tripped up on. I'm eating (mostly) what I want, limiting snacks to 1 a day (no pressure if I go over), and I will not be eating past 4. I've noticed that I do the most emotional eating between 4 and 10pm. It's tough to get used to at first, but I've had lots of practice with previous eating programs. I don't feel deprived, and I start to get hungry just as bedtime rolls around. Then my body gets to burn calories overnight. The program has just enough structure and just enough freedom for someone like me. I won't worry about those times I have a family dinner, or birthday party (2 events like that this week.) I'll try not to eat too much so I'm hungry that evening. I'll eat at social events like a regular person, and get back to my program after that.
I think we just put way too much pressure on ourselves to lose a dramatic amount of weight in a short period of time. Watching the Biggest Loser doesn't help with this mentality. I think that show is pure entertainment, and nothing more. That's not my model. If it takes me 2 years to lose 60 lbs., that's still something I can be proud of. And I'm no longer determined to get down to a size 6. I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice, but that's not a life requirement. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
I've gotten real with myself, and have admitted that I obviously have some very serious issues with food. I treat myself as someone who has an addiction. I have a sugar addiction that needs to be kept under control. Allowing myself to have a certain amount of it without 'overdosing' is the key. I keep the demons under control, and am able to get control of my life. For a few months, I didn't think that was possible.
Falling off the wagon with the calorie counting and the Weigh Down program left me very disappointed in myself. I truly did not know what would work for me. I've been through EVERYTHING. I heard Joyce Meyer say something to the effect of "You can't complete something in the flesh that was begun in the spirit." So I decided to stop focusing on all the outward stuff that always gets me tripped up. I'll weigh myself once a week, and no more. I have to trust that God can make a real change in my heart and mind. I'm not going to worry about trying to control the food, and endlessly track the food. I'm giving myself parameters that make sense based on my eating patterns. I'm putting all of my energy into getting this ONE THING right, and then I'll work on incorporating maybe 15 minutes or so of excercise into each work day. No pressure. No stress. No big reveal. Just quiet, consistent change.
That's the best kind.
Get An Email Alert Each Time MUTANTQUEEN Posts